Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

I don’t feel so good today. I was up but then fell back asleep until 10 am. I spoke to a couple of friends over text and I’m now hosting a board game tomorrow (yay!) so that is nice. I haven’t heard from LittleMichigan yet though she told me yesterday she’d come by today for Mother’s Day.

I feel woozy. I finally hole-punched the completed Health Care Proxy & Advanced Directives for all 3 of us, and they’re now in our individual “Get it Together” binders. I also had DarkKnight fax over my name change to my insurance company. I have the change of beneficiary form complete but I want to get the name change verified first so there is no confusion. I figure I can have him fax that later this week.

I also got the two wills in my email this morning. There was one error on MisterMoonbeam’s will - LittleMichigan was listed as his daughter, instead of my daughter. So we sent that change back. We should be getting a message with an appointment to go in and sign them later this week. I need to get DarkKnight’s will done as well somehow - he might have legal services for free as well through work so I am going to have him check on that.

DarkKnight and I went out tonight to the Black Box theater downtown for a private party. They had recorded their first-day showing when American Idiot was performed, so they hosted a get-together watch party. We ate some food, DarkKnight had a shot of top-shelf whiskey, and then we saw the show again. :)

I’m starting to second guess my decision to get my hair chopped off right before surgery. I know it’s going to be a pain to keep it nice while in recovery, but it’s super fun having it long and I love it. BugGirl told me I needed to keep it and she’d French braid it at least once a week so it stays contained half the time. lol I don’t know. Maybe I’ll do a Facebook poll and see what people think. If I cut it, it’s going to just be to where the greens and blue are on the bottom third.
I realized today I never posted my vows to MisterMoonbeam when we got married last month. So here they are for posterity:

Normally at weddings, the officiant tells a little story about how the couple first met, or describes how they fell in love. Well, it’s just us, and we know all that past stuff. So instead, today I just want to promise you my future. No matter how long our time lasts, you will be my forever.

I promise you wholeheartedly that I will love you with all of my passion and every fiber of my soul. You will always be cared for and you will always have me in your corner. My commitment to you is one I give willingly, absolutely, and without hesitation.

When I look at you, I see all of you, and not just the parts you’ve wanted to show me. I love the parts you’ve tried to keep hidden, the parts I don’t yet understand, the parts that weigh on your shoulders, and the parts that you’re afraid that I might suspect or see. Love is not blind - it sees all. So I see your flaws and faults and - not to fret - I love all of you.

It helps that I find you to be ridiculously good looking.

I promise to be there when you need me, to fill your days with contentment, to comfort you and encourage you, to help you reach your goals, and to be your best friend ever after.

And when it is after, I can’t say if I will be on a cloud, or if I’ll become a bird, or maybe I’ll shoot across the sky as a sunbeam. But I do know that my soul will be lighter, with you having been in my life.

I will love you always, MisterMoonbeam. Do not doubt it. Thank you for choosing me. Know that I will keep on choosing you.

From this day forward, I will be your wife.

I just asked MisterMoonbeam and he said I could transcribe his vows to me here as well:

I, MisterMoonbeam, take you, Bluebird, to be my partner and lawfully wedded wife.

I bring to you
All that I am
For us to share, together
My home, my family, my heart

To share your thoughtful, giving and passionate heart.

Your light brought me out of the darkest part of my life

And now my life with you shines brighter than the sun.

I have loved and cherished you for the last four years

And I will love and cherish you for the rest of my days,

To have and to hold,
To share and to listen,
To adore and be adored,
To forgive and be forgiven,
To accept and be accepted

For richer or poorer
In sickness and health
In sometimes and crazy


I had my pre-op oncology appointment this morning. I spoke with my surgeon and he did another internal exam since he hadn’t seen me since February. (The insurance required it.) I’m a little shocked about things that he said.

