Everything About Rooster
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Rooster
Member
The coolest thing I'm doing is entering the contest at the casino (not expecting to win but still fun to enter). Also taking the kids to the zoo trick or treat party where they set up stations throughout the zoo with mini games and stuff. We will be going to a party at the local micro brewery if we get a sitter.
Ostrich
Active member
Rooster,
I read through your posts, and there a lot of similarities between your situation and what I went through with DAG. Even similar views on sex. I can do one night stands, but DAG needs an emotional connection to someone before he can have sex. Also, I went through a long period of not having a sex drive, which really negatively impacted our relationship and was one of the reasons DAG wanted to step outside of our relationship and explore a pleasure (kink).
As far as metas, it took forever for DAG to convince me that I needed his partner's phone numbers. I didn't want them because I didn't see a need to be connected to them. Only when he mentioned their use in an emergency did I get the point. Begrudgingly, I took the numbers and later regretted it. I was being sucked into their text conversations and wanted nothing to do with it. Which is why I now have a boundary about contact info.
It's good to know you found someone outside of your relationship to speak with (the gay colleague). There were things I refused to bring up with DAG, because I felt he had a bias towards Bruiser and Fisticuffs, but I felt free to talk to my other friends, as I felt they were honest brokers.
The one thing that hit home with me from your post is about your fear of KC loving someone more than she loves you. I think (I have no proof) this is the biggest reason why people have a hard time in adopting a poly lifestyle. I hate to say this, but you have no control over how she feels towards anybody. What gave me comfort was that DAG always came home. He never stayed overnight with either of his partners. He told me several times I am his one and only, and I accepted it as truth. That reinforcement helped me work through my jealousy and eventually realize that I was feeling envy more than jealousy. Now I see envy as a good emotion as it motivates me learn more about DAG, his dreams and wants.
Keep posting! It's great for processing all sorts of stuff and the people on this board have been very helpful and understanding.
I read through your posts, and there a lot of similarities between your situation and what I went through with DAG. Even similar views on sex. I can do one night stands, but DAG needs an emotional connection to someone before he can have sex. Also, I went through a long period of not having a sex drive, which really negatively impacted our relationship and was one of the reasons DAG wanted to step outside of our relationship and explore a pleasure (kink).
As far as metas, it took forever for DAG to convince me that I needed his partner's phone numbers. I didn't want them because I didn't see a need to be connected to them. Only when he mentioned their use in an emergency did I get the point. Begrudgingly, I took the numbers and later regretted it. I was being sucked into their text conversations and wanted nothing to do with it. Which is why I now have a boundary about contact info.
It's good to know you found someone outside of your relationship to speak with (the gay colleague). There were things I refused to bring up with DAG, because I felt he had a bias towards Bruiser and Fisticuffs, but I felt free to talk to my other friends, as I felt they were honest brokers.
The one thing that hit home with me from your post is about your fear of KC loving someone more than she loves you. I think (I have no proof) this is the biggest reason why people have a hard time in adopting a poly lifestyle. I hate to say this, but you have no control over how she feels towards anybody. What gave me comfort was that DAG always came home. He never stayed overnight with either of his partners. He told me several times I am his one and only, and I accepted it as truth. That reinforcement helped me work through my jealousy and eventually realize that I was feeling envy more than jealousy. Now I see envy as a good emotion as it motivates me learn more about DAG, his dreams and wants.
Keep posting! It's great for processing all sorts of stuff and the people on this board have been very helpful and understanding.
Rooster
Member
Ok so, KC is planning her first 2 night stay with Jem. Therefore this time we have to work out more details than "you going out tonight?". Throughout the planning and discussion I found myself getting sick of using the term "your girlfriend" and I let a backhanded statement slip out. I said "so if your staying two nights you must be at THAT LEVEL". She froze for about 10 seconds just staring at me. I was bracing for an outburst, but then she just kept on with the conversation as if it never happened.
So that was on Friday and she stayed with Jem Saturday night. Before she left though I told her I didn't think it was fair that Jem gets to know my name and I can't know hers. It felt childish to say "it's not fair" but that's just how I felt from the gut.
Then on Sunday KC went into town to do some shopping and I was on the computer checking on a loan for a car (witch we did not purchase) and I got a text FROM JEM!
It said "hi [my name] this is [her name],you know who I am, please add me to your contact list.
