repairofsmallobjects
New member
A 20-year-old bisexual woman here. I've never been in a relationship, but I have been in situations in which I found myself crushing on multiple people at once (although I think I only really realized this retroactively), and, naturally, quarantine has been a time for some good ol' self-reflection.
The thing that actually made me consider polyamory for myself — aside from the fascination I've had surrounding it for several years now and "probably yes" being my answer to the idea of being down for a threesome one day — was the realizarion that I vastly prefer friend groups over one-on-one friendships. I'm very adamant that my future partner be my friend first, and a mental connection is as important to me as a romantic/sexual one, so yes, I'm using friendships as an example.
I've had several singular best friends (all of whom I've since fallen out of touch with, but that's beside the point), and I've been part of several groups where all of us have been best friends with each other, and friend groups are just so much comfortable for me. I'm the kind of person that really enjoys my freedom and my me time, falls off the radar sometimes because I don't have the energy to communicate with other people, and when you only have one best friend, that kind of thing can be hurtful, because there's a different kind of commitment. When you're part of a friend group, however, other people can still have fun without you while you're free to take a break if you need it, and everybody wins. When I think about relationships, that's perfect for me — I don't do well with possessive people that want to spend all of their time with me, but I do enjoy validation and knowing that I'm loved all the same and that I'm not ruining someone's day and leaving them to sulk on their own if I'm not down for something.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm very specific when it comes to the idea of polyamory — the problem is that I'm a naturally jealous person. As I've said, I love friend groups, but I also love it when I'm my best friends' best friend as well. I love it when we're all on equal footing, we're all friends. So when I think about relationships, I highly doubt that I'd be willing to try a relationship with someone who has another partner unless I was involved with that partner also, so all three of us would be dating each other.
Can anyone relate to that? Does it sound like I might be polyamorous, or just insecure? Also: I'm so sorry in advance if any of this comes off as ignorant. I'm fairly new to the subject and am genuinely curious and confused. Thank you!
The thing that actually made me consider polyamory for myself — aside from the fascination I've had surrounding it for several years now and "probably yes" being my answer to the idea of being down for a threesome one day — was the realizarion that I vastly prefer friend groups over one-on-one friendships. I'm very adamant that my future partner be my friend first, and a mental connection is as important to me as a romantic/sexual one, so yes, I'm using friendships as an example.
I've had several singular best friends (all of whom I've since fallen out of touch with, but that's beside the point), and I've been part of several groups where all of us have been best friends with each other, and friend groups are just so much comfortable for me. I'm the kind of person that really enjoys my freedom and my me time, falls off the radar sometimes because I don't have the energy to communicate with other people, and when you only have one best friend, that kind of thing can be hurtful, because there's a different kind of commitment. When you're part of a friend group, however, other people can still have fun without you while you're free to take a break if you need it, and everybody wins. When I think about relationships, that's perfect for me — I don't do well with possessive people that want to spend all of their time with me, but I do enjoy validation and knowing that I'm loved all the same and that I'm not ruining someone's day and leaving them to sulk on their own if I'm not down for something.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm very specific when it comes to the idea of polyamory — the problem is that I'm a naturally jealous person. As I've said, I love friend groups, but I also love it when I'm my best friends' best friend as well. I love it when we're all on equal footing, we're all friends. So when I think about relationships, I highly doubt that I'd be willing to try a relationship with someone who has another partner unless I was involved with that partner also, so all three of us would be dating each other.
Can anyone relate to that? Does it sound like I might be polyamorous, or just insecure? Also: I'm so sorry in advance if any of this comes off as ignorant. I'm fairly new to the subject and am genuinely curious and confused. Thank you!
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