Christy1992
New member
Hi, my Name's Christy, I'm from the UK and I'm a 30 year old male. I have thought I'm polyamorous (even if I've called it polygamy up until about 3 weeks ago) in the last few years but have recently accepted or realized it's true. Let me just explain first, that I have been in a monogamous relationship with my partner for 14 years, since we were 16 years old. We have had many happy years and some shii ones. We have had 3 children together, we've also unfortunately had to bury one of them too as she passed away during her birth. We've had 2 break ups in our time together. We know eachother so well, our families know and love us both and we are known as a great couple. We have always been as thick as thieves. My point being, we are very connected and I Love her immensely.
The reason I mention our 2 break ups is because the first time, she left me for another man 4 years into us being together, she realized she still loved me a few months later and we got back together. That happened 11 years ago, we moved on from it. The second time we broke up was because i had met someone at work. Someone whom I have a connection with that I couldn't and still can't ignore. I left my partner for this other women, as I was convinced I must not love my partner if I had this much of an intense attraction or desire for someone else. The problem was, we were a matter of months from having our 2nd child (our first baby was the one who passed away). So there I was 4 years ago, madly in love with this new women, realising that I was going to be the shiiest Dad that ever did exist and potentially miss out on my 2nd childs life too. So I decided to stop putting my romantic interests first and decided to try to rescue my relationship for my soon to be born child. I know, i know, you shouldn't be with someone for the sake of the kids but I did. Just before the birth of my 2nd child, I left the new woman, I broke her heart, I broke my own heart, it's still broken today, I miss her everyday, I get reminders of her in the strangest of ways (I can go in to more detail if necessary). Though the interesting thing I noticed with time was that I still loved the mother of my children... I've been through different thoughts and feelings about this I.e. 'wait, what, hows that possible, i thought we could love only one person at a time'... down too 'oh come on Christy, think about it, you have 6 siblings and love them all in there own right, so why couldn't it be possible for you to love more than one person romantically'.
So here I am today, lost for the right direction. I have told my partner how I feel about polyamory and that I have realised that's who I am. Unfortunately she casts it of as a bit of new age nonsense. She said something interesting the other week, "you've obviously been reading all about it because you say what all these other poly people say about polyamory". I actually hadn't read much about how others in my shoes felt, so I went and read some stories and shoot me down, she was right, I do say the same things but they were all my own conclusions. As you may be able to imagine, this venture into others stories really hit it home to me that this is who I am.
So my catch 22, I love my partner and our children but I miss my ex everyday, I can't stand the thought of not being able to bond with other people that I have connections with because society frowns upon it or because monogamy is what I signed up for, although I don't remember signing my name up. So I either carry on unhappy so I can be a present Dad and at least keep one of the people I love. Or I step out in to the world away from my partner, our kids, our animals and our family home so I can explore this side of me that needs to be free, knowing too that the other woman has moved on and me reappearing 4 years later with my tail between my legs, is most likely not going to be appreciated. I suppose I have come to the conclusion that I will have to leave but I don't want too! How can I get her to change her views? Can I change her views? Is that controlling of me? Can I change my views somehow? If my partner falling for that other man and realising she still loved me was not enough for her to see that she may even benefit from a poly relationship, then what could I ever do to convince her?
Thanks for reading and sorry if this is a bit long for an introduction.
The reason I mention our 2 break ups is because the first time, she left me for another man 4 years into us being together, she realized she still loved me a few months later and we got back together. That happened 11 years ago, we moved on from it. The second time we broke up was because i had met someone at work. Someone whom I have a connection with that I couldn't and still can't ignore. I left my partner for this other women, as I was convinced I must not love my partner if I had this much of an intense attraction or desire for someone else. The problem was, we were a matter of months from having our 2nd child (our first baby was the one who passed away). So there I was 4 years ago, madly in love with this new women, realising that I was going to be the shiiest Dad that ever did exist and potentially miss out on my 2nd childs life too. So I decided to stop putting my romantic interests first and decided to try to rescue my relationship for my soon to be born child. I know, i know, you shouldn't be with someone for the sake of the kids but I did. Just before the birth of my 2nd child, I left the new woman, I broke her heart, I broke my own heart, it's still broken today, I miss her everyday, I get reminders of her in the strangest of ways (I can go in to more detail if necessary). Though the interesting thing I noticed with time was that I still loved the mother of my children... I've been through different thoughts and feelings about this I.e. 'wait, what, hows that possible, i thought we could love only one person at a time'... down too 'oh come on Christy, think about it, you have 6 siblings and love them all in there own right, so why couldn't it be possible for you to love more than one person romantically'.
So here I am today, lost for the right direction. I have told my partner how I feel about polyamory and that I have realised that's who I am. Unfortunately she casts it of as a bit of new age nonsense. She said something interesting the other week, "you've obviously been reading all about it because you say what all these other poly people say about polyamory". I actually hadn't read much about how others in my shoes felt, so I went and read some stories and shoot me down, she was right, I do say the same things but they were all my own conclusions. As you may be able to imagine, this venture into others stories really hit it home to me that this is who I am.
So my catch 22, I love my partner and our children but I miss my ex everyday, I can't stand the thought of not being able to bond with other people that I have connections with because society frowns upon it or because monogamy is what I signed up for, although I don't remember signing my name up. So I either carry on unhappy so I can be a present Dad and at least keep one of the people I love. Or I step out in to the world away from my partner, our kids, our animals and our family home so I can explore this side of me that needs to be free, knowing too that the other woman has moved on and me reappearing 4 years later with my tail between my legs, is most likely not going to be appreciated. I suppose I have come to the conclusion that I will have to leave but I don't want too! How can I get her to change her views? Can I change her views? Is that controlling of me? Can I change my views somehow? If my partner falling for that other man and realising she still loved me was not enough for her to see that she may even benefit from a poly relationship, then what could I ever do to convince her?
Thanks for reading and sorry if this is a bit long for an introduction.