Hi from NM!

[ObeyThePaw]

Hi everyone. I live in the Four Corners area (northwest NM). My wife and I have been together for 14 years now, have one child. We live in a rural place and love it for how quiet it is and we can have our chickens! I'd like to know if anyone here is also in NM. I'd include what I do but it's so niche that...yeah. My wife and I have frustration over the lack of people who are acceptant and we've been ENM for a decade. When things seem cool with people, we bring it up and they are polite and upfront about it (only happened twice when we both liked the other couple) but then, even as friends, they vanish out of our lives.

Also, we're both neurodivergent. That doesn't help. I would like to explore how the ND poly people out there manage. We had a triad for a while and our hinge becamed....unhinged. Fast. She was screaming in the street at 1am in a rural town about how she just wanted to be with me. That was the end of that after having been in a triad for around 5 months.

Hope everyone is well and can't wait to hear how the NDs manage the very tricky landscape of trying to make friends, much less other poly partners!

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings ObeyThePaw,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I am in Albuquerque. I am neurodivergent in some kind of way (have had various diagnoses over the years), taking Zyprexa seems to smooth out my issues for the most part. I have tried a lot of meds over the years, it took a long time to find one that worked for me. I don't really look for friends, nor other poly partners, I just take life as it comes. I am in an MFM V, the males are the legs of the V, and the female is the hinge. The three of us have been together since 2006. We had some rough years in the beginning, but that has all pretty much worked out.

Let me know if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

P.S. There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look. Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

 

[Eponine]

Welcome! I'm also in Albuquerque. I can imagine how tough it is to meet poly (or even poly-friendly) people in rural NM!

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi everyone. I live in the Four Corners area (northwest NM). My wife and I have been together for 14 years now, have one child. We live in a rural place and love it for how quiet it is and we can have our chickens! I'd like to know if anyone here is also in NM. I'd include what I do but it's so niche that...yeah. My wife and I have frustration over the lack of people who are acceptant and we've been ENM for a decade. When things seem cool with people, we bring it up and they are polite and upfront about it (only happened twice when we both liked the other couple) but then, even as friends, they vanish out of our lives.

We had a triad for a while and our hinge becamed....unhinged. Fast. She was screaming in the street at 1am in a rural town about how she just wanted to be with me. That was the end of that after having been in a triad for around 5 months.

These issues you mentioned, with two quads and one triad, may not have been entirely because of you and your wife's "neurodivergency," but rather because of the type of ENM model you chose. Quads and triads seem to be something formerly monogamous couples think makes the most sense, "It's like monogamy, only with more!" "We share everything, including lovers. We will both share the same partner, or, failing that, we will pick another couple and both get to be with one member of that couple, share and share alike."

Think about this for a minute. What are the chances that you and your wife will both feel equally attracted to the same person, and will both be compatible with her once the intitial excitement fades a bit? What are the chances that this woman will feel equally attracted to both of you, immediately and long term, and enjoy your non-sexual activities equally, as well? I'll answer my own questions: the chance is low to zero.

Likewise, what are the chances you and Wife meet another MF couple, and both of you feel the same about the opposite gender person of that couple, and vice versa, and you all get along as a foursome, and everything stays balanced, forever and ever, amen? Again, the chance is small to none.

Triads and quads are often chose by formerly monogamous couples, while they are the HARDEST forms of polyamory to practice and sustain. They do not reduce jealousy, in fact, it can be quite the opposite. And these forms aren't fair on the other party or parties, either.

Please read these articles (from our Golden Nuggets forum):

Triad or V, What's More Complicated?

https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/triad-or-v-what-s-more-complicated

So, Someone Called You a Unicorn Hunter?

So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter?

This article is a long, technical discussion of what being a "Unicorn Hunter" means, what's wrong with it, and how people in such a situation can try to avoid the negative stereotypes associated with such behavior and get the things that they are ultimately looking for. It is written in a…

davidlnoble.livejournal.com

I can't wait to hear how the NDs manage the very tricky landscape of trying to make friends, much less other poly partners!