Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love


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I drank an entire bottle of Prosecco on the 4th, and was generally pretty dumb because of it. SirGawain came over and hosted a one-shot Shadowrun game, and since I was stupid, my street samurai troll character spent the entire time in the convenience store looking for ice cream and cookies instead of shooting at the gang who busted into the place. Afterward, we ate ribeyes off the grill, homemade pasta salad and various other picnic fare. Following that, we split a chocolate parfait and watched Independence Day.

Earlier in the afternoon, MisterMoonbeam and DarkKnight played Tiny Epic Galaxies with me for the first time, and I really enjoyed it. It was hard for me to focus near the end because I was worried about Sir Gawain - instead of coming over around lunch time, he didn’t arrive until 4 pm due to his depression. He wasn’t responding to my texts and I had to call him twice to see what was going on, which made me anxious.

I’m really good at writing false narratives in my head. Ugh. I actually felt really similar to when I first broke up with WarMan - and it isn’t pleasant. I don’t like myself when I become so negative about, well, myself. I spoke to SirGawain about it, but there isn’t really anything for him to do. It’s like the first time that I broke up with him - I had to go and focus on my headspace in therapy in order to shut off the negative tape playing.

I don’t really feel like therapy would be helpful at the moment though, as I know what is triggering me and I know what to do about it from previous therapy experiences. Ugh though, it does suck pretty hard.


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Today is just depressing. There’s a heat advisory, and within 10 minutes of being on my porch, I had to retreat inside. I canceled all 3 of my volunteers and I just started crying in frustration. Because of my health issues, I am a completely worthless human being today. I was pouring sweat and just a mess.

I hate hate HATE having hidradenitis, and when combined with my “sweat allergy” the summer is just miserable. I’ve finally cooled down but I just feel wiped and exhausted. I suppose I could do some organizing, but I am so completely done with today, and it barely even started. FML


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MisterMoonbeam initiated sex with me last night, and I had a very good time. He said he is hoping the change with his mental health meds will make our togetherness times more frequent. I certainly do as well - I miss him! We definitely need to schedule some date-y sort of activities, because I am starting to feel like our relationship requires attention.

That said, I was planning on going to DC this weekend to the Natural History Smithsonian, because he still hasn’t visited the new remodeled dinosaur exhibit. However, they’re still doing timed entry tickets and they are sold out until SEPTEMBER. Lame.

Meanwhile, both DarkKnight and SirGawain are suggesting ideas and I have them both on my calendar for different events. My calendar is kinda crazy though - I really wish I had more hours in the day!


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Today is going to be a busy one with the Blessing Box. The overflow room is FULL. I have my volunteers lined up for 11 am. I just got home from SirGawain’s house though, and right now I am resting. So tired! I went into my house and collapsed on the couch, and DarkKnight hooked me up with an iced chai latte. I’m now trying to get the energy to climb into bed with MisterMoonbeam.


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Yay! Our central air has been repaired - free of charge since the company’s last repair broke it. I am very happy. Hopefully it keeps things going until next year when we can afford to replace it.

I am so tired after today - my volunteers and I worked really fucking hard. My overflow room is still a disaster, but it’s much better than before. Hopefully we get some cooler weather next week! I had to stop a little before 3 pm and head inside to rest and cool down. I’m still feeling gross and sweaty but I can’t shower as I am waiting for someone to get here and pick up a double stroller. Once that happens I am stripping down to nothing and enjoying some cold water in my tub!

I am so glad to be closed tomorrow but I have to spend time at my kids’ apartment to pack up stuff. The foster kitties should be returning to their owner this weekend - I have to work that out.


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SirGawain got the rest of my polycule involved with the show Letterkenny, and we now are working through the episodes everyday. I bought a new tshirt and I am wearing it today!6996421B-50D1-49AE-AF05-395C707A0A3B.jpeg

Right now I am waiting for MisterMoonbeam to get home, as DarkKnight took his lunch break to bring us the car to use today, and MisterMoonbeam left to go drop him back at work. MisterMoonbeam has promised to take me to a new sushi restaurant on a date today, so I am excited! I am also allergic to sushi, but I guess they have steak hibachi as well. :)

My youngest is coming over to clean today, but we will probably be gone while she is doing that.


