Combining poly with cuck

[DevonUK]

Hi

First post, despite being in a successful V for many years with my wife and her boyfriend. We are late 30s in the UK with two kids.

The background is that I met my wife-to-be while she was living in Leeds. I lived in London at the time. We started dating, but she also had a FWB in Leeds. That worked fine for us. I don't think any of us expected it to be long term for any of us. However, out of the blue, my job moved to Leeds and she and I got more serious. The FWB drifted away eventually, but before then it worked really nicely, actually, which surprised us all.

We got married in due course. Through various random events, the FWB came back in to our lives and we evolved in to a successful V. We now have two children and a relationship which works very well. Whilst it is a closed V, she has explored more sexually with him than with me, which suits our personalities. At times, this has included MFM, which I have been aware of, but respected her right to explore her sexuality as she wants to.

Over the last couple of years, her bf has mentioned wanting to try cuck. They have some mutual friends who have tried it and loved it. We also have close friends we have been on holiday with who have tried it and really enjoyed it.

It isn't something I am interested in, but she would like to try it, both for herself and for her bf. Whilst I totally get that she should be able to explore her life outside of our marriage, and I should trust and respect her, which I do, the step to cucking her bf feels a bit further than we have previously accepted.

As far as what he wants to do, it seems fairly straightforward cuck-type stuff that lots of couples enjoy. I think he wants her to flirt/date, and chat to him about it, then build to telling him she has cheated on him, then him watching. She has started a little bit down that path. This weekend just gone was the first actual... event, for want of a better word.

I am not quite sure what I am asking, but I read here a lot and thought that I would type out my situation to see what others thought. I am especially interested in her perspective and would like to think that through before we talk about it again.

Thank you,
Mark

 

[davleauk]

Hi Mark, we are sort of not a million miles from your situation. Our marriage is open for my wife and she meets people from time to time and has had two serious relationships. There have been cucky dynamics come into play with this.

 

[Magdlyn]

First post, despite being in a successful V for many years with my wife and her boyfriend. We are late 30s in the UK with two kids.

Welcome to posting.

We started dating, but she also had a FWB. That worked fine for us. I don't think any of us expected it to be long term for any of us. She and I got more serious. The FWB drifted away eventually. We got married in due course. The FWB came back into our lives and we evolved into a successful V.

So this guy is merely a long-term FWB? Wife and Guy aren't "in love" with each other? If not, I don't see how this is polyamory, quite, rather than just a relationship open on one side for sex, friendship, but no romance, or couple-commitment type things.

Whilst it is a closed V, she has explored more sexually with him than with me, which suits our personalities. At times, this has included MFM, which I have been aware of, but respected her right to explore her sexuality as she wants to.

If wife and her FWB have played with others, then technically this is not a closed V. Maybe you mean wife is not "allowed" to fall in love with others, and so far, that has been the case? Again, this is not polyAMORY, multiple romantic loves.

Over the last couple of years, her bf has mentioned wanting to try cuck. It isn't something I am interested in, but she would like to try it, both for herself and for her bf. Whilst I totally get that she should be able to explore her life outside of our marriage, and I should trust and respect her, which I do, the step to cucking her bf feels a bit further than we have previously accepted. As far as what he wants to do, it seems fairly straightforward cuck-type stuff that lots of couples enjoy. I think he wants her to flirt/date, and chat to him about it, then build to telling him she has cheated on him, then him watching. She has started a little bit down that path. This weekend just gone was the first actual... event, for want of a better word.

So it sounds like wife and her FWB have added a new fetish to their sexual repertoire. If you're insecure about this, you could read up on cuckoldry on Fetlife.

I am not quite sure what I am asking, but I read here a lot and thought that I would type out my situation to see what others thought. I am especially interested in her perspective, and would like to think that through before we talk about it again.

Her perspective? It does sound like this is her FWB's idea and she might be on the fence? Or maybe she's curious and being a good sport? Are you concerned about it taking too much time or energy away from you? From the kids and the running of the household? Are you nervous about your own feelings around even more men being introduced into your wife's sex life on a casual basis? Is she drifting away from her enjoyment of vanilla sex with you? Do you feel less loved?

