People who like podcasts are WAY too fond of podcasts - I listen to exactly zero...
Everything About Rooster
- Thread starter Rooster
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People who like podcasts are WAY too fond of podcasts - I listen to exactly zero...
Haha right up there with talk radio. 100 percent agree.
Rooster
Member
I just have this horrible feeling of a storm on the horizon... I'm so uncomfortable. It's like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every scenario I play out in my mind ends badly.
I love KC more than anything. In any hypothetical situation where I need to die so she could live, then so be it. It's not even up for debate. I would sacrifice my entire existence for her or my kids.
I can't stand to see her hurting and I know it's coming. Okay, so maybe I don't know that for sure. Maybe she will be able to hide it from me. Maybe it will be a civilized split. Maybe they will be okat for a long time. But everything just feels so fragile right now.
I don't even want to post this one because it's just me freaking out some more. Why can't I just stay level? I feel like I overreact to every bump in the road and I need to just go with the flow.
Even though I don't want to post it, I still want to record it, read it back, feel it, and then deal with it. But it's been one step forward, two steps back lately. I want more forward steps.
I'm up way too late again, my battery is on critical, I probably just need some rest.
I love KC more than anything. In any hypothetical situation where I need to die so she could live, then so be it. It's not even up for debate. I would sacrifice my entire existence for her or my kids.
I can't stand to see her hurting and I know it's coming. Okay, so maybe I don't know that for sure. Maybe she will be able to hide it from me. Maybe it will be a civilized split. Maybe they will be okat for a long time. But everything just feels so fragile right now.
I don't even want to post this one because it's just me freaking out some more. Why can't I just stay level? I feel like I overreact to every bump in the road and I need to just go with the flow.
Even though I don't want to post it, I still want to record it, read it back, feel it, and then deal with it. But it's been one step forward, two steps back lately. I want more forward steps.
I'm up way too late again, my battery is on critical, I probably just need some rest.
Insightful. Coming to the party late but one of my earlier open relationships resulted in me dating a hyper sexual lesbian (yes she called herself that at the time, even though she was with me). She became involved with another woman (who I had happened to be flirting with) who was also a lesbian.
Her partner (b) really liked me but despised our involvement. Almost exclusively because of fluid bonding with a male. She was very anti penis (to the point of hating toys) so her partner (l) having sex with me was deeply offensive and effected both of their identities.
My relationship was barely a relationship. We met, sex was explosive and we basically experimented with drugs sex and rock and roll. A grand 3 month period that in part formed who I am today.
L eventually broke it off with me and B & L may still be together today (I am a cut and run kind of person so walked away)
So why the story.. you meeting and talking to your meta may not be productive. She needs to be confident in her identity and in turn her partners identity being bi.
All you can do is support KC and remain confident in her relationship with you.
For the record, I knew L and I were temporary. It was far to fiery to be long term and she would never have been able to identify as bi at that time.
Rooster
Member
I can't believe I didn't see it. All the clues were there. She never should have told me, but I can't fault her for doing it. I totally understand why she did. I need to be careful what I wish for, I just might get it. I suppose I can just chalk this up to a learning experience.
This situation would never cause me to rescind my consent and I think that could be something KC might be afraid of. When I tried to explain that to her she took it the wrong way. She felt like I should be secure enough that it shouldn't even be brought up. Maybe KC is right.
I had to go to a darker mental place before it got brighter. KC and I had to go review and sign final expenses paperwork for my dad and his wife. I have several siblings, KC has several siblings. Out of all of us, KC and I are the only "responsible" couple in the family, therefore, we aways get chosen to deal with major items like this. Once we are forced to confront our own mortality it makes us appreciate having each other here and now. Nobody on their deathbed ever said, "I wish I had spent more time at work." I feel like we need to relax and embrace the great things in life we take for granted.
When I feel disturbed I check this website at every spare chance, and I asked myself why I do that. Well, because the members here have made it the perfect "anchoring point" for my sanity. Even if you guys are giving advice to someone else, I still find comfort in just reading it and understanding that there are people out there who care, and some of you have even come right out and directly told me you care. I feel so lucky I ended up here. I wonder if I hadn't started this blog how bad a shape I would be in right now (scary).
To that point, I also began noticing there are no ads here, there is no spam here, there are no membership dues, there is no PayPal donate. How does this site afford the domain? Who do I need to thank? How does it keep going? Somebody('s) out there must be extremely generous or compassionate. To whoever they are, I genuinely appreciate it!
