I’ve been experimenting with various relations types the last 2 years. I decided to have a go with poly and in July, met basically my best friend and I’ve essentially been mono ever since.
I love him dearly but I have come to the realization Poly isn’t for me. I’m battling depression and it’s been worse these last few months with my worst days around my partners dates. The support and friendship i get from him is helping me battle with my depression but my hurt and jealousy is fueling it. It’s a double edge sword with the latter feeling a bit more sharp as of late
I’m now realizing our future is bleak. He sees us eventually moving in together and I, honestly, i can’t fathom I’d ever be comfortable having metamours for overnights in our shared home nor would i be comfortable restricting use of said shared home to no overnight guests. Basically, I’ve come to the realization my emotions surrounding poly is too great for me handle while battling severe depression and i need to end the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with my best friend ever.
I plan to share this with him this weekend. However, i still want and need my best friend. I still want to go for bike rides, play tennis, see a show etc. I still want to share my day via txt with him and here about what’s he’s up to and how he’s doing. I care very much for him and he’s been my rock with some recent health issues and I’m freaking out about loosing that but i just can’t handle sleepless nights and bouts of crying when i see a date he’s scheduled, when he’s on the date and even still, the next day, after his dates.
How can i possibly break his heart, end our primary relationship status and still ask to remain close friends that still spend lots of time nurturing that friendship?
I’m pretty sure he’ll propose going back to mono (been poly 10 yrs but I’m his first primary after his marriage ended 5 years ago) but i feel the guilt for ‘making’ him change would be just as daunting as the current jealousy so i feel i need to stay strong and stick with the decision to end things but, shit, I’m having a tough time thinking of not having him there for all day weekend adventures, parties, vacations and all the things you typically drag your significant other along too.
How can i make this easier on either of us? I can loose him but I also can’t continue in a relationship style that effects my health is such a drastic way
I love him dearly but I have come to the realization Poly isn’t for me. I’m battling depression and it’s been worse these last few months with my worst days around my partners dates. The support and friendship i get from him is helping me battle with my depression but my hurt and jealousy is fueling it. It’s a double edge sword with the latter feeling a bit more sharp as of late
I’m now realizing our future is bleak. He sees us eventually moving in together and I, honestly, i can’t fathom I’d ever be comfortable having metamours for overnights in our shared home nor would i be comfortable restricting use of said shared home to no overnight guests. Basically, I’ve come to the realization my emotions surrounding poly is too great for me handle while battling severe depression and i need to end the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with my best friend ever.
I plan to share this with him this weekend. However, i still want and need my best friend. I still want to go for bike rides, play tennis, see a show etc. I still want to share my day via txt with him and here about what’s he’s up to and how he’s doing. I care very much for him and he’s been my rock with some recent health issues and I’m freaking out about loosing that but i just can’t handle sleepless nights and bouts of crying when i see a date he’s scheduled, when he’s on the date and even still, the next day, after his dates.
How can i possibly break his heart, end our primary relationship status and still ask to remain close friends that still spend lots of time nurturing that friendship?
I’m pretty sure he’ll propose going back to mono (been poly 10 yrs but I’m his first primary after his marriage ended 5 years ago) but i feel the guilt for ‘making’ him change would be just as daunting as the current jealousy so i feel i need to stay strong and stick with the decision to end things but, shit, I’m having a tough time thinking of not having him there for all day weekend adventures, parties, vacations and all the things you typically drag your significant other along too.
How can i make this easier on either of us? I can loose him but I also can’t continue in a relationship style that effects my health is such a drastic way