Can you explain how any of your wife's sexy playtime actually relates to polyAMORY, for you?

 

[DevonUK]

Hello,

Thank you for the replies, and sincere apologies for the lack of detail and poor terminology.

To clarify, for about the last 6-7 years my wife, Emma (pseudonym) has been in an exclusive relationship with me (her husband) and Simon (her boyfriend, pseudonym). Simon is also exclusive to Emma. They are in love and have, in every respect, a mature, loving, close, and respectful relationship. Prior to this, their relationship was more reminiscent of a close friend with benefits and it was during this era where she explored things like MFM and some other kinks that he or she wanted to try. However, the second phase of their relationship, after he reentered our lives by chance, has been more reminiscent of a proper, loving relationship from the outset. When they speak on the phone, for example, she says she loves him and misses him.

We have two children, who live with us, and are unaware of Simon other than having met him a few times as one of our friends. He lives about 90 minutes away and Emma stays with him 4-6 nights a month, in 2-3 sets, which suits his working life and she enjoys. Their relationship is very different to the one Emma has with me, partly because he is older and also because they share a professional and personal past to the one Emma has with me. In many respects he allows her to be a version of herself that she doesn't really express with me. I am much more bookish, quiet, and shy, and she enjoys the comfort and safety in that, but also has a more extroverted side, which she can be with him.

My and Emma's relationship is solid, happy, and loving. We have a good, regular sex life. But I am conscious that he fucks her differently to how I do and that she loves it. I have never been very bothered with it. In lots of ways, I am proud that we have found something which works, and I feel lucky to have Emma.

I honestly think that she is curious about trying cuck, would enjoy cucking him, and is also keen to be a good sport, because he would enjoy it. I am truthfully not sure what my anxieties are. Both Simon and I have had the snip (he was married before). I suppose there is a slight worry about pregnancy risk, but she is very sensible and would be careful, so I think that is me looking for an excuse, really.

I don't know that I am worried too much about her having sex with someone else. If that is what she wanted and had asked for, I would have probably said yes, say on a holiday or something. I wonder if I am a bit jealous that she is sharing such an adventurous kink with him, even though I am not interested in it. I also wonder if it is partly that I am going to be cucked, even though I have not asked for it, when he is being cucked, and, moreover, I won't know I am being cucked. I am not worried that it will cause her to drift away from me or our family.

In short, I am not sure what I am uncomfortable about, but posting has been thought provoking. Thank you.

Mark

 

[kdt26417]

Hello Mark,

You have a major challenge on your hands, in that you have to decide whether you can share Emma with multiple other men, even though it's not your thing. Emma and Simon are both interested in trying that, but what about you? Would you get anything out of it? How would you feel? Maybe the thing to do would be to try it on a trial basis, with an option to shut it down if you don't like how it makes you feel. It's up to you, whatever the three of you decide. Good luck and I hope I can help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[dingedheart]

Hi

Hi. Welcome to the forum.

First post, despite being in a successful V for many years with my wife and her boyfriend. We are late 30s in the UK with two kids.

Was this born out of circumstance, or some drive your wife has?
How many years were you practicing an open or polyamorous relationship prior to marriage?
How old are your kids?

The background is that I met my wife-to-be while she was living in Leeds. I lived in London at the time. We started dating, but she also had a FWB in Leeds. That worked fine for us. I don't think any of us expected it to be long term for any of us. However, out of the blue, my job moved to Leeds and she and I got more serious. The FWB drifted away eventually, but before then it worked really nicely, actually, which surprised us all.

We got married in due course.

Was this discussed, or left as an option, as a married couple? Was this something you signed up for?

Through various random events, the FWB came back in to our lives and we evolved in to a successful V. We now have two children and a relationship which works very well. Whilst it is a closed V, she has explored more sexually with him than with me, which suits our personalities. At times, this has included MFM, which I have been aware of, but respected her right to explore her sexuality as she wants to.

So what you’re saying is it’s closed on your and Simon’s side. She's already had threesomes, and did some swapping with Simon?

Over the last couple of years, her bf has mentioned wanting to try cuck. They have some mutual friends who have tried it and loved it. We also have close friends we have been on holiday with who have tried it and really enjoyed it.

