Seeking words of advice.
My wife and I started couples counseling about 7 months ago due to issues in our poly life. After my wife gave her enthusiastic consent to both me and my gf last year (which I now realize wasn’t necessary or ethical, however, it was important for my then gf because they were friends at the time), she decided she was no longer comfortable with us dating after only a few weeks. We had all been friends for about 3 years at this point. I told her I wasn’t going to allow her to veto the relationship. She indicated that this was against an agreement we had in place. I contended we did not have a veto agreement in place.
She has since broken up with her most current bf.
Fast forward 6 months later, and my wife hates our poly therapist. She does, however, like our family therapist. The family therapist claims she is familiar with poly lifestyles. So my wife asks if we can fire our poly couples therapist and I agreed, trying to get along. Now our new therapist (former family therapist) wants me to “take a break” from my gf while we work on our issues and agreements.
I do not agree with this, for many reasons. I have stated all along that this was a “line in the sand” for me. I am not willing to hurt someone who isn’t a part of the issues we have. My gf has not done anything to my wife. Now I realize it’s different because the therapist (not my wife) is asking me to take a break. But this is something my wife has been asking for since day 1. I have some suspicions that this is something they communicated about without me being there.
So my current plan is to go to our next appointment and let them both know I won’t be taking the requested break. I am willing to forgo the next two weekends of seeing her. However, if I do this, I plan on taking the following two weekends with her. So a physical break, but not an emotional or communication one, is something I am willing to do.
Any advice is welcome. I will add there is DV on the table on her part. We separated last year for 6 months because she attacked me physically. I have moved back in to the house and am trying to work it out. I have one foot out the door at this point, but I want to give this everything I ethically can.
I am on a mobile phone so my apologies for misspellings. There is also a ton of minutia I am leaving out and I am happy to clarify anything I might be missing.
My wife and I started couples counseling about 7 months ago due to issues in our poly life. After my wife gave her enthusiastic consent to both me and my gf last year (which I now realize wasn’t necessary or ethical, however, it was important for my then gf because they were friends at the time), she decided she was no longer comfortable with us dating after only a few weeks. We had all been friends for about 3 years at this point. I told her I wasn’t going to allow her to veto the relationship. She indicated that this was against an agreement we had in place. I contended we did not have a veto agreement in place.
She has since broken up with her most current bf.
Fast forward 6 months later, and my wife hates our poly therapist. She does, however, like our family therapist. The family therapist claims she is familiar with poly lifestyles. So my wife asks if we can fire our poly couples therapist and I agreed, trying to get along. Now our new therapist (former family therapist) wants me to “take a break” from my gf while we work on our issues and agreements.
I do not agree with this, for many reasons. I have stated all along that this was a “line in the sand” for me. I am not willing to hurt someone who isn’t a part of the issues we have. My gf has not done anything to my wife. Now I realize it’s different because the therapist (not my wife) is asking me to take a break. But this is something my wife has been asking for since day 1. I have some suspicions that this is something they communicated about without me being there.
So my current plan is to go to our next appointment and let them both know I won’t be taking the requested break. I am willing to forgo the next two weekends of seeing her. However, if I do this, I plan on taking the following two weekends with her. So a physical break, but not an emotional or communication one, is something I am willing to do.
Any advice is welcome. I will add there is DV on the table on her part. We separated last year for 6 months because she attacked me physically. I have moved back in to the house and am trying to work it out. I have one foot out the door at this point, but I want to give this everything I ethically can.
I am on a mobile phone so my apologies for misspellings. There is also a ton of minutia I am leaving out and I am happy to clarify anything I might be missing.