CuriousRavens
New member
Evening,
First of all you'll have to forgive me because this is a whole new thing for me and rather than just searching the internet I thought I would seek out some advice from people as opposed to highly opinionated (positive or negative) perspectives on things.
An intro - the reason I am here (SO isn't aware fully I'm asking but that will make sense shortly). Married couple, childhood sweethearts with kids in our thirties. Never had any issues, nothing amazing to report really just the white picket fence life.
Lately I have noticed my wife bringing the conversation around a lot more to more open lifestyles. A few of her friends have polyamorous relationships, some have gone well and others not so well (one currently going through divorce). We've always kind of brushed off the idea but about 12 months ago she brought it up and we had a very long conversation over a few days which progressed from "how would you feel hypothetically" to then identifying things we would want as ground rules before the conversation ended.
While I was at work the conversation continued via messages and grew until suddenly it was shut down with "clearly you've been thinking about it more than me, is that what you want!?!" Straight away I did the natural [panic thing and the conversation died, then I remembered that she had started the conversation in the first place.
Every few months we would share updates on exploits of "bad-experience" friend before it started to break down. We would go down the light-hearted talking about it before she'd go shy and change the subject.
Now needless to say when it becomes a regular drop into conversation I sat and did my own research and had a lot of hypothetical thoughts on my own which included the fact that I realised five years ago maybe I'd have been gobsmacked but oddly the idea doesn't sit badly with me.
I can't quite explain it yet one long message conversation she was candid and said with the bad experience friend's example she would be worried of one or the other falling in love and leaving, she even described it as the idea of a slow divorce so I considered the conversation done with.
Then a few months ago another evening in and conversation turned to the types of people we find attractive. Needless to say with a glass of gin or three we began to open up a fair bit and quite out of the blue she declares "I know you'd not have ended up with me if it hadn't been for that night we met, that's how I know we are strong and meant to be" then carries on describing men she finds attractive and in her words "would look at" which was quite obviously not me. Again no jealousy just the idea that I was OK with the conversation and thought processes.
Quite light-hearted I told her I don't think I'd be upset if she ended up saying she wanted more from life, we met young and we have a long future ahead of us. She quickly said "when would I find the time to have another man" and then deflected onto the fact she thought I would find it easy.
Conversation ended.
Then come to now where I'm away from home staying on business at a conference and the last two evenings I've been inundated with messages and chats. First she's watching some silly show about matchmaking and we start talking about how she'd know it was me if I was naked etc, then said who would you line up and she begins to explain some details. The conversation continues and again I drop that I wouldn't be averse to the idea.
Then last night I get a message out of nowhere saying she's watching a documentary on polyamory and that she's confused. Well we then spend a lot of the night to and fro with internet definitions, articles, links etc and naturally the conversation progresses.
She mentions there was an open threesome and I say I'd rather not watch at first to which she replies "good". The conversations carry on then a random change (I read it as something happens on the show that makes her uncomfortable so leave it for a bit). Then the conversation fizzles around the fact it seems too confusing, open relationships seem a better idea and we go to bed.
Cue this morning when the conversation resumes with us actually discussing the sorts of people we would like to encounter with and actually creating a list of pros and cons. It gets thrown in if I would experience bi-sexual to which I answer honestly. The conversation continues and we even, rather light-heartedly discuss the concept of days for others, days for us and designated date nights for us! She then returns to the fact she thinks she would struggle to find someone to which I say she would be given free rein first to be comfortable. Conversation goes on and then she stipulates Fridays are out of bounds, classed as a weekend and a no no.
Then work takes over and the conversation has stopped.
That gives you a flavour of the last 12 or so months in a nutshell so I can't actually tell if it's idle conversation, thoughts from her side or just curiosity. She seems averse to the idea of falling in love and brings it around towards exploring but then closes down when it starts to gain legs.
A few times I will admit the question has been levelled "so, have you been thinking about it" to which I do the scared thing and play it down which I suppose is my own worst enemy.
I've got a road trip back in a week or so and wondering how all this is happening and whether I'm reading into it right or wrong!
So really I'm open to getting ideas while things bubble in the background (or I may be reading it all wrong).
Advice welcome, any more details then drop me a private message.
Knowing my luck she's already on here and I look a right idiot now.