This situation would never cause me to rescind my consent and I think that could be something KC might be afraid of. When I tried to explain that to her she took it the wrong way. She felt like I should be secure enough that it shouldn't even be brought up. Maybe KC is right.
I had to go to a darker mental place before it got brighter. KC and I had to go review and sign final expenses paperwork for my dad and his wife. I have several siblings, KC has several siblings. Out of all of us, KC and I are the only "responsible" couple in the family, therefore, we aways get chosen to deal with major items like this. Once we are forced to confront our own mortality it makes us appreciate having each other here and now. Nobody on their deathbed ever said, "I wish I had spent more time at work." I feel like we need to relax and embrace the great things in life we take for granted.
When I feel disturbed I check this website at every spare chance, and I asked myself why I do that. Well, because the members here have made it the perfect "anchoring point" for my sanity. Even if you guys are giving advice to someone else, I still find comfort in just reading it and understanding that there are people out there who care, and some of you have even come right out and directly told me you care. I feel so lucky I ended up here. I wonder if I hadn't started this blog how bad a shape I would be in right now (scary).
To that point, I also began noticing there are no ads here, there is no spam here, there are no membership dues, there is no PayPal donate. How does this site afford the domain? Who do I need to thank? How does it keep going? Somebody('s) out there must be extremely generous or compassionate. To whoever they are, I genuinely appreciate it!
Rooster
Member
I don't want to call her "meta" anymore, it just seems dehumanizing, in a sense. She is a person and from now on I will call her Jem. Yup, like Jem and the Holograms. I just envision her as "punky" because I know KC's taste, also Jem/Gem like a pendant, and hologram --- there is an underlying meaning there as well.
Right now I have to get back to work, but I will do a more in-depth update either tonight or tomorrow night when KC goes to Jem.
Right now I have to get back to work, but I will do a more in-depth update either tonight or tomorrow night when KC goes to Jem.
Rooster
Member
The most awkward cringeworthy interaction I've ever experienced happened today between me and a coworker. I had read in another thread that ENM is very common in the gay community. Well, there is an openly gay salesman at work (Grey) and he is pretty smart too. So I decided to try and ask him what his relationship structure was like, without sounding too inappropriate.
So when no one was around I said, "Hey Grey, can I ask you some strange personal questions?" and he said yea. I told him to stop me if I was making him uncomfortable. Then I asked him if he practiced open relationships. He said "Ho no, I'm not really into that, but yea I would date a married man." I was confused, and then he said "Why, are you pursuing me?" I felt like I had accidentally led him on.
After a quick backpedal I had to explain to him that I had heard online that ENM was common in the gay community and I just wanted to discuss it. He said "Oh yea it is, but don't go online. There's so much bad information out there." Then he did eventually get me to confide in him about what was going on and why I asked. So that was the first time I've told a person face to face about the V I'm in. He was completely understanding.
I told Grey I don't know anything about Jem, his response was "NO! you don't want to! Trust me, you don't want to" and then I was like ah ha! he does have experience in this. Then he told me to just take care of myself and "grow some balls" LOL. So anyway, now I do have one IRL person who I can talk to.
At the start of this week KC was having some anxiety, blowing off steam and said, "I'm just not sure it's worth it," as in juggling 2 relationships and keeping them isolated was difficult. But that was Monday, I think, and today she was vibrantly happy, so IDK. In fact, she is out with Jem tonight hopefully having a good time. I'm just gonna keep "going with the flow", take the happy times while there here.
Our range broke on Tuesday so that was a huge distraction. We went to Lowes to pick up a new range, but when we got there they had a freestanding tub on clearance. It was the exact model we were already looking at for the back bathroom and it was too good a deal to pass up ($350 marked down from $1000). So we could not risk missing out on this deal but the van can only fit one appliance at a time. That night we grabbed the tub and bought fast food. The next night I went back by myself for the range. I waited for 45 minutes to get a salesman, then it took 20 minutes for him to locate one in stock. Once in my hands it took less than 5 minutes to pay for and load it. Got home and the new range was too wide to fit into the house, I had to remove the front door to get the 1 more inch clearance I needed. Finally now its installed and we are cooking again.
