Thanks. These events are amazing. I’m always so very grateful that my community supports me! I didn’t post about it, but two days ago someone anonymously bought out my entire Amazon Wish List for the Blessing Box. Legit was close to $1000 worth of stuff. It’s been arriving ever since! Here’s a pic of my BugGirl with all the boxes of diapers that arrived - we got another one today. Lol
Of course the list is full of stuff again, but it’s so amazingly awesome to know that there are helpers out there, and I’m absolutely proof that one person CAN make a difference. I think of everyone that was helped today, and how many kids will be loved on tonight because of the work I did, like holy shit. It’s A LOT.
OMG I was so very tired last night. I almost fell asleep at like 6 pm, but DarkKnight woke me up for homemade burgers. I was not in the least hungry, but they were absolutely amazing and I devoured the one that was given while we watched the newest episode of Y: The Last Man. Then I went back to MisterMoonbeam’s room and fell asleep pretty quick.
I had to pee, so here I am awake right before 4 am. Gah! I’m still weary, but the new day is shaping up to be busy - but definitely not as insane as yesterday!
Today I am going to be focused on 1) laundry 2) organizing the Blessing Box overflow room 3) watching the second season of Lego Masters 4) an unannounced breakfast giveaway (waffles, syrup, frozen sausages, orange juice, eggs) 5) contacting the vet about our FIV+ kitty, Olivia. I have a bread delivery coming as well, to prep for, but I believe that won’t take long.
Yeah, Olivia is not doing well. She has finished all of her special diet kidney failure food and the vet said we should switch back to regular. She was so very unhappy with the other, and in reality, her prognosis wasn’t great, regardless. She’s a cancer survivor and FIV+, deaf, and now she’s in kidney failure.
So we have spent the last month just spoiling her rotten, giving her treats, special fun cat foods (broths, different pouches of yumminess) and just in general making her feel powerful and loved as she is!
She has actually gained some weight - not a lot - but it’s something. However, she’s declining in other ways. She’s started soiling in random places - not just urine, but poop as well. Like, under the game room table - out in the open! - and under DarkKnight’s desk. The litter boxes are clean yet she doesn’t make it there, or no longer has control. She’s not wetting in her beds or the main bed though. Still, this is not normal for her.
Olivia also is walking strangely now - extremely stiff-legged, like she can’t bend her knees. I read online that this is a sign of toxic stuff building up as the kidneys stop working. DarkKnight says he thinks it probably close to time to let her go.
The other thing she has started doing in vocalizing in the middle of the day, just crying a few times really, really loud, and then when I go to check on her, she’s asleep. It’s disconcerting. She has a VERY distinctive voice.
I’m pretty sure I know what the vet is going to say.
So my period is now 8 days late. I’m sure it’s just my stress and hormones flipping out, but I took a pregnancy test today just to be sure. Negative, of course. It’s still a relief to see that though. Lol It was worth it to have that stick saying no chance.
I’m trying to get in to see my doctor today as the HS flare on my face is really wrecking me. This week so far I’ve woken up every day at 2 or 3 am because of the pain. I know the doctor won’t be able to do anything, but I’m in so much pain. Think of being stuck with a needle, and then it being wiggled around. It’s unending. I want to fall asleep right now but so far, nope.
Today I will need to go to Martinsburg to pick up donations, but I can go anytime. I’m hungry right now but I am still trying to get sleep to happen.
I spent last night with SirGawain. Things feel weird with him. He’s becoming less and less physically affectionate with me. My love language is physical touch so it’s going to be an issue soon. I asked him a bit ago what was up with that and he kind of disassembled and said he was being dumb. But then nothing changed. Meaning, he doesn’t kiss me or hold hands with me. Or have sex with me. Or even cuddle when falling asleep. He threw an arm over this morning like 10 minutes before I had to leave.
It’s weird because he still wants me to come over and spend our date nights together, and actively asks to get on my calendar. I dunno. It’s been escalating - or de-escalating? - over the last few weeks. It’s giving me a weird complex. Like what is going on? Maybe it’s my HS. I had to tell him to stop talking about my forehead flare when it was first appearing. He kept casually mentioning to me that there was something there, and finally I was like, you need to stop bringing it up. I know it’s there, it’s ugly and it hurts. There’s nothing ai can do about it!
