I feel awkward and lost, gay (?) wife

Hello crvttcrss,

You could tell this girl's boyfriend what's going on, but I have to admit if I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn't bother. It's your wife's mess. Let her clean it up. Or she can crash and burn -- her call. What I wonder is, if it's okay for your wife to have a girlfriend, is it also okay for you to have a girlfriend? Is that something you would want? or are you satisfied with the sexual relations you are still having with your wife?

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
Kevin, im all about my wife and dont want another woman. I was debating on telling the bf but he will soon find out im sure. The gf also lives in his house with 2 of his kids. The 3rd is someone elses.
 
You're under a lot of stress right now. You don't need to reply to every post, unless you want to.

I'm sorry someone accused you of getting off on the humiliation. We don't encourage that kind of unkind talk here.

I find it interesting that you consider the kink of humiliation “unkind talk”. It may not be for you or me, but to each their own.
 
Mod note: around here we wait for the OPs generally to bring up kinks directly, not thrust them upon a OP as an either or situation. Reducing this situation to kink or weakness was unkind talk. No further discussion of this will be indulged on this thread.
 
Mod note: around here we wait for the OPs generally to bring up kinks directly, not thrust them upon a OP as an either or situation. Reducing this situation to kink or weakness was unkind talk. No further discussion of this will be indulged on this thread.
Mod note: Noted

I will rephrase.

She is a lot happier and treats me so much better.
If she wasn't happy before she cheated on you, and wasn't treating you the way you think you should be treated, that may not be the most positive environment for you or your kids. As I said before, you sound like a good man. Don’t reduce yourself to be in a situation that forces you to sacrifice your well-being for someone else’s.
 
Mod note: Noted

I will rephrase.

If she wasn't happy before she cheated on you, and wasn't treating you the way you think you should be treated, that may not be the most positive environment for you or your kids. As I said before, you sound like a good man. Don’t reduce yourself to be in a situation that forces you to sacrifice your well-being for someone else’s.
You are 100% right. Though I am taking this slow right now, hopefully it goes in my favor. I guess I did screw up here along the way with some of my decisions, but I wasn't sure what was right or wrong. This is all foreign to me. I never expected this. Thank you for your help.
 
Exactly one month later. Hope you guys are in a better spot.
Thanks for reaching out. So, long story short, I agreed to let my wife's girlfriend move in with us. It has its ups and downs. Honestly, I'm not sure if it was the right decision. It was not even my idea, it was my wife's. She does not want to leave our relationship, and expressed that, but wanted to explore this side of herself that she says has been hidden for over 20 years. The kids just think it's a friend that has moved in for now. There's a lot of moving parts at the moment.
 
A lot of moving parts indeed! This sounds like a very stressful situation