Few people around?
- Thread starter Tinwen
- Start date
As a total de-rail, does anyone else remember when the seasons were capitalised in sentences? Or have I just totally made that up in my head? I'm sure they were proper nouns like the months. But it's either fallen out of fashion, or never was and I was just wrong the whole time. Anyone got any old books with capitalised or non-capitalised seasons? I don't have my collection with me.
I remember being taught to capitalise seasons and compass directions (north, south, etc.) in US English, but other languages such as Greek and Polish don't even capitalize the names of months and days of the week.
Some of the old regulars believe it or not went back to being mono in practice, and others who were "active" with their strong opinions were banned or left for drunken/abusive/troll posting and/or repeatedly aggressive treatment of newbies/regular members/mod staff after being asked politely to stop several times, so that's another reason opinions have been less "diverse."
I know what happened to NYCIndie, redpepper, and some of the others, but I wonder what happened to Vinsanity. Ariakas only shows up when he isn't getting enough attention in real life, so we can assume everything is fine with him.
I know what happened to NYCIndie, redpepper, and some of the others, but I wonder what happened to Vinsanity. Ariakas only shows up when he isn't getting enough attention in real life, so we can assume everything is fine with him.
I enjoy going back years and reading old "Relationships" posts when things are slow.
There are some old members I definitely do NOT miss.
LovingRadiance went through major life changes, getting an advanced college degree, breaking up with both her husband and bf, etc.
But there are so many others who were regulars, who were intelligent and good writers, and I find them fun to read.
Vinsanity disappeared while he was trying to actively date during the pandemic, and I've always feared the worst!
There are some old members I definitely do NOT miss.
LovingRadiance went through major life changes, getting an advanced college degree, breaking up with both her husband and bf, etc.
But there are so many others who were regulars, who were intelligent and good writers, and I find them fun to read.
Vinsanity disappeared while he was trying to actively date during the pandemic, and I've always feared the worst!
Okay, this turned into reminiscing, why not.
Me personally, I remember Spork vividly. Her bdsm poly self-discovery was fun. I believe she married monogamously.
And there was, um, KC32 (I'm not sure about the number in her nick, I don't remember it) - the woman with fibromyalgia, she wrote a very detailed blog that I used to read.
I do remember Ravenscroft being banned, and while I do understand how he was being rude, when he wasn't, he had really good points.
Me personally, I remember Spork vividly. Her bdsm poly self-discovery was fun. I believe she married monogamously.
And there was, um, KC32 (I'm not sure about the number in her nick, I don't remember it) - the woman with fibromyalgia, she wrote a very detailed blog that I used to read.
I do remember Ravenscroft being banned, and while I do understand how he was being rude, when he wasn't, he had really good points.
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Al99
Well-known member
I was fairly active as a newbie in the group for a a couple of years - back before the pandemic. The pandemic changed our schedules and work routines, and I lost the time that I was spending on the group - and then later was "drafted" into an admin position into another discussion forum on much different subject matter - that takes up most of my "online time". I still drop in regularly and look around, though - and occasionally leave a post. I am always in awe of those of you who are still here - years later - devoting so much time and effort to those who drop in to pose their questions and concerns. What I learned here in those early days was very instrumental in my transition to poly.
I also recall Ravenscroft being banned. He was indeed often a bit of an ass - especially to newbies (most especially to the unicorn hunters) - but I did have some very interesting discussions with him. Vinsanity as well - I too hope for the best. I do find it interesting - but by no means surprising - that some of the regulars have chosen a mono lifestyle.
One day I will need to get around to a followup post - where we are ten years after first hearing the word "polyamory" (about 8.5 years since the actual transition, when I joined the group.) But, in a nutshell, much the same. Becky (my legal wife) is still with her second poly boyfriend - over 5 years now. Wendy ("Bouncing Betty") and I are still in our LDR - almost 8 years later - phone and text, and a long weekend once a year - but nevertheless with a real loving connection. She is now completely open and essentially runs a mini poly commune in her large home in the Pacific Northwest. And I still have a very casual relationship with my local fwb - but also with a genuine connection. (I do need to update my sig also - we are all a few years older now.
)
As to group participation in general, we've always had the Reddit "competition" - just because that's where many people go for discussion. Additionally, the FB groups continue to grow and become more popular as well. Nevertheless, the quality of intelligent poly conversation on this forum is second to none - and the site still often comes up in Google searches for poly related issues. Newbies still arrive with questions - and hopefully some of these will become regular contributors as well.
I also recall Ravenscroft being banned. He was indeed often a bit of an ass - especially to newbies (most especially to the unicorn hunters) - but I did have some very interesting discussions with him. Vinsanity as well - I too hope for the best. I do find it interesting - but by no means surprising - that some of the regulars have chosen a mono lifestyle.
One day I will need to get around to a followup post - where we are ten years after first hearing the word "polyamory" (about 8.5 years since the actual transition, when I joined the group.) But, in a nutshell, much the same. Becky (my legal wife) is still with her second poly boyfriend - over 5 years now. Wendy ("Bouncing Betty") and I are still in our LDR - almost 8 years later - phone and text, and a long weekend once a year - but nevertheless with a real loving connection. She is now completely open and essentially runs a mini poly commune in her large home in the Pacific Northwest. And I still have a very casual relationship with my local fwb - but also with a genuine connection. (I do need to update my sig also - we are all a few years older now.
