Ok, first of all, my wife is not 16 years old, we'd been married for 16 years at the time. As of now, we've been married for 18 years. She's 40 btw.
Now, as for what's "her place"... here's the thing. Divulging things to someone, about someone else, without consent is NO ONE'S place.
I misunderstood the age thing then. My mistake.
If I want to talk about private things about you or even people close to me then that is MY right to do so. My place because I make it MY place. You do NOT get to decide what your wife can do or not. Only SHE decides that and even that can change even if she agrees to what you want from her. Did she at any point in time AGREE with not speaking to others about things? By going "No one" you're very much including your wife. THAT is what I meant. Nothing more, nothing less. That her place is for HER to decide (or find instinctively even). And it can even change. You might not like it or approve, but her place is the place she decides, even if it changes after an agreement. You specifically said it's "no ones place". You're trying to decide the place of others by saying that. Which includes your wife. Her place is HER place. Not the place you or anyone else puts her in.
I got into a conversation with my owner about a "private matter" recently. Seems understanding enough about it. She didn't go "It's no ones place" as you did because she cares about things like "What we might be going through". Someone she knows told me that they used to dom her. Naturally the owner was huffy at first (heard it from me. I believe in no secrets and honesty). But thing is when we talk about "private matters" it's more of a "self motivation" for ourselves. So she calmed down soon after about the person that let it slip. This thought makes me happy so I mention it for example. Does it bother you if I go on about what makes me happy with you? Does it bother you if I mention a problem between us and feel like I might need an outsides viewpoint for my mental health because I can't face walking away from you or talking to you
yet? Well if it bothers you it bothers you. Sometimes we need to find answers elsewhere before we're ready to face each other on some things. If you want to go up to your wife and say "Keep things between us" then by all means do that. But in doing so you may end up preventing her from finding an answer elsewhere that may very well even save your relationship.
Does it bother you that I go about things my way? That I might need to talk to others because you're looking down your nose at me? Will you judge me for it? Will you BLAME me for it? Or will you trust that there is a good reason for it? That perhaps the whole reason might even be "because you're looking at me that way"? You mistrust her and you judge her for doing what she does. I'm not talking about the right and wrong of it all, because it's not about that. The fact of the matter is you're looking at her in that way. And yes, it can suck when someone close to you is doing bad things, but thinking "They shouldn't be doing that" is trying to decide for them. Trying to decide how they should be there for you. It's counterproductive. People will be as they be, do what they do and there will be bad times as well as good. Instead of thinking "It's no ones place" how about trying "Ok, did I/others give her any reason to do that". The mindset of none blame due to bad actions can be hard, but right now you're very much biased and I don't think you can trust your own judgement. Which might be why you made this thread. To other people. Most likely without telling your wife. The kind of thing she's doing when she picked up the phone to talk to others. That makes you at least as bad as her in that regard unless you've told her. Now do you understand why I'm seeing this situation in a negative light? Regardless of wherever you did or didn't it's an action that was taken because your afraid and leaving such fears lingering around in your head when your partner can't help makes you look for answers elsewhere or otherwise risk going mad. Sometimes literary. Which is why I never hide things from anyone. A subject my owner is very understanding on. Your wife is going to have moments when she's mad at you and hates your guts. To be unable able to talk to you. My owner has them with me. It can even be a good thing in some ways. But not if you fixate on it instead of moving on to better things. Talking to others can keep us sane, you know. Especially when you're feeling alone (yes she has you, no it doesn't mean she can face you when she's angry).
What's going through your wife's head? Think on it. And I mean REALLY think on it. Without blame and without judgement. And without deciding her place.
Personally I think you're just afraid of people manipulating your wife. And that makes me question your trust towards her. I don't claim you do or don't, I simply ponder it. Hopefully I'm wrong on this account too.
It might also help to think about the GOOD things you and your wife go through. To put aside the bad that is happening. Be there despite it. Perhaps even because of it. Or you can keep going "no ones place" and hope that fixes things. If it helps any I've been known to fixate on problems myself in the past. I learned it only serves to keep people getting worked up about things. Do you "just want your way" or is your mental health at stake? I drop the situation with the former, stick to my guns if the later. That's why I talk to others. Could be why your wife does too. It doesn't mean you're the reason it happens when it does (at first). Just that they're managing themselves. Perhaps even doing it to try and improve their mental well being. Their own thoughts about you even, though it could easily appear to be the opposite case. If you then go "Don't do that, it's no ones place" do you think that helps or hinders the situation? "Just because" logic is never good logic. "Don't do that because it upsets me", sure. But again, "Just a little upset" or "That makes me depressed." Similar to "Just want your way" and "For your mental well being." Does it matter to you MORE then being able to talk with others when it comes to your wife? Because frankly, you make it out like that's the case. I doubt you've checked in with this with her. That you even
asked. And she might not to let you right now (though do ask anyway. She'll probably appreciate it). And that sucks, I get that. But go thinking "She's not doing what I want her to do" and that's going to keep her away. Did you fall in love with who she is or the person you want her to be? Right now she's being her bitchy self (no offence to her. We all get that way). Draw your own answer from that. I can be a right dick at times too. I don't get people that love me holding it against me. Not anymore at least (past is another matter). I claim responsibility for my actions and understand people do stupid shit for a reason.
As for "boundaries" my stance in that is a simple one. I can't control you. You can't control me. Let's not try too.
Your choices are your own (BIG believer in freedom of choice) unless I
give my choices to you. And even this operates on a case by case bases. (THAT'S consent. Not "I decide for you unless I say otherwise because I
expect things from you. On that note I don't do expectations and I believe it ruins many relationships). It's never wrong if it's right for you so therefor never blamed because regret is a heavy burden that leads down dark paths. etc. This is also why I never blame anyone even if they're wishing the worst of me and hating my guts. Looking past it has a way of bringing people closer. Though it doesn't mean I'll be walked over. Also one CAN do something but they don't HAVE too. So I don't "do" consent. I just trust and point out "This affects me thusly". Close company only. NOT just a BDSM only thing either. If you don't know about things like that then I'd say it's unwise to be with close company in BDSM. This means I'm into BDSM because of the
none BDSM things that came beforehand (which can often be the case when it comes to this). And you call that warped? Ha. Kept on good terms with everyone I've fallen out with in my life. Warped or not I'm happy from it. Yes I'm a little huffy from that warped comment. See what I mean about counterproductive? If that's how you talk to your wife then is it any wonder she's not talking to you? No I'm not just being snarky here, I'm serious. You've gone "That's no ones place" (speaking for others.) and (Your view might be warped). That is not trying to be understanding. Far from it.