Biamory Clubhouse - a place for biamorists

I just "googled" the term "biamory" and found that it is in increasing use.

Here's an interesting discussion on the matter (Ther are many):

"It seems to me that the need to define bisexuality (or sexuality in general) by willingness to enter into long-term relationships is probably a holdover of the attitude that one should only have sex inside of marriage. Sex outside marriage (or at least a long-term relationship) "doesn't count." Of course, what it boils down to is that we're discussing two separate subjects entirely (sex, and long term relationships) and getting frustarted at out inabilities to ram both into the same pigeonhole ("bisexuality"). There is a term, "biamory," which specifically describes the willingness to be in a loving relationship with either gender."

http://www.okcupid.com/forum?low=61&tid=6319390891115628378
 
hrm...this topic is kind of funny, lol

Personally, i don't think we need a term. bi-sexual is fine, you can add whatever additive definition you want really. It's a loose term to begin with, look it up.

The dichotomy of human relationships can be compared to musical chords or radio frequencies. Everyone has a certain bandwidth or musical clef, that allows them the capacity for a specific level of sexual and emotional interactions outside of themselves. You can be on note, or one frequency, and then with a change in thought you can be another.
Everything else from that point is preference :/
 
rpcrazy said:
hrm...this topic is kind of funny, lol

Personally, i don't think we need a term. bi-sexual is fine....
Click to expand...

"Bisexual" is a "fine" term for those for whom the sex part is more crucial than the -amory part. For others, the -amory part is more crucial, and the sex part only really has its meaning within the -amory part. Since we exist, this term is important for us -- especially when there's so much "casual sex" on offer ... and so little -amory being offered to go with it.

P.S. -- I had a bunch of kisses a couple of years back with a guy who, it turned out, took those kisses more than gave them. He shortly thereafter abandoned our friendship with such ease that I later realized it was never really there to begin with.
 
Last edited:
He-he. All this stuff about people having feelings is kinda funny, houh. Yup, funny. He-he.

No wonder I don't show up here all that often.

"you can add whatever additive definition you want really"
 
whoa, I didn't mean to offend River, I don't know if you're mocking me or my diction. I was merely stating that the thread was interesting and amusing. forgive my word choice.

I myself am a pansexual, and I generally agree that a re-making of terms for all the grey areas of life is definitely needed. However bi-sexual has it's roots in biology and later evolved. I don't feel there's anything wrong with the term, if just properly understood. heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual are scientific terms for sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes the pattern of sexual attraction, behavior and identity that we have individually. It doesn't HAVE to mean all those negative things are associated to it. I feel remaking the word so it doesn't have "sex" in it is impractical.

Also an "additive definition" is a definition liberally attached to an existing intensional definition as a work around. What wrong with that word?
 
Last edited:
Rpcrazy,

I like the term biamory as a self-description precisely because it emphasizes emotional and spiritual connection, relationship, bonding, loving... over sex. Sex is secondary in importance to this loving -- "-amory" for me and for most folks who prefer to call themselves biamorous.

You can go on calling yourself bi-sexual if you prefer. This doesn't matter to me, and may well better describe how sexuality and amourousness fit into your life. Nobody said you had to adopt the term for yourself.

Sex is something I sometimes share with people I already feel close with, so only happens in the context of building and growing a loving relationship. For millions and millions of "gay" and "bi-" folks, sex is a casual form of recreation. So what's wrong with me choosing to emphasize who I am in my self-descriptoin? I do not find this need "funny". I find it rather painful and challenging-- tragic.
 
Last edited:
So what's wrong with me choosing to emphasize who I am in my self-descriptoin?
Click to expand...

I feel you mistook my opinion posted as a direct attack on your choice to present yourself in a comfortable manner. I wish for you to understand that was not my intention, as I too have felt pain and agony because of words that are attached to stereotypes and misconceptions.

In any case, there's nothing wrong with you describing yourself as such. More specifically I was replying to the idea in a previous post that the word "bi" needs to be replaced. More power to you though! I feel for you, I really do...
 
This all feels like when you buy a spice rack, and it only comes with those 12 labels. And I'm sitting there thinking, I never use celery seed. Am I supposed to go out and buy it just because I have a label for it? No, of course not. But what label am I going to put on my allspice? Sure, they threw in some blank labels, but now I don't have a matching set and I think matching sets look pretty.

So I throw out the whole package of labels and get out my label-maker, you know the old fashioned ones with the raised white letters? I think it's cool.

Then I discover marjoram. Now I have 13 spices and they won't fit in my spice rack. So now I have 12 neatly labeled matching spice jars in a rack, and one random jar sitting on my shelf.

