Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird

Well-known member
Annnnd I just got my period. Six days early. Last month was 10 days early. Hmmm my luteal phase is short, non-existent. Maybe I need more B-vitamins? Definite sign of a lack of progesterone. I remember all of this being a problem when I was actually charting my cycle, over a decade ago. I’m glad I have a gyno visit on Wednesday so I can talk to the doctor about this.

I might start charting again - 20 years ago when I was trying to conceive with my first husband (BugGirl & BeanBoy’s dad) I discovered that I ovulated late in my cycle, like day 22. So I always had super short luteal phases, and I had to take supplements. But that led us to finding out he was sterile - so those all stopped. However, my period was always like clockwork and I got it on day 28. This is something new.

Maybe pre-menopause? I will be 44 in a little over a month. Interesting though that I didn’t have my regular PMS depression drop last week. At least, not that I noticed. Though I definitely did last night! I was going to post about how sad I was last night - for no real reason. Lol Now I know. And now I need to reread my journal for clues. Lololol
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
I had a good day yesterday, as my guys assembled here at the house and we played 3 games of Pandemic Legacy together (we lost March, won March, lost April) and DarkKnight made spaghetti for dinner. We watched 3 episodes of LetterKenny - we’re on the final season now - before SirGawain headed home. I managed to get laundry done so that was a positive.

The last couple of days SirGawain has felt kinda distant. Not sure if that’s him struggling with depression, or his way of operating within a relationship. Like, he’s used to not being a primary within a polycule, so he doesn’t reach out or anything. He just seems down and resigned(?) to things when we are together. Like I’m feeling bouncy and bubbly and he’s just like, a sad lump? I’m hoping this is a continuation of his depression and not a cooling of how he feels about me. I’m supposed to be seeing him again for a sleepover at his place on Tuesday night.

Meanwhile, I am not sure at all what is up with MisterMoonbeam either. He’s the opposite though - I feel more in love with him than ever! He’s become flirty and snuggly and happy. Just absolutely silly AF, but I am sure this is a result of his medication change. He still has depression, and he will retreat now and then for his introvert recharge, but overall he is lighting up my life with all sorts of fun and frolic. He discovered the other day that he has tickets to a Jimmy Buffett concert on Saturday, so we are going to go to that together. (They’re lawn seats, so we are going to bring a blanket and hopefully that will keep us distanced from other people there.)

DarkKnight - as I always say, he’s my rock. I love him so very much. He’s excited about our upcoming date night on Friday - he got us tickets to see a community theater production of Heathers. He actually asked me if I would attend the after party with him! I generally stay on the perimeter of his friendships with members of the local acting group, but he was so happy to have been invited and invite me, I couldn’t say no. I don’t mind at all, but it’s usually something he does by himself. He’s still reading to me every night that I am with him - we are in the last section of the book The Rowan. I own the whole series, but he’s never read them before. I’m enjoying falling asleep to his voice. ❤️
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I talked to MisterMoonbeam while on the couch snuggling yesterday, and I told him I really thought the new medicine was doing wonders for him. He was quiet for a short bit and then said it made him feel weird to know that who he had internalized as being “him” was different now. He sees himself as being a depressed, morose and quiet individual, but instead I see him as being funny, silly and joyful lately. He said it’s difficult to visualize and take ownership of those descriptors.

He has a psychiatrist appointment on Thursday and his therapy on Friday. I told him to be sure to talk about the medication change and how this is causing him some confusion with his identity. This is really interesting to me, because when I was talking with MisterMoonbeam’s late wife’s partner - his ex-metamour, he told me that MisterMoonbeam was depressed for as long as he knew him - years before his wife passed - and this change is amazing to see.

Also, two of my volunteers were complimenting him yesterday. MisterMoonbeam went down to the corner ice cream shop and brought us all back cold sweet treats, and when he was approaching us, I told him he was looking super cute. They turned to look and started calling him “candy” - as in eye candy - and he grew so flustered! He was looking particularly fine in my opinion, but he was embarrassed and practically ran in the house.