It isn't something I am interested in, but she would like to try it, both for herself and for her bf. Whilst I totally get that she should be able to explore her life outside of our marriage, and I should trust and respect her, which I do, the step to cucking her bf feels a bit further than we have previously accepted.

What does “further than we have previously accepted“ mean? What agreements do you have, if any? Were you asked if you would be ok, or if you had an opinion? Or were you somehow told this in passing, as in, a new dimension in the dynamic was going to happen?

As far as what he wants to do, it seems fairly straightforward cuck-type stuff that lots of couples enjoy. I think he wants her to flirt/date, and chat to him about it, then build to telling him she has cheated on him, then him watching. She has started a little bit down that path. This weekend just gone was the first actual... event, for want of a better word.

Did everyone have a good time?
Did she select her own "bull," or did he?

Having young kids, you might want to have a serious chat with both her and Simon about video and pictures recording these adventures, because it’s really messy when it falls into the wrong hands.

I am not quite sure what I am asking, but I read here a lot and thought that I would type out my situation to see what others thought. I am especially interested in her perspective and would like to think that through before we talk about it again.

I think it will be a wait-and-see how this effects you, how it effects her, and thus how it will play out in your relationships. Too many variables to predict. On one hand, one could argue it’s a completely separate relationship and situation from yours. However painful, the truth is, it could seriously affect how your wife relates to you sexually. There are tons of stories here in which that has happened. Is it a given? No. Is it a possibility/risk? Yes.

 

[DevonUK]

Was this born out of circumstance, or some drive your wife has?
How many years were you practicing an open or polyamorous relationship prior to marriage?
How old are your kids?

All circumstance, really.

It all started at a time in our lives where things were very fluid. As we have grown up, some of that has remained with us.

Kids are both under 10.

Was this discussed, or left as an option, as a married couple? Was this something you signed up for?

No, not really discussed, but we both enjoyed the previous arrangement, for different reasons. I sense we both missed it, but didn't want to start with someone new. Then Simon drifted back in to our lives by accident, after his divorce, and it was actually me who suggested that she go for a drink with him again, just to see how it felt. Once she did, things moved fairly steadily to the current V situation.

So what you’re saying is, it’s closed on your and Simon’s side. She's already had threesomes, and did some swapping with Simon?

Emma had some MFM threesomes, but no swapping, with Simon a long time ago, before she and I got married.

What does “further than we have previously accepted“ mean? What agreements do you have, if any? Were you asked if you would be ok, or if you had an opinion? Or were you somehow told this in passing, as in, a new dimension in the dynamic was going to happen?

No, we have never really felt that agreements were right for us, or needed. We've talked about whether we would try cuck when we heard about it from good friends, who loved it when they tried. We both felt it wasn't right for us, and that was the right decision for me, but she admitted she thought it was a sexy idea for that sort of late 30s/post-babies stage she was at, and she could see why our friends tried it.

Did everyone have a good time?
Did she select her own "bull," or did he?

Yes. Well, Emma did. I have not spoken to Simon about it.
The "bull" was someone on the periphery of their social circle who Emma has flirted with, but that is all. There had been some build-up in terms of flirting/texting, but once the appropriate signals were given, it progressed quickly. He fucked her at Simon's, but Simon didn't watch.

Having young kids, you might want to have a serious chat with both her and Simon about video and pictures recording these adventures, because it’s really messy when it falls into the wrong hands.

Yeah, and because of my and Simon's careers, we are meticulous about digital safety. There won't ever be any images.

I think it will be a wait-and-see how this effects you, how it effects her, and thus how it will play out in your relationships. Too many variables to predict. On one hand, one could argue it’s a completely separate relationship and situation from yours. However painful, the truth is, it could seriously affect how your wife relates to you sexually. There are tons of stories here in which that has happened. Is it a given? No. Is it a possibility/risk? Yes.

Thanks for the thoughts.

 

[dingedheart]

It all started at a time in our lives where things were very fluid, and as we have grown up, some of that has remained with us.

Got it. Thanks for adding more of the backstory.

Kids both under 10.

Any plan on cutting the older one in on the dynamic? I'd say you've got another year and change, depending on the gender and maturity, before he or she starts sensing stuff or putting stuff together.

