FWIW, these things pop out to me.
The reason I chose to get back together with him was that I still loved him and I desperately needed stability back in my life which I knew he could give. He is the only person who can help me stay stable when I am suffering greatly with my mental health.
I don't know what your treatment/management plan is for your mental health and you don't have to say here.
I will say that if you do not have one and do not have a counselor? Consider seeing one and making a treatment/management plan with them.
I you already have a treatment/management plan and already have a counselor, please run all this by them.
You are contemplating a really BIG life decision.
FWIW, I am glad you talked to your fiancé. I get you love him a lot, and I could be wrong... but it kinda sounds like you are trying to make him be your "life raft" or "prop me up" person so you can cope with your mental health. Are you?
If you already broke up for two years? Taking him back and marrying him just to use him for a stability crutch? That doesn't seem right.
If your management plan not working out, maybe its time to change it up?
It’s not about wanting or needing to sleep around with anyone, but about denying my own nature which is often to love more than one person at once.
So... it can't be a middle place? Where you don't see other people so it's Closed enough for him? And you get to talk about your poly thoughts and feelings so it is Open enough for you and you aren't denying your nature?
I can promise to be faithful and not sleep with anyone else, but I can’t promise never to have feelings for someone else.
Whose expectation is that?
I don’t think I will ever be truly happy choosing a monogamous lifestyle, but then I don’t think I’m the kind of person who can ever be truly happy.
I find it sad you have given up on happiness.
When I was in multiple relationships before, I was very happy until my mental health got poor again and neither of my partners could help.
Sounds like this is the one bright spot where you were happy. When you were polyshipping.
A partner or partners can
support in appropriate ways, but in the end? You are the one who has to do the actual work. To find health professionals to design treatment/management plan and then work your plan. Back then did you seek health care? Is it an insurance issue? You want to get married to gain access to health insurance? (Again you don't have to share anything about your health stuff here. I just ask so you REALLY think hard about this marriage thing.)
Maybe I just need to choose this man for what he can do for me and just forget about what he can’t, even if I will crave those things greatly.
You sound like you are trying to talk yourself into something.
Using him like a crutch or using him for services provided doesn't sound like a great marriage deal for him.
And "denying my nature" and "settling" doesn't sound like a great marriage deal for you either.
If I love him enough, surely I can give up these so that I can have him and stay stable and safe.
What do you need to stay stable and safe? Are you able to articulate?
What happens if you don't "love him enough?"
I need to focus on what I can do with him to enrich my life, and sacrifice what I can’t do with him. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever find someone who loves me like he does in a million years.
I could be wrong but this post seems backwards. To me it almost sounds like it could go like this. I color it blue just to visually block it off.
I am suffering greatly with my mental health.
I desperately needed stability back in my life.
I got back together with him because I think he is the only person who can help me stay stable. I don't know how to do that by myself.
I honestly don’t think I’ll ever find someone who loves me like he does in a million years.
He doesn't want poly. In order to get his help and enjoy his stability and his love...I am thinking about denying my poly nature and sacrificing what I value and what I can't do in order to be with him.
When I was in multiple relationships before, I was very happy.
- I will miss the breaking up of monotony and change of scene that having more than one partner gives
- I will miss the opportunity to get to know more people at their most vulnerable which always helps me understand things a little better.
- I will obviously be giving up my chance to have the sexual experiences I have always wanted
- I will be giving up the chance to have more experiences in life in general.
In order to make up for what I give up, I think I need to focus on what I can do with him to enrich my life
I don’t think I will ever be truly happy choosing a monogamous lifestyle.
But I think that's ok because I don’t think I’m the kind of person who can ever be truly happy anyway.
If that's how you are thinking? I don't think this is a good way or good reasons to be married.
If you aren't going to end it because of the compatibility issues between mono vs poly?
Maybe go for a longer engagement while seeking health care so you can become more stable on your own two feet first? Slow the wedding thing down some?
Def don't put yourself into a box only to regret it later down. Be SURE this is the path you want to take.
The price of admission is high -- and I'm not talking about only the finances involved in wedding. The cost on emotional health, mental health, spiritual health is there too. Denying your nature, giving up polyshipping (the one thing were you were very happy), etc.
Again, I mean all that kindly. Not trying to bring you down.
Just
really concerned you are hurting yourself if you get married like this.
It doesn't sound like getting married in good faith to me.
Galagirl