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angelMO

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Hi. i am in a Master/slave relationship, going into the relationship knowing that Master wants one or two more girls, and in my mind being okay with that.

i have been talking with another girl for a while now and been okay with that aspect too. She is supposed to visit over the Christmas holidays. She is someone Master knows and has spent a little time with, but she chose to go to school in another province rather than stay and go to school here for the same outcome.

Tonight Master said that the first night she is here, she will spend the night alone with him in His bed. i got all freaked out. i have tried poly once in the past. it was a disastrous experience, in that the girl came into the Home and within 3 days took over everything i had been doing for my Master at the time, and i was kinda left on the sidelines. i only stayed a week, as i felt like i was the outsider.

i realize i could have reacted in that situation differently, but when i feel insecure i tend to withdraw a lot. and at that time, instead of reassuring me i was still important to Him, i was virtually replaced.

Help, please. i don't want to feel like this. Is it wrong to want both of us in Master's bed in the beginning? i am bisexual.
 
Hi Angel. Welcome.

I'm sure there are people on here much more qualified to answer this than me. I did have a discussion, however, with a person in a similar situation to try and get a better understanding of how it all works. She said that it is perfectly acceptable to negotiate your basic boundaries outside of the master/slave dynamic. I'd say this is a basic boundary. You feel as you feel, and have every right to communicate it and try to get him to co-operate.
 
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If you have a good master, as far as I am concerned, he will be loving, reassuring and consistently willing to show you he is not replacing you. Your master is wanting to bond with this woman and it is his command to do so. You must follow and trust him if you are to stay in your arrangement.

I hope he is a good and worthy Master. This is a very tricky arrangement he has set up and it could be quite damaging to you. I hope he is the type that allows you to have your time to speak and be listened to. A submissive can only be a good submissive if they are respected. It's a two-way relationship dynamic, not one. I hope this is what is happening in this case.

As to being bisexual, if you're attracted to her and want to have sex with her, then yes, you may well be bisexual. If you are wanting your Master's attention and support, and think you will get it by being in the bed with them, then, likely you are not necessarily bisexual.
 
Hello. Thank you both for the responses.

i am extremely lucky, as i do have a Master who encourages good communication. He says part of me feeling the way i do is because of abuse as a child. i have very much a child's trust in my Master. The last healthy male i had in my life was as a 5 year old child. So my reactions are very much along that age group, which is why He is starting to prepare me now.

It is so hard having that childlike faith and trust. But that is also the age it was ripped from me, so my mind distrusts it, in some ways. We were talking today about how the longest road is from the mind to the heart. My mind tells me Master will not leave or desert me. Unfortunately the heart says something else.

angel
 
Is master's bed also your bed? When you say "alone" I presume you're meaning alone with him.

As I say, I can only give you a logical perspective, having had very little experience in all of this. But if you have had childhood issues and you feel like that is still where your head is at, I can't really see how making you leave your bed, or really even your master's bed for another woman could prepare you for anything except to maybe revisit a lot of childhood pain unnecessarily.

Would you do that to an insecure child? Hell no! You would let the child be present and and see firsthand that the parent/master can and does still have love for both. I think you've seen this work badly, so now you should be making sure that it works the way you need it to. Just my two cents.

Since exploring polyamory, I have seen that it requires high levels of emotional maturity to work successfully, so I'll be following your journey with interest. Take care.
 
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It's good that your Master allows for communication so you can share your feelings with him. Ultimately, you do have to trust him, but it helps if he supports you all the way.

Did you ask his reasoning behind wanting her alone? Are you allowed to ask? It's possible he feels it is best for her. Maybe if you put yourself in the situation of the second woman you will understand better.

If he is a caring Master, as you seem to say he is, he will want to take a good care of both of you. He probably needs to reassure her, as it will be her first night and probably overwhelming. I don't think he has any intention of having you come last all the time.

I hope you can find an arrangement that won't be so hurtful to you. He is your Master and you must obey him, but it's also his role to give you orders that won't end up hurting you. (Well, depends on what you're into, ;) but you know what I mean.)

I think it's really good that you guys communicate, as it can be harder with a D/s dynamic, but communication is still very important! You can't read each other's minds, nor should you be expected to.
 
Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate! To me, that is the #1 rule when making changes to a D/s relationship.

How do you feel about this arrangement?

Did you agree to it, or was it forced on you as a requirement of staying in the relationship with Him?

Was it made clear before you entered in the relationship that something like this would happen (you being excluded from his bed when another woman comes to visit), or was it sprung on you after you had already developed feelings?

It's so important to remember that having slave status does not equal having no rights. This is not 17th-19th century America, where your choices are to obey or be chased by man-eating dogs.

If your Master truly loves and respects you, he will put your needs at the top of his list, even above his own wants. A submissive is a precious thing, not someone to be taken for granted or taken unfair advantage of.

I don't even agree that "ultimately it's his choice." Fundamentally, you're an equal partner in this relationship, even though you're submissive. You CHOOSE to obey your Master's orders. You CHOOSE to serve him. You CHOOSE to be in a relationship with him. And He needs to know that HIS CHOICES could drive you away and cause you psychological and emotional damage, if you are not respected and cherished.
 
I'm really glad you expressed that, SchrodingersCat. I was feeling really concerned about this situation, and your take on it makes sense to me. The way you express it, I can see some safety in it. Otherwise you could get a situation of dangerous co-dependence.
 
Past abuse or no, I'm sure you are quite capable of having feelings for reasons that are not only due to having experienced abuse. It sends up a big red flag to me that he would write off your feelings as being only due to your past, without examining if he is doing anything to contribute to them in the present.

Careful... careful... While having experienced abuse as a child can alter your responses as an adult, it can also alter who you naturally gravitate toward for relationships. It can have you gravitating toward people who feed into your vulnerabilities and keep you from healing and moving on to experiencing relationships that are healthier for you. A person who is healthier for you won't blame every feeling you experience on your past. Blaming it all on your past can be a way to not slow their roll on to what they want to happen, or take responsibility for what they might be contributing to the emotions you are dealing with TODAY.
 
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