It made a shiver go down my neck and then it literally felt like there were 100 rubber bands wrapped around my torso and one by one they were breaking and falling off. I've never felt anything like that from such a seemingly benine text, but to me it was huge. I now understand the saying "taking a weight off my chest" because it physically felt like that.
I responded "will do, thank you" and that was all the communication I've ever had with her but now I feel a lot better.
As soon as KC got home I started helping her put groceries away and she noticed I was smiling. She asked "what's so funny?"
Me: nothing
KC: she texted you didn't she?
Me: she sure did
KC: it's only for emergencies
Me: can I look for her Facebook?
KC: you won't find it, she uses a different name....no don't.
Me: ok fair enough
Now all of this relates to another situation that I will have to write about at a later time, but ever since Sunday I've felt much more comfortable about my wife and Jem being together.
So that was on Friday and she stayed with Jem Saturday night. Before she left though I told her I didn't think it was fair that Jem gets to know my name and I can't know hers. It felt childish to say "it's not fair" but that's just how I felt from the gut.
Then on Sunday KC went into town to do some shopping and I was on the computer checking on a loan for a car (witch we did not purchase) and I got a text FROM JEM!
It said "hi [my name] this is [her name],you know who I am, please add me to your contact list.
It made a shiver go down my neck and then it literally felt like there were 100 rubber bands wrapped around my torso and one by one they were breaking and falling off. I've never felt anything like that from such a seemingly benine text, but to me it was huge. I now understand the saying "taking a weight off my chest" because it physically felt like that.
I responded "will do, thank you" and that was all the communication I've ever had with her but now I feel a lot better.
As soon as KC got home I started helping her put groceries away and she noticed I was smiling. She asked "what's so funny?"
Me: nothing
KC: she texted you didn't she?
Me: she sure did
KC: it's only for emergencies
Me: can I look for her Facebook?
KC: you won't find it, she uses a different name....no don't.
Me: ok fair enough
Now all of this relates to another situation that I will have to write about at a later time, but ever since Sunday I've felt much more comfortable about my wife and Jem being together.
Rooster
Member
It's just to big of a coincidence that we were both typing about this at the same time, THE UNIVERSE IS WATCHING US!!
Edit: and we are both birds
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Rooster
Member
I don't even know where to start tonight. I got a call from the heath department, my son was exposed and now has to quarantine. He was suppose to go on a field trip next week that I already paid for but it looks like the earliest he can go back is Wednesday if he tests negative and I have to wait till Monday to get him tested.
KC still has profiles active on some dating apps and sometimes she will have several new "potential matches" or notifications. There was a time when I felt like she has me, she has Jem, isn't that enough? but I don't think that way anymore. So sometimes she will swipe through right in front of me and the other night one of my first girlfriends (from way before I met KC) showed up as a potential match on her notifications! She said "oh honey look its your old friend". Now normally that wouldn't be scary, but in this case KC thinks my "old friend" was only a friend and has no idea how intimate we were at one time. Not that I was keeping it a secret it just never came up. So I asked if she was going to respond and luckily KC said no way. KC seems to dislike her enough that she would be upset with me if she found out we were ever together.
Still waiting on more costume items to arrive, I need the torso so I can try to attach the tail. I hope I can handle walking in the boots. I have a tracking number on those and they left China, still not stateside yet. Wings are coming from Russia and no tracing on that order. I sure hope everything gets here in time.
Strangely I've felt like I'm living out the movie "The Truman Show", there have just been so many times I've felt like everyone can read my mind. It's not paranoia its just that things have unusually been falling into place at the right times lately.
KC still has profiles active on some dating apps and sometimes she will have several new "potential matches" or notifications. There was a time when I felt like she has me, she has Jem, isn't that enough? but I don't think that way anymore. So sometimes she will swipe through right in front of me and the other night one of my first girlfriends (from way before I met KC) showed up as a potential match on her notifications! She said "oh honey look its your old friend". Now normally that wouldn't be scary, but in this case KC thinks my "old friend" was only a friend and has no idea how intimate we were at one time. Not that I was keeping it a secret it just never came up. So I asked if she was going to respond and luckily KC said no way. KC seems to dislike her enough that she would be upset with me if she found out we were ever together.