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I finally heard from BugGirl last night and she was upbeat, as always. Her rehab house is having a family BBQ today, and all of us are going - me, DarkKnight, MisterMoonbeam, SirGawain, LittleMichigan and BeanBoy. I’m going to get outta bed in a minute, as I have to drive to Waynesboro to pick up BeanBoy so he can attend.

The plan afterward is for me to have a sleepover with SirGawain. He wants to go to a brewery or winery in the evening to see a band perform - he knows the singer? I am a little worried about it, as there is a connection to his ex girlfriend there. I talked to him about it earlier this week and he assured me that there won’t be any issues.

I talked a little bit last night with SirGawain about scheduling a trip to see ButterCup and her husband next weekend. He suddenly seemed not as interested and was hemming and hawing. He told me he was tired so I told him we could talk about it today. I am a little irritated because I am not sure what his issue is with this because he just isn’t communicating. It’s frustrating.

My foster kitties have left our home and moved back in with their original owner. I’m so happy I could help out with the situation! Now the foster room needs cleaned out to prepare for moving all of BugGirl’s belongings into it. I spent some time yesterday at her apartment, packing and figuring out where all of the furniture is going.


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I am really tired right now. I feel like I’ve done enough adulting for a while.

Saturday was a good day. We were all able to see BugGirl, at the sober house BBQ. The food was pretty good, and I brought our bocce ball set. It wasn’t super exciting or anything, but I know she felt cared for and loved, because her family was there for her.

SirGawain and I didn’t end up going to the live band show - the person he knew actually was ill, and since that is who he wanted to support, it didn’t make much sense to go. On the way to his house, we realized I had left my phone at home, so I ended up being without it for a bit Friday night through to Sunday afternoon, and I hit some serious withdrawals!

I bought a board game at Barnes & Noble that was kind of like a choose your own adventure story, and we got through the first chapter. That’s what we did instead. :) It turned out too, that I got my period - an entire 10 days early! I’m not sure what’s up with that, as it bummed me right the fuck out. We didn’t end up having any sexy times.

We talked more about the trip to see ButterCup, and I reserved the hotel room for the upcoming weekend. There were only 3 hotels to choose from, and we ended up at the cheapest, because we could get a whirlpool room. That’s a win in my opinion!

I used SirGawain’s phone to chat with ButterCup a short bit. The plan is definite now - he and I are driving there Friday night after he gets out of work, so we prolly won’t arrive til like 11 pm. We will crash at our hotel, and then spend the Saturday together with Buttercup and her husband. We are going to do a charcuterie picnic in the park, so their kids can play while we hang out. Saturday night ButterCup and I are going on a one-on-one date for dinner, and *maybe* go back to the hotel room for a game or time in the hot tub. Sex is not on the table for us, but I am super excited and a little nervous.

Cool news though - I got a new Stitch Fix and I got two dresses, and one is PERFECT for the date. So that helps.

I want to write more but I am pretty tired and fading fast. Today SirGawain and I met up with DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam and we all saw Black Widow together in the theater, with BugGirl. (Since she had the BBQ yesterday, her away time was moved to Sunday.) That was fun. BugGirl took a photo of all of us together! I will share it here, but I cropped out SirGawain - I don’t have his permission to share his face. MisterMoonbeam is crouched down in this one, as he was grabbing me tight and being silly. Lol He’s taller than DarkKnight!

I have to say that seeing the movie made me want to color my hair red again. Black Widow is hot! I don’t have any funds to do that right now though.

After the movie, I took BugGirl back to her apartment and she finally located her motorcycle keys. We talked a bunch and while she was going through her stuff, I got some logistics straightened out for the upcoming week. I was pretty burned out after dropping her off and I am happy to be in bed right now!


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Today is trending positive, though I am suddenly full of anxiety over my upcoming date this Saturday. I’m squee but nervous.