He said he is now going to shoot for me keeping my ovaries. Previously he had said that he absolutely was taking them, but when I asked today he said he was going to take the tubes and leave the ovaries so I wouldn’t need HRT. I was shocked at this switch and he made me feel some sort of way because he couldn’t tell me why he had changed his mind on this. I am absolutely excited and happy, but confused a bit.


He also said he was going to attempt to do a six inch incision! I was like omg you have no idea how much I have been dreading the larger cut and he said he understood. Again, I asked him what changed and he was just like, this is best case scenario. 🤷‍♀️ This will absolutely reduce my recovery time so I fucking hope it ends up being the case!

He said I can get a pedicure next week so that has me smiling as well.

Honestly, the appointment was much more positive than the previous one so I don’t really understand what happened. My follow up with my regular doctor and the anesthesia office visit had my paperwork saying everything I was told the first time around, so I really don’t know what changed.

I’m in a lot of pain today too. He told me absolutely no more Advil between now and surgery next week, but instead just take 2 extra strength Tylenol every 6 hours. To tell the truth, I will resist this a ton because Tylenol is something I don’t like - the pills are large and difficult for me to swallow. I’m more likely to just try and walk it off, or lay down and cry.

I still haven’t decided whether to chop my hair or not. If I’m apt to have a regular recovery time, I think I could manage it.

MisterMoonbeam cut me a rose from our garden last night, so here are a couple of photos of our blind cat Poppy, investigating the scent. 🌹♥️

Update on Mother’s Day - I saw all 3 of my children at different times, since they have different responsibilities and work schedules. All of them were so sweet!

I believe I posted about BugGirl - I saw her and her boyfriend on Mother’s Day - they brought me an orchid and a card and she promised to do a deep clean of my house next week before surgery.


LittleMichigan came over on Wednesday and she helped me empty and organize my “camping closet” in the North Wing hallway. It had been crammed with absolute nonsense since the move-in last year and now it’s almost empty and very much in order.


BeanBoy worked a full shift today of 4 am to 1 pm and then came over to dig up the stinky geraniums to the right of my front porch. I had exactly one bag of mulch left from last year, so I was able to spread that out. My plan is to do the rest of the front beds along the house this weekend! I’m also going to buy a new pressure washer and get the front stoop and sidewalk looking nice again.





I can’t wait to get this looking better!

Anyway, after yard work, my son worked in the garage for about an hour, filling my car with donations and making a big pile for the dump. I wanted to buy an edger attachment for my Ryobi stick and I couldn’t find the battery charger, so we worked in the garage until it was located. :) Then he fell asleep in my sunroom. ❤️



Oh, and he bought me fuzzy slippers for after my surgery!


Oh, also today I picked up my new glasses. They’re the same as my old ones, except with much improved lenses. I can see again!

I am in a MASSIVE amount of pain. I’m not supposed to take Advil any more because of the upcoming surgery, but this Tylenol is not cutting it. This morning I feel absolutely wretched. I have horrific stabbing pain on my right side, intense nausea, exhaustion. I did sleep last night but you can’t tell this morning! I need this to stop. 😭😭

I’m trying to focus on other things so maybe it will all go away. :(

Yesterday was my date night with MisterMoonbeam and we went to Home Depot and bought everything I could think of for the front of the house. We got 10 bags of mulch, a pressure washer and accessories, a Ryobi edger that connects to their extend-a pole thingy, some flowers, a new doormat, concrete primer and paint, paint for the front door and trim, and a gallon of green to see about painting a big pride flag on the garage side of the house. I didn’t buy the other colors because I was thinking maybe we didn’t need an entire gallon - so we’d start with the middle stripe and see if we can purchase less paint for the other colors!

MisterMoonbeam just left to go get us Starbucks. I told him I want to eat trash - I don’t care this morning. I want a double smoke bacon sandwich. Fuck my diabetes today. He said okay. Now I feel terrible at this idea but I’m not going to make good choices this morning when I hurt this much. Fuck it. I’m sure I will feel worse about it later but right now I don’t care. I’m craving it.