So when no one was around I said, "Hey Grey, can I ask you some strange personal questions?" and he said yea. I told him to stop me if I was making him uncomfortable. Then I asked him if he practiced open relationships. He said "Ho no, I'm not really into that, but yea I would date a married man." I was confused, and then he said "Why, are you pursuing me?" I felt like I had accidentally led him on.
After a quick backpedal I had to explain to him that I had heard online that ENM was common in the gay community and I just wanted to discuss it. He said "Oh yea it is, but don't go online. There's so much bad information out there." Then he did eventually get me to confide in him about what was going on and why I asked. So that was the first time I've told a person face to face about the V I'm in. He was completely understanding.
I told Grey I don't know anything about Jem, his response was "NO! you don't want to! Trust me, you don't want to" and then I was like ah ha! he does have experience in this. Then he told me to just take care of myself and "grow some balls" LOL. So anyway, now I do have one IRL person who I can talk to.
At the start of this week KC was having some anxiety, blowing off steam and said, "I'm just not sure it's worth it," as in juggling 2 relationships and keeping them isolated was difficult. But that was Monday, I think, and today she was vibrantly happy, so IDK. In fact, she is out with Jem tonight hopefully having a good time. I'm just gonna keep "going with the flow", take the happy times while there here.
Our range broke on Tuesday so that was a huge distraction. We went to Lowes to pick up a new range, but when we got there they had a freestanding tub on clearance. It was the exact model we were already looking at for the back bathroom and it was too good a deal to pass up ($350 marked down from $1000). So we could not risk missing out on this deal but the van can only fit one appliance at a time. That night we grabbed the tub and bought fast food. The next night I went back by myself for the range. I waited for 45 minutes to get a salesman, then it took 20 minutes for him to locate one in stock. Once in my hands it took less than 5 minutes to pay for and load it. Got home and the new range was too wide to fit into the house, I had to remove the front door to get the 1 more inch clearance I needed. Finally now its installed and we are cooking again.
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Also, yes there are books about polyamory! Lots of them. You can also check the "morethantwo" website and "practical polyamory" online.
There is a book called More Than Two and another good one called Opening Up. Ideally both of you would read up on this. You're just flying blind, it sounds like, and hoping for the best, no matter the hurt and distance and pissy behavior, as you "go with the flow." I kind of agree with your coworker about growing some balls.
There is a book called More Than Two and another good one called Opening Up. Ideally both of you would read up on this. You're just flying blind, it sounds like, and hoping for the best, no matter the hurt and distance and pissy behavior, as you "go with the flow." I kind of agree with your coworker about growing some balls.
Rooster
Member
I know about the books now but I didn't even consider it when we started out.
Rooster
Member
A while ago, right when I thought things were making sense, I realized just how much I still need to learn or discover and it became overwhelming. Now I feel like I have a much better grasp of things, which helps me get my thoughts into speakable sentences. Although you wouldn't think it from reading this jumbled mess lol.
I'm starting to feel like myself again. It sounds strange to say because, who else would I be? It's very difficult to describe... I feel like my personality is back to normal, but society seems different. It's like I'm still the same, just now there is another "section" added to life.
Also I've noticed small changes in KC's personality. After KC has been with Jem she picks up new mannerisms and uses new phrases. On top of that, she has been handling confrontation differently (better, I suppose).
For a while our timing was 180 off. Whenever she was in the mood to discuss things I just wanted to leave it alone, and vice versa.
Through selectively picking my battles I have been able to dissect some of KC's grumbling. For example, she asked if I was "still too lazy" to pursue anyone. At the time I just shrugged it off with a quick "yep," because I felt like I needed to walk on eggshells. Later on I was able to start a conversation about it and found out that my suspicions were correct.
Mainly she feels like she is getting the long end of the stick. She said "This is supposed to be a two-way street," meaning she would feel better if I was dating also. I told her this IS a two way street, I'm just parked right now. She responded "You're so fucking corny," LOL, but she understands.
I will not go out and exercise my "new freedom" just because I can. I won't do it just to appease someone. There would have to be a better reason behind it. I just reassured her that I am perfectly fine with the way things are right now and there is no reason to feel bad.
Work sux, we are so short-handed right now that I'm trying to run the department myself. I normally just turn wrenches back in my area, but lately I've had to deal with the general public (not my strong suit).
I don't have any other interesting news for this post. Life has been chugging along as normal (well, the new normal, anyway).