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I made an appointment to get my hair cut and colored on Wednesday. I’m nervous because I legit have no idea what I am going to do. Originally I was getting the teal panels put in but my stylist has sent me photos of other options and I’m just like…I don’t know! I put up a poll in my Facebook page, so I guess we will see! I can say that seeing Black Widow yesterday made me want my red hair back. Lol

I am in tears right though because my air conditioner program this year has been extremely successful. Usually we do almost exactly 50 the entire season, but as of today I had just two people left in need - 1 window unit and 1 portable. I posted about it, but then not even a second later - I am not even remotely exaggerating - the doorbell rang and FedEx dropped off two new window units! Like, what???!!! So here it is barely mid July and we’ve done our seasonal best already!


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I was a mess of anxiety last night and didn’t get to sleep until after 2 am. This means I am a mess of exhaustion this morning. My alarm will go off in about an hour and I really want to just stay in bed. Ugh.

Unrelated - I got to message with ButterCup a bunch last night. It was all really great. I am so squee over seeing her. I told her I was nervous and excited about going on a date with her, and she said it was the same for her. I figured out what I want to bring for the charcuterie we are doing on Saturday afternoon, and we discussed the restaurant we will have dinner at. And the plan now is for her to come hang out in the hotel room whirlpool tub after! So that’s exciting. I wish we had more time together but this will have to suffice. I am literally bouncing with excitement!


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My air conditioner waitlist is complete! I just ordered the last requested portable unit this morning after a nice lady dropped off the cash needed in person. Such a wonderful thing. I placed 48 units total from May 3 til today, July 13. I feel so amazing. I’m also tired though, so I am waiting to restart the request list til next Monday! I am quite sure we will get many more people contacting me for one.

My next big project is getting the shed cleared out. No one seems to be willing to donate toward the shelving I need in there, but I will figure it out somehow. It’s super important to get that straightened up before the month ends. I know I have at least one bin of swimsuits in there, if not two! Gotta get it organized so I know what I have.

This week though, on Friday, I need to clear out more of the foster room. Little Michigan and BugGirl are supposed to come over Saturday while I am out of town to clean and sterilize the walls and floor, so we can start bringing over BugGirl’s boxes from her old apartment. Yesterday LittleMichigan’s boyfriend and BeanBoy moved out a loveseat, and today they are going back in the evening to move out the giant living room sectional and TV stand. Those are actually going to SirGawain’s basement. Coordinating this stuff hurts my brain.

We definitely need to find time next week to empty more of MisterMoonbeam’s van. Actually, I might put a bug in his ear to do at least one box tonight while I am gone out helping with the furniture move. Or like, clear the front seat or something. We need to get it emptied so we can sell it, so he can get a new vehicle. We’ve all been sharing our one little hatchback for months! Thankfully it’s not been too difficult, since he is still working from home, but that will be coming to an end soon.

Im not sure if I mentioned it, but MisterMoonbeam did finally get the health care proxy paperwork done. BugGirl and SirGawain signed as witnesses this weekend. That said, I need to print out forms for myself and DarkKnight. I will do that right now, actually. I don’t like having paperwork backed up like this - especially important paperwork!


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Omg so tired! I spent the night with SirGawain last night and I was bratty and sassy and he showed up for it. LMAO Got my face fucked and my V tore up. He never disappoints! Of course that means this morning I was just wanting to sleep when the alarm went off. DarkKnight bought me Starbucks when I returned home to take him to work, which I sat and shared with MisterMoonbeam when I got back.

I’ve also already now been to the grocery store - I’m doing a breakfast giveaway today, as a donor dropped off some morning food yesterday, and I supplemented with the shopping trip at like 8:30 am. I’ve got a bunch of these breakfast packs to give away - they’ll go to random visitors on the porch.


I’m waiting for it to be 9:30 am, at which time I will be on my way to Martinsburg to do my weekly consignment shop pick up. I should have volunteers here at 11 am to sort it all. Hopefully we can get finished by 2 pm so they can call it quits before it gets way too hot.