First of all you'll have to forgive me because this is a whole new thing for me and rather than just searching the internet I thought I would seek out some advice from people as opposed to highly opinionated (positive or negative) perspectives on things.
An intro - the reason I am here (SO isn't aware fully I'm asking but that will make sense shortly). Married couple, childhood sweethearts with kids in our thirties. Never had any issues, nothing amazing to report really just the white picket fence life.
Lately I have noticed my wife bringing the conversation around a lot more to more open lifestyles. A few of her friends have polyamorous relationships, some have gone well and others not so well (one currently going through divorce). We've always kind of brushed off the idea but about 12 months ago she brought it up and we had a very long conversation over a few days which progressed from "how would you feel hypothetically" to then identifying things we would want as ground rules before the conversation ended.
While I was at work the conversation continued via messages and grew until suddenly it was shut down with "clearly you've been thinking about it more than me, is that what you want!?!" Straight away I did the natural [panic thing and the conversation died, then I remembered that she had started the conversation in the first place.
Every few months we would share updates on exploits of "bad-experience" friend before it started to break down. We would go down the light-hearted talking about it before she'd go shy and change the subject.
Now needless to say when it becomes a regular drop into conversation I sat and did my own research and had a lot of hypothetical thoughts on my own which included the fact that I realised five years ago maybe I'd have been gobsmacked but oddly the idea doesn't sit badly with me.
I can't quite explain it yet one long message conversation she was candid and said with the bad experience friend's example she would be worried of one or the other falling in love and leaving, she even described it as the idea of a slow divorce so I considered the conversation done with.
Then a few months ago another evening in and conversation turned to the types of people we find attractive. Needless to say with a glass of gin or three we began to open up a fair bit and quite out of the blue she declares "I know you'd not have ended up with me if it hadn't been for that night we met, that's how I know we are strong and meant to be" then carries on describing men she finds attractive and in her words "would look at" which was quite obviously not me. Again no jealousy just the idea that I was OK with the conversation and thought processes.
Quite light-hearted I told her I don't think I'd be upset if she ended up saying she wanted more from life, we met young and we have a long future ahead of us. She quickly said "when would I find the time to have another man" and then deflected onto the fact she thought I would find it easy.
Conversation ended.
Then come to now where I'm away from home staying on business at a conference and the last two evenings I've been inundated with messages and chats. First she's watching some silly show about matchmaking and we start talking about how she'd know it was me if I was naked etc, then said who would you line up and she begins to explain some details. The conversation continues and again I drop that I wouldn't be averse to the idea.
Then last night I get a message out of nowhere saying she's watching a documentary on polyamory and that she's confused. Well we then spend a lot of the night to and fro with internet definitions, articles, links etc and naturally the conversation progresses.
She mentions there was an open threesome and I say I'd rather not watch at first to which she replies "good". The conversations carry on then a random change (I read it as something happens on the show that makes her uncomfortable so leave it for a bit). Then the conversation fizzles around the fact it seems too confusing, open relationships seem a better idea and we go to bed.
Cue this morning when the conversation resumes with us actually discussing the sorts of people we would like to encounter with and actually creating a list of pros and cons. It gets thrown in if I would experience bi-sexual to which I answer honestly. The conversation continues and we even, rather light-heartedly discuss the concept of days for others, days for us and designated date nights for us! She then returns to the fact she thinks she would struggle to find someone to which I say she would be given free rein first to be comfortable. Conversation goes on and then she stipulates Fridays are out of bounds, classed as a weekend and a no no.
Then work takes over and the conversation has stopped.
That gives you a flavour of the last 12 or so months in a nutshell so I can't actually tell if it's idle conversation, thoughts from her side or just curiosity. She seems averse to the idea of falling in love and brings it around towards exploring but then closes down when it starts to gain legs.
A few times I will admit the question has been levelled "so, have you been thinking about it" to which I do the scared thing and play it down which I suppose is my own worst enemy.
I've got a road trip back in a week or so and wondering how all this is happening and whether I'm reading into it right or wrong!
So really I'm open to getting ideas while things bubble in the background (or I may be reading it all wrong).
Advice welcome, any more details then drop me a private message.
Knowing my luck she's already on here and I look a right idiot now.