) As to group participation in general, we've always had the Reddit "competition" - just because that's where many people go for discussion. Additionally, the FB groups continue to grow and become more popular as well. Nevertheless, the quality of intelligent poly conversation on this forum is second to none - and the site still often comes up in Google searches for poly related issues. Newbies still arrive with questions - and hopefully some of these will become regular contributors as well.
WhereaMi52
New member
I'm pretty new but I'm working on being as active as possible especially since I'm not exactly an extrovert.
I admit I’ve been spending a bit more time on Reddit than here lately - maybe it’s just having an app. But I think more is just … I don’t have a lot to say about polyamory these days. Like, it’s just my life, y’know?
Also it seems like we have fewer philosophical debates about poly and so everything is a lot of the same newbie questions - which, everyone has! Not bashing that, I just don’t necessarily have the energy to mentor there.
Also it seems like we have fewer philosophical debates about poly and so everything is a lot of the same newbie questions - which, everyone has! Not bashing that, I just don’t necessarily have the energy to mentor there.
I don't bother with Reddit. Are there more philosophical debates there? I tried to start one here recently and it just went nowhere...
If there are those kinds of debates there, what are some topics?
The admin team is quite active here and has pretty much arrived at one narrative/line of thinking [which I tend to also support], so I suspect people with an opposing view don't stay.
Correction, Tinwen. Our admins are ghosts. We just have three active mods overseeing things nowadays.
We don't have "one narrative/line of thinking," and polyamory.com has never had a "One Twue Poly" viewpoint.
Sure, mods, not admins!
I do realize I'm stepping on your toe again, but I do think there is a dominant line of thought here on what we consider good poly practice, with just minor variations.
As an example of valid poly that's frowned upon here, take one-penis policy. I bet there are communities which would consider it a totally valid way, and wouldn't make people to try see the light and make things fair! I could make up half a dozen convincing arguments!
I'm sure there's more, but we're just fish not seeing the water
I do realize I'm stepping on your toe again, but I do think there is a dominant line of thought here on what we consider good poly practice, with just minor variations.
As an example of valid poly that's frowned upon here, take one-penis policy. I bet there are communities which would consider it a totally valid way, and wouldn't make people to try see the light and make things fair! I could make up half a dozen convincing arguments!
I'm sure there's more, but we're just fish not seeing the water
Okay. My point is that the mods/admins have not "arrived at a dominant line of thought." This board has been around since 2009, and we've had 10s of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people stop in, some for a day, some for years. And dozens of books have been written on successful polyamorous practices in that time period. (When I started polyamory in 1999, there was one book, The Ethical Slut.) Everyone who has come through here in those 16 years has influenced the evolution of a workable way to practice polyamory. It wasn't forced on anyone by the admins or mods. We just make gentle suggestions.Sure, mods, not admins!
I do realize I'm stepping on your toe again, but I do think there is a dominant line of thought here on what we consider good poly practice, with just minor variations.
As an example of valid poly that's frowned upon here, take one-penis policy. I bet there are communities which would consider it a totally valid way, and wouldn't make people to try see the light and make things fair! I could make up half a dozen convincing arguments!
I'm sure there's more, but we're just fish not seeing the water
You could say we were the pioneers of how to do polyamory in a way that actually worked. The first founders of polyamory thought the best practice was to have a MF couple, who would recruit new lovers to come live with them, and everyone had to be romantically, preferably sexually involved with each other, resulting in a rather large household, or intentional community. Obviously hardly anyone does that anymore. It is idealistic, and not practical. It just doesn't work, in the huge majority of cases. It leads to all kinds of problems.
One-penis policies are more of an unexamined misogynistic way of doing things (in most cases). If it comes naturally, fine. If it is being imposed on a woman who would prefer two or more penises, it is coercive, which is wrong (unless there is a D/s understanding).
I guess I just bristled at the idea that the admin here has declared "one narrative/line of thinking," when it's more just doing what actually works, and can lead to healthy happy, hopefully long-lasting relationships, that honor and respect everyone. I mean, why do what doesn't work, what makes you unhappy, unhealthy, and/or leads to breaking up?
Usually comments around the OPP are at people who come here thinking that the OPP *is* "the right way" and they deserve to know that there are other options. I think Tinwen has us confused with reddit, where you get banned if you try to defend the OPP.
Mags, Evie, and I don't get together to decide the "dominant line of thinking," and we disagree with each other on a fair number of things. Yes, when redpepper was a mod there was a lot more "group think" happening up in here lol.
Mags, Evie, and I don't get together to decide the "dominant line of thinking," and we disagree with each other on a fair number of things. Yes, when redpepper was a mod there was a lot more "group think" happening up in here lol.
It's really fun to go back to the older threads on the Relationships forum, or go to the Golden Nuggets threads, and see how the culture here has changed. There were certain recommendations made constantly then that we'd never give now. I reorganized the archived Golden Nuggets threads earlier this year, and I found some of them a bit cringe-worthy. (Most of the advice is excellent, however.)
Redpepper's poly V crashed and burned in a really spectacular way. So did the V of Loving Radiance. They always had uneasy dynamics. They thought KTP would somehow save the day. But it really didn't.