And then there is MisterMoonbeam who has suddenly become lover face central. If I mention any little thing, he’s like, let’s do it! And is making plans, grabbing me and kissing me at every opportunity, wanting to hold hands, rub my neck, touch me everywhere. He’s been super vocal and upbeat as well, about loving me and our relationship. It’s pretty great! But it’s to the point where I am like, what is fueling this lovefest?! Lol No complaints because I am so up for being pampered. We still aren’t connecting sexually because he’s still in the process of healing from his surgery, but I don’t feel neglected at all by him!
DarkKnight is still pretty much the same. He always wants to hold hands and tell me that he loves me.
I’m falling asleep writing this. Oh please let me be able to get some hours out!
God, why did I sleep? Just for an hour and now I’m all blah! Mush brain.
MisterMoonbeam ordered Quiznos for lunch and I ate it naked in bed, watching the season 2 finale of Lego Masters. Now that it’s over, I’m going to run into the shower and hope this pain goes away soon. It’s so bad that it’s making me feel a little nauseous. I can feel the pain throbbing, and then the nausea hits with a wave. They are definitely connected! Ugh ugh ugh
I got my next Stitch Fix yesterday, so I am actually excited about showering because I get to create a new outfit based on what I received. I asked for a bunch of punk-themed pieces and my stylist did a great job!
I’m returning the sweater due to it making me look bulky - there’s no structure. Also the black and white skirt is going back because it’s too flouncy and much longer than it appears! I’m in love with the other three pieces, which is funny because they are all the Liverpool brand! I’m questioning keeping the plaid skirt or not, as I already own soooo many pencil skirts! I ordered some fishnet stockings though so I am going to see how they pair up before making a decision!
Heading out on a hiking/camping trip with MisterMoonbeam this morning. It’s been a slow start but it’s all good. We have a tent space in New Germany, which is the western side of the state. I’m hoping to hike in two parks today and two parks tomorrow, but as always, that’s up in the air as to how we feel.
I did end up at the doctor yesterday but the PA I saw didn’t really have much to tell me about the flare on my face. I have an appointment with a dermatologist on November 8, and it better be resolved before then honestly, because I am not sure I can handle having this for that long! I have another bump hurting like hell along the inside top bridge of my nose. Whether or not it’s a flare or just a pimple, I don’t know. It hurts like hell too, though! So we will see.
Still no period. Maybe the hikes today will trigger it. I had some sex finally with SirGawain yesterday evening, but I guess it wasn’t vigorous enough. HaHa if he reads that maybe that will spur him to action. That or else I’ll get a spanking. Honestly, I am really aggravated that my cycle is so fucking wacky. One thing that the doctor did confirm is that the Valtrex prescription was no good for me because I am HsV2 negative. We also had a discussion about the birth control pills, and I am done with those too. I mean, I never took any of them, so no worries.
My plans for the weekend got flipped around and canceled. MisterMoonbeam and I left late for our camping trip. We ended up getting Wendy’s drive thru for lunch, which we ate in the car. This caused me to need to pee sooner than expected, so we pulled off at an exit to find a bathroom.
I realized that we were very close to an area I hadn’t hiked at yet, so we decided to head there to hit the porta potties. Well, it was an NRMA, so I ended up popping a squat and peeing outside. Lol Once we were there, we figured we’d go ahead and start our adventure, and hike a mile or so just to cross it off the list.
Bad idea. We had no cell service, and we weren’t sure how long the loop trail was actually going to be. MisterMoonbeam was still on exercise restriction - it was just a bad choice for us to try and hike this. It ended up taking us several hours, with several stops for MisterMoonbeam to regain his breath and try and push through the pain. It was scary!
The total hike ended up being 2.5 miles. Which apparently was way too much for him, so instead of continuing with our camping trip, I drove us home and put him to bed. He’s been recovering the last two days and is doing much better. Poor guy!
Instead of camping, I spent some time yesterday reorganizing our camping closet. At this point we won’t be tenting out anymore this year. If I stay anyplace it will be in a hotel or cabin! MisterMoonbeam has said he wants to go down to the Outer Banks this month, but we will see. We have the Renn Faire the weekend of the 16th, and Hamilton is in November.