We have a couple of episodes left of season 2 of the UK Traitors so I wanna eat trash, finish that up and then sleep the rest of the day. I desperately want to get started on the front door project but this pain legit has me not wanting to move.

Omg I need Thursday to come soon. Just make the pain stop, please!

Yesterday the three of us did outside work on our house. This first picture is the side of our garage - MisterMoonbeam cut back these bridal veil bushes. Our plan is to paint the sections to be a pride flag! I bought a gallon of green paint for the middle stripe - and that’s it. I want to make sure it just takes a gallon, and if it’s less of a gallon I won’t have spent too much on all the other colors yet! Anyway, cutting back the bushes was step one. :)

He also put together our new edger, but he had a lot of issues using it - it kept getting clogged. Apparently our yard is all clay, and it was damp. He got a good start, anyway! We were all very positive about continuing - it’s amazing how small of a change makes such a big difference. He also did the longest side of our driveway.


I cut back the vines on the light pole, and then I spread out 2 bags of mulch along the front flower bed. I’m hoping to do at least one more today. DarkKnight went grocery shopping when we started, but at the end he came out and grabbed up all of the leaves and weeds I pulled out!



I have a large blister on my right thumb, after trimming back these bushes! I should have taken some “before” pics because it was truly a mess under these.

Later, the 3 of us watched more episodes of Game Changers. We just started season 5. MisterMoonbeam & I also began watching The Traitors - we began the New Zealand one last night, after having already seen the US and the UK two seasons.

Overall it was a good day, but that was surprising because in the morning it was legit the WORST pain I have ever had. I’m on Extra Strength Tylenol only now, and I have to say it’s not touching it. I cried a bunch but I didn’t want my day to be a waste, so I pushed through it and was able to feel accomplished with the yard work.

I do want to power wash but I don’t see that happening soon - I want to have the edging finished first. So I won’t be painting - I think I’m going to run out of time and the guys will have to handle that. I’m struggling with the thought that I can’t work on what I want to work on right now.
This morning was emotional for me. A couple of weeks ago I received a letter telling me I had to appear at a local lab for a blood screen & tying prior to my upcoming surgery. The letter was very specific and focused on the fact that it HAD to be this lab, this date. It couldn’t be done earlier, or later, as they’d be ordering products from the blood bank.

Well, as it turns out, MisterMoonbeam had to go into the office today, so that meant I had to get to the lab when it opened - at 6 am. I did that okay, though pain had me awake at 4. I arrived and was 5th in line. After getting checked in and waiting for a bit, I got called up that there was a problem - my order for blood had been put “on hold.”

I told the worker that was impossible - I JUST saw my oncologist and both he and the anesthesia office both had reiterated that today was the day. So the worker called the answering service and asked them to have the on-call doctor contact her so we could get this done! Well, no one called back.

After a while, I went home. MisterMoonbeam ended up leaving late, and I was very frustrated and emotional. I really didn’t understand what had gone wrong. I then had to wait until 8 am, for the oncology office to open and I could find out what happened.

Y’all, they were like, oh my bad. We’re sending the order over today. I was so pissed - they legit sent me the paper highlighting that I had to be there on the 20th, and then they can’t even release the order? They apologized and said I could go Tuesday or Wednesday. I was like, are you sure, because surgery is Thursday. The lady on the phone paused and said, ohhhh yeah you need to go today.

Except of course now I don’t have a car, as MisterMoonbeam left for Dulles, and
DarkKnight took the van today. It’s so frustrating! I ended up hanging up with the lady, with her saying I should go first thing again, tomorrow morning.

While in the waiting room, I realized that my license was missing. Well, long story short, I ended up having to order a new one when I got home, paying $17 to have it sent express. I have zero idea of where it was lost - I’ve been home more than I’m out due to my pain cutting everything short lately.

