I am just going to focus on my exit plan. I doubt her time with her parents, no matter how long, will fix anything. She said I pushed her too far away, and honestly she has done that to me now.
Did the couple counseling help any?
She sounds like she totally got obsessed with the new BF and neglected the marriage big time. Also neglecting her home responsibilities. Not hearing you when you raised concerns.
At this point you seem to be planning to move forward with divorce. And working through things like betrayal, anger, etc. Perhaps some grief over the impending lost marriage.
Already I am going to have to foot stomp that point and probably start filtering my money into my separate account. That will just give her more fuel to fan the "My husband is a mean, selfish person and bad guy" flames. Shrug. When the divorce hits, she can have half of it then.
Well, you could do it in three accounts now. Like your money, her money, the house money. You seem to accept giving her half after a divorce. Could detach emotionally from the money and just view it like starting to pay your divorce bills now rather than starting to pay them later.
Could start filtering yours to yours. And hers to hers. And leave the house for the house bills.
Then the finances start being separate. Whatever you start putting in her bank would be counted as part of the division of assets.
(And if she blows it all on cupcakes or Dude, that's
her problem. She really could be planning for rent on a flat or whatever in post divorce life.)
I know some places you can download the divorce forms and bring already filled out to the courthouse and file it. But things are weird in pandemic so... find out how it works now where you are. Call up the courthouse or email them.
Set budget? At this point the set budget is if she can't put 50% into the household, she doesn't get a dime. That's the damned budget.
You sound angry. And I get it. You have a lot to be mad about.
Even so, try your best to get through as quick and peaceful a divorce as possible. Remember you loved her for 15 years. Even if she seems to have gone bananas now.
Even if you could get your digs in financially, maybe doing "starve the wife" like some people do when divorcing...
Even if it is asking a lot of you to take the higher road when you feel so low...
Aim for quick, clean, as peaceful divorce as possible.
Not so much for her, but for YOU and your healing. So when you look back on it you can know you carried yourself out of this mess with dignity. Whatever wackadoo was going on around you.
Maybe you could set another appointment with the counselor for just you? And this time talk about navigating divorce and what support you might need?
I'm very sorry this has blown up like this. What a mess.
Galagirl