Hi all, thanks in advance for your input. I really do appreciate it.
Not sure where to start... I'm a mother of a 2 year old, devoted to a loving husband for 16 years. We have talked about open marriage over the last 6 years on and off, but nothing has really happened till now. It was really all theoretical in the past. We both agree that it all makes sense and we would definitely consider it. But of course, it is easier said then done.
All this polyamory stuff is mostly driven by my husband. He is a very explorative person, with lots of passions and very emotional. I am the opposite. I am like your simple plain-Jane kinda girl. I'm very calm, patient and easily content.
Our sexual relationship with each other has been okay. We are actually trying to make it better by learning tantra yoga and sexual exercises. My sexual drive is not very high to begin with, and especially over the last two years, after giving birth, has been almost non-existent. So we have been working on it slowly over the last 6 months. It has improved dramatically, but has a ways to go yet. I have been trying to do more yoga, kundalini yoga, meditation and things that might help open up that sexual energy within me. We have been connecting quite well over the last 6 months trying to get our relationship back.
Over the past couple months, my husband has been hanging out with this other girl. I know they have more than a friendship connection. At that time, I had no negative feelings about them spending time together, because I trust my husband. And if things were to go further, I know he would tell me. That is why we have brought up this polyamory stuff again. We talked about it, theoretically, and concluded again that I would be ok with it.
The thing is, this other girl is actually looking for a soul mate that she can start a family with. She really wants a family.
I know who this girl is. We have hung out with her numerous times. She respects me fully. She has helped my husband open up too, and I thank her for that. She really is a good person. They both have very strong feelingd for each other.
So, my husband last week brought up the idea of pursuing things intimately with her. She said she would need to think it over.
Meanwhile, he told me that he told her about going further. I instantly cried. I felt hurt and sad, mostly. I didn't feel jealous or angry at the time. But nothing has even happened yet.
She actually said that she was not ready to do it intimately with my husband, and that her first priority is to find someone she can have a family with. So that isn't going to work in our situation. My husband felt rejected, angry and frustrated. I really felt sympathy and compassion for him.
After a few days, I felt less hurt. Processing my feelings has helped me understand things a little better, I think. A week passed after that incident.
They went to a yoga retreat together, which was planned over a month ago. He told me when they were at the retreat he shared a room with her, since he ended up with a bigger room by chance. And again I felt hurt and sad and alone. He said that there was nothing to worry about.
After the yoga retreat was over, I sensed that something had happened, because he again was feeling frustrated and angry. He told me that he tried again to bring up the subject and she said she still wasn't ready.
I am alone right now, while he is sleeping in the basement, because he needs some space. He wants me to know that he isn't shutting me out. He just need some space to clear up his feelings and his head. But now I feel more hurt and angry than the first time around. I feel like closing up and shutting myself down again so I can't feel pain anymore. And the thing is nothing even really happened yet. It's my ego taking over.
I'm not really sure if this is something that will work for me. Maybe I am just not cut out for this sort of thing. Or maybe it's not the right time for it yet. I don't know. I am just confused. I have read many books on this, but it doesn't teach you how to deal with your own insecurities. I am guessing that this isn't easy for anyone in a polyamorous relationship. I am just hoping that it doesn't kill our marriage. I really want my husband to feel fully happy and fulfilled in every way, but I don't know if i can handle it. I'm afraid that it might shut me down where to the point where I repress my thoughts and feelings, which I am really good at doing.
Thanks for hearing me out. I hope to connect with you. I'm happy that people are here to help out, listen and communicate. Peace and love to you all.
Not sure where to start... I'm a mother of a 2 year old, devoted to a loving husband for 16 years. We have talked about open marriage over the last 6 years on and off, but nothing has really happened till now. It was really all theoretical in the past. We both agree that it all makes sense and we would definitely consider it. But of course, it is easier said then done.
All this polyamory stuff is mostly driven by my husband. He is a very explorative person, with lots of passions and very emotional. I am the opposite. I am like your simple plain-Jane kinda girl. I'm very calm, patient and easily content.
Our sexual relationship with each other has been okay. We are actually trying to make it better by learning tantra yoga and sexual exercises. My sexual drive is not very high to begin with, and especially over the last two years, after giving birth, has been almost non-existent. So we have been working on it slowly over the last 6 months. It has improved dramatically, but has a ways to go yet. I have been trying to do more yoga, kundalini yoga, meditation and things that might help open up that sexual energy within me. We have been connecting quite well over the last 6 months trying to get our relationship back.
Over the past couple months, my husband has been hanging out with this other girl. I know they have more than a friendship connection. At that time, I had no negative feelings about them spending time together, because I trust my husband. And if things were to go further, I know he would tell me. That is why we have brought up this polyamory stuff again. We talked about it, theoretically, and concluded again that I would be ok with it.
The thing is, this other girl is actually looking for a soul mate that she can start a family with. She really wants a family.
I know who this girl is. We have hung out with her numerous times. She respects me fully. She has helped my husband open up too, and I thank her for that. She really is a good person. They both have very strong feelingd for each other.
So, my husband last week brought up the idea of pursuing things intimately with her. She said she would need to think it over.
Meanwhile, he told me that he told her about going further. I instantly cried. I felt hurt and sad, mostly. I didn't feel jealous or angry at the time. But nothing has even happened yet.
She actually said that she was not ready to do it intimately with my husband, and that her first priority is to find someone she can have a family with. So that isn't going to work in our situation. My husband felt rejected, angry and frustrated. I really felt sympathy and compassion for him.
After a few days, I felt less hurt. Processing my feelings has helped me understand things a little better, I think. A week passed after that incident.
They went to a yoga retreat together, which was planned over a month ago. He told me when they were at the retreat he shared a room with her, since he ended up with a bigger room by chance. And again I felt hurt and sad and alone. He said that there was nothing to worry about.
After the yoga retreat was over, I sensed that something had happened, because he again was feeling frustrated and angry. He told me that he tried again to bring up the subject and she said she still wasn't ready.
I am alone right now, while he is sleeping in the basement, because he needs some space. He wants me to know that he isn't shutting me out. He just need some space to clear up his feelings and his head. But now I feel more hurt and angry than the first time around. I feel like closing up and shutting myself down again so I can't feel pain anymore. And the thing is nothing even really happened yet. It's my ego taking over.
I'm not really sure if this is something that will work for me. Maybe I am just not cut out for this sort of thing. Or maybe it's not the right time for it yet. I don't know. I am just confused. I have read many books on this, but it doesn't teach you how to deal with your own insecurities. I am guessing that this isn't easy for anyone in a polyamorous relationship. I am just hoping that it doesn't kill our marriage. I really want my husband to feel fully happy and fulfilled in every way, but I don't know if i can handle it. I'm afraid that it might shut me down where to the point where I repress my thoughts and feelings, which I am really good at doing.
Thanks for hearing me out. I hope to connect with you. I'm happy that people are here to help out, listen and communicate. Peace and love to you all.