No, not really discussed, but we both enjoyed the previous arrangement, for different reasons. I sense we both missed it, but didn't want to start with someone new. Then Simon drifted back into our lives by accident, after his divorce. It was actually me who suggested she go for a drink with him again, just to see how it felt. Once she did, things moved fairly steadily to the current V situation.

Was Simon married? If so, was his marriage open during the first go-round?
Is he dating others besides your wife now?

Emma had some MFM threesomes, but no swapping, with Simon a long time ago, before she and I got married.

Was that the sexual exploration, or a part of exploring more with him than with you? And this actually fits best with everyone’s personality. You’re not envious?

No, we have never really felt that agreements were right for us, or needed.

What about now?

We've talked about whether we would try cuck when we heard about it from good friends, who loved it when they tried. We both felt it wasn't right for us, and that was the right decision for me, but she admitted she thought it was a sexy idea for that sort of late 30s/post-babies stage she was at, and she could see why our friends tried it.

So, any conversations on this topic were, say, a couple in terms of the 2 of you, or as general topic, NOT specifically asking for your opinion or input (thoughts or feelings) if Simon assumed that role?

Yes. Well, Emma did. I have not spoken to Simon about it.

Do you plan to have a chat with him? Or them together?

The "bull" was someone on the periphery of their social circle who Emma has flirted with, but that is all. There had been some build-up in terms of flirting/texting, but once the appropriate signals were given, it progressed quickly. He fucked her at Simon's, but he didn't watch.

Is this something he does-- “bull services"? Or was it right time, right place, right face, abs, butt or dick? I’m sure Simon is experiencing a learning curve to all of this. Maybe the other guy wasn’t keen on a spectator galley.

Originally I was thinking if you were cool/happy with everything before, and everything was neatly compartmentalized, what’s the big deal now? What they do really shouldn’t effect you. But in the same regard, one could argue you’re being cucked by proxy, in a way, with zero say. And then there’s also the thought that Simon is pimping out your wife for his sexual fetish, if this originated with him. Like what’s the screening process-- STD testing, safety protocols? I mean, you got 2 kids that need a mother, so as crazy and far-fetched as some stuff could be, it’s not like on a very practical level this off-shoot extension of your V won’t affect you.

Because of my and Simon's careers, we are meticulous about digital safety. There won't ever be any images.

Has this been discussed already, or is it going to be discussed at the next meeting? Are you concerned about the potential people selected? Are your careers and social circles associated or acutely separated?

Thanks for the thoughts.

They’re pretty much worth what you paid.

 

[DevonUK]

Was Simon married? If so, was his marriage open during the first go-round?
Is he dating others besides your wife now?

Yeah, he was married. No, not open when he was married.

Was that the sexual exploration, or a part of exploring more with him than with you? And this actually fits best with everyone’s personality. You’re not envious?

No, never struggled with envy where Emma is concerned.

Feel lucky to have her and think we are fortunate that we have found a life where she can be the authentic versions of herself.

Do you plan to have a chat with him? Or them together?

Yes, we will probably chat about it at some point.

Is this something he does-- “bull services"? Or was it right time, right place, right face, abs, butt or dick? I’m sure Simon is experiencing a learning curve to all of this. Maybe the other guy wasn’t keen on a spectator galley.

Probably more that she has always flirted with him, and Simon has liked that. Emma is very flirty and would show off a lot, especially before we had kids. I enjoy that side of her too, but don't see it as much. Part of the reason why their relationship worked so much is that Emma liked 'beach' garden parties where there would be nudity, and so on, in her 20s, when I hated that sort of thing.

They have been talking about cuck for ages and his name came up. Emma would flirt a little when she saw him and gradually it built up, to texting, then she sucked him off recently and told Simon, and that led to him being invited over for some drinks on the understanding of what was going to happen.

Like you say, I think they are finding their way with it.

Originally I was thinking if you were cool/happy with everything before, and everything was neatly compartmentalized, what’s the big deal now?

Yeah, I can see that.

What they do really shouldn’t effect you. But in the same regard, one could argue you’re being cucked by proxy, in a way, with zero say.