My other frustration this morning is that yesterday I discovered the health care app was showing my new insurance hadn’t yet approved the surgery! The pre-authorization was still showing as “pending.”

I had to wait until 8:30 am to message their live assistance, and they were like, oh yeah, seeing as how that is on Thursday, we’ll escalate your request. Thankfully, it’s now listed as approved.

So I think now everything is handled. After being put through my emotions this morning, I fell asleep for a long time, waking up after 1 pm.
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What in the FUCK? I got my period. Ten days early! This was supposed to not ever be back. Of course my fucking body would do this. OMG. I’ve felt terrible all day. Lovely.
I was asleep before 11 pm last night. I took more extra strength Tylenol and cried a bit because the pain was unbearable. I spent the entire day just feeling miserable, and accomplishing nothing. I had a headache that just would not stop, and combined with my always-there abdominal pain and achy feelings, I really had a rough time.

I went to sleep after MisterMoonbeam read to me, feeling upset and robbed. I don’t know - I really had planned on spending this week getting laid. After surgery, the vaginal cuff will keep me celibate for a while, and I don’t know why I thought I’d be in peak form or something! I’m an idiot - of course I feel terrible. I am way too miserable to be horny, so you know that’s something.

Right now I feel like there are two sentences that can be used to sum up my life. The one that is applicable here is that I never really had a point where I was sexually satisfied. That’s a selfish statement, but very true. There was always something cockblocking me! I had short sections of adequate amounts, but never the long-term satisfaction I’ve desired. It’s sad to look back and wish that I’d had more sex, but, well, there it is.

The other thing that stands out to me in retrospect is much more of a positive definition. When I take my life in as a whole, I’ve spent a lot of time doing what I can for my friends and family, taking time to focus on community, my neighbors, my coworkers. Even before the Blessing Box, I was a “Minion,” and I ran the Fresh Air Fund for my city. I adopted 3 older children; I was involved in a homeschool co-op; I was on committees that helped local companies give out scholarships - I created a scholarship! - and my work was to help others do their jobs more effectively.

I think I can sum up my life with one phrase: I was happy to help.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot. If I make it through this bullshit and it turns out the cancer thing is bullshit and/or I overcome it, when I am able to get back to being useful, I definitely want to continue to help. I need to do something that brings in an income, because it’s been a while, but it also needs to be meaningful. I created my own meaning for several years, and I’d like to continue that further. Doing what, I don’t know, but maybe that can be the focus during this year of rest. I can figure it out.
MisterMoonbeam took me to the lab today, and that requirement is now complete. I have a red band on my wrist with all of my info, and they told me multiple times it can’t come off as it’s needed for surgery. I’ve already got the results back that I am type A+. This is hilarious to me, because I’ve been a blood donor for 30 years, and I was a dedicated donor of platelets for a child with leukemia at one point. I know my blood type. But, well, I guess they need to be sure!

About an hour after my blood draw, the surgical center called to verify all of my details. I know it’s because they received my lab results and needed to match me up with the blood bank order.

I’m getting more anxious as time marches on. I did message with my first ex-husband this past weekend. We have remained friendly but don’t really reach out to each other because there’s no reason - our kids are grown (BeanBoy and BugGirl are his, we adopted them together) and we are both remarried to other people. We’re Facebook friends but he’s not really an online sort of person. Anyway, I knew he wasn’t up to date on me, so I messaged him to give him a head’s up, in case our kids reach out to him. It was a brief chat but he thanked me for letting him know.

The only other ex I have reached out to is SmoothJazz, as he and I still message frequently. He asked to be on DarkKnight’s contact list on the day of surgery, and he’s said he will visit in June. Oh, and I guess SirGawain’s FWB, she’s been messaging me about once a week and she’s planning on stopping by the hospital on Thursday evening.

