Starstepher
New member
Hi Y'all,
New to all of this, and figuring things out. I'm bi, and want very much to have a girl in my life as well as my DH. It's hard to explain, but he's the perfect man for me, and I have no want/need to look for another man. But I feel like something is missing for me in the female aspect of it.
After lots of talking and compromising, I'm pursuing a female relationship. Most of the time, he's very supportive of me and helps me with my flirting .
Every once in a while, I can tell he gets self-conscious, and instead of telling me - which I would LOVE - he shuts down. And when I ask him about it and we reopen the conversation - for example, what he needs, how I can include him, that I can't tell that he wants my attention when he's just playing video games like usual so he needs to tell me, etc. ... he says that he says it's not fair and he "should be able to have a gf too".
To me, at least right now, what I'm needing is totally different than his "equal distribution" method that he gets when he gets scared. I feel that although perfect for me, he is 50% of what I need. And if I am 100% what he needs, then shouldn't get another partner "just because I have one".
Is there a better way of going about this then telling him that:
Sorry if I sound selfish or crazy or inarticulate, but I'm pretty open with how I feel and what I need and how I'm trying to grow
New to all of this, and figuring things out. I'm bi, and want very much to have a girl in my life as well as my DH. It's hard to explain, but he's the perfect man for me, and I have no want/need to look for another man. But I feel like something is missing for me in the female aspect of it.
After lots of talking and compromising, I'm pursuing a female relationship. Most of the time, he's very supportive of me and helps me with my flirting .
Every once in a while, I can tell he gets self-conscious, and instead of telling me - which I would LOVE - he shuts down. And when I ask him about it and we reopen the conversation - for example, what he needs, how I can include him, that I can't tell that he wants my attention when he's just playing video games like usual so he needs to tell me, etc. ... he says that he says it's not fair and he "should be able to have a gf too".
To me, at least right now, what I'm needing is totally different than his "equal distribution" method that he gets when he gets scared. I feel that although perfect for me, he is 50% of what I need. And if I am 100% what he needs, then shouldn't get another partner "just because I have one".
Is there a better way of going about this then telling him that:
- It's okay for him to only have one partner, it's not a contest
- I'm not trying to stifle him if he feel like he is missing something, we can talk about it
- He needs to communicate better
- I want to make him feel loved and give him all the love he need
- Me loving someone else won't mean I love him any less
- At the moment, I'm uncomfortable with the possibility that I could be replaceable. It's something I'm working on. I will always want both a male/female relationship, and will never look for another male partner
- I am open to a triad/polyfi if it's the right person
- Please look at this forum! (He responded that he doesn't think it would help him)
Sorry if I sound selfish or crazy or inarticulate, but I'm pretty open with how I feel and what I need and how I'm trying to grow