Hotwife to poly

[kdt26417]

That makes sense, hopefully she will develop some skills in the V area, this is new to both of you right now. Polyamory is certainly a whole different ballgame from hotwife/swinging, you can't just say "Oh it will be fine," you have to appreciate the hardship it causes on your spouse, and take steps to alleviate that hardship.

 

[Magdlyn]

Yes the break will be good and I think will be vital to see what our true needs are.

As I research and read more and we discuss this from a dynamic standpoint, two main things stand out. My wife is a really good hotwife/swinger, but has not done a good job as a "V". There hasnt been much reassurance, from the poly hell article we recognized most of the reassurance was telling me everything was going to be fine and I felt a drop off in our connection, probably due to the fact our relationship felt safe to her and she was focusing on her new connections.

Play times are never really much of an issue, that is fun for both of us, and we enjoy this. Its always the inbetween, the communication all the other this. I need to do a better job of how I react to her NRE. Between how she responds as a V and how I handle the NRE I know we need to meet in the middle. I do have heavy compersion and enjoy her enjoying herself, but feel left out emotionally if she is having a relationship building outside of me.

Just a terminology note: you, wife and other guy are in a V. Your wife's role is as the "hinge" of the V, while you two guys are the "arms" or "legs" of the V. A hinge needs certain relationship skills and they take time to develop. Personally, as the mother of three kids, once I began practicing polyamory, I put those skills (of balancing everyone's needs) to work with my partners.