My wife and I have been exploring the poly lifestyle for quite some time. I decided to stay mono while she figured things out. Now that we are separated, but still living together, I'm thinking it's time for me to start looking. I'm thinking that going poly would be the best way to go, because even though we are separated, we will be living on the same property for the foreseeable future. Any thoughts?
If you and your wife are separated, but living under the same roof, and agree that she can date how she wants and you date how you want, you can date however you want, then-- casually, monogamy, polyamory, whatever.
Are you thinking you and your wife might get back together after the trial separation, and that's why you want to poly date? Depending on your situation, whether you have actual legal separation agreements, and what the plan is, some people might be up for casually dating you. But those wanting something more serious, or something longer term, might not date you until you are living in your own place, and are more settled in your situation with your wife/STBX-wife, because they'd consider there to be too many potential pitfalls.
new to polyamory and possibly undereducated
newly separated but still living together
In case it helps you any, here is Anita Wagner's pitfalls article:
It sounds like the time is right for you to start looking, polyamory may be right for you. The fact that you and your wife are separated even suggests that you could date monogamously. Or is this just a temporary separation? Regardless, you could start looking for people to date.
I think the structure of a legal separation would be very similar to the detangling advice. It helps in the transition to poly. Makes complete sense to me. Perfect timing, IMO.
If you are just living together for financial reasons, or because of kids, you are now single (if you are permanently separated). Are you filing for divorce?
Whether you two are "on a break," or permanently separated, how you date others now is up to you. You can seek a monogamous relationship with a new person; you can "play the field" and date casually; or you can actually start to practice polyamory, which means, entering into multiple romantic (usually sexual) relationships, with the knowledge and consent of all.
Please see our Golden Nuggets section for a list of reading resources and for a list of archived threads on pretty much every polyamory topic.