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I love your hair! It totally looks like the pic you shared. I could do this with my long silver hair too. Ooh I'm tempted.


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Post pictures if you do! 😆 We could be twins!! 😆 I love it even more today, though I started sweating and some of the blue ran out onto my neck. Lol Wiped off easily, but I remember now why I hate non-permanent dye! You can’t tell I lost any, but damn.

All of the breakfasts went quickly today, and I had some wonderful interactions with some visitors. I have a donor who just messaged and asked if he could give me 5 $50 grocery gift cards to hand out to the families of my choice. He’s dropping off tomorrow morning. I was sad because I could think of five families very easily. I told him a little about each one, and he said that I was making him cry, and that he was now gifting me $75 cards! I am very excited about these and the happy surprise I will be able to share tomorrow! He’s a regular, dependable donor so I know it’ll be happening!

I had to send my volunteers home after only an hour today. It was way too hot to function, really!


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So today this donor brought over 5 $75 grocery cards, 1 $75 Walmart card and 2 $25 Walmart cards. I was so very excited to give them out, especially since he gave me complete control over who they went to specifically. All but one has been picked up, and she will be here shortly. I had tears on my porch today, and to be truthful, inside of my house, because if someone st the waterworks, I always follow. They were all happy tears though!

I am technically closed, but I’ve been refilling the mini fridge with water and it’s disappearing, so people are stopping by. I also had someone request diapers, pull-ups, wipes and baby formula for a family who just had a fire. I was happy to be of service. I’m also always really glad that my donors keep us stocked up with that stuff!

I messaged some with ButterCup’s husband this morning. We are discussing tomorrow’s date day, because everything is in flux. Originally I was going to put together a charcuterie picnic at the park for everyone, but the forecast calls for rain and it looks like it’s going to be humid AF even if we only get a little bit of showers. No thanks. So last night, ButterCup, SirGawain and I were messaging with me (actually, I called SirGawain) and we decided to go to an indoor arcade and putt putt place instead. It’s in a mall, so we will just get food court stuff for lunch. I think this should turn out okay.

I’m doing laundry at the moment, and I think I should be able to get everything I need for the weekend packed up before DarkKnight is home from work. At that point, I’m grabbing my stuff and heading over to SirGawain’s place and then waiting for him to get out of work and home so we can leave for our trip!
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Our trip was a complete success. I started writing this, but I gave way too many details and it went on for way too long!

We had a pleasant drive to ButterCup’s city. We left after SirGawain got out of work on Friday, so we didn’t arrive at the hotel until almost midnight. Upon check in, there was a dude ahead of me who was completely shitfaced. He was talking very loudly, asking me if I had blue hair for real or if he was just seeing things. He also introduced his wife to me, saying “I just met this woman 10 minutes ago, she liked me so much she agreed to come here to this hotel with me.” She wasn’t having it though - “we made this reservation a couple of weeks ago; we’ve been married for 10 years.” LOL

I told her I understood her exasperation, and that my husband and I had been together for 16 years. “Why’d you leave him in the car?” The drunk was even louder now. “Is that him? Tell your husband to come inside!” When I responded that the guy in the car wasn’t my husband, they both laughed super loud and completed their check in. When I told SirGawain, he laughed too!

We had a really nice room - we had paid extra for a king suite with a whirlpool tub

The next morning, we got up and showered and did a Starbucks run. We also swung by Walmart because SirGawain had forgotten his iWatch charging cable. Even with those two stops, we beat ButterCup and her family to the mall arcade. SirGawain and I played a game of air hockey while we waited.

I knew ButterCup had lost weight but I was still really surprised by her appearance. She was looking nothing like I had expected, and I was very attracted to her. We chatted here and there while her husband corralled their kids and got them started on some arcade games. Together we did 18 holes of putt putt. We didn’t keep score.

Afterward she suggested we go get ice cream at this bookstore combo, and we all talked more. Her husband was REALLY quiet, but he opened up more over the treat. He also looked not much like his photos, but not in a catfish way - different features were animated in real life, I guess? Anyway, I didn’t get the feeling he was really into me at all, but he was friendly.