Yeah, exactly, I also feel that in some way. But I know if I said no, it would stop instantly. It's just that we've never done that.

And then there’s also the thought that Simon is pimping out your wife for his sexual fetish, if this originated with him. Like what’s the screening process-- STD testing, safety protocols? I mean, you got 2 kids that need a mother, so as crazy and far-fetched as some stuff could be, it’s not like on a very practical level this off-shoot extension of your V won’t affect you.

This is one area where I know they will be safe and respectful.

Has this been discussed already, or is it going to be discussed at the next meeting? Are you concerned about the potential people selected? Are your careers and social circles associated or acutely separated?

They’re pretty much worth what you paid.

 

[dingedheart]

Yeah, he was married. No, not open when he was married.

Oh, not a great look on the integrity front.
Was the cheating the cause of the divorce?
Is he dating others now?
Is he heterosexual, as far as you know?

No, never struggled with envy where Emma is concerned.

Feel lucky to have her and think we are fortunate that we have found a life where she can be the authentic versions of herself.

That’s an awesome attitude, I think. When you have moments of wobble or uncertainty, lean into that.

Yes, we will probably chat about it at some point.

Are you saying it’s not really concerning enough to schedule or suggest having a chat? It’s bothered you enough to find an Internet forum, but not enough to seek out clarification within your own dynamic, sooner than later?

Probably more that she has always flirted with him, and Simon has liked that. Emma is very flirty and would show off a lot, especially before kids. I enjoy that side of her too, but don't see it as much. Part of the reason why their relationship worked so much is that Emma liked 'beach' garden parties, where there would be nudity, and so on, in her 20s, when I hated that sort of thing.

They have been talking about cuck for ages, and his name came up.

So when you say they’ve been talking about cucking for ages, you mean actually developing plans or targets?
This didn’t just come out of the blue for you?
You’ve been informed along the way?

Emma would flirt a little when she saw him, and gradually it built up, to texting, then she sucked him off recently and told Simon, and that led to him being invited over for some drinks on the understanding of what was going to happen.

When were you informed she'd sucked this other guy off, before or after she did it? I’m just curious how one shares that news with their spouse. Is it a fun naughty little secret, or is it sort of current events? "Swung by Nigel's place, and ended up sucking him off as part of cuck thing for/with Simon"?

There was a guy here on the forum whose wife would call him so he could listen in while she was blowing or fucking another guy. The modern cell phone/smart phone is a great tool for this stuff.

Like you say, I think they are finding their way with it.

I’m sure they will.

Yeah, exactly, I also feel that in some way. But I know if I said no, it would stop instantly. Its just that we've never done that.

When you say "We’ve never done that," you mean the cucking thing, or the "Stop, I don’t want this"?

This is one area where I know they will be safe and respectful.

Be that as it may, expressing the concern forces the players/participants to demonstrate and/or review their own safety protocols. If something goes horribly wrong, who’s on the hook? Who gets to clean up the mess? I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have these frank conversations.

 

[MeeraReed]

I'm not sure what kind of advice I could give you because I'm not sure what you're asking, because everything you describe sounds... fine? Happy, even?

It sounds like you're in a happy poly relationship with your wife, and she has a good relationship with her semi-long-distance boyfriend Simon, and everyone is content.

Now your wife and Simon are trying something new that involves her having other sexual partners. You are theoretically okay with this, but a little doubtful about it, in a way you can't quite put your finger on.

I'll just throw out some thoughts and see if any resonate with you:

Are you concerned your wife might fall in love with a new guy in this context, and then end up with another boyfriend that she sees regularly, taking time/energy away from you?

Are you concerned about STIs, pregnancy risk, or other issues based specifically on her having sex with other partners?

Are you feeling like you would 100% support your wife if she wanted to explore sexual stuff with other partners on her own, for herself, but you are concerned that this is a thing your wife is doing for Simon, rather than for herself, so it makes you feel like it is something that's all about the sex your wife and Simon have, like it is now entering the realm of VERY VERY adventurous, and you are unsure how to feel about that?

Are you curious about the cuckold fetish and want to try it yourself?