Later he said it was okay but he just didn’t know how to respond. Then later that night I told him he really was looking good today, and he said he didn’t believe me because he was so fat and had gained a lot of weight. I told him that I wasn’t discussing his weight, just that he was super cute. He was bemused and said, okay, point taken.

I am very happy lately, to see him understanding that he is an amazing and attractive man. I think this new medication is allowing him to show a real personality that isn’t suppressed by sadness. I’m falling in love with this new guy all over again.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I also wanted to mention that I am trying to read a bunch this month and next on sexuality, with thoughts of continuing to label myself as bisexual. As I have mentioned before, labels have always been important to me. I am okay with those labels changing, but I feel better when things are defined.

I started reading last night with The ABCs of LGBT+ by Ashley Mardell. It was free on my Kindle app. I have a few other books on my Amazon wish list that I am going to buy in a bit - Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution and Claiming the B in LGBT: Illuminating the Bisexual Narrative.

I am interested in other suggestions, I literally just did a search on Amazon for LGBT books. So, having actual recommendations would be helpful!
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
Oh my! I just came out to my nephew. I’ve written about him before - he’s pretty much my favorite person. He’s bi and I figured I would ask him why he chose that label as opposed to pan/omni/polysexual. It was an awesome conversation and he was very supportive! I miss his face so much. ❤️ He and my youngest, LittleMichigan, have always been peas and carrots so he spent a huge swath of years in my house growing up.

Anyway, today is good.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Last night was interesting! SirGawain has been on a search for his biological father, and he received his Ancestry DNA test results back last night. He’s 87% Jewish. This means that more than likely, the person listed on his birth certificate is not related to him in any way. We did the math over and over and it isn’t adding up.

Anyway, he didn’t want to reach out to the man on his birth certificate, but we did plug in this guy’s known info into SirGawain’s tree (his name is VERY distinctive) and it seems that the family is all blonde and blue-eyed Swiss. No Jewish traits or trails from what we can see on Ancestry or Facebook. Back and back and back, they’re all from Switzerland. We both feel at this point, someone that would pass along 40+ percentage points of Jewish genetics would at least have *someone* in the family that looked *something* like the stereotype.

So I erased that entire side of that tree and I spent a brief few minutes this morning trying to figure out SirGawain’s closest relatives - he has five 2nd cousins listed.

#4 is a name he knows is related to his maternal grandfather. According to Ancestry, this person is related to #1. Neither have any Jewish blood, so this checks out.

#5 is 100% Jewish and is related to #2, who is also 100% Jewish.

#3 is somewhere around 50% Jewish (I can’t remember the number) and isn’t related to any of the other second cousins, but is related to a few 3rd cousins.

He knows his maternal grandmother was VERY Jewish and can be traced back to Russia easily.

So there absolutely is someone in his DNA results who is connected to his biological father. A lot of them are sharing their own family trees, but to view them SirGawain will have to shell out at least one monthly fee to look at them. I think that’s his plan now. The other option is to ask one of his siblings to take a DNA test, and then he can compare their matches to his, and cancel out the ones that are the same. I don’t think he wants to involve his siblings yet though.

I am so very interested in this sort of thing. It makes me want to pay for Ancestry again and do more research on my own family!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I’m irritated at the cost of things! Every March and September I host a “Baby Day” and I give away a literal shit ton of baby, toddler and children’s items. The stuff FILLS my lawn and porch. Now, usually I post a month in advance and get donations of items from moms and caregivers all over the city, and I also do a pick up from a huge consignment sale to supplement. This year, a second consignment sale happening at the same time in a different city has contacted me, so I am going to have twice the stuff.

