Are my bi male fantasies problematic?

freakyfa

New member
I’ve often imagined what it would actually be like to have two bi husbands or perhaps practice swinging with just one bi male partner of mine. Besides all the extra love, the one other appealing aspect of this arrangement is that I find it very sexually arousing. Something about men loving and being intimate with other men titillates me.

The conflict is when I think about the intersection of social justice, feminism, and LGBTQIA rights. I’m uneasy because on the surface it seems as if I’m using someone’s queer identity as a vehicle for my fetishes even though I mean no offense by it. I’m only trying to act on my desires in good faith, but am I sexually objectifying others when I think this way?
 

Evie

Mod
Yes, you are.

But there are many ways to do polyamory and a small possibility that you might find two consenting bi guys that are totally keen on the idea too. You might be an existing couple's dream partner. You might meet that single bi guy, go swinging, and develop a regular thing with another bi guy that feelings develop from. Maybe even for both of you. Or none of this may happen. Really, you can only move yourself in the directions you want to go in and see who turns up to join you along the way. It's all a journey, just don't bank on a single-minded destination.

(It's also a helluva long way between the fantasy of bi threesomes, and cohabitation, but if you find it, your biography could be a best seller.)
 

freakyfa

New member
Yes, you are.

But there are many ways to do polyamory and a small possibility that you might find two consenting bi guys that are totally keen on the idea too. You might be an existing couple's dream partner. You might meet that single bi guy, go swinging, and develop a regular thing with another bi guy that feelings develop from. Maybe even for both of you. Or none of this may happen. Really, you can only move yourself in the directions you want to go in and see who turns up to join you along the way. It's all a journey, just don't bank on a single-minded destination.

(It's also a helluva long way between the fantasy of bi threesomes, and cohabitation, but if you find it, your biography could be a best seller.)
But is it a bad thing? I’m asking in earnest because I honestly do not know. I understand that people are whole human beings and more than wank fodder for me. I don’t mean to reduce anyone to that. It just seems that this is an appealing life path for me. I can imagine that it takes A LOT of work and communication to reach that point and I’m definitely not banking on it as the only path forward for me. Hopefully some bi guys can chime in.
 

Tinwen

Active member
But is it a bad thing? I’m asking in earnest because I honestly do not know.
Well, you can't easily control fantasy, can you? So don't beat yourself up.
Imagine the more common case of gender roles reversed. Guy has that fantasy. What happens on this forum? Everyone will take care to tell him that it's unlikely to happen and that he's not allowed to be pushy about it, esp with more or less straight women. Because that's what often happens.
So don't be pushy. But don't worry too much.
 

Inaniel

Active member
Prejudice in dating and sex is one of the last remaining areas where such behavior is socially acceptable. So you are good. For now.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
We all have our fantasies. I just think it's great thing that women can now share their sexual fantasies in a public forum. Most fantasies in the public consciousness are sadly, male fantasies.

In the distant past of humanity, when people lived in tribal groups, sex was not (only) MF, married and mono. And orgies were religious ceremonies into the current era, in Greece, the Middle East, probably all over the world (those are just my areas of expertise). Heck, there are records of orgies in the precincts of the Hebrew House of El (the "temple" in Jerusalem).

These are normal human fantasies, to watch other people having sex, whatever the gender may be, male, female or something in between. Making this happen in our current culture is more problematic. But our porn shows how badly we miss it, desire it. It's hardwired into us. Look at our cousin primates, the bonobos! ;)
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
That's just it. Fantasies are a safe space to think about and explore stuff you may or may not want to do in real life. Where your imagination can run wild and uninhibited. Where you can take a flight of fancy without stressing out too much about it.

In real life? Presumably if you wanted to end up in a trio with two bi guys? All the adults in this configuration consent to be there of their own free will. You aren't forcing yourself on them, right?

Don't overthink it. Enjoy your fantasies, and in real life dating be polite. Keep it simpler on you.

Galagirl
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi freakyfa,

I think it is fine for you to have your fantasy. And to pursue it. It seems to me that you have a respectful outlook about it, I do not think you are objectifying the bi men in your dreams. Now, it may be hard to find two such bi men in reality, you will probably have to be very patient as you search for your dreams. But in the end, as long as both/all involved parties are consenting, there are no rules (in my opinion) saying you cannot have this: an FMM triad is what it sounds like you are dreaming of. And such a thing does exist, you just have to have patience.