Today I will be spending the day at SirGawain’s. He’s paying BugGirl to sanitize and organize his upstairs bathroom. After we are done there, I’m taking them both back to Hagerstown to grab MisterMoonbeam and head to a new restaurant in town. DarkKnight will be at his Elf: The Musical practice, so I’m supposed to drop those guys off and then go pick up DK so we can then join everyone for a meal. I think it should be lots of fun!
Yesterday was a good day! I convinced MisterMoonbeam to come to Frederick with BugGirl and I, and we had lunch together at 5Guys once we could get my daughter from her sober house. We spent the afternoon at SirGawain’s place, completing various tasks.
I finally put together the first of four bookcase cabinets for the dining room, and cleaned the cat feeding area, which was starting to get a bit messy. BugGirl was focused on the main bathroom on the top floor of the townhouse, giving it a solid deep clean and scrub in preparation of painting in there next weekend. (She was paid her $20/hour rate.) MisterMoonbeam fixed a broken section of the backyard deck, with SirGawain providing an assist while running back and forth to Home Depot.
It was a busy day, but we accomplished a lot! We had a deadline though, as we had to meet DarkKnight back in Hagerstown for dinner - we had decided to give the new restaurant, Sushi Bomb, a try. I’m allergic to fish, but they had plenty I could eat. It’s an all-you-can-eat place for like $21 a person. I paid for everyone and it was both fun and delicious! I had a green salad with ginger dressing, hibachi steak with vegetable fried rice, and a vegetable roll. Collectively we all agreed to go again every weekend! (This won’t actually happen, but both SirGawain and MisterMoonbeam are FREAKS for sushi lol.)
After dinner, SirGawain and I returned to his house and spent the evening doing more projects - he caulked his bathroom tub and I put together a behind-the-toilet organizer & cleared out his linen closet. We didn’t have time to watch Vikings as we have been doing when I stay over, but I was happy to be there just the same. He did cuddle me quite a bit after, so that was nice too.
Unfortunately, I won’t be seeing him again until Thursday night, as DarkKnight is going to need me midweek. We have to finally put our cat Olivia to sleep. She’s our deaf FIV+ cancer survivor, but she’s struggling with kidney failure now. It’s time, poor girl. I adopted her with PunkRock the week before he left me, so we’ve had her less than two years. Still, she’s in all of our hearts and it’s going to be difficult. DarKnight is her person, and he loves her SO MUCH. He’s going to struggle.
Today I have to pay my son’s bills and get my overflow room into shape. My first Halloween costume giveaway is Thursday, so I need to get everything sorted for that. Geez, looking at my schedule, Thursday morning I am also taking 3 local cats to a rescue to get shots and fixed. I partnered with a different rescue, and they offered me a bunch of vouchers to share with the community to help families afford spay/neutering. Thursday is going to be crazy!
Oh today I am so overwhelmed. My one volunteer can’t make it because she has a fungal infection in her throat, and I canceled the other two because I have no idea what’s going on!
I’ve been to the bank and budgeted out my son’s money for the month, and he is not doing so well. He has like $170 left after I paid what was currently due, and I don’t have numbers yet for gas/electric/internet. $100 is being sent home to him today for groceries. I was hoping to get him an appointment for food stamps, but I haven’t been able to get him an updated ID showing his new address yet. I am hoping to schedule that by the end of October. Gah! I messaged him and told him to go get a job. I know it’s not that easy (which is why he is on permanent disability) but he needs to bring in something each month because surviving on just the $790 a month is tough!
My Chewy order came in and I need to put that away. Someone requested help with moving boxes, so if I break down what my order was shipped in, that’s a start.
I have a long furniture list I need to attend to and schedule for deliveries. This isn’t easy because looking at the list, I stupidly did not write down who was offering stuff to me, so I need to get out my laptop and do keyword searches to try and figure it out. Ugh. I also have several pickups for special requests that were no shows this weekend. All of those recipients have answered my messages this morning, thank goodness, but I now need to get their stuff ready.
The laundry mountain is not one I feel I can climb, but I can’t ignore it any longer.
There’s a pile of random nonsense by the front door. Shoes, drop offs, my overnight bag and I think the camera bag? I don’t even know. Dirty laundry mixed in for sure. Fuck. I don’t want to look at that either.
I need to load up my car with some stuff to go to the storage unit. Ugh again. I have bins but no shelving for that location, and it’s going to get horrific if I don’t do something. I need to make a post and beg for people to buy me two sets, at least. Not sure if anyone will sponsor that right now, but no way can I float that in my own budget since I will probably have to cover my son’s shortfall this month.