BugGirl is supposed to be coming by tonight to deep clean my bedroom, so it will be fresh when I come home from the hospital.

MisterMoonbeam finished the edging along the front sidewalk today and I’m loving it. Next up is the pressure washing, then primer & new paint. I was dumb to think I’d get this complete before my surgery. It’s a start, anyway!

BugGirl was here for 4 hours tonight, deep cleaning my master suite so it’d be nice for me after surgery. She just left. She’s on our schedule to come back next Thursday for a cleaning session - I have several people on the calendar to help out afterward. However, that will literally be cat litter and watering the plants. She did tons more today, including setting up my mini fridge. MisterMoonbeam assisted with that, as it needed to be taken outside and hosed out - it hadn’t been used since before we moved last year!

We started a fire in the backyard tonight while DarkKnight was at his choral practice. I’m out here alone, as MisterMoonbeam went in a bit ago to shower and DarkKnight is doing his evening routine. I have a pitcher of water to put this out, but I’m enjoying the evening.


What in the FUCK? I got my period. Ten days early! This was supposed to not ever be back. Of course my fucking body would do this. OMG. I’ve felt terrible all day. Lovely.
The same thing happened to me. At least when they ask you "what was the date of your last period" you'll always remember.
I am so incredibly anxious. I had my last meal before surgery tomorrow (Arby’s) - I’m not allowed to eat or drink anything past 8 pm - and I’m waiting for it to be 9:30 so I can get an enema and shower with Hibiclens. Hopefully then I can sleep at least a little.

MisterMoonbeam finished the book trilogy he was reading aloud to me (Desperate Measures - Precious Cargo - Essence of Evil) and he just left to scoop litter and take out the trash. I’m waiting for DarkKnight to get home from his first read through with his next theater production. He and I had sexy times when he got home from work.
I hope everything goes smoothly with your surgery Bluebird!
I am so incredibly anxious. I had my last meal before surgery tomorrow (Arby’s) - I’m not allowed to eat or drink anything past 8 pm - and I’m waiting for it to be 9:30 so I can get an enema and shower with Hibiclens. Hopefully then I can sleep at least a little.

MisterMoonbeam finished the book trilogy he was reading aloud to me (Desperate Measures - Precious Cargo - Essence of Evil) and he just left to scoop litter and take out the trash. I’m waiting for DarkKnight to get home from his first read through with his next theater production. He and I had sexy times when he got home from work.
Good luck. I think the anxiety is totally understandable. I hope it all goes well and you are home recovering very soon xx
I’m officially in recovery phase now, y’all!

Surgery was only 2 hours but it took 3 or so afterward to come awake and stop screaming. I think I upset the anesthesiologist because at one point he said he gave me so many pain meds I stopped breathing. Literally, it was the worst pain I’d ever been in. 😭

Overnight was rough, but today I’m shambling around the hospital halls every other hour and I can pee on my own. Surgeon says he will send me home tomorrow! My pain still exists, but it’s controlled.

He ended up taking everything - uterus, fallopian tubes, cervix and ovaries. Apparently the mass inside me was the size of a 6 month pregnancy! No wonder it hurt so bad…

The oncologist says it doesn’t look like cancer, but we are waiting for the biopsy to come back to confirm it. Oh, and the incision ended up being just 6 inches! It has been a best case scenario, overall. I feel so lucky that things are working out. My recovery time should be less too!

I’ve now had red jello twice in two days, which is more jello than I’ve had in three decades. 😂
I'm glad it went okay, except that you somehow felt the pain despite being under general anesthesia.

You did well, and I am sure you'll recover quickly and still be able to enjoy the summer!
I'm glad it went okay, except that you somehow felt the pain despite being under general anesthesia.

You did well, and I am sure you'll recover quickly and still be able to enjoy the summer!
It was in recovery that the pain came forward. I’m glad he got ahold of it for me eventually. Now I’m pretty much at a level 2? Still noticeable but livable!