Lastly, I want to let everyone know (if you've been following along it should be obvious by now) tips/comments are acceptable in my blog. If you feel the urge don't be afraid to post.
I'm starting to feel like myself again. It sounds strange to say because, who else would I be? It's very difficult to describe... I feel like my personality is back to normal, but society seems different. It's like I'm still the same, just now there is another "section" added to life.
Also I've noticed small changes in KC's personality. After KC has been with Jem she picks up new mannerisms and uses new phrases. On top of that, she has been handling confrontation differently (better, I suppose).
For a while our timing was 180 off. Whenever she was in the mood to discuss things I just wanted to leave it alone, and vice versa.
Through selectively picking my battles I have been able to dissect some of KC's grumbling. For example, she asked if I was "still too lazy" to pursue anyone. At the time I just shrugged it off with a quick "yep," because I felt like I needed to walk on eggshells. Later on I was able to start a conversation about it and found out that my suspicions were correct.
Mainly she feels like she is getting the long end of the stick. She said "This is supposed to be a two-way street," meaning she would feel better if I was dating also. I told her this IS a two way street, I'm just parked right now. She responded "You're so fucking corny," LOL, but she understands.
I will not go out and exercise my "new freedom" just because I can. I won't do it just to appease someone. There would have to be a better reason behind it. I just reassured her that I am perfectly fine with the way things are right now and there is no reason to feel bad.
Work sux, we are so short-handed right now that I'm trying to run the department myself. I normally just turn wrenches back in my area, but lately I've had to deal with the general public (not my strong suit).
I don't have any other interesting news for this post. Life has been chugging along as normal (well, the new normal, anyway).
Lastly, I want to let everyone know (if you've been following along it should be obvious by now) tips/comments are acceptable in my blog. If you feel the urge don't be afraid to post.
From the sound of it you have enough other stressors that being "polysaturated" with only one partner makes total sense. I tend to think of *everything* in my life as taking up various slots - spell slots if you've ever played D&D - and if I'm choosing to prioritize other things I don't necessarily have any for "finding new people", even on a casual basis. (Actually I should write about this more in my own blog...)
under_moonlight
New member
I spit my soup (thankfully back into my bowl) laughing at this. That was a good one!
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I think the exact same way, I have timeslots available. Wife, kid (s), sports, work etc. What I have left is what I have left. I manage peoples expectations if they want to get involved with me, being a geek I call it bandwidth, but being polysaturated just ends up hurting everyone if expectations arent clear.
time management is the hardest thing in poly imo. Most of my internal struggles are because I couldn't be enough for everyone... including myself.
Rooster
Member
I'm getting excited about Halloween. Some pieces of my costume are arriving, I'm going as the devil this year.
Mask arrived.
Tail arrived.
Wings shipped.
Hands arrived.
Chest shipped.
Feet shipped.
Legs from thrift shop.
Arms from thrift shop.
Waist shipped.
This is going to be one of the best ones I've ever done!
Things have been going good lately, aside from my job I've got nothing to complain about. KC and I are scheduling which events we are going to, and she wants to do one with Jem the weekend of the 15th-16th. But the thing is, it would be their first double overnighter. If I could get someone else to take the kids for one of those days it sure would help, but it's not a deal breaker if we can't find anyone.
My daughter is going as the Scream and her costume is done. My son is building a clone trooper/dark trooper costume. I brought some foam and tubing home from work to help build it and he was so geeked. KC is going as a naughty nun and most of hers is together. Can't wait!
Mask arrived.
Tail arrived.
Wings shipped.
Hands arrived.
Chest shipped.
Feet shipped.
Legs from thrift shop.
Arms from thrift shop.
Waist shipped.
This is going to be one of the best ones I've ever done!
Things have been going good lately, aside from my job I've got nothing to complain about. KC and I are scheduling which events we are going to, and she wants to do one with Jem the weekend of the 15th-16th. But the thing is, it would be their first double overnighter. If I could get someone else to take the kids for one of those days it sure would help, but it's not a deal breaker if we can't find anyone.
My daughter is going as the Scream and her costume is done. My son is building a clone trooper/dark trooper costume. I brought some foam and tubing home from work to help build it and he was so geeked. KC is going as a naughty nun and most of hers is together. Can't wait!
Rooster
Member
Absolutely!It looks awesome! Post a pic when you're all dressed up?
Rooster
Member
It's just over $300 so far but totally worth it. Definitely going to be used several times.