Is there any other sexual thing that you'd like to explore with your wife, but you feel like she does all her adventurous exploration with Simon, while you are mostly the quiet, stable partner/husband/father, and now you are kind of stuck in that role?

Just some ideas to clarify your feelings. I don't see any major problems with the situation here. You don't seem to be miserable or in a terrible situation.

 

[DevonUK]

I'm not sure what kind of advice I could give you because I'm not sure what you're asking. Everything you describe sounds fine? Happy, even?

Hi, thanks. Sorry for taking so long to reply.

I guess so, in some ways. In other ways, I was just exploring how I felt on here, because it felt like it should be not fine.

It sounds like you're in a happy poly relationship with your wife, and she has a good relationship with her semi-long-distance boyfriend Simon, and everyone is content.

Yes, exactly. Straightforward poly hinge. Nothing unusual about it at all. In fact, in every respect, it was the ideal relationship, and still is.

Now your wife and Simon are trying something new that involves her having other sexual partners. You are theoretically okay with this, but a little doubtful about it, in a way you can't quite put your finger on.

Yes. It isn't so much the men. It's the kink that bothers me a bit.

Are you concerned your wife might fall in love with a new guy in this context, and then end up with another boyfriend that she sees regularly, taking time/energy away from you?

No, not really. If anything, seeing Simon regularly enough for her is hard already because of kids, life, work, travel and so on. I do as much as I can to make it work, but my job brings its own demands, and she has occasionally had to miss some of her planned time with him, which I have felt dreadful about.

Are you concerned about STIs, pregnancy risk, or other issues, based specifically on her having sex with other partners?

No, not really. I guess that's always a possibility, but she's very careful and sensible. When we tried 'things' much earlier in our relationship, there were never any worries about this sort of thing. I think pregnancy more likely than STIs, to be honest, for various reasons.

Are you feeling like you would 100% support your wife if she wanted to explore sexual stuff with other partners on her own, for herself?

Yes. We have talked about that over the last couple of years but she hasn't wanted to, when it came to the crunch. She loves the 'extra' sex with Simon so much and hasn't really needed anything more, other than a few snogs at Christmas parties and things like that.

You are concerned that this is a thing your wife is doing for Simon, rather than for herself, so it makes you feel like it is something that's all about the sex your wife and Simon have, like it is now entering the realm of VERY VERY adventurous, and you are unsure how to feel about that?

That is exactly it.

Are you curious about the cuckold fetish and want to try it yourself?

No, to be honest. We did explore the 'hotgirlfriend' thing ages ago, and it was fun, but not for us long term. I think lots of couples dabble in it.

Then, before Simon turned up, Emma and I talked about her having sex with a work colleague she got very close to, and there were aspects of that I did find exciting, but not in the cuckold sense. I can't really explain what sense, but I don't want to explore cuck with her, although if I asked I am sure she would.

Is there any other sexual thing that you'd like to explore with your wife, but you feel like she does all her adventurous exploration with Simon, while you are mostly the quiet, stable partner/husband/father, and now you are kind of stuck in that role?

Yes, but I don't feel stuck.

To give a silly example, before kids, when Emma went on holiday with Simon, she always went nude or topless on the beach, but with me she always wore a bikini or swimsuit. I just think we have a very different dynamic.

Of course, I do have fantasies about Emma and sometimes we talk about them, but they remain fantasies. In actual fact, once you are in a V, or especially when Simon was her FWB, you try out a lot of kinks without really planning to.

Just some ideas to clarify your feelings. I don't see any major problems with the situation here. You don't seem to be miserable or in a terrible situation.

No, I agree with all of that.

Thank you.

 

[DevonUK]

Oh, not a great look on the integrity front.

No, he never cheated on his ex-wife, as far as I know. They divorced and we randomly bumped into him through mutual friends shortly after.

Was the cheating the cause of the divorce?

No.

Is he dating others now?

No.

Is he heterosexual, as far as you know?

Yes.

Are you saying it’s not really concerning enough to schedule or suggest having a chat? It’s bothered you enough to find an Internet forum, but not enough to seek out clarification within your own dynamic, sooner than later?

No, we have and do chat about it. It is just unusual enough, and I am unsure of my feelings, so I thought this might be helpful (and interesting for others).

