Hey Everyone! - Newly Poly and looking for my community!

Sundariel

Sundariel

New member
Hey everyone.

I'm Sundariel ( you can call me Sunny for short). I'm a 37 year old woman who is married with one child. Newly polyamorous and bi-curious.

I've been on a bit of a journey of self discovery after losing myself when I became a mother. I was someone's mum/wife/daughter/friend/etc, but I didn't feel like I knew who I was.
So I've been trying new hobbies, researching religion, trying new music, food, books, etc and in all my exploration, I came across polyamory and something inside me just clicked. I felt drawn to the idea and so I did a little more research and began to feel like this was a part of me that had been missing.

So I spoke to my husband (who I have been with for 21 years and married for 9) and we both felt like this was something that could work for us both. So we have opened our marriage up and are both open to dating other people. We're still fairly new to the whole experience, but I have to say that we both feel like this has strengthened our relationship as we are more honest with each other about our feelings and our boundaries.

So I'm just really looking for a place where I feel I can talk about it all. I haven't met many other poly people (other than one who I matched with on a dating app) and just looking for a community to be a part of. Hopefully finding people in my local area of South Wales, UK.

So that's me! Can't wait to explore the forum and hopefully find new friends.
XxX
 
Welcome to the world of polyamory. Just a word of caution: most newly poly couples who are successful do at least a year, if not two, of research into poly before actually starting to try to date. This is also extremely crucial because you have kids in the mix, young ones, I assume. The best place to get a lot of info (besides reading tons of threads here), is to read the book Opening Up, by Taormino, carefully and thoroughly, both of you, and discuss it together.
 
Agreed on the advice to take a year or a reasonable period of time. It's easy to get caught up in the rush of a new world. All very "kid in the candy shop". You really want to make sure you don't have a mountain of work to do on yourself before diving in.

I see some common advice to engage an ENM/poly/open friendly couples therapist to guide you through examining yourself and the reasons you have for wanting to open up. We're currently in that process with our therapist and we might not get to opening up, but doing the work is absolutely critical and beneficial no matter where you go. I'm aware therapy might be a different animal in the UK, and finding a friendly therapist to the idea might be even harder.

Everyone will have their book recommendations. I recommend Polysecure, by Jessica Fern. And I do have one caution: some books are an exciting read on the subject, but they overly glorify the life you've chosen. Approach those with caution. Polysecure is very solid and provides an amazing framework for analyzing your past relationships and preparing you for a diversity of new ones. It also walks you through establishing your secure base and safe haven, not only with your husband, but within yourself.

Above all, this is a huge growth opportunity, but if you're committed to doing this WITH your partner, then commit to growing WITH them. Adopt the principle of growing at the speed of the slowest one between you. And if you feel like you're both charging forward, check in with yourself and consider slowing down anyway.
 
Greetings Sunny,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have discovered a missing part of yourself. I am also very glad that your husband has been supportive so far. You can definitely talk about poly more on Polyamory.com, just read and post on our various threads and boards, and let us know whenever you have any questions. You can definitely find new friends here, just interact with the various members and see whom you click with. I wish you the very best in your poly journeyings.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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