Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

I got my period this morning! 28 days exactly.

I am worried about my youngest daughter, more than I have been lately. My nephew and his fiancé arrived a little later than anticipated - a bit after 9 pm. She didn’t stay to see them. She was at the house for maybe an hour, but suddenly got super fidgety and said she had to leave when they were like 10 minutes away. I was like what?

I really feel like it’s the boyfriend. She was late arriving and then all of a sudden freaked and said she had to leave. I know he was at practice for a play, and I really got the impression that he got finished and she was *told* to come home. It was confusing, and it doesn’t really make sense any other way.

When I get home, I’m going to try to get her to come see me and see if she will talk about it. She has a history of controlling partners and I’m concerned. My oldest nephew and her used to be peas and carrots. There’s no way she would ditch seeing him without a really good reason.

I gave her $500 because her bank balance was like $2. I asked her if she was okay financially and she was evasive. I asked her if I gave her money what she would buy, and she was quick to say gas. When she saw how much I had transferred her, she was instantly excited and said, “I can get gas! And groceries! And I can pay bills!”

She told me she still sees PunkRock at work; he’s on the shift after her so he will wave at her. She says he doesn’t talk to her or treat her like his daughter any longer - he hasn’t ever invited her over to his house or anything. I asked her if she were okay with that, as he was her dad for almost a decade, and she sort of half shrugged and said it doesn’t matter how she feels, because he doesn’t care about her. This made me sad, but there’s nothing there for me to do.

She also said that HippieChick got fired and that she was kind of glad about it because everyone at work disliked her, for the most part, because she really wasn’t a nice person, and she didn’t do any work. Lol Anyway, my daughter said her boyfriend (who also works there) knows a lot about that situation, but he is in a position where he doesn’t talk about personnel issues, so he didn’t tell her any details, though she wishes she knew more. This was surprising to me, because I would have guessed PunkRock to lose his job first due to his drinking, but oh well. It’s an interesting fact, but not something that has anything to do with me.

Today is going to be busy - Pride is today! I have a new rainbow dress to wear, and I bought three rainbow polka dot umbrellas yesterday because it’s supposed to be raining today. I’m disappointed about that, but we are still going! Afterwards we are headed to Ocean City. Both DarkKnight and MisterMoonbeam are staying home - it’s me, BugGirl and my bestie, along with my nephew & his fiancé, who are all staying at a hotel overnight.
I was just checking my bank balance and I see that my youngest has already spent the $500 I gave her. What did she buy? Medicine copay at a pharmacy, groceries, her phone bill, and $20 at McDonalds. I’m so happy I helped her out. ❤️

Another fun time at Pride!
I’m spending time with my sister and her kids in Ocean City this weekend. My guys stayed home and I brought BugGirl and my bestie with me.

I have had lots of meaningful conversations with my nephew and his boyfriend, as they are planning their wedding for next Fall. I feel like I have some expertise in this, as I’ve been Maid of Honor several times for friends, and I’ve had 3 actual weddings of my own - a church wedding to my oldest two children’s father, a destination elopement with DarkKnight, and a private outdoor handfasting with PunkRock.

What’s hilarious is as I left on my trip yesterday, MisterMoonbeam made a comment about me having 3 bearded husbands and I point-blank said to him, “Oh, we aren’t married, remember?” He grew really flustered and I just laughed. We go back and forth with me telling him we need to get married and him just saying no. I think I wrote previously about how he wants us to say “life partner” now. This is really fine with me, as we’ve already worked out life insurance and his 401(k) paperwork in case something happens. We’re good on taking care of each other in the way that it matters financially. Definitely all good emotionally! ❤️

Anyway, it was nice to talk about weddings with my nephew. It isn’t something I generally think about unless I am in one! Lol

I guess the last few years I’ve been focused on moving forward and building my best life. When my kids bring up PunkRock, or even WarMan (which interesting because there have been more conversations about him lately than I would imagine possible!) it’s like, there’s a hitch in my brain and I go, who? Oh yeah, that guy. I’m over the hurt. I’m over the person. They actually don’t live in my brain much at all anymore. It’s a good place to be!

I only mention WarMan because I saw a mutual connection at Pride yesterday and again, it was like this momentary stutter and I’m like, oh! They exist! Maybe it’s kind of an insulated way to be, but I think it’s less healthy to be obsessed about someone silently, thinking about them at night - ha! or reading my journal like a stalker, like SirGawain was, after we broke up the second time. He was like, I needed to know! Lol Yeah, but it’s crazy to let people live in your head like that. I don’t understand that mentality, at all!