The issue I am having is that normally the donations fill up my empty bedroom - the one I use for my foster kittens - AND it fills my regular overflow space. Of course I have no cats there in the foster room now, but it’s filled with stuff I’m storing for my daughter BugGirl while she is at the sober house. So I have no idea where I am going to stash all of this stuff, and I only have a couple of weeks to figure it out.

My first and only idea was to rent one of those pod things, but for real, they want SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS to deliver and let me rent the smallest pod, and then pick it up for two weeks. Fuck.That.

I am going to have an even worse problem when Christmas rolls around and I have bins full of gifts for seniors and teenagers, and a regular room full of decorations and Christmas trees to giveaway.

Fuck. For real! I’m thinking maybe I will see if I can get a donation of a trailer from DarkKnight’s work. They’re a trucking and shipping company. But I’m not a legal nonprofit, so I dunno. He works one on one daily with the owner, so maybe we can bypass red tape? Oh geez. I really need to think of something!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
DarkKnight talked to the owner of the company he works for - he’s head of IT for the entire nationwide operation there so they meet on the daily. Well, they offered me two different options and both are amazing.

1 - they can rent me a storage unit within a couple of miles of my house, for $10 a month

2 - I can rent a 20-foot long trailer (which happens to be the length of my driveway) for $10 a month, after paying a $40 delivery and $40 pickup charge

I already have a donor to cover the cost of the second option, and that is most definitely happening.

I’m not sure if I am allowed to choose both options, so DarkKnight says he will find out tomorrow. Having a storage unit available means I could clear out almost all of my shed - I could use the storage unit to hold all of our out of season donations, and the shed to hold whatever close holiday donations we have.

This is such a relief. This will help make everything possible!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I am exhausted this morning. I’m so glad I don’t have to do anything today. Last night SirGawain and I were up til like 2:30 am. We had a late dinner after he got out of work and then we watched three episodes of Vikings. (We’re halfway through season 2.) Then we messed around on our phones before we had sex. Yesterday marked the end of blow job week - my period is FINALLY over.

I ended up canceling my gyno appointment this past Wednesday due to my period being heavy AF, and it’s rescheduled for next Friday. Ugh. I was looking forward to having it over with but I definitely made the right move in postponing it for a bit. The yeast infection has cleared already, thank goodness.

Today MisterMoonbeam and I are going to work on emptying out the rest of his minivan. It hasn’t moved from the driveway in months, and we need to get it towed to a repair shop so we can see why the check engine light is on before we sell it. It drives, but the inspection and registration are lapsed. He wants to buy a new car before September. Also, we need it gone so we can put the trailer we are renting in the driveway! The plan is to have the trailer delivered like on the 23rd or 24th. It will only be here a couple of weeks, but the vehicle still needs to be moved, and we can’t park it in the street - it would be towed with everything lapsed. So, time to trade it in

Tonight DarkKnight and I are going to our favorite Indian restaurant before going to see a live production of Heathers downtown. I’m excited! He’s been looking super cute lately!

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This photo is from a picnic I spontaneously planned the other night with both DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam. I have a group pic but we all look like goobers so I won’t post it here. Lol
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I had a bunch of fun while on a date night this evening with DarkKnight! We had dinner outside at 28 South downtown, and the mayor said hi while walking by (we are friends) and another gentleman stopped to talk to us a bit so that was nice - I am a magnet for strangers sometimes! We headed across the street and saw a live production of Heathers, at the Maryland Theater, and it was amazingly good! The vocal talent was top notch. When the show was over we went a few doors down for the after party, where we said hello to the cast and talked to a lot of DarkKnight’s theater friends. We are home now but it really was a good time, and I always love spending an evening with my husband.

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Bluebird

Well-known member
I just woke up - I haven’t slept in like this in a while. I fell asleep at like 4 am as I had raging insomnia. I need to get up but I figured I’d write here first so I can stay horizontal for a little bit longer! DarkKnight is up and gone already - he went to the store to get cat food before MisterMoonbeam and I take off for Virginia.

