Journeyofawakening
Member
Thanks everyone. First counselling session tonight...
How do I even start to explain??
- Thread starter Journeyofawakening
- Start date
opalescent
Active member
*crosses fingers for you both* I hope therapy can start to show a way forward without threats for you.
Re (from bassman):
Thread created: Two (Plus) Tangents from JOA's Thread. Now we have no excuse!
@ JOA ... my thoughts and (yes atheist) prayers go with you to your counseling session tonight.
Thread created: Two (Plus) Tangents from JOA's Thread. Now we have no excuse!
@ JOA ... my thoughts and (yes atheist) prayers go with you to your counseling session tonight.
Two days since the counseling session and no updates!
ha ha, Im also dying to know whats happened.
If there is not already a topic / thread on "emotional affairs," perhaps someone (other than me) can post one. I'd participate, though I'd not start the thread myself -- as not to be overly pushy!
Err, didnt Kevin already do that ?
Journeyofawakening
Member
Oops, my brain's calendar app malfunctioned.
JOA, I hope things are going okay. Remember, you don't have to stick with a counselor that rubs you the wrong way!
The counsellor is fantastic. I feel very comfortable with her which is great. It went...ok. It was more her trying to get to know us and get an idea of what's going on. As far as I can tell, everything is fine between my husband and I, we love each other very much but he is upset and angry with me over polyamory. And I understand that really.
We had a discussion after counselling and he said he feels that the Internet is to blame. That I immerse myself in a virtual world and read all this information. He thinks I've found poly just to justify my actions. So we have a bit of work to do. Seeing the counsellor for another 4 sessions (or at least that's the current plan) and my husband has asked me to send him links of what I've been reading about polyamory. Although it feels like he wants to pick holes in it rather than reach some kind of understanding about where I come from.
So at the moment things are good between us. We do love each other very much he just doesn't understand how I can love another or share intimacy with another like I do with him. It's painful for him.
IndieSolo
Active member
Yeah, hmm, maybe he wants to ask some of his church friends for their opinions, too. I wouldn't give him the link to this forum, if I were you. We can be rather graphic here and he'll see the devil all over it! Have you been reading the More Than Two website? Might be a bit easier for him.
But I am glad to read that you like the therapist.
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FallenAngelina
Well-known member
That's what the internet is all about! To have access to and become part of worlds and people that we would otherwise never know. Many people see this as a good thing, a huge step forward in human evolution and a source for all kinds of new and exciting possibilities. But the internet does threaten entrenched ways of life and the perspective that information is dangerous.
I'm so glad that you like the counselor and feel heard. Your husband may never understand your point of view and that's OK. Full understanding isn't necessary for a harmonious life together, just a willingness to allow differences and an appreciation of what each has to offer. Stay on your path of joy and watch what unfolds. Glad the appt. went well, Journey.
Journeyofawakening
Member
Yes I've found the articles on the More Than Two website about polyamory for monogamists so maybe that would be helpful for him. I don't know, we'll have to see. Next appt isn't til the 16th.
Journeyofawakening
Member
We view the internet quite differently I think, my husband and I. He thinks my online friendships are fairly meaningless. A harmonious life sounds great, it's what I will visualise.
River
Well-known member
These are important and valuable words.
And it's worth mentioning that it is -- of course -- best when the allowing and appreciation of differences flows from both or all parties. Sometimes it may be useful to actually discuss this virtue with those with whom conflict has a tendency to arise.
River
Well-known member
Yes, yes. The Horned One is quite horny.
But I speak here not of the usual Devil. I speak of Pan. god of nature, the wild, shepherds, flocks, goats, of mountain wilds, and often associated with sexuality -- or eros.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan_(god)
Monotheism's new fangled God was aparently very urbanite, and didn't like to have dirt under His nails, nor otherwise to be reminded of His mortality, i.e., animal body. Apparently, genitals are the worst kind of reminder of the animal body. Why else would Adam and Eve have discovered themselves for the first time to be naked .. and find this condition the very archtype of shame and guilt? To cover the naked human body in shame is among the most fundamental mythic images of "our culture".
Look carefully, and you will see that most of religion is very anti-pleasure. And where do we have--and give--pleasure if not ... bodily?
If you really want to control large populations, huge empires, you will need a very large prison. So you must enlist everyone as his or her own prison guard. The whole empire must be a prison cell.
To succeed, you must get everyone to mistrust their own basic human (animal) nature--to set that up as The Devil, The Enemy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Rop_P_6L_5w
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FallenAngelina
Well-known member
Respectfully disagree. Allowing for differences and appreciation of the other are mind sets that attract the same. No actual discussion necessary. In fact, pursuing discussion in order to achieve harmony can often signal that true graciousness of heart is a struggle, therefor not really happening. So many of our relationships can be greatly improved using a lot fewer words and a lot more focus on peace in our own hearts. You don't need to orchestrate anything or get other people on board in order to experience harmony and joy in relationships.
"Be the peace you want to see in the world" is what Gandhi said. Be the peace, not negotiate, discuss, evaluate, educate, compare or make sure the other guy is living up to his end of the bargain. Just be the peace and watch what happens.
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River
Well-known member
My comments were not oriented around "romantic" relationships, per se. I was thinking of a couple of friends with whom I've been in conflict. In one case, the relationship is also a working relationship. We are collaborators AND friends. But our friendship is a bit of a struggle lately -- largely because my differences with him are not being welcomed or appreciated from his side. (I appreciate his perspective on our major area of disagreement; he does not appreciate mine. I'd prefer to find a compromise. He seems to want it just his way.) As creative collaborators, we have to compromise sometimes. And that DOES require discussion -- including discussion about our differences of perspective and opinion. At least this is how it seems to me.
As I think of these two friends, it seems to me that I am accepting of their differences of perspective and opinion moreso than they are accepting of mine. My being accepting toward them has not resulted in them being more accepting of me. Or so it seem to me.
Neither relationship is "working" very well for me lately. I'd rather not engage in conflict so much. I'm tired of struggle; and I'd rather spend my time with folks who appreciate me as I am.
The other friend--the one who is not so much a working collaborator, ... well, we just don't spend that much time together these days. I'm generally choosing to spend time with people who like me as I am.
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FallenAngelina
Well-known member
River, "like attracts like" refers to all relationships, no matter the context. That you are moving slowly away from people who don't meet you with the same gracious acceptance that you feel toward them proves this universal law. Conflict can only exist when there are two opposing forces. When one side softens, the other must as well and sometimes this means both sides let go altogether.
As for discussion, of course all of us as collaborators in relationship have discussions, but discussions that focus on "fixing" conflict and differences create an atmosphere where more conflict and difference will arise. Perhaps there is a temporary release in tension, but not much changes. Collaborative discussions that arise out of joyful inspiration are much more fruitful and nurture an atmosphere of willing cooperation, even where there are significant differences between the participants.
As with all internet babble, take it to heart or not. This is what I know to be true.
As for discussion, of course all of us as collaborators in relationship have discussions, but discussions that focus on "fixing" conflict and differences create an atmosphere where more conflict and difference will arise. Perhaps there is a temporary release in tension, but not much changes. Collaborative discussions that arise out of joyful inspiration are much more fruitful and nurture an atmosphere of willing cooperation, even where there are significant differences between the participants.
As with all internet babble, take it to heart or not. This is what I know to be true.
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