Like, if you are happy and live a full life, why spend time focused on me? Move the fuck on. Lol Apparently he couldn’t. That just screams, “you need a therapist” to me. Which, well, I guess he is seeing a therapist now. And I guess it worked out for him, as we are now together again, and knows all about what happened in the 3 years we were apart! 😂

Anyway, this stream of consciousness writing is getting me nowhere this morning. I’m off to the boardwalk with my bestie!
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Like, if you are happy and live a full life, why spend time focused on me? Move the fuck on. Lol Apparently he couldn’t. That just screams, “you need a therapist” to me. Which, well, I guess he is seeing a therapist now.
I have someone like this in my life that I'm this way about. For me at least, it's a notion of something which was seeded in the past that created some present influnce which wouldn't have been there if not for some immensely intentional manipulation of an aspect of a previous psychological state that was shared with that individual at that time, one which not only influenced the entirety of my persona even to the present moment, but also was communicated as the deepest bond that could possibly be shared by that individual. Add on top all the virtue signaling, "Let's get married" or "What do you want to name the kids when we have them." and you enter into a place where it's not just that "Oh, just move on. It's over.", it becomes that you may have given that person the most valuable and beautiful experience they may ever have, and that kind of experience doesnt undo itself just because the connection is gone.

At a certain point in that kind of experience people can have breakdowns caused by their own direct intent in the communications they share after a breakup, and the manipulations of that kind of codependent behavior can make that breakdown even more invasive, like you said. Glad you're out of that relationship and sharing your pride without thinking twice!
At a certain point in that kind of experience people can have breakdowns caused by their own direct intent in the communications they share after a breakup, and the manipulations of that kind of codependent behavior can make that breakdown even more invasive, like you said. Glad you're out of that relationship and sharing your pride without thinking twice!
We are dating again after 3 years!
I am back from Ocean City. On one hand, I had a blast. It was fun sharing time with my daughter, my bestie, and my niece and nephews. On the other, on the drive home I was given information that still has me literally vibrating with anger.

My sister smoked pot in front of my daughter. My daughter who has fought to stay clean and sober for 14 months. My daughter who I love more than life itself, who I am proud of, care for, and love more than I can imagine if she had been born of my body. My girl who on the drive home, shared what happened, on THIS side of the Bay Bridge, which is very smart of her, because if we had been closer to the beach, I would have turned around to go back and scream directly in my sister’s fucking face.

We had a big family group dinner across from my sister’s condo rental, and people left in stages. My sister left with BugGirl, and apparently right outside the hotel, she asked, “Hey, do you know what the Maryland stance is on recreational use?” BugGirl said she was like, well, I guess it’s not really illegal anymore…and then my sister whipped out a bowl and started smoking up.

BugGirl said she was really shocked, but kept her wits together. She said that since she had just gone to a concert, pot had kind of been desensitized to her from it being a triggering sort of thing. Still, the fact that my sister never asked if it would bother her, or could possibly be an issue, has me beyond appalled.

I’m absolutely fucking furious that she would risk my daughter’s sobriety by doing something so stupid. Your family should be a safe harbor, not a mind field . We had just been talking about BugGirl’s two rehab stints, her meetings, her struggles. To just be so selfish and clueless - I don’t even know where to go with this.

The fear that struck me was so immediate and intense, it was jarring.

I feel like I MUST address this with my sister. I can’t just ignore it, no harm done. I’m thinking about sending a text, as I am sure as soon as I start talking on the phone, she will start interrupting and yelling, deflecting everything. I’m still thinking about what to say. I am waiting til I calm down more.
This is what I sent to my sister today:

BugGirl shared with me that on Saturday night, you smoked pot in front of her. She was distraught when she shared this with me. I am both appalled and angry. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. She has struggled with addiction and has been in two rehabs, and is now looking at 14 months sober. The fact that you would risk her sobriety in such a reckless way is horrifying.

You did not ask her if it was okay. You didn’t ask if it would trigger her. Family is supposed to be a safe harbor - what you did was risk her falling overboard.

I am glad that she is strong. You had no way of knowing that, however. You carelessly risked her life. I’m not sure if you just didn’t think, or if you just didn’t care. Either way, it could have had absolutely disastrous consequences.

Please make better choices next time. If you’re in the presence of someone who is in recovery, ASK.


This chick who hugged me at Pride messaged me tonight to say she just tested positive. I’ve had laryngitis since yesterday. My test showed positive within two minutes. FUCK. So far no one else around me has, including my family in Ocean City. MisterMoonbeam isn’t feeling too good but his test was just negative. He’s going to retest tomorrow though. My BFF says she’s negative and has never felt better.

I sent a message to my doctor through the online contact thing and I have to say I am happy with the response. I figured it would take a while, but legit 4 hours and a pharmacist is calling me. They’re prescribing me Paxlovid, because they feel I am high risk with my autoimmune and auto inflammatory stuff going on. He said they are giving me the “heavy duty” dose, but looking online there isn’t really anything called that? Anyway, I guess it’s 3 pills in the morning and 3 in the evening.

