Hello from the wild

snipernick

New member
Hello everyone, my name is Nicholas and im currently in OK traveling. Male 32 years. I decided to try this out because Im new to poly and don't use social media often, however I feel my best chance to possibly fulfill the idea of being a support in a triad relationship has always been inside me. I myself would want to be a part of women couples because I feel they could complement the relationship greatly. Im a wonderful fit in a partnership because im trustworthy and communicate well and I feel it's very important for a successful poly couple.
 
Welcome to the forum.

Maybe you need help with the vocabulary of polyamory. We have one here.


The way an experienced polyamorous person might speak about what you seek is this: I am a guy seeking a poly bisexual female couple who are looking for a male partner to form an FFM V or triad.

A V is a configuration where the "hinge" (one member of the group) is involved sexually/romantically with two other people, but those two other people are not involved in that way with each other. In your case, maybe you'd be sexually/romantically involved with one of the women, but not with the other. The woman involved with both of you would be called the "hinge," and the other two the "arms" of the V. This kind of arrangement is very common in polyamory. You would be in a romantic relationship with one of the women. The other woman would be your friend, or maybe just an acquaintance. You might not click at all with each other and prefer to avoid interacting.

A triad (aka a throuple) is much more rare. In that case, all three players are pretty much equally attracted to each other, and get along with each other as partners. It's unusual for all three people to be balanced in this way. Almost always, there is a lack of attraction/long-term compatibility between any two members of one of the "dyads" of the "triad." Maybe one of the women in your imagined scenario would be a lesbian and have no sexual interest in you at all.

Say the women are named Jane and Ann. The dyads or pairs would be:

Ann+Jane
You+Ann
You+Jane

Then, all three of you together

Each dyad of a triad needs its own space to be nurtured and to grow. This would require one-on-one time for dates and sex. You wouldn't all always be available for quality time and group sex. People have lives, jobs, hobbies, do child care or elder care, get sick, travel for work, etc. All three of you would need to be able to know the other two were involved in one-on-one time when you weren't available, or not in the mood, etc.

Also, maybe Jane and Ann live together. As the newer partner (of one or both of them), you wouldn't be moving in right away, of course. If the relationship lasts, you'd be the "odd man out" for at least a year, if not two. In fact, if you were only dating one of them, the other one might not want you to move in, ever.

Are you imagining that you're going to step into a relationship consisting of two bisexual women who are sexually/romantically involved with each other, as committed life partners, who will both somehow fall in love with you, and you will somehow fall in love with both of them? Sometimes there is a threeway attraction, but it ends up fading between two of the players. What happens then? Do you continue to date one of them while the other one is displeased with you? Do you have to break up with the one you like? Some poly couples who want to "share a third" have "veto power" if a person they are attempting to share doesn't end up pleasing one of them.

A FMF sexual threesome is the most common male fantasy. There is so so so much porn where a guy is being happily serviced by two women who take turns pleasuring him orally or vaginally. In real life, having this arrangement work out for more than a quick hook-up or two rarely happens. Taking turns during sex can feel frustrating or boring. Most people prefer the intensity of the one-on-one connection, where the engagement is entirely mutual and continuous.

. I myself would want to be a part of women couples, because I feel they could complement the relationship greatly. I'm a wonderful fit in a partnership because I'm trustworthy and communicate well, and I feel it's very important for a successful poly couple.

You wouldn't be a "part of women couples." The women are the couple. You'd be a guy in a relationship with a woman, or two women, who were a poly couple.
 
I appreciate the info. A triad seems closest to the feeling that I learn towards. As you say it's rare, being in a V configuration would be great also. I see myself more as an arm and the female being the hinge because I like to elevate her pleasures, as that resonates with me. So FFM is more correct in terminology?
 
Greetings Nicholas,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you would be okay with either a triad or a V, although maybe a triad would be your ideal. Be patient as you seek the ladies for you, they will turn up eventually. In the meantime I hope you'll keep reading and posting on these boards. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
I appreciate the info. A triad seems closest to the feeling that I learn towards. As you say it's rare, being in a V configuration would be great also. I see myself more as an arm and the female being the hinge, because I like to elevate her pleasures, as that resonates with me. So FFM is more correct in terminology?
Yes, you'd be in a V, with one of the women as the hinge. Her other partner would be called your metamour. You'd be fine with your partner having two partners, you and another person. This would be your personal polyamorous network.

When you say you want one of the female to be the hinge so you can "elevate her pleasures" though, that could be interpreted as wanting FFM sex, where both you and the other F focus on your partner's sexual pleasure... Polyamory doesn't guarantee group sex (although it does happen with some V and triads).

What happens outside of this V? Would your metamour have another partner? Would you want another partner (if your metamour wasn't interested in you, or vice versa)? Say you'd been dating the one female for a while, and find you have free time when she's with her other partner. Maybe you'd also like to have another female partner, and be a hinge yourself.

Things can get complicated in these poly constellations. haha
 
Haha I see what you mean in that aspect. In turn feeling out how each of the partners in the v and being supportive. To me the pleasures incorporate both sexual and personal enjoyments. I would enjoy the idea that all members of the v can spend casual time and do activities together. I like to respect how each of the females in the group would want to live their choices and don't mind them enjoying time one on one. I actually like that idea of the females complementing eachother that way. Depending on how the personalities and communication we have as a v would ultimately be how we could develop a more intimate connection and what happens outside of the v.
 
To further follow these thoughts, consider that there are different models of polyamory. Some people want "kitchen-table poly," where all members of a network get along, and can hang out together, talk, have meals, go on dates, go shopping, have movie or game nights, etc. This is great if everyone gets along, or at least three members do. However, in a network of three or more, sometimes two metamours don't get along.

You are dating Jane. You and Ann get along as friends. You all hang out together on a regular basis. That's kitchen-table poly.

But if it so happens that you and Ann don't get along, like, it's either "meh" or there is outright dislike, you would want to practice "parallel poly," where you only go see Jane (if she nests with Ann) when Ann isn't home, or Jane always goes to your place for dates, or you go out, or get a hotel room. When you and Ann see each other in passing, you are just "basic polite" to each other.

Somewhere in between this is "garden-party poly," where you three can all get along now and then on special occasions, like, on Jane's birthday, or certain holidays.

It sounds like you want kitchen-table poly, where you'd seek someone who has a female partner who is willing to meet you, and see if you can be friends, pretty early on in the relationship. Sometimes metamours get along so well they do activities without the hinge, but this is more common with metas of the same sex, like 2 women both dating the same guy, or 2 men both dating the same woman.
 
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