Kevin, I'm all about my wife and don't want another woman. I was debating on telling the bf, but he will soon find out, I'm sure. The gf also lives in his house with 2 of his kids. The 3rd is someone else's.
I feel awkward and lost, gay (?) wife
- Thread starter crvttcrss
- Start date
Thank you
JustTheThreeOfUs
New member
I find it interesting that you consider the kink of humiliation “unkind talk”. It may not be for you or me, but to each their own.
JustTheThreeOfUs
New member
Mod note: Noted
I will rephrase.
If she wasn't happy before she cheated on you, and wasn't treating you the way you think you should be treated, that may not be the most positive environment for you or your kids. As I said before, you sound like a good man. Don’t reduce yourself to be in a situation that forces you to sacrifice your well-being for someone else’s.
You are 100% right. Though I am taking this slow right now, hopefully it goes in my favor. I guess I did screw up here along the way with some of my decisions, but I wasn't sure what was right or wrong. This is all foreign to me. I never expected this. Thank you for your help.
JustTheThreeOfUs
New member
Exactly one month later. Hope you guys are in a better spot.
Thanks for reaching out. So, long story short, I agreed to let my wife's girlfriend move in with us. It has its ups and downs. Honestly, I'm not sure if it was the right decision. It was not even my idea, it was my wife's. She does not want to leave our relationship, and expressed that, but wanted to explore this side of herself that she says has been hidden for over 20 years. The kids just think it's a friend that has moved in for now. There's a lot of moving parts at the moment.
Albert Ross
Well-known member
A lot of moving parts indeed! This sounds like a very stressful situation.
I realize the ship has somewhat sailed, but I imagine it would be better for all parties involved if your wife's girlfriend had her own living space. I might have missed some details in the thread, but it sounds like she might have previously been living with a boyfriend, and now she's moved in with you? (Also, she has kids?)
I realize the ship has somewhat sailed, but I imagine it would be better for all parties involved if your wife's girlfriend had her own living space. I might have missed some details in the thread, but it sounds like she might have previously been living with a boyfriend, and now she's moved in with you? (Also, she has kids?)
It's just a really just f***ed up situation, to be frank. I kinda just feel like a 3rd wheel, to be honest. I feel the only reason my wife is really staying is because financially she just can't survive. She has told me this. I'm really on the verge of just telling her to get the hell out, because I know that I'm worth more than this. However, I do get along great with her girlfriend. But to watch the affection between the two of them and not get it in return is hard.
I was raised as a protector and provider for my family, and I have done that. School, college, great career, house, cars, food on the table and money in the bank.
She said she is a new person and has changed. Now that I see this new person filling this gap that was there, and I want that, as well, from my wife. But I just get the same bs from her: "You never wanted that before." I'm human-- it hurts.
So, like I said, I'm almost ready to just call this quits and let the dust settle. 25 years of lies.
She still doesn't wear her wedding ring since all this went down. Crazy crazy times.
Sorry this is such a messed-up situation. It sounds like your wife is clinging to a marriage of convenience, even while depriving you of affection and love. You are ready to pull the plug on the whole thing, why not say so to her and suggest she go out and get a job? Then she will be able to support herself, although maybe not as comfortably.
Bobbi
Well-known member
Do not stay in a relationship out of guilt or obligation. The longer you stay together, the longer the alimony will last. You will have financial responsibility either way. One way you'll live the life you choose, the other will be imposed upon you. She has already checked out. Whether you divorce is not is up to you, but ending the relationship will allow you to grieve, move on and see things in a healthier perspective with more boundaries.
You do YOU, for a change.
You do YOU, for a change.
She does work, but being together for 25 years we are living a lifestyle that basically requires both salaries. I do make more and have great health, dental and vision insurance, as well. Prices of homes and rent are extremely high where we live and she can't afford it and she knows it.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds awful. I will reiterate what others have said, however. See a counsellor asap. They will help you talk through your feelings and help you see clearer about yourself and what you need.
Please take legal advice too, especially regarding your living situation, finances and, most importantly, the children. Sometimes this is needed to help empower you, to work out your own options rather than feeling like someone else is making all the decisions about your life. I know you love your wife. That's very clear. However, currently her actions (this has nothing to do with her sexuality) are not loving towards you or, to be frank, towards your children.
Keep hope. XX
Please take legal advice too, especially regarding your living situation, finances and, most importantly, the children. Sometimes this is needed to help empower you, to work out your own options rather than feeling like someone else is making all the decisions about your life. I know you love your wife. That's very clear. However, currently her actions (this has nothing to do with her sexuality) are not loving towards you or, to be frank, towards your children.
Keep hope. XX
It's been a while, but we were good and my wife came to her senses. Cried to me that she screwed up and loved me and didn't want to throw our life together away. But she had hired her girlfriend at our business right before she came to her senses, and now she is back to square 1 again. This 23 year old girl has got such a manipulative grip on my 40 year old wife that my wife actually left for a week and moved in with her at her gf's ex-boyfriend's house while he was on vacation. Took the dog and the kids too. The day before he comes back she gives me the dog back bc the guy is so physically abusive to my wife's gf that she's afraid he will kill the dog.