My Senior Santa program (Christmas presents for people aged 60+) has started. I have donors lined up and a few letters already. I need to match them up and start a spreadsheet. I also need to make a post about our Teen Christmas program today, but I am holding off until I can create that spreadsheet too. The first 15 spots available for that program will fill instantly so I have to have everything ready first.
I filled the Blessing Box once and I REALLY need to do it again. That’s the first thing I need to do after typing this. There are people on my porch right now, so I am writing while waiting for them to leave.
Doorbell ring while sitting here so I had to stop and bring in donations. While doing so, I noticed that I have a bunch of board games in the pile by the front door. Sigh. Those need to be taken downstairs. Not right now is the refrain! Maybe later. I messaged MisterMoonbeam while waiting for the donor to bring more things from the car because I am starving. He’s going to DoorDash Arby’s. I need to take inventory of our fridge and cupboards and make a shopping list for groceries. Maybe I could have made a sandwich; I have no idea!
Some other updates: I took another pregnancy test because I am now officially 2 weeks late on my period. Still negative. Not surprised, but I had the second one just sitting in a drawer and that helped clear that space up. I know I’m not pregnant so it wasn’t an issue.
I reopened my OKC account and started to see if I could swipe on some ladies in the area. I feel sad that I can’t see ButterCup. I chatted with her briefly this morning and she is now back to working at the office. No idea when I can see her again. I am apparently picky AF with female profiles. The first day I swiped only two that I liked, and the second day I swiped two again. I matched with one that first day, so I was super excited! I didn’t think it would happen at all. I wrote her a detailed message and then didn’t hear back. I was joking with my guys that now I was about to learn the OTHER side of online dating, where women never write back. Lol However, she sent me a response message last night at midnight! I was scared to read it, so I didn’t open it until a short bit ago and then I wrote back. Lol I feel all fluttery and nervous. How do I do this?!
I also have since gotten intros from three couples searching for a unicorn. None of them seemed appealing to me, to be honest. I wouldn’t mind something casual with a couple, but these three seemed crazy. Like straight up nutters. Telling me their rules already, and completely ignoring the fact that I am married and have other partners. Like, they are super interested and love my hair, but I need to be able to commit to only seeing them. Lol uh, no.
This week has been really all over the place with OKC.
I have a 50% response rate with women that I match with, so I guess that is good? However, I seem to grow real bored with the conversations pretty quick. I’m really picky with who I even swipe on, and then if we match, it’s not the lively chatting that I am used to with my guy matches. It’s like, ugh. Maybe I am just expecting too much.
I have matched with many more guys, but I don’t want to use what little time I could carve out for another person and “waste” it on a dude, when I want a female partner. I mean, I think that, but then, I’m like, if I can carve out time, then why would I turn down a good and worthwhile connection?
That said, I had a first date with a guy yesterday. He’s both my type and against type. He’s bald and has no beard, which is new for me lately, but he is a big dude. Lol We met at a Starbucks, and he got some sort of cold fruit tea and I had my regular chai latte. We had a positive chat back and forth (I probably talked too much) and I enjoyed it.
Oh my god he was super cute! His pictures were not the greatest but in person he was just adorable. I am definitely interested in learning more! He apparently has a lot of experience with BDSM and has written some books on the topic. He gives demos - is that the right word? - about being a Dom and he says he can give me plenty of names if I feel he needs to be vetted, if we progress with a relationship.
He comes across as extremely well put together, but then again, most guys don’t show you they’re a dumpster fire on the first date. Lol I got a kiss goodbye that was more like a peck, but I think he was nervous.
After our daytime meetup yesterday, he texted me consistently into the evening, so he is interested. I am as well. I told him that I am insanely busy right now with what I do, but we will see how that goes.
DarkKnight and I put Olivia to sleep on Wednesday. It was very sad. He was a wreck, and I was as well. We buried her next to the other kitties in the backyard afterward. The next day, I had to transport 3 cats to get fixed, and 1 ended up being FIV+, FeLV+ and it had some other disease as well. So it needed to be euthanized. It was a heavy blow coming so close to Olivia’s passing and it about broke me. I didn’t know that cat personally, but I knew him from talking to his owner so much over the last year or so. She was devastated, but we were able to get her to the vet to hold him as they did the injections. She’s homeless right now, so we were lucky she was in the area - DarkKnight picked her up and brought her to me at the vet office.