One day, a dear friend gives me a small baggie of a home blend spice. Says she can't tell me what it is, secret family recipe, but assures me it tastes great on chicken and she says she'll give me more any time I want. So I take it home and make the best damn chicken you've ever tasted. Now, never mind not having a special pre-printed label, I don't even know what's in this stuff! But it tastes good, none of my dinner guests have gotten poisoned, and I have a lifetime supply. So I put it in a really pretty jar and leave it without a label, knowing that it's the special spice my friend gave me that tastes really good on chicken.
 
rpcrazy said:
More specifically I was replying to the idea in a previous post that the word "bi" needs to be replaced.
Click to expand...

Hmm. I don't remember anyone saying that the term "bi" (or even "bisexuality") needs replacing. What has been argued is that "biamory" is often more useful a term than "bisexual" for those people who are, shall we say, both. The reasons for this have been provided and don't need repeating.

Anyway, I accept that you did not mean to offend. I had thought you were belittling when you said you thought the topic "funny".
 
So, thanks to rp and river's discussion back and forth I think I not only get it, but might be in a biamorous relationship.

Yays! :D I'm actually very pleased to have this definition right now as I needed a way of describing it to myself and others and was trying to fit it in a box. I wasn't getting what you were explaining before river.

More to follow as I have to get to work...

Thanks though, I'm feeling rather relieved and excited!
 
Devil's Advocate since 1984
 
Let me get this straight,....

..and please remember, it is only food for thought.

Someone felt a new label/term was needed, because the word 'bisexuality' has come to mean/be associated with the casual sex aspect of it, rather then any meaning of love and relationships.

Though the root of it is in biology.


Yet,..on another front, we are suppose to reclaim the word 'Slut', from it`s negative association, with multi-partner sexual contact.


..So, why not just 'reclaim' bisexuality ? Start a movement. Take it back !
 
Superjast said:
Though the root of it is in biology.
Click to expand...

The "root" of sexuality may well be in biology, but it is hardly clear where and how our other needs are "rooted," if not also in biology. How can we demarcate where and how needs like deep intimacy, trust, affection, love... fit in? Are these also best understood as biological drives or needs? What is the effect on this conversation if we can't ultimately classify sex or sexual orientation apart from these other human needs and inclinations?


Superjast said:
Yet,..on another front, we are supposed to reclaim the word 'Slut', from it`s negative association, with multi-partner sexual contact.
Click to expand...

Not all polyamorists do this. Some do. Some do not. The issue is debatable.


Superjast said:
..So, why not just 'reclaim' bisexuality ? Start a movement. Take it back !
Click to expand...

It is easier to move a hundred bricks fifty feet than to move a thousand bricks a mile. Why not, instead, start a movement to popularize the term "biamory"?
 
and onward,...,..

Very good points to ponder River. :)
I understand your well detailed explanations perfectly !

My immediate thoughts were ;

- I`d rather do the work, and make the correction, then add something in, that could possibly be seen as a band-aid solution.

- When I flip my point of view around, and imagine if I were heterosexual, I would not change anything. I would not coin myself a 'heteroamorist.'

I would say I was heterosexual. This is a tried and true formula. :)
Those that are interested in learning more will, those that aren`t, won`t.

People understand that, 'heterosexual' specifies your orientation, and that it then branches out from there, as to your wants and desires in life.

If they understand that easily with heterosexuality, then maybe it is worth the effort to keep expanding peoples minds with bisexuality.

If we put ourselves in neat little packaging, it almost feels like we close ourselves off. Its then very difficult for the general population, to ever learn to appreciate differences.
 
Your points are also good, SJ.

A very large part of why I like the term "biamory" is because there are SO MANY male bisexuals who are not also biamorous (able and wanting to form loving bonds), and the term allows me to be VERY CLEAR, in one word, about who I am and what I want and need. Also, I have been badly hurt (emotionally) by unwittingly getting involved with someone who was just interested in using me as a sex toy ... while -- seemingly, in retrospect -- pretending authentic affection. He was very quick to end both our friendship and our physical intimacy the moment I became a little inconvenient for him.
 
Interesting !

So in essence, the terms suits you well, because you would like the ability to close off to a particular sector ?

To be able to just simply say; ' I am biamorist'. and hopefully hear, " Wow ! So am I ! " It would be a great start, and eliminate the 'wondering if he wants what I want ?' aspect .

Is that a correct conclcusion ? :)

If so, it not only makes sense, but maybe 'biamory' in the definition, should also include something pertaining to 'wanting to share love with like-minded people'

..If that makes sense ?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top