My wife has now moved back in with me, but literally lives in my kids' bedroom and does ZERO around the house. No cooking, cleaning or wash anymore. This was a woman who a year ago put her family first and was mother of the year. Like, wtf is going on with her head? I'm assuming she moved back with me again bc she knows she's wrong and knows this whole thing is just fucked up. The reason i say that is bc i offered her to literally take half the money in the bank acct, somewhere around 40k for right now, to get her own place and just start over, but she never took it.
She cried to me months ago that she fucked up and should have listened to me. I told her to listen to me now and just put a stop to all this. But she is in a trance with this girl. This 23 year old literally has nothing but a cellphone bill and car payment on a minivan with 130k miles that has been out of inspection since Feb. She knows this is screwed up, but she's going 100 mph with her blinders on. Just crazy. This is a totally different woman from a year ago. I am just keeping my cool right now and riding the rollercoaster to see if my wife sees the light again. I truly know the woman i married is under all this BS. i just don't know how to get her back. Suggestions?
My wife has now moved back in with me, but literally lives in my kids' bedroom and does ZERO around the house. No cooking, cleaning or wash anymore. This was a woman who a year ago put her family first and was mother of the year. Like, wtf is going on with her head? I'm assuming she moved back with me again bc she knows she's wrong and knows this whole thing is just fucked up. The reason i say that is bc i offered her to literally take half the money in the bank acct, somewhere around 40k for right now, to get her own place and just start over, but she never took it.
She cried to me months ago that she fucked up and should have listened to me. I told her to listen to me now and just put a stop to all this. But she is in a trance with this girl. This 23 year old literally has nothing but a cellphone bill and car payment on a minivan with 130k miles that has been out of inspection since Feb. She knows this is screwed up, but she's going 100 mph with her blinders on. Just crazy. This is a totally different woman from a year ago. I am just keeping my cool right now and riding the rollercoaster to see if my wife sees the light again. I truly know the woman i married is under all this BS. i just don't know how to get her back. Suggestions?
I'm sorry this is still going on.
Is a trial separation something you want? Because YOU can talk to a lawyer and sort out separation agreements. And then YOU take it and get a flat for a year. Or wife does. And you deal with the coparenting.
Did you ever arrange to talk to a counselor? Do the kids need a family therapist with all these changes in the last year?
Why is the 23 yr GF in charge at your house? Like, wife waits on the 23 to decide things and you wait on the wife to decide things?
If you are going to wait to get her back, it might be a long wait. I suggest you think about how you want to be living during the wait and how this is affecting the kids.
Kids living with a depressed adult in the same house is hard enough, but in the same ROOM? Do the kids need to be THIS exposed to the rollercoaster? How are you protecting them from all this?
If you two did a trial separation, at least they'd get breaks from Mom and her mental health when they go stay with you.
Maybe something to think about.
Galagirl
Is a trial separation something you want? Because YOU can talk to a lawyer and sort out separation agreements. And then YOU take it and get a flat for a year. Or wife does. And you deal with the coparenting.
Did you ever arrange to talk to a counselor? Do the kids need a family therapist with all these changes in the last year?
Why is the 23 yr GF in charge at your house? Like, wife waits on the 23 to decide things and you wait on the wife to decide things?
If you are going to wait to get her back, it might be a long wait. I suggest you think about how you want to be living during the wait and how this is affecting the kids.
Kids living with a depressed adult in the same house is hard enough, but in the same ROOM? Do the kids need to be THIS exposed to the rollercoaster? How are you protecting them from all this?
If you two did a trial separation, at least they'd get breaks from Mom and her mental health when they go stay with you.
Maybe something to think about.
Galagirl
Thanks for responding. I will take all that into consideration.
JustTheThreeOfUs
New member
But your wife stayed there with your kids?
I'm glad you will look after the kids. I find that kids tend to not understand adult problems. They are children and may connect the dots wrong. They might blame themselves, like they are the reason the family feels "off." And not even getting their own room to take a break/time out because Mom is in there, depressed all the time, is not really fair on them. It's not like they can move out, away from the wacky on their own, and let y'all solve your things yourselves. They are kinda trapped there.
Did they SEE that bf abusing wife's GF when wife went over there with the kids? They may have seen/heard stuff over there that they don't understand or that frightened them. Kids get attached to their pets -- were they scared for the dog too? Scared the guy might hit mom?
I see wife and kids are back with you at this home... but the kids might feel some kind of way about mom valuing the dog higher than them, and getting the dog back over here before them. Have you talked to them about anything that happened over there?
Is Mom safe to be around the kids if she's basically lost her mind over this GF?
Sigh. This is all so awkward and weird. Please talk to someone about all that is going on. In case it helps you any...
Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory
Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory
www.polyfriendly.org
Internet people might be able to help you with 1 or 2 things, but with this many things going on I really think you could benefit from talking to a professional.
Galagirl
Last edited:
No she came back home then with the kids.