We went our separate ways, and SirGawain and I went back to the hotel. He was really being a little obnoxious and was talking about being naked when I returned from my date later, and maybe being in the hot tub awaiting me and ButterCup. I told him this wasn’t about having sex or his threesome tonight - I wanted to get to know ButterCup better so we could do that another time. This was something we had discussed a few times, so I was more than a little irritated.

However, when ButterCup messaged to say she was on her way, I had to pop out quick and go get her some flowers. Earlier in the morning I had seen some gorgeous sunflowers for $4 a bunch at a nearby grocery store, but when I returned there, there were only a few bundles left and they were terribly wilted and small. So instead I got her a mixed bouquet that I thought was pretty.


When I returned to the room, she was waiting with SirGawain, and again I was surprised by her appearance! She had a super cute dress on and her makeup was on point. I was really excited to go out with her! She acted really surprised by the flowers, saying she never got flowers on a date or even from her husband. So that made me happy, that I was able to do something special. Here’s a pic of me getting ready to go out with her:


I wish we had taken one of us together, after the fact, even if I couldn’t share it here. She was super cute! I was feeling attractive myself - my blue hair was still making me happy, and I loved my polka dots. I was all jazzed up about having some alone time to get to know each other.

Okay, so we had our dinner date, and we had good conversations. She said she appreciated that I did talk a lot (like, that’s my default!) and she said it took a lot of her anxiousness away. At times she was kind of a loud speaker, but it was endearing to me.

When we finished eating, we stopped and talked outside of the hotel for a bit. She is quitting smoking, so she finished 1/4 of a cigarette, making sure to keep it away from me completely. SirGawain had messaged that he had ordered DoorDash, so we waited for that to arrive without him knowing that’s what we were doing. Lol

While waiting, we talked a bunch about the threesome, and whether we were comfortable with it or not. She said she wanted to make a rule that everything below her waist was off limits, since she hadn’t been tested. She asked if I was okay and if my other partners would find that acceptable. I knew they would, and I thought it was a good work around. That said, I was worried that hooking up and involving SirGawain would fuck up our connection - I really wanted to get to know her more, and I didn’t want a group sex experience to interfere with that. She said she thought that it wouldn’t alter her feelings on anything and I said okay. I didn’t think it would really mess up mine, but it still made me a bit anxious.

We wore our swimsuits into the whirlpool tub, and shared a bottle of my favorite wine. We also each had a bottle of hard cider that she had wanted to get after our dinner. SirGawain ate his dinner while we chatted, and then he put on his own swimsuit and joined us briefly. He steered the conversation toward the housing market, credit scores and PMI. Like, the most unsexy things ever! I was like, wtf are we even discussing right now! 😂 After he got in, ButterCup announced that she was overheating, with the alcohol and the hot water. Then the 15-minute timer went off, so we all climbed out and dried off.

She got dressed and said she had to go - it was waaaaay later than we thought (like midnight). I was topless, getting my pajamas on, and SirGawain was wrapped up in a towel. She apologized for having to run off, and then showed me her own boobs. Lol

SirGawain drove her home, and I was in the passenger seat. Initially I wasn’t going to go along but they both cajoled me. Her house was like 5 minutes from the hotel. She apologized profusely and we dropped her off.

After we got back to the hotel, she messaged and asked if maybe she could come back over before our check out time to have sex. She said she’d bring coffee. Lol I was like, uh, okay, but neither I nor SirGawain drink coffee!

To be continued…
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I asked SirGawain how he’d feel about a threesome in the morning and he paused for a bit. However, he soon told me that he would never turn down a dick appointment. Lol So I told her we would see her in the morning! SirGawain and I then messed around a little bit, and I had a couple of orgasms, but he wanted to save his.

