Everything About Rooster

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
"You and your partner subscribe and listen to at least 3 nonmonogamous friendly podcasts? Check!"
* 0, Check!

People who like podcasts are WAY too fond of podcasts - I listen to exactly zero...
 

Rooster

Member
I just have this horrible feeling of a storm on the horizon, I'm so uncomfortable. It's like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, every sinario I play out in my mind ends badly.

I love KC more than anything. In any hypothetical situation where I need to die so she could live then so be it, it's not even up for debate. I would sacrifice my entire existence for her or my kids.

I can't stand to see her hurting and I know it's coming. Ok so maybe I don't know that for sure. Maybe she will be able to hide it from me. Maybe it will be a civilized split. Maybe they will be OK for a long time. But everything just feels so fragile right now.

I don't even want to post this one because it's just me freaking out some more, why can't I just stay level. I feel like I overreact at every bump in the road and I need to just go with the flow.

Even though I don't want to post it I still want to record it, read it back, feel it, and then deal with it. But it's been one step forward, two steps back lately. I want more forward steps.

I'm up way to late again, my battery is on critical, I probably just need some rest.
 

Ariakas

Bosun
I doubt you'd ease them because they probably aren't "concerns" - they are issues around her identity and core beliefs about who she shares sex with. By extension, she is now fluid bonded with a man through KC. This is probably very uncomfortable for her as a lesbian.
Insightful. Coming to the party late but one of my earlier open relationships resulted in me dating a hyper sexual lesbian (yes she called herself that at the time, even though she was with me). She became involved with another woman (who I had happened to be flirting with) who was also a lesbian.

Her partner (b) really liked me but despised our involvement. Almost exclusively because of fluid bonding with a male. She was very anti penis (to the point of hating toys) so her partner (l) having sex with me was deeply offensive and effected both of their identities.

My relationship was barely a relationship. We met, sex was explosive and we basically experimented with drugs sex and rock and roll. A grand 3 month period that in part formed who I am today.

L eventually broke it off with me and B & L may still be together today (I am a cut and run kind of person so walked away)

So why the story.. you meeting and talking to your meta may not be productive. She needs to be confident in her identity and in turn her partners identity being bi.

All you can do is support KC and remain confident in her relationship with you.

For the record, I knew L and I were temporary. It was far to fiery to be long term and she would never have been able to identify as bi at that time.
 

Rooster

Member
I can't believe I didn't see it, all the clues were there. She never should have told me but I can't fault her for doing it, I totally understand why she did. I need to be careful what I wish for, I just might get it. Suppose I can just chalk this up to a learning experience.

This situation would never cause me to rescind my consent and I think that could be something KC might be afraid of. When I tried to explain that to her she took it the wrong way. She felt like I should be secure enough that it shouldn't even be brought up. Maybe KC is right.

I had to go to a darker mental place before it got brighter. KC and I had to go review and sign final expenses paperwork for my dad and his wife. I have several siblings, KC has several siblings, out of all of us KC and I are the only "responsible" couple in the family. Therfore we aways get chosen to deal with major items like this. Once we are forced to confront our own mortality it makes us appreciate having each other here and now. Nobody on there death bed ever said "I wish I had spent more time at work". I feel like we need to relax and embrace the great things in life we take for granted.

When I feel disturbed I check this website at every spare chance, and I asked myself why I do that. Well because the members here have made it the perfect "anchoring point" for my sanity. Even if you guys are giving advice to someone else I still find comfort in just reading it and understanding that ther are people out there who care, and some of you have even come right out and directly told me you care. I feel so lucky I ended up here, I wonder if I hadn't started this blog how bad a shape I would be in right now (scary).

To that point I also began noticing there are no adds here, there is no spam here, there are no membership dues, ther is no PayPal donate. How dose this site afford the domain? Who do I need to thank? How does it keep going? Somebody('s) out there must be extremely generous or compassionate. To whomever they are I genuinely appreciate it!
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
The site is probably supported by one of our admins -- but I don't know which one. We have had spam in the past, but we have enough mods to discourage that now.

I hope you are feeling better, and that the situation has improved.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 

Rooster

Member
I don't want to call her "meta" anymore, it just seems dehumanizing in sense. She is a person and from now on I will call her Jem. Yup like Jem and the Hologams. I just envision her as "punky" because I know KC's taste, also Jem/Gem like a pendant, and hologram --- there is an underlying meaning there as well.

Right now I have to get back to work but I will do a more in depth update either tonight or tomorrow night when KC goes to Jem.
 
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