So when you say they’ve been talking about cucking for ages, you mean actually developing plans or targets?

I think a mix of pillow talk and a bit of 'soft' planning.

This didn’t just come out of the blue for you?

No, I was aware they were talking about it for ages.

You’ve been informed along the way?

Yes.

When were you informed she'd sucked this other guy off, before or after she did it?

I knew it was building up to it, and was told shortly after.

In some respects, her swallowing another man's semen was much more unsettling then the sex a little while later. I can't explain why. I know she always swallows Simon's, but I did have a very rare moment of jealousy when I heard that.

I’m just curious how one shares that news with their spouse. Is it a fun naughty little secret, or is it sort of current events? "Swung by Nigel's place, and ended up sucking him off as part of cuck thing for/with Simon"?

It was more or less exactly that, except it was a bit more spontaneous, few drinks, bit of a gathering later at mutual friends, and they snuck off to a quiet corner.

When you say "We’ve never done that," you mean the cucking thing, or the "Stop, I don’t want this"?

The cuck thing. We have pulled back from stuff in the past which was going a bit far. No problems at all.

 

[DevonUK]

So, just to update. Emma is staying with Simon for Easter and I have taken the kids to my parents.

She has cucked him a few times, with the same guy, since I last posted. I think this weekend she and the other guy will spend the night in her and Simon's bed, while Simon sleeps in the spare room.

 

[dingedheart]

No, he never cheated on his ex-wife, as far as I know. They divorced and we randomly bumped into him through mutual friends shortly after.

Sorry for the confusion, but my question in post #8 was: was he married in the prior go-round with your wife? If he was married during that time, was their marriage open? NO. And there was no cheating? I don’t get it. Something isn't tracking here.

No, we have and do chat about it. It is just unusual enough, and I am unsure of my feelings, so I thought this might be helpful (and interesting for others).

Makes sense. Good for you.

No, I was aware they were talking about it for ages.

Could the pace or speed in which this new phase has presented be part of your discomfort? Now the next new hurdle will come faster?

I knew it was building up to it, and was told shortly after.

So you were never blindsided by anything. You knew a sexual encounter was going to occur; the how, what, when, where were to be determined?

In some respects, her swallowing another man's semen was much more unsettling then the sex a little while later. I can't explain why. I know she always swallows Simon's, but I did have a very rare moment of jealousy when I heard that.

Momentary is good. Maybe that’s an area of TMI for you. Maybe she stop sharing with you about all the loads she’s swallowing.

It was more or less exactly that, except it was a bit more spontaneous, few drinks, a bit of a gathering later at mutual friends,' and they snuck off to a quiet corner.

With 2 kids under 10, do you have domestic help, or does her job allow for more social stuff? I’m not judging. I just wonder how she has the time

Are you “out“ to your parents about her electing to spend Easter with Simon and the new guy?

 

[DevonUK]

Sorry for the confusion, but my question in post #8 was: was he married in the prior go-round with your wife? If he was married during that time, was their marriage open? NO. And there was no cheating. I don’t get it. Something is not tracking here.

Sorry if has been confusing. I'm not sure the details are too important, but:

Emma and I met when I lived in London and she lived in Leeds, where she also had a FWB, Simon.
I moved to Leeds, and Emma and I got more serious, but Simon remained a FWB, for a while.
Simon met someone, Chloe, and got married.
Emma and I got married. The marriage was not open and there was no infidelity.
Simon got divorced shortly after his marriage fell apart for complex reasons, unrelated to the issues here.
Emma and I bumped in to Simon a few years later.
Emma and Simon started dating.
None of us ever see Chloe and I don't think I have ever met her.

With 2 kids under 10, do you have domestic help, or does her job allow for more social stuff? I’m not judging. I just wonder how she has the time.

Yeah, we have a housekeeper/nanny and gardener. It's just that weekends are sometimes a bit complex because of my job, and that can be unpredictable. She also has the cliche of a personal trainer who comes to the house. It would be the cliche affair, except I am positive that isn't happening, unlike most of my friends' wives!

ARE you “out“ to your parents about her electing to spend Easter with Simon and new guy?

Yeah, both parents on both sides know about Simon, but not about the cuck affair.