Still waiting on more costume items to arrive, I need the torso so I can try to attach the tail. I hope I can handle walking in the boots. I have a tracking number on those and they left China, still not stateside yet. Wings are coming from Russia and no tracing on that order. I sure hope everything gets here in time.
Strangely I've felt like I'm living out the movie "The Truman Show", there have just been so many times I've felt like everyone can read my mind. It's not paranoia its just that things have unusually been falling into place at the right times lately.
Rooster
Member
Well, Sunday October 17th marks the day KC came home, took off Jems pendant, and set it on the counter top. Like WTF! Things seemed to be going better than they ever have and now out of the blue it all blows up?
They just had 2 whole days together. KC left Friday night, was gone all of Saturday, came home today (Sunday), took off the pendant, took a shower, went to bed, and fell asleep until I woke her up this afternoon.
She is miserable, I didn't know what to do. I took her and the kids to the pumpkin patch where we picked out a wagon full for Halloween. Then we went and walked a nature trail. It seemed to help a little bit but she still went right back to bed after dinner.
I have to work a 12 hour shift in the morning so I won't even be available for her. I'm just stunned. I was so excited because my costume wings arrived and I really wanted to show her and then all the excitement was crushed.
They just had 2 whole days together. KC left Friday night, was gone all of Saturday, came home today (Sunday), took off the pendant, took a shower, went to bed, and fell asleep until I woke her up this afternoon.
She is miserable, I didn't know what to do. I took her and the kids to the pumpkin patch where we picked out a wagon full for Halloween. Then we went and walked a nature trail. It seemed to help a little bit but she still went right back to bed after dinner.
I have to work a 12 hour shift in the morning so I won't even be available for her. I'm just stunned. I was so excited because my costume wings arrived and I really wanted to show her and then all the excitement was crushed.
Mourning a relationship while still in another one is one of the strangest places I've ever been. So was supporting a partner through their own breakup. (Doing both at the same time is even more not something I recommend but that's another story for another time.) I'm not sure I have advice, since it sounds like your wife isn't gonna be the sort to process out loud with you. If she was, I'd have all sorts of advice about supporting while maintaining your own boundaries so it wasn't just totally TMI.
As for the "out of the blue" thing? If I had to guess (not _actually_ knowing any of the people in this situation) the story I'd place on this is that Jem hit a point where she couldn't deal with KC being married anymore, and the two full days together was enough to emphasize that fact. I'm picturing her thinking "this is amazing but I will never have this full time so I'm going to end it here before I hurt even more". It's a guess, it's one possible story, but... maybe a useful one?
As for the "out of the blue" thing? If I had to guess (not _actually_ knowing any of the people in this situation) the story I'd place on this is that Jem hit a point where she couldn't deal with KC being married anymore, and the two full days together was enough to emphasize that fact. I'm picturing her thinking "this is amazing but I will never have this full time so I'm going to end it here before I hurt even more". It's a guess, it's one possible story, but... maybe a useful one?
Ostrich
Active member
I'll not hijack this thread to make it about me, so I will post this on my blog. icesong brings up something that I have been wrestling with for some time. Look for it over there.
Rooster, your weekend sounds like it was tough, and I feel for you. I've been in KC's shoes where I just shut down and rough it out on my own. It sounds like my bouts of depression where I cut everyone out for a few days before I 'recover'. My only advice is to be there for her, but give her some space. It really sucks, but that's what's worked for me in the past.
Please keep us posted!
Rooster
Member
Yea I suppose it's not "out of the blue", I mean I saw it coming, I even blogged about it. But it just feels like this happened right during a high point, it felt (from my end) like things were improving and then BAM. It's like I was ready for it until it actually happened. Now I just don't know what direction the future is headed.
Thank you, I will.
I apologize for the shoddy inconsistent response but my head is just not "in it" right now.
Rooster
Member
When I went to work on Monday Grey took one glance at me and could instantly tell something was wrong. I wish I had that good of an ability to read people.
On Wednesday KC finally started to open up, and on Thursday we had some long serious discussions about our relationship model and other related stuff. I deleted Jems number as soon as KC asked me to.
There is a bit of relief knowing that my wife is not going to leave me for another women (this time). But the fear of her leaving me has not been strong or even happened in a long time.
I believe KC is going to stop perusing outside relationships for the time being. She is going to let things cool down for a while (maybe forever). Neither one of us really expected things to be this difficult.
