Bi gf wants to go poly

Well, that’s an interesting turn of events.

I deleted a paragraph from my last reply about my curiosity as to whether your girlfriend would allow you to seek a long-term relationship, to explore the possibility of the V becoming an N or W or zigzag, etc. I thought that line of thought wouldn’t be so helpful to a person who definitely wasn’t interested in polyamory for himself. I’m glad Kevin brought it up in his response.

That you are suddenly interested in the possibility of a second long-term relationship for yourself suggests you seriously never imagined it before declaring your definite monogamy, or that you’re really grasping at ideas to keep this relationship going.

Do go back and read what Galagirl said about pretzels. It’s great to explore something new. But don’t try to be who you aren’t, if there’s only misery in it for you.

Good luck.

That post was all about fairness. Believe or not, it is very important for me to be in a fair situation. I.e. if she is allowed to have another relationship, I would also have to be able to have something for myself. I am not saying that I would pursue anything, but the option to do that is also quite fine.

However, I thought about that after the post.

I get a feeling that the romantic requirement might be just to limit my options to polywomen as I can only assume that they are the only ones who might consider that. From what I have seen here, I am sure that I will not find majority of them even remotely interesting. They seem toxic to me. I guess she knows that it would be easy for me to get a fwb but almost impossible to find a woman who I would feel connected to from the pool she wants me to dive in.



Not all of the poly ladies here seem toxic to me.
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I get a feeling that the romantic requirement might be just to limit my options to polywomen as I can only assume that they are the only ones who might consider that

I wonder about that too. Is it worth it? To agree to be in a poly V thing where you can date other women romantically? Because the ones you most would have in common with would probably not want to date you if you are in a poly V thing. Because they are looking for monogamy and here's you in a poly V thing... so why would they think you would be looking for that too?

It sounds like a "making do" solution and not really going for what YOU want in your romances.

Keke I just want to point out that you are very new to this entire concept. There is much to be learned about open relationships if you take the time to do it.

Right now you are very overwhelmed and upset. You're angry at poly women in general, in your gf specifically. It all seems so strange and weird. You feel cheated. This is entirely understandable. Take your time, do self care. Rest, exercise, eat, sleep.

There are so many ways you maybe, just maybe, could be OK with all this. You thought you needed to break up. You thought you only wanted female FWBs besides your gf. And maybe you do. There are people here where one dyad has one person who wants long term other relationships and the other wants to be mono, or only wants FWBs. But sometimes the mono person has a cool person come into their life and all of a sudden they aren't mono anymore. Or they have 2 or 3 FWBs and realize they are really getting quite fond of one of those FWBs and want to focus on them.

It's an evolution. People can and do change. Life is all about change. Change and growth are inevitable and can be quite healthy.

One more minor point on which you seemed confused: when your gf brought up kitchen table poly, and how ideally she'd want her OSO to live with the 2 of you, you thought this would mean you'd have to hear your gf having sex, in YOUR bed, and you'd not have privacy. However, many poly Vs arrange it so there are 2 or 3 bedrooms. Each person has their own bedroom. The shared sweetie can go between his or her partner's bedrooms for sex. One arm of the V might even have her or his own floor or wing of the house, and their own bathroom, so there is more privacy and sound proofing.

Of course, no one should move in with a lover until they've dated for at least a year. Many relationships break up before the 1 year mark, after NRE has worn off. Not all lovers are long runners. So this living together thing is nothing to be panicked over right at this moment.

Last night I confronted her with the issue of her thinking that it would be ok for me to pursue romantic relationship but not ok for me to engage in casual fwb thing. She admitted that it was mostly about the fact that I could get fwb with a girl with "low moral" or a woman who is symphatetic with my situation. I have many close female friends and she thinks at least one of them is interested in me.

So she just wants me to suffer and not going through the same for herself.

I told her to pack her stuff and get out of my life.

Thanks for being there for me, many of you. This will be my last post here, have a nice life everyone!
I'm sorry to hear about the break up. It does sound like the best path in this situation though. Then you can be free FROM of all this poly stuff you don't really want and she is free TO poly however it is she wants with others.

I hope your healing time is peaceful in the next few weeks/months.

Hi Keke,

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. However, it's probably for the best. Hang in there and move into the healing process.

Kevin T.
Your girlfriend doesn't sound like a very nice person. Hopefully she's your ex-girlfriend now.

It's not fair of her to insist on poly for herself, and even the possibility of you all living together when you're still struggling, while she is also refusing to let you date a woman who might like you.