Fond regards,
Kevin T.
 

freakyfa

New member
Thanks to all who have answered so far! I’ve definitely taken everyone’s perspective under consideration and I feel better knowing that I’m not approaching these feelings at a bad angle. I’ll try to be as conscientious and realistic as possible when mapping out my future with others in it.
 

tdh

Active member
a bad angle.
One small thing to consider is to work on not adding of moral weight to fantasies or desires.

When taking a look at things as either good and bad it leaves you no room from self negotiation and internal consent. "Good/Bad" definitions can come from external or internal forces. If you truly believe everything falls in 2 categories, this might be difficult but there are ways to allow yourself to enjoy your feelings, desires and fantasies in ways that meet your needs and morals by working on view things on a spectrum.

Also this thinking can help you step some of those fantasies into realities if you choose to because internally you have negotiated and okayed what works for yourself.
 
I’ve often imagined what it would actually be like to have two bi husbands or perhaps practice swinging with just one bi male partner of mine. Besides all the extra love, the one other appealing aspect of this arrangement is that I find it very sexually arousing. Something about men loving and being intimate with other men titillates me.

The conflict is when I think about the intersection of social justice, feminism, and LGBTQIA rights. I’m uneasy because on the surface it seems as if I’m using someone’s queer identity as a vehicle for my fetishes even though I mean no offense by it. I’m only trying to act on my desires in good faith, but am I sexually objectifying others when I think this

I’ve often imagined what it would actually be like to have two bi husbands or perhaps practice swinging with just one bi male partner of mine. Besides all the extra love, the one other appealing aspect of this arrangement is that I find it very sexually arousing. Something about men loving and being intimate with other men titillates me.

The conflict is when I think about the intersection of social justice, feminism, and LGBTQIA rights. I’m uneasy because on the surface it seems as if I’m using someone’s queer identity as a vehicle for my fetishes even though I mean no offense by it. I’m only trying to act on my desires in good faith, but am I sexually objectifying others when I think this way?
I feel it is not a problematic objectification if you are not seeking these people as a means to your sexual end, unless of course it is a consensual reduction to a sexual relationship. As a bisexual man, I dont find men romantically attractive, but sexually i find certain aspects of men enticing. This is clearly reducing any given man to a sexual sphere. So I'm upfront about it with any man I'm interested in "yo I'm just here for the meats, nun that bae stuff m8." It cant be an offensive objectification if all parties consent to the relationship type. And you are attracted to what you are attracted to. Your sexual liberation is contingent on your freedom to explore and experience what you like. You only live once. You cant let some social theory override what is clearly true: your attraction to this sexual experience.

P.s. hmu🥴
 

Gmeter

New member
I don't think your interests are all that unusual. However, my wife and I have had a very non-traditional marriage for over 30 years, lol. We have been to many swingers clubs, sex parties, etc. and have met many couples and trio's like you seek.

We can't help what turns us on, and as long as your interests involve consenting adults, you shouldn't be ashamed in any way. The key (or challenge) for you is to find compatible partners. But, that is the challenge for any relationship, traditional or not.

Speaking of traditional, I think we have come a long way in the US in the last couple decades. My career took me to many foreign countries for extended periods of time. It made me realize how intolerant we were, in the US, compared to other countries, when it came to relationships.

Remember, it wasn't that long ago that basic homosexuality was heavily condemned. Now, it's barely a topic of discussion. It wasn't quick, but I think we, in the US, are finally waking up and learning that many people are not interested in traditional relationships.

Find a few match sites and don't feel ashamed to post your interests in your profile. You might be surprised.
 

Marcus

Well-known member
I’m only trying to act on my desires in good faith, but am I sexually objectifying others when I think this way?

What a world we live in. Is there a new push to feel bad about our thought processes? Have we really fine tuned the art of censorship to such a degree that we aren't even entitled to our own thoughts?

Any oppressive stance (social, political, or whatever) that forces me to shame myself for my internal thought process or my sexual preferences, isn't worth consideration. I'm all set with the Big Brother Thought Police shame.

I hope you live your life, and indulge in whatever kinky, gross, beautiful, hurtful, and inspiring thoughts that happen to pass through your mind.
 
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