We have several things planned for today, but they’re all fairly quick. MisterMoonbeam needs to visit his late wife’s best friend. He has a bin of stuff that he needs to drop off with her, as it belongs to his old coven. Also, one of the dogs he gave to her when he moved in with me passed away a couple of days ago, so he needs to say goodbye.

We also need to stop over at his old metamour’s house, as I forgot a pair of penguin slipper socks there when we visited last!

The real reason for heading out though is that MisterMoonbeam has tickets for us to go see Jimmy Buffett tonight. He apparently bought a pair before Covid and the event was rescheduled. His late wife’s best friend is going, and another couple that I have met. It was strange to me that MisterMoonbeam had two tickets - like, who was he taking before me? He told me he actually had no one at all in mind when he bought them; he figured he would meet someone and here I am. Lol

I am a little nervous about being around a large group of people, but we have lawn seats so we are taking a blanket and hopefully that will be enough to space out a crowd. DarkKnight and I made sure to sit on the far side of the theater last night, and I felt relatively safe from everyone, but the after party was a little too crowded for my liking. I do think that we will be getting vaccine booster shots just as soon as they are available.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
On the drive to Virginia yesterday, it was raining nonstop. MisterMoonbeam and I decided to skip the concert because who wants to sit on a blanket when the ground is soaking wet? Not us! We spent a brief time dropping off the stuff we needed to, and then stopped at an Irish Pub for dinner. We came home and watched Suicide Squad and in spite of me thinking that movie was completely stupid, it was a good day! :)

I just woke up and I am starving. I need to shower and dress, as SirGawain will be here at 1 pm for Pandemic Legacy. That’s pretty much all of my day’s plans!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I woke up this morning at 8 am with so much sadness. Not sure why. I was in tears. At one point I was like, no - not again, and I shut my eyes and went back to sleep until 10 am, which definitely helped. I still had a tinge of emotion, but after eating lunch, my outlook had improved even more. Thank goodness!

I made an appointment with our pest control company for tomorrow. No issues with the Blessing Box, but we are overdue for our regular spray.

My living room continues to smell like cat urine. We let Poppy out of her bedroom, but apparently that wasn’t a good idea. She started peeing outside of the litter boxes, and then that encouraged others to follow suit. She’s back sequestered and doing fine again, but the smell is lingering. I think I found another spot this morning, and I am hoping that’s it. It’s fucking gross. Ugh.

Im supposed to go to Frederick tonight to be with SirGawain, and we are planning to go to see The Green Knight. I mean, of course we would - that’s what I gave him his nickname from. :)
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I wasn't here on the board for a while and I had a lot of reading to get caught up on the crazy busy life of Bluebird lol. You are the Energizer Bunny!

I ID as pansexual, but before I understood what I was, I used to ID as bi. I've never read a book about how to be bi, or whatever it is you hope to learn. If you have any questions about loving women, feel free to ask me, here or in PM.

I find it so easy to love women, because we are the same! There is nothing lost in translation, so there is much less wasted time. My platonic gfs, and my lover Pixi, we've had the same experiences, we speak the same language. We can talk anything out, in great detail, and it's fun! We are more open and comfortable with our emotions. My heart just opens up to women. And then, it just so happens that I am also sexually attracted to women. That's just a bonus, to love the body as well as the heart.

After my long experience of being married to a man, I find it just so easy to be partners with a woman. It's like a relief. Even though I am very very sexually attracted to men, I feel more romantic towards women, speaking generally. Maybe I just never met the right guy, who had the right kind of attitude towards romance. It's just more physical for me with guys. That's not to say that I haven't squeed over getting flowers from a man, or haven't sat in front of a fire and talked for hours, and then made wild passionate love. It was just never on the level I feel with Pixi. She speaks all my love languages like a native speaker.

