GF suggested cuckolding, I'm not sure

A

Andy0132

New member
I'm 28, my GF is 27. We've been together for close to 2 years now, and honestly we're just not sexually compatible. We've tried our best, but it's very unfulfilling.

It's gotten to the point where my GF has brought up seeing other guys (basically cuckolding). I don't blame her, but I also feel embarrassed and emasculated by it. I don't want her to see me as less of a man if I let her do this. She swears she won't, but I'm still on the fence.

Any experience with this is appreciated. Please delete if not allowed.
 
You might look up the definition, because from my understanding, as a cuckold, it means you would be doing the cleanup. Not to sound crass, but that's my understanding. I think just her dating others privately, where you don't need to know the details, is a different thing.

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. That is a lot to process, but many couples are able to work through agreements. I started my own journey more than 20 years ago through this situation and it was not a bad solution for us at all.
 
Kynde said:
You might look up the definition because from my understanding, it means you would be doing the cleanup... Not to sound crass... I think just her dating others privately where you don't need to know the details is a different thing. I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. That is a lot to process, but many couples are able to work through agreements. I started my own journey more than 20 years ago through this situation and it was not a bad solution for us at all.
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I was under the impression clean-up was something that was done as a case-by-case basis for couples, and that not all of them did it. It's something I'd be highly on the fence about, for sure.
 
Hello Andy0132,

What you need to do first, is determine whether cuckolding is right for you. Cuckolding is not for everyone. Generally speaking, cuckolding is a sexual fetish, whereas polyamory is all about multiple relationships, so the two are not the same, although they are both subsets of ENM.

You and your girlfriend are sexually incompatible. Are the two of you still a romantic match? What about the idea of *both* of you being free to date other people? This would be different from cuckolding; cuckolding is when she has multiple sexual partners while you only have her. There is also usually a humiliation fetish involved in cuckolding, and it doesn't sound to me like that's something either of you want.

What do *you* want, is the question.
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello Andy0132,

What you need to do first, is determine whether cuckolding is right for you. Cuckolding is not for everyone. Generally speaking, cuckolding is a sexual fetish, whereas polyamory is all about multiple relationships, so the two are not the same, although they are both subsets of ENM.

You and your girlfriend are sexually incompatible. Are the two of you still a romantic match? What about the idea of *both* of you being free to date other people? This would be different from cuckolding; cuckolding is when she has multiple sexual partners while you only have her. There is also usually a humiliation fetish involved in cuckolding, and it doesn't sound to me like that's something either of you want.

What *you* want is the question.
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Yes, I don't think she wants to humiliate me, and I don't want to be humiliated. But I find the idea of her sleeping with other men due to my performance to be inherently humiliating. And truthfully, I just don't want another woman sexually past her, and she has already stated she wouldn't want me to try that. I can't handle the one I have. lol

Anyway past our sexual troubles, we have a great, loving relationship. A large part of me is okay with her finding what she needs. I don't really blame her. She's unsatisfied. I just don't want to feel inferior because of it, at the same time, I guess...
 
Why do you want to stay in a relationship with her? Why don't you both just call it a day and go find other partners who you have better chemistry with? You don't have to stay in relationships that aren't fully working.
 
Evie said:
Why do you want to stay in a relationship with her? Why don't you both just call it a day and go find other partners who you have better chemistry with? You don't have to stay in relationships that aren't fully working.
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Truthfully, we do love each other very much. Our chemistry is fantastic outside of the bedroom. I'm just exploring options to try before we end up calling it a day. I'm not sure if I will go through with this or not.
 
In my eyes, you're not less of a man if you consent to her dating other men. That is a hard thing to consent to. Few men can do it. The fact that you are considering it indicates to me that you are quite a strong person. I don't know if that perspective helps, but that's how I see it.
 
kdt26417 said:
In my eyes, you're not less of a man if you consent to her dating other men. That is a hard thing to consent to. Few men can do it. The fact that you are considering it indicates to me that you are quite a strong person. I don't know if that perspective helps, but that's how I see it.
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Thank you. That's a lot better view on it than I had before, actually.
 
Andy0132 said:
I don't think she wants to humiliate me, and I don't want to be humiliated. But I find the idea of her sleeping with other men due to my performance to be inherently humiliating.
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Not to be intrusive, but I am curious-- what's wrong with your "performance" (how I hate that word), exactly?

lack of erection
inability to maintain an erection
premature ejaculation
inability to orgasm
micro-penis

Or is it something else, like lack of good bedroom skills in general?

Have you had other partners in the past who left you for not being a good lover?

I'm sure you're aware that good sex shouldn't only focus on the penis. There are so many ways to share sex that don't involve putting penis in vagina! Have you worked on your "outercourse" skills? Have you become the world's best pussy eater, or finger-banger? Most women don't cum from intercourse anyway, but need clitoral stimulation by other means. Many women can cum from breast stimulation. Toys also come in handy. You can wear a penis extender, or a strap-on, or just use a vibrator or nice big dildo on her.

Are there any kinks you share, any other kinds of sensual play you've tried, like massage, light impact play, simple bondage, reading erotica together, etc., etc.?

I don't know. Maybe you've tried all these things, and she still insists she's unfulfilled, and wants a man with a different kind of penis.

Personally, being pansexual and non-binary myself, I have been with with cis men, with transwomen, with cis women, with non-binary people, etc., and we've done sex in all kinds of ways, that may or may not have involved insertables.