I have so much more to talk about but I am out of time.
MisterMoonbeam is interested in being my Dom! I’m so excited! It’s something he’s been working on in therapy - when we first started talking (oh geez over a year and a half now) he was interested, but has had issues with his emotions and history with his late wife. So as much as I wanted that, I gave him space and let him process whatever he needed.
Tonight he pulled out his rope and asked if he could try a couple of ties. Of course I said YES. I was wiggling all over inside but I tried to be good and let him practice. He couldn’t find his safety scissors, so he only did a few that he knew I could get out of easily, and that didn’t go around my head or neck or anything. He stopped after a bit and he is watching videos now. (He ordered a new pair of scissors.)
Things are going pretty great overall with my love life. I had a second date on Sunday with the new guy - we went to a local arcade that let you pay $15 and then had full access to all of their pinball machines, skeeball, air hockey, etc. We played some that came from other countries like playing the drums and dancing and hitting buttons to music. We were both terrible at it, but it was still fun. Most of the time though, we sat on a couch and talked while I played Sonic the Hedgehog on a big screen.
We are planning on getting together Thursday evening for like dinner or something. He invited me to come over and “Netflix and Chill” but I declined that. I still don’t feel I know him well enough to start messing around. I’m a little intimidated, to be honest. He was fine with that though, so that’s a good sign.
We’ve been chatting through messages on and off - about the same frequency as with my other partners, so that’s been good. I sent him my sexual list that I send every dude if things progress - my stuff about testing, safe sex, etc. This was the second time I’ve had to explain that one of my partners is positive for HSV-2, and I was nervous. However, I wasn’t overly so, because it’s early on in the relationship. I liked that - if he had said it was a dealbreaker for him, I would have been okay with letting him disappear.
That obviously didn’t happen, he just kind of ignored that part of my texting and instead focused on asking questions about other things. So later when I saw him, I said straight out, like hey, you didn’t say anything about this and I want there to be a conversation. Basically, he said he’s been in the community for a long time, and it’s nonsense to think you haven’t ever been exposed before. He said he’s negative, and would like to stay that way, so he appreciated that I am up front about it. He said from what I was saying though, he’s comfortable with things, especially if I’m negative and have stayed negative over the length of the relationship.
So that was good. I was a bit nervous about it, but not overly so. I mean, I’d had the same conversation with MisterMoonbeam, though he was even easier, as he had been in a relationship with someone that was HSV-2 positive at the time I met him. (And he didn’t get it.)
Anyway, I told him he needed to get tested, and he said that was absolutely fine and he would have done it anyway, without me asking.
I came out today on social media, about being bisexual. I didn’t have any negative responses, but I am still anxious about it. I actually closed the Blessing Box today and spent the day on the couch. Now, this wasn’t the only reason, but it did have me worked up. I changed my profile pic to be a little kitty in the bi flag colors, and my mom liked it. She didn’t like the post about me though! I think she didn’t recognize the colors and just liked the pic. Lol However, she didn’t call and yell at me, or tell me she was disappointed. Yet.
I’m quite sure she called everyone under the sun, including my sister. I also got radio silence from both of my siblings. No likes or comments. Though my sister did like something else I posted. I’m kinda okay with silence. Better than nonsense.
Actually this new guy commented a couple of times about the differences between pan and bi definitions. It came across a lot like mansplaining, and when I answered him, he sort of double-downed. It actually aggravated me. He later linked to a couple of articles which proved what I had said, with no comment, so it was kind of confusing? I figure I will talk to him on Thursday about it when I see him. I know he’s an ally, so it was kinda weird. It wasn’t disrespectful, just kind of like not his place to use it as a teaching moment - 1, because he was wrong and 2, he’s a straight white 56 year old male. Not a red flag, but a pink one.
So overwhelmed today. First thing, I got a message and I called a local nonprofit who wants to sponsor us for two weeks. I set that up - they’re going to be gathering non-perishable breakfast items for us. Sweet, but it took some time. Right after that I got a desperate message from a grandmother with a sick infant. She needed something to stop congestion and cold stuff. Since I don’t have a car today, I couldn’t transport it myself. She asked for tissues as well, as they were using rags. I texted a couple of people and found someone to go buy and deliver what she needed.