I’ve had thoughts and feelings of;
“This would be so much easier if she wasn’t so demi”.
“This would be so much easier if the [outside of the mainstream] dating pool wasn’t so limited around here”. Perhaps if we lived in a more urban area partners wouldn’t have to “settle” for what they can get, or “tolerate” things they aren’t actually comfortable with.
“This would be so much easier if it wasn’t such a one-sided deal”.
But at the end of the day none of that really even matters. In short what it comes down to is that ideas are a lot easier than reality. If things ever start back up at least we will have a little better understanding of what to expect, and what the other party deserves. But until then I just hope that I can be enough for her.
On Wednesday KC finally started to open up, and on Thursday we had some long serious discussions about our relationship model and other related stuff. I deleted Jems number as soon as KC asked me to.
There is a bit of relief knowing that my wife is not going to leave me for another women (this time). But the fear of her leaving me has not been strong or even happened in a long time.
I believe KC is going to stop perusing outside relationships for the time being. She is going to let things cool down for a while (maybe forever). Neither one of us really expected things to be this difficult.
I’ve had thoughts and feelings of;
“This would be so much easier if she wasn’t so demi”.
“This would be so much easier if the [outside of the mainstream] dating pool wasn’t so limited around here”. Perhaps if we lived in a more urban area partners wouldn’t have to “settle” for what they can get, or “tolerate” things they aren’t actually comfortable with.
“This would be so much easier if it wasn’t such a one-sided deal”.
But at the end of the day none of that really even matters. In short what it comes down to is that ideas are a lot easier than reality. If things ever start back up at least we will have a little better understanding of what to expect, and what the other party deserves. But until then I just hope that I can be enough for her.
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I feel for you. I absolutely hate this part of poly, the relationship run-off as I call it. But realistically, it's unavoidable.
Years ago, I had a bad ending to a relationship, and I remember being out on a date with my husband and being completely unable to focus on him while texting back-and-forth with her. I was not a good partner during that breakup, I just couldn't compartmentalize. I feel terrible for putting my (now ex-) husband who didn't want to be poly in the first place through that.
More recently, my boyfriend's secondary dumped him, and I was crushed when he cancelled plans with me so he could "process," and I got all anxious because she was a known entity (undemanding of his time and attention, not a cowgirl) I started thinking, yeah but what about the next woman he dates? I got so upset I dumped him too, sure in the midst of my anxiety and hurt that I could not do poly with him a second longer (I took it back the next day, but still....)
I applaud how compassionate you're being, and I bet you look wonderful in your wings.
Rooster
Member
Ok so I didn't get all the pieces for the costume, boots and chest still have not arrived so I added some chain and red LEDs to some old work boots.
Unfortunately the tail is hidden in this picture but it is there. Just a little bit more "tuning" and I'll be ready for this weekend.
When I was working on the costume I went into a drawer looking for fabric witch is also the drawer we keep our adult toys in. I haven't had a reason to open it in weeks. So while I was searching for costume parts I noticed there were some new items in the drawer, a lot of new toys. She stocked up but didn't tell me, it's all still sealed in packaging or looks unused. So now I don't know if this is stuff she brought home from Jems place, or new things she wants to try. I dropped the hint that I knew about the added items, she acknowledged me but didn't go any further. I tried to get her talk more but she didn't want to, so now I have that lingering question on my mind.
Other than that things have been good lately. We did a lot of family activities, went to the best haunted house I've ever seen. KC got me an awesome gift. Work has been less awful.
Unfortunately the tail is hidden in this picture but it is there. Just a little bit more "tuning" and I'll be ready for this weekend.
When I was working on the costume I went into a drawer looking for fabric witch is also the drawer we keep our adult toys in. I haven't had a reason to open it in weeks. So while I was searching for costume parts I noticed there were some new items in the drawer, a lot of new toys. She stocked up but didn't tell me, it's all still sealed in packaging or looks unused. So now I don't know if this is stuff she brought home from Jems place, or new things she wants to try. I dropped the hint that I knew about the added items, she acknowledged me but didn't go any further. I tried to get her talk more but she didn't want to, so now I have that lingering question on my mind.
Other than that things have been good lately. We did a lot of family activities, went to the best haunted house I've ever seen. KC got me an awesome gift. Work has been less awful.
You need some shoes that look like hooves and your golden!!