Journeyofawakening
Member
Hello lovely people. Its been a really difficult year. I tried to 'fake it til I make it' with my husband but everything about it just felt wrong. Currently we are living as friends, because I have requested it. He seemed to want to ignore all our problems (polyamory is only a part of it) and I don't. I've told him I want to be on my own so I can figure things out. Money doesn't make that easy but I've started my own business now and I'll hit it hard so I can be independent. Kids are in school instead of home Ed now and they love it. Works well for us for now, them being there, as it means I can work. And I LOVE what I do. I'm growing in independence really, becoming the person I was before I got married and rejoined the church!!
So yeah I'm pretty much facing divorce, which saddens me really. I also sit and wonder if I'm actually poly or if I was trying to find a way out of what I was in without causing pain... In some crazy way?? I don't know. My husband says he loves me and desperately doesn't want to lose me. But I can't get over the things he has said and done and the way he treats me. I can't be in a relationship with someone who is always right and puts the blame on me every time. I also can no longer confide in him after he takes my personal information to other people. He continued to do it by messaging his dad the name of the book I'm reading and saying 'shes submerged herself in darkness'. I just. You know. What??
I've changed so much over this year, I've let go of trying to please everyone all the time and i'm seeking my own happiness without being reliant on others for it. I'll work hard to achieve a life that is mine, one that makes me happy. If I'm happy then the people around me will be too. Including my kids.
So yeah I'm pretty much facing divorce, which saddens me really. I also sit and wonder if I'm actually poly or if I was trying to find a way out of what I was in without causing pain... In some crazy way?? I don't know. My husband says he loves me and desperately doesn't want to lose me. But I can't get over the things he has said and done and the way he treats me. I can't be in a relationship with someone who is always right and puts the blame on me every time. I also can no longer confide in him after he takes my personal information to other people. He continued to do it by messaging his dad the name of the book I'm reading and saying 'shes submerged herself in darkness'. I just. You know. What??
I've changed so much over this year, I've let go of trying to please everyone all the time and i'm seeking my own happiness without being reliant on others for it. I'll work hard to achieve a life that is mine, one that makes me happy. If I'm happy then the people around me will be too. Including my kids.
Last edited: