LostInTranslation
New member
Hello everyone, new here … and quite lost in the new-to-me situation, hence seeking advice or at least a comment from someone with a greater experience that could look at my situation from a different perspective. Please bear in mind that English is not my first language, so my appologies for any flaws in the text below.
My situation is somewhat unusual (at least that is what I think). I am 46 years old and in a very happy marriage with my wife A. (39) for nearly 13 years. We have two wonderful daughters. We have known each other for over 15 years. For the whole life together we were very close to my wife’s sister C. and her family (she has 2 children in a very similair age to ours). During all these years we spent most of the weekends and almost all vacation trips together and always got along very well, basically great deal of all our free time we were together.
Almost three years ago C’s marriage felt apart (in a quite nasty way) and she had a very difficult time. My wife and I helped her quite significantly to get through the process and it seems like she got over it by now. During that time we spent lot more time together, she was staying with her kids in our house, we stayed at her’s from time to time, all without any intimate relation. Actually this is an ongoing scenario. Few times we went on vacation together (two sisters and I), they even made fun of it, that we were regarded as 2+1 family by others and made jokes thay I have two wifes, although nothing intimate happend. Now we are planning another trip in the same manner.
Now comes the difficult part for me. For all theses years I had a very good connection with my wife’s sister (friendly/close but without any intimate connotation, or maybe I did not recognize the growing feeling in me), but when she was happy in her marriage I did not even think to try to get closer with her and probably even considered this „inappropriate”.
In the last few months (or maybe over a year) I started to realize that what I feel is somewhat different, and I could not recognize it (or even denied it). What I finally accepted is that my feelings towards C. are much deeper than I thought. At the same time I still have a great and unique connection with my wife, I love her deeply feel great with her, we share same passions, joke a lot and hardly ever argue about anything, our minds work very much alike to the point that in many aspects we dont even have to use words to know what the other is thinking (maybe except for this situation). Now I find that quite similair connection develops with my SIL. Because all of that I am very afraid to hurt any of them. At first I thought it is very wrong (and tried to push the feeling towards C. away, but the more I tried the more difficult it was, although I tried to hide it the best I could since I thought that she was very vournelable at that time). In terms of my behaviour I did not reveal any of these to neither of the sisters, trying to act as „normal” as possible, despite the fact that things were gradually changing (at least from my perspective) and in the past couple of months C. and I „accidently” touched our hands and exchanged deep looks in our eyes like never before (or maybe I am just imagining things) and that may have given me the wrong impression. My wife saw that few times, but did not react in any way. The reason I did not open to any of them is because I am really afraid, that if I got all the signals wrong I may ruin the whole connection that is between us. At this time I am struggling with my feelings by myself, trying to define them as accurately as possible. Currently there is no sexual aspect that I would be aware of to what I feel towards C. but the best moments are when I am able to spent time with both of them… since most of the time I am close to my wife I find myself longing for moments that I can be close to C. as well…
One very important part to this equation is that C. is my wife’s twin sister, which makes the whole situation even more awkward, although I believe I did not choose how I feel. The fact that they are twins also means that the bond beetween them is stronger that any of them will ever have with me, which makes things even more difficult, since I dont want to jeopardize wellbeing of my family and my children in case that I would not be properly understood (I am really questioning my attitude and actually I feel dishonest to both of them at the moment).
Looking forward to your comments and possibly words of advice.
Best wishes.
My situation is somewhat unusual (at least that is what I think). I am 46 years old and in a very happy marriage with my wife A. (39) for nearly 13 years. We have two wonderful daughters. We have known each other for over 15 years. For the whole life together we were very close to my wife’s sister C. and her family (she has 2 children in a very similair age to ours). During all these years we spent most of the weekends and almost all vacation trips together and always got along very well, basically great deal of all our free time we were together.
Almost three years ago C’s marriage felt apart (in a quite nasty way) and she had a very difficult time. My wife and I helped her quite significantly to get through the process and it seems like she got over it by now. During that time we spent lot more time together, she was staying with her kids in our house, we stayed at her’s from time to time, all without any intimate relation. Actually this is an ongoing scenario. Few times we went on vacation together (two sisters and I), they even made fun of it, that we were regarded as 2+1 family by others and made jokes thay I have two wifes, although nothing intimate happend. Now we are planning another trip in the same manner.
Now comes the difficult part for me. For all theses years I had a very good connection with my wife’s sister (friendly/close but without any intimate connotation, or maybe I did not recognize the growing feeling in me), but when she was happy in her marriage I did not even think to try to get closer with her and probably even considered this „inappropriate”.
In the last few months (or maybe over a year) I started to realize that what I feel is somewhat different, and I could not recognize it (or even denied it). What I finally accepted is that my feelings towards C. are much deeper than I thought. At the same time I still have a great and unique connection with my wife, I love her deeply feel great with her, we share same passions, joke a lot and hardly ever argue about anything, our minds work very much alike to the point that in many aspects we dont even have to use words to know what the other is thinking (maybe except for this situation). Now I find that quite similair connection develops with my SIL. Because all of that I am very afraid to hurt any of them. At first I thought it is very wrong (and tried to push the feeling towards C. away, but the more I tried the more difficult it was, although I tried to hide it the best I could since I thought that she was very vournelable at that time). In terms of my behaviour I did not reveal any of these to neither of the sisters, trying to act as „normal” as possible, despite the fact that things were gradually changing (at least from my perspective) and in the past couple of months C. and I „accidently” touched our hands and exchanged deep looks in our eyes like never before (or maybe I am just imagining things) and that may have given me the wrong impression. My wife saw that few times, but did not react in any way. The reason I did not open to any of them is because I am really afraid, that if I got all the signals wrong I may ruin the whole connection that is between us. At this time I am struggling with my feelings by myself, trying to define them as accurately as possible. Currently there is no sexual aspect that I would be aware of to what I feel towards C. but the best moments are when I am able to spent time with both of them… since most of the time I am close to my wife I find myself longing for moments that I can be close to C. as well…
One very important part to this equation is that C. is my wife’s twin sister, which makes the whole situation even more awkward, although I believe I did not choose how I feel. The fact that they are twins also means that the bond beetween them is stronger that any of them will ever have with me, which makes things even more difficult, since I dont want to jeopardize wellbeing of my family and my children in case that I would not be properly understood (I am really questioning my attitude and actually I feel dishonest to both of them at the moment).
Looking forward to your comments and possibly words of advice.
Best wishes.