I am now currently experiencing almost every symptom on the list with Covid. I went from like mild to “I am going to die” overnight. I still have my sense of smell and taste, but I’ve got a sore throat, a cough, a runny nose, a stopped up face, headache, fever, body aches, chills and exhaustion. I vomited this morning. Hopefully this medicine will help because this seriously sucks.
Still really sick. I can’t say that the Paxlovid has really done anything. I’m exhausted from coughing so much. I lost my sense of smell overnight. I can sorta still taste things but it seems to be just the seasoning!
Went to the ER this morning. Apparently I have a sinus infection and bronchitis. Clear for pneumonia, but the sinus stuff could travel. I’m now on a Z-pack. They gave me some Tramadol, so my sore throat was like, gone. I I was released and went home, I immediately went to bed, because I could finally not focus on that pain! Woke up a short bit ago and the Tramadol had worn off. Lol Very noticeable.

I have one more dose left of the Paxlovid. I don’t feel like it’s done anything at all, but I will finish it off.
We are going to knock out one of my Bucket List items and finally see the Corning Museum of Glass on Sunday! I am so excited. Those tickets have to be purchased now as well - we are going to do one of their glass-blowing classes while there.
Thank you for reminding me to put this on my Bucket List as well - the videos are mesmerizing!!!
Thank you for reminding me to put this on my Bucket List as well - the videos are mesmerizing!!!
The ornaments we made have arrived in the mail, but I have been too sick to open the box and check them out!

MisterMoonbeam started his own ZPack last night but vomited up his first dose almost immediately. He didn’t sleep well last night. He just got up to take a shower to see if that could help. He’s still negative for Covid but extremely ill.

I can feel like, every lymph node in my neck. It’s so fucking harsh and painful. My cough just burns along the sides of my throat. I wanna carve out the pain. I have never felt this sort of burning! I’ve tried to take 2 Advil at the same time as my DayQuil dose, but it seriously isn’t touching it. SirGawain sent me 5 bags of different throat drops through DoorDash last night!
Still sick. This is terrible.

MisterMoonbeam shaved his beard off. It was a little disconcerting at first, but it makes him look younger. I wish I was well because I would fuck him.
I’ve lost 13 pounds - almost 14 - since last week. I still feel ill but I am getting better slowly. My appetite is non existent. I mean, I feel really hungry, but then I eat two bites of food and I can’t anymore. It’s exhausting to eat. I showered today and it just wiped me TF out.

I am tired of being in MisterMoonbeam’s bedroom but I don’t want to give anyone else Covid. I am going to test tomorrow and see if I am negative yet. I still have symptoms though - coughing, runny nose, exhaustion. Much less though.

I’ve been watching Battlestar Galactica because I never did before. I just finished season 2 and I’m fucking pissed at the writers. Like what? All of a sudden they are on a planet? It makes no fucking sense. The Cylons destroyed 12 of your planets and wiped out all but like 50,000 people. So what do you do? Find a shitty planet and put all of the remaining humans there? And hope for the best? And oh look, it took a year for them to come there. Dumbasses. I refuse to believe the entire fucking Fleet agreed to be that stupid, in like the last 15 minutes of this episode. Did they think the show wasn’t going to be renewed? I’m mad enough that I don’t want to watch anymore. MisterMoonbeam told me I need to give it a chance but I feel betrayed by the writers.

There are other shows that I just stopped watching because of trash like this. Original Transformers - when Galvatron threw StarScream into space I was pissed. I continued watching until the “StarScream’s Ghost” episode because I was told that existed, but then I never watched another episode. Same thing with oh what was that show - Prison Break. I had a stupid crush on the one skeevy prison guard. I think his name was Brad? Anyway, when they killed him off in the last season, I just stopped watching. I have no idea how the series ends, because I was butt hurt about it.

I know there are other shows that I did this with but this one in particular is happening now. I am willing to keep going but only because MisterMoonbeam says there is a cool battle scene in a few episodes. It better be amazing because I don’t waste my time with TV shows that irritate me. Which is funny because I can watch trash for days. But if I get invested and there is bullshit, I am done.
I’m feeling much improved today but still the exhaustion is overwhelming. I’ve never felt so energy-depleted in my life. I did test negative for Covid last night (yay!) and I took my last antibiotic an hour or so ago. I’m just hoping now it will be a day-by-day progression of improvement.

I have plans for this weekend, if I can! I have $75 in Torrid cash I need to use by Sunday, and there’s a Ren Faire clothing/accessories sale on Saturday. I’m hoping I can rest the next two days and then be able to handle those things. Shopping should be easy, I hope.

Next Friday night is the all-white party in town that I have tickets for with MisterMoonbeam. The thought of tearing up a dance floor is laughable to me right now, but I am rooting for us! And then that Sunday we fly to Phoenix for a week there and in Tuscon. I literally have zero plans in Arizona even scheduled, so I need to figure that out.