I have so much to catch up with on here and no time.
I had a pretty bad weekend - but here are the events leading up:
1. In January, my sister called me hysterical that my mother was being verbally and financially abused by our brother. She told me I needed to handle it. Mom was being evicted due to him.
2. I called my mom and she told me things were terrible and she wanted to move here.
3. I had breakfast in person with my sister, and she agreed to pay half of everything needed to move our mom here. I would pay the other half. She said her boyfriend would drive the moving truck, I would pay the gas and for the truck rental. She would put it on her credit card and I would reimburse her 100% when they arrived. She would be paying for a car rental to drive down and would cover her gas, that rental and for food. They would stay overnight at my house and then drive home the rental car the next day, after returning the truck here.
3. I called at the beginning of April and she denied this conversation completely, screamed repeatedly that she was broke and then reserved the rental.
4. Two weeks ago, my brother talked to our sister and asked if he was going to be needed to drive the truck because if so he'd need the weekend off of work. She said no. He got Saturday (yesterday) off to help pack the truck.
5. At the beginning of this week, my sister’s boyfriend called my brother telling him that he didn't want to drive my mother to Maryland and that he was a shit son for not doing it.
6. My mom called me crying because of this. Later she said she talked to my sister, and my sister said to ignore her boyfriend and everything was fine. Her boyfriend again called our brother and then told him he was going to fight him for telling my sister.
7. Thursday night my mom called, again hysterical, saying that the boyfriend couldn't drive the truck because suddenly he had mandatory overtime. My sister messaged at the same time saying it wasn't her fault and I would just have to cover the cost of everything and figure it out.
8. She was very nasty, saying I didn't work and don't do much of anything and she works 60 hours a week and so I should just deal with it. She said there was no reason she should have to pay anything, and to try and involve her in this move was bullshit.
9. I gave her three different ways to handle things, and she ultimately decided my brother could drive the truck and she would pay for it. I would then have to drive my brother back to NY, paying for my gas back and forth, and a hotel.
10. Saturday morning she calls, screams at me repeatedly, calls me all sorts of names, because she can't rent the truck as planned. She had listed my brother as the driver, and apparently he had a previous balance with the company, so they canceled everything. Says we are taking advantage and stealing money from her? I’m like, what?
11. The plan became for MisterMoonbeam and I to pay to rent the truck in NY, and he would drive it back down. We drove the 6 hour trip, in spite of him JUST getting off a cross country airplane trip from Arizona on Friday.
12. My sister told us she would have people available to load the truck and will give our mom $200 to cover gas for this truck. My brother told our mom he would give her $100. My brother ended up doing all of the loading alone in the evening with MisterMoonbeam, though in the morning my niece (sister’s adult daughter) helped him bring everything down to a staging area. My brother gave no money. My sister spent the entire first half of the drive calling me screaming, texting terrible things. She gave my mom the money though.
13. We paid for the gas in my car, to and from NY. We paid for the truck rental. We also covered the cost of a pet friendly hotel room in NY.
14. We drove back to Maryland today. My mother gave me $100 for the gas, and then I had to buy her a new bookcase because her old one got smashed on the trip ($37).
I feel so exhausted. My sister’s anger management issues are absolutely insane. The least bit of a hiccup and she has a tantrum worst than any toddler I’ve ever experienced. My mom said she was absolutely embarrassed that my sister was at her apartment in the morning, because she was swearing and screaming up and down the shared hallway. (My mom lived in a rent controlled Senior facility.) She was shouting saying that I was stealing her money and trying to take advantage of her. At one point she called me and was saying how I think I’m so much better than her because of “my men” and that she knows how I control them to do what I say.
Every time she is out of control, she brings up my partners and uses them like a slur or something so should be ashamed of - it infuriates me.
Trying to deescalate the situation was a full time job this weekend, and the drama was completely avoidable - my sister just goes absolute bonkers over changes (that she makes) and then goes into combat mode before I can even get a word in edgewise. I told her to please focus on just getting my mom moved safely, and she kept trying to switch the topic to everything under the sun that she was mad about - half of which I really don’t understand and most are issues of her own making.
Anyway, I hate this entire situation. I don’t like this drama. I’m going even lower contact with her after this.
After returning the truck and coming home, MisterMoonbeam and I dropped and slept for 3 hours. I’m so happy to be home, though the aftermath of this is going to consume me tomorrow, as I have no idea how these charges are going to be covered. We put almost everything on credit cards. My budget is blown and I’m just sick about it. In the moment I just wanted to solve the immediate problem of moving my mom.
There is a lot more going on in my life now, drama-wise, but I am still trying to focus on the positives. My mom is now in a safe place, and I will no longer have to Instacart hundreds of dollars worth of groceries to her each month.
I absolutely feel supported by my partners. MisterMoonbeam had never experienced my sister before and he was like absolutely blown away by her texts as my car was reading them as I drove and I put all of her calls in speakphone. I didn’t need to exaggerate or make up anything - he was there seeing it for real.
Ugh.
Anyway, I’m going to eat some Japanese food for dinner (DarkKnight went to get it) and I am not going to focus on anything but getting my thoughts centered on positives. Finances are future Holly’s problem tomorrow.
I woke up and took this picture. I’m emotionally exhausted and just done. I’m still smiling though. Maybe the magic word this year isn’t joy, but resiliency.
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They’ve been bringing over a van load every day when DarkKnight gets out of work, and I pay my son $25/hour to help. So though he’s unemployed at the moment, he’s got something to spend.
The waterfall is right out of the window here. We also had a professional come and look at the water feature this weekend, but we weren’t really into the prices he was quoting us. I think we are going to try and clean out the muck in the pond ourselves.