***********************

I am pretty sure you're perimenopausal. I definitely entered that phase at 42. I had hot flashes, heavy periods close together (gross disgusting floods), and my sex drive increased dramatically. I did read one book about it, which was very helpful: The Wisdom of Menopause. My last period didn't come until I was 51, and then one year passed and I was in menopause at 52. That was a long awkward phase, like puberty. I was so glad when it was over and birth control worries became a thing of the past.
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
Uggh. I've definitely already hit the "heavier periods" phase, possibly combined with the "higher sex drive" phase, and I *really* don't want it to work like this for another decade... but at the same time I am, tbh, *terrified* of what the other side of that transition looks like because I've heard of so many women who have lost their sex drive and I really don't want to, I've had phases where I had a low drive and I didn't like that life.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Thanks for insights ladies - I appreciate it! My periods aren’t even what I would describe as heavy; they’re just there forever! At least this last one was like 6-7 days long and it was just spotting and light stuff the whole time. Usually my periods are spot-heavy-light-spot. 4 days and done. I rescheduled my gyno appointment for this Friday, so I am eagerly awaiting it!

So far my sex drive remains the same!

Lol I have to say I do feel a little bit dumb about reading bisexual books, but I dunno, I think it’s helpful. I read relationship books, polyamory books, love language stuff, why not lgbt+ books? I finished the ABCs of LGBT+ and I did learn new terminology! After that though, I read Where the Forest Meets the Stars, and now I am working on Nice Dragons Finish Last. Others on my Kindle awaiting my attention this month: Pawn of Prophecy, the second half of PolySecure, Rejected Wolf, Blaire (those last two are Facebook trash sex books lol) and a group of books I stumbled upon called the Mental Health Workbook, pictured below. :)

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I do hope to have time to read one book from a POC - that’s a goal I set for myself this month. I have some on my Amazon book wish list, so next paycheck I will get one!
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Uggh. I've definitely already hit the "heavier periods" phase, possibly combined with the "higher sex drive" phase, and I *really* don't want it to work like this for another decade... but at the same time I am, tbh, *terrified* of what the other side of that transition looks like because I've heard of so many women who have lost their sex drive and I really don't want to, I've had phases where I had a low drive and I didn't like that life.
Icesong, I only have one sister, and oddly, she lost her sex drive at menopause, as mine increased! I don't know what the proportions are, gain, loss or remain the same. It seems to be a crap shoot. I know you have a very amazing enviable sex life with Artist and I am sure you want that pleasure to continue as long as possible!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Bad news - I did some sleuthing this morning and the city has a law against storage trailers at residences. So that is now a no-go. 😢😢 I am so fucking bummed. It’s a $500 fine so I definitely can’t handle that. Ugh. DarkKnight is now checking about the storage unit - what size is being offered, etc. I don’t really have another option; I need to have a space or Christmas is canceled!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I am dragging ass today - I didn’t get but a couple of hours sleep over at SirGawain’s, and then when I got home in the morning, my phone and doorbell were blowing up for some reason. MisterMoonbeam was my savior - he got 30 dozen eggs refrigerated, and handled everything when our pest control guy came and sprayed. He also ordered me in a delicious breakfast from ihop. I’m so fucking spoiled, y’all. ❤️

My to-do list is atrocious though. I really don’t want to do much of anything due to being tired, and there’s just so much that needs to be handled. I’m thinking about snagging one volunteer so we can just sit inside and rock out in the overflow room, so SOMETHING gets done today. It’s way too hot outside to function there.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I don’t know what is happening lately - MisterMoonbeam is spoiling me rotten. I woke up to Dunkin Donuts this morning and yesterday he walked down to the corner shop and brought me home a milkshake.

I have spent most of the day in bed catching up on my sleep. Like the whole past week has been insomnia every night. I’m dozing in and out today, and then playing with my phone otherwise. I feel lazy AF. I need to get up and do some budgeting and paperwork but I am incredibly unmotivated. I did get up and deal with a bread delivery.
 
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