Thanks for the confidence booster redYou have to be hung for starters. No one is going to take orders from an average penis.
You have to be hung for starters. No one is going to take orders from an average penis.
So I'm naturally a take charge kinda guy at work and socially, but naturally pretty laid back really. Never done any kind of BDSM. It's been requested I learn... What's the best sources. YT and Google sucked.
TELL ME NOW!
That's me, "trying", see I know nothing
-Grant
It’s not about “bennies” nor endowment no matter how crudely you might put it. It’s a relationship - for lack of a better analogy, when done properly it’s a dance. Yes, the Dom leads and the submissive follows - but the submissive chooses to follow because they trust the Dom. It’s about trust more than anything, but chemistry is part of it too.Well that’s good to hear. I thot it was a penis size thing. What’s the bennies of being a dom?
I mostly agree with everything you said (though I desperately want to move evilmonk.org into a website design that's of this century, let alone this decade). and I want to 100% reiterate that porn is NOT where you want to learn about this stuff (I've talked to more women who have dealt with dudes trying to pull actually dangerous shit they saw in porn as though it was a normal part of vanilla sex - choking anyone? - without even discussing it beforehand because they saw it happen in porn...) Philosophically, though, I somewhat disagree with your characterization of RACK vs SSC, and here's why:One last little tidbit I will give you. Spend some time delving into the two different BDSM "formats". There is SSC or Safe, Sane and Consensual as well as RACK or Risk Aware Consensual Kink. The latter is the riskier, more extreme version that tends to deal a lot more in scenes that include things that SSC folks will not touch, such as blood play and more extreme medical play. SSC tends to follow a line that everything is all in good fun if everyone agrees beforehand and nobody walks away with any marks that will not go away in a couple days.
Having a type A personality in your vanilla life does not make you an instant match for a great Dom. In my experience it is more of a hurdle.
Arguably I'd say people who want to be in relationships, kinky or not, need to hone this skill - IMO it's what takes even vanilla sex from "good" to OMG", and there are a lot of people that think just "learning moves", Cosmo-article-style will make you a deity in bed and that's just not true.There are also nuances when the d-type is also a sadist, but either way, the ability to read your partner (body language, facial expression, sound) is of utmost importance. D-types of any flavour really need to hone this skill.
icesong,I mostly agree with everything you said (though I desperately want to move evilmonk.org into a website design that's of this century, let alone this decade). and I want to 100% reiterate that porn is NOT where you want to learn about this stuff (I've talked to more women who have dealt with dudes trying to pull actually dangerous shit they saw in porn as though it was a normal part of vanilla sex - choking anyone? - without even discussing it beforehand because they saw it happen in porn...) Philosophically, though, I somewhat disagree with your characterization of RACK vs SSC, and here's why:
Realistically, nothing is *ever* completely safe. Not kink, not vanilla sex, not even getting in the car on the way to a date. Yet, we choose to take these risks all the time because the potential rewards and benefits are judged to be more important than the risk of an adverse event combined with the likelihood of it happening. I'd like to think we are aware of these risks though I think we ignore them often - I mean, how often do you REALLY calculate the likelihood of having a car accident, right?
So calling kink "safe" is... disingenuous at best - and quite frankly not what I *want* out of my kink. I'm not into anything particularly extreme, no, but that sense of "something unexpectedly bad could happen" is the thing kink shares with rollercoasters, y'know? I'd FAR rather be aware of how likely that thing is... Thus, RACK and not SSC.
What made you think a poly board was a good place to ask for a crash course on how to be a Dom? Didn't Fetlife pop up in your search?So I'm naturally a take charge kinda guy at work and socially, but naturally pretty laid back really. Never done any kind of BDSM. It's been requested I learn... What's the best sources. YT and Google sucked.
TELL ME NOW!
That's me, "trying", see I know nothing
-Grant
Given that a lot of us mention kink in various other entries, it might make sense that we would have curated recommendations rather than the randomness that is Fetlife… not to mention the part where the ads can be kind of…off-putting at best.What made you think a poly board was a good place to ask for a crash course on how to be a Dom? Didn't Fetlife pop up in your search?