 

[DevonUK]

Momentary is good Maybe that’s an area of TMI for you. Maybe she should stop sharing with you about all the loads she’s swallowing.

This is something I was surprised about. When Simon was her FWB, we had to be fairly open about the biological aspects. Like, she would tell me if Simon had cum inside her before we had sex, not that it mattered too much, but it seemed sort of something that I should know. I have never previously been bothered, but I was about this.

 

[dingedheart]

Sorry if has been confusing. I'm not sure the details are too important, but:

The reason I asked was to gett his/their experience level in open relationships.

Emma and I met when I lived in London and she lived in Leeds, where she also had a FWB, Simon.
I moved to Leeds, and Emma and I got more serious, but Simon remained a FWB, for a while.
Simon met someone, Chloe, and got married.

So the FWB thing ended when he met Chloe, or after they got married?

Yeah, we have a housekeeper/nanny and gardener. It's just that weekends are sometimes a bit complex because of my job, and that can be unpredictable. She also has the cliche of a personal trainer who comes to the house. It would be the cliche affair, except I am positive that isn't happening, unlike most of my friends' wives!

Maybe it’s too cliche to be fun or a personal trainer with a mono streak.

Yeah, both parents on both sides know about Simon, but not about the cuck affair.

How were the Easter festivities? Do you guys do the dying of eggs and Easter egg hunts, baskets, etc.? I live in the Midwest of the USA, and it's pretty hard to hide eggs and baskets with snow on the ground.

 

[dingedheart]

This is something I was surprised about. When Simon was her FWB, we had to be fairly open about the biological aspects. Like, she would tell me if Simon had cum inside her before we had sex, not that it mattered too much, but it seemed sort of something that I should know. I have never previously been bothered, but I was about this.

A couple things came to mind on this topic:
1) Lots of guys (husbands) have told stories in which their wife was willing to do or try something they had shut down with their husband. It could nonsexual stuff, like hiking or camping, or sexual, like swallowing and anal.
2) Could it be because of the kink nature of the set-up, and her willingness to swallow his load, she is sending a loud and clear message that nothing is off the table?
3) Do you think there’s some kind of implied or inferred status that this guy hasn't earned?
4) Some guys have reported a kind of ick factor regarding the swallowing thing. Blowjobs are okay, but swallowing the load is a bit too far. Some of those guy reported it killing off their desire for any kind of serious make-out sessions. Not sure if any of those guy hung around long enough for a long-term resolution. Definitely a hiccup for some.

 

[nks]

Hi, thank you for sharing your story. It seems you have a satisfying relationship and a good arrangement so far. I sense, correct me if I'm wrong, that you feel that you are a bit left out and perhaps a bit put off by not being considered more, that you don't have more weight in the V. You have previously agreed with your wife that a cuck lifestyle was not for you, and yet Simon and your wife decide to do it anyway. I feel what is behind your unease is a fear of losing control and a right to say no when you feel it is going too far.

As someone who is interested in cuckolding and the hotwife lifestyle, I sense that you are already a little bit there. Perhaps, because you are so understanding, your wife feels she can have the autonomy to decide and she is not aware that this crosses a slight boudnary on your part.

Again, she is probably tempted to be a hotwife. Hotwifing can be very rewarding for a married couple, but parts of it can also be quite worrying for the husband because it means that the wife is in control and the cuck needs to let her do what she wants. It can be a bit unsettling and you need a lot of trust. This is a new situation, so at first it might be rough.

I wonder however about the main reason you are reluctant to try being a cuck. Is it worrying because it is too risky? You would prefer boundaries? Too many men? Too much uncertainty? Or is it rather the humiliation aspect?

For me, the cuck aspect feels good because the wife has control and she can decide what to do. I love my wife, so her sex life and romances are something I want to support. We are currently not in a cuck-hotwife relationship, but my wife can get quite wild when she gets too much into someone, so I understand the fear. And my wife is not too big on condoms, so there are a lot of worry about that too. Your situation is complicated because you are not the only one in the relationship.

I feel that if this goes ahead then perhaps you also need to embrace a cuck role. Can you tell me what is it that you might like about being in such a role, and what turns you off?