I have been with cis men who couldn't get hard, but could still cum; or who could get hard, but couldn't cum. I admit, we enjoyed kink activities as well as "sex."

The only time I was really unfulfilled was when I had one experience with a guy with a micro-penis who had absolutely no oral or fingering skills, didn't kiss me, or fondle my breasts, nothing. He wanted oral from me, and to get his tiny penis into my vagina, and to cum, and that was it. HE was a one and done, believe me!
Andy0132 said:
I don't want another woman sexually besides her, and she has already stated she wouldn't want me to try that. I can't handle the one I have. lol

Anyway, besides our sexual troubles, we have a great, loving relationship. A large part of me is okay with her finding what she needs. I don't really blame her. She's unsatisfied. I just don't want to feel inferior because of it, at the same time, I guess...
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Have you tried to satisfy her? What is wrong?

Have you and she had therapy, maybe sex therapy, read any books or articles, worked on other options besides opening up to her having other lovers?

Introducing new lovers for her opens up a whole Pandora's box. She might fall in love with a sex partner (i.e., polyamory, the point of this forum). Then what?
 
Magdlyn said:
Not to be intrusive, but I am curious-- what's wrong with your "performance" (how I hate that word), exactly?

lack of erection
inability to maintain an erection
premature ejaculation
inability to orgasm
micro-penis

Or is it something else, like lack of good bedroom skills in general?

Have you had other partners in the past who left you for not being a good lover?

I'm sure you're aware that good sex shouldn't only focus on the penis. There are so many ways to share sex that don't involve putting penis in vagina! Have you worked on your "outercourse" skills? Have you become the world's best pussy eater, or finger-banger? Most women don't cum from intercourse anyway, but need clitoral stimulation by other means. Many women can cum from breast stimulation. Toys also come in handy. You can wear a penis extender, or a strap-on, or just use a vibrator or nice big dildo on her.

Are there any kinks you share, any other kinds of sensual play you've tried, like massage, light impact play, simple bondage, reading erotica together, etc., etc.?

I don't know. Maybe you've tried all these things, and she still insists she's unfulfilled, and wants a man with a different kind of penis.

Personally, being pansexual and non-binary myself, I have been with with cis men, with transwomen, with cis women, with non-binary people, etc., and we've done sex in all kinds of ways, that may or may not have involved insertables.

I have been with cis men who couldn't get hard, but could still cum; or who could get hard, but couldn't cum. I admit, we enjoyed kink activities as well as "sex."

The only time I was really unfulfilled was when I had one experience with a guy with a micro-penis who had absolutely no oral or fingering skills, didn't kiss me, or fondle my breasts, nothing. He wanted oral from me, and to get his tiny penis into my vagina, and to cum, and that was it. HE was a one and done, believe me!

Have you tried to satisfy her? What is wrong?

Have you and she had therapy, maybe sex therapy, read any books or articles, worked on other options besides opening up to her having other lovers?

Introducing new lovers for her opens up a whole Pandora's box. She might fall in love with a sex partner (i.e., polyamory, the point of this forum). Then what?
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Very true! I am in my 50's and my partners are my age or older, and there are challenges. But we have fun and get creative.
 
Kynde said:
Very true! I am in my 50's and my partners are my age or older, and there are challenges. But we have fun and get creative.
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Glad to hear it.

I realized I completely forgot to suggest seeing a doctor to have his hormones and general health checked. A doctor can also prescribe a medication like Viagra or Cialis, if needed.

Also, I understand that losing weight and working out more increases testosterone and can increase potency.
 
If there is no humiliation involved, and it's pure sex, then what she is looking for is called an open relationship. If you are involved on some level, then it's called hotwifing. And if she develops feelings for her other boyfriends, it's polyamory.
 
Hi! I can understand your situation, as I have also been bad in bed. Sometimes it is just question of a good or bad match in bed. With an ex, everything goes well, then with someone new things just don't work out. Sometimes it is just what your wife/gf wants is different - for example an overwhelming experience with a very masculine man without much gentle foreplay etc. (I had that), so it is sometimes difficult to perform the way she wants. It might be height and physical attributes like size etc. as well as other elements she needs. I tried all kind of creative ways but she just want a wild experience where the man just do her. Other things do not excite her. Well, you should try improving things first. And sometimes the relationship is really good, you just need separate sex lives.

I am interested in the cuck/stag/hotwife thing. Now if you look into it you can see that it can be pretty diverse. Cleaning up is just one thing people do. Humiliation too is optional. Though many people into the cuck thing need that humiliation element the most. Humiliation can be a very satisfying additional element for the husband, but not everyone is into it, and some women also don't like it. It is a little bit like being a submissive partner and your wife is the dominant one. So, depends on your needs too.

Yes, it is humiliating that you cannot perform, but it can also lead to a special bond. As it was pointed out in another answer, not everyone can be strong to do this. Also requires strong love and a unique connection. By letting her having sex outside marriage, you can open up this deeper connection where you accept her more intimately. Where you can be happy when she has sex with someone else. And the humiliation can turn into something special too. Your little secret with your wife. Lot depends on her, and there are difficulties of course. I think you should read about being a cuck, there are good boards on hotwives. And yes, I understand that you feel like a cuck, but it might just be something fun.
 
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