I woke up before the alarm at 7 am, and ButterCup sent a message at 8. I pushed SirGawain out of bed and into the shower, and then I got in after as well. I put my pajama bottoms back on, but he got fully dressed. I think he was nervous! ButterCup soon arrived with Starbucks, and she passed out the drinks and croissants, which we each had a little bit of before getting down to business. Lol

I think it went okay. I was really into her, and she and SirGawain paid me a lot of attention, since I cum pretty easily, without much work. Overall I was shy around the idea of touching her - and not for reasons I thought would be an issue. I actually kind of had trouble with SirGawain being there, because he was watching everything. Like, duh, of course he was. In hindsight, I wish it had been just her and I. Not because he sucks or anything, but because it was my first time with a woman, and I felt like I couldn’t focus on everything I was doing and feeling, with a dude there watching.

I do wanna be clear that SirGawain wasn’t creeping or anything. He was amazing. I’m just saying I felt his presence to be a hindrance to my girl experience, if that makes sense. Like, I wanted to grab her boobs, but I held back because he was RIGHT THERE. And when we would start to make out, he was RIGHT THERE.

It wasn’t bad at all, but it just made me feel inhibited. I don’t know how to describe it without making it sound awful. It wasn’t though. It was actually really loving and fun, and I definitely enjoyed myself. I just wish I could have experienced it without feeling like I was being judged. I know he wasn’t doing that, but I did feel shy because of it.

I also went into the “event” with a little fear about being jealous or selfish to see someone I love with another partner, but that never materialized. I was super jazzed to see SirGawain making out with ButterCup, and it just made me more horny. I did get upset at one point, and in hindsight I wish I had vocalized it at the time. For a very brief time, SirGawain started fingering ButterCup, and I froze up, because the boundary we had all agreed on was that her private parts were off limits due to her no-test status. She pulled away from him though, and I wasn’t sure what to say or do at the time, so I did nothing. I DID make super sure that his hand didn’t come anywhere near me after that, and thankfully it was really close to the end of activities.

When we were driving home later, I did bring it up to him and he was horrified - he said he had misunderstood, and thought the rule was no privates touching her privates. However, while discussing it he said he could clearly see why his hand being there wouldn’t make sense as it would also cause issues with safety. He apologized profusely. I did believe him that he had misunderstood and was sorry about it. I felt complicit anyway, because I absolutely SHOULD have said something at the time. Gah!

Anyway, that aside, I did have a very enjoyable time, and I don’t think the threesome had a negative effect on my budding relationship with ButterCup. I’m glad it happened! If anything, I really wish we could have done more and she could have had some penetration from SirGawain. She said she was okay without that, because she was going to go home to her husband and get that worked on. Still though.

She said she would like to come visit after her training at work is finished. I am in the process of making sure I have a bedroom set up here at my house that I can use to have her sleep over. It’s been a long time since I had that! My spare room that I use for fosters is now completely empty and waiting for BugGirl’s boxes and spare stuff from her apartment, but with everything stacked and stored there, I should still have room to set up a bed. This will also be great because SirGawain could stay over, if he happened to be at my place for a game night or something sometime. But I am happy to have it as an option so I could host ButterCup!

I haven’t had time to talk to her since she left yesterday morning. I messaged her and told her my feelings about how I felt inhibited and wanted to have our next time just be the two of us. I also told her I thought she was fabulous and that I liked her very much. She hearted what I wrote and responded “Likewise.” Later last night she texted me to be sure I got home. But she’s been busy.

That said, I have too. I was absolutely exhausted when I got home, and I ate dinner and went right to bed with MisterMoonbeam. He seemed pretty randy himself and we had some fun sexy times before I fell asleep. He’s still struggling though - he tried to get into missionary position and totally lost his erection because his knees and wrist were still causing him pain. So he rolled over and then just gave me attention while I used my hitachi. He wasn’t interested in me getting him off, as per always. It made me sad but I did feel loved. I know he’s working on things in therapy. ❤️


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I’ve still been pretty wiped out today. I filled the Box and mini fridge but I have a bunch of boxes and trash on the porch that need attention. I should start some laundry. I did empty all of the litter boxes upstairs and used the deodorizer stuff on them, so at least things aren’t smelling bad.

I have been half dozing on the couch most of the time, watching something on Netflix called Penguin Town. It legit made me cry; I am such a fucking wuss.