fun_canuck
New member
Hi everyone! I am (very) new to poly and have recently come out to my fiancee (partner of 10 years) about how I feel polyamorous. She has really been struggling with the news and is highly resistant to the idea of me spending some time with others, but has asked for some time to process the news. I have discussed the concept of a primary relationship and how it could be healthy/fun for us both to explore/have secondary relationships, but she very much identifies as being monogamous and prefers that we stay that way.
Nevertheless, as I've been reading a lot about and have come to appreciate the importance of managing time & commitments in polyamorous relationships, and in 'hypothetical' discussions have stressed that our primary relationship would take precedent moving forward. That said, her major concern is that I may meet someone in the future and end up leaving here. I am extremely confident in our relationship (we are extremely compatible emotionally, romantically, socially, and financially), but her dismay has made it hard for her to believe otherwise. I've reiterated that only a fraction of my time (1-2 days/nights per week) would be dedicated to spending time with others, and that of course I can't imagine a life without her in it, but the thought of her having to 'share' me with someone else is very difficult for her to comprehend.
Any who, to get to the point, my question is for current/former monos who similarly struggled with this fear. More specifically, when was that moment when you realized that your polyamorous partner wouldn't leave you, and that through effective communication & time management things could work out? Did you ever realize that your primary relationship would safe or do you still have insecurities about how things will go?
Thank you all in advance for your insight and my apologies if this has already been answered!
Nevertheless, as I've been reading a lot about and have come to appreciate the importance of managing time & commitments in polyamorous relationships, and in 'hypothetical' discussions have stressed that our primary relationship would take precedent moving forward. That said, her major concern is that I may meet someone in the future and end up leaving here. I am extremely confident in our relationship (we are extremely compatible emotionally, romantically, socially, and financially), but her dismay has made it hard for her to believe otherwise. I've reiterated that only a fraction of my time (1-2 days/nights per week) would be dedicated to spending time with others, and that of course I can't imagine a life without her in it, but the thought of her having to 'share' me with someone else is very difficult for her to comprehend.
Any who, to get to the point, my question is for current/former monos who similarly struggled with this fear. More specifically, when was that moment when you realized that your polyamorous partner wouldn't leave you, and that through effective communication & time management things could work out? Did you ever realize that your primary relationship would safe or do you still have insecurities about how things will go?
Thank you all in advance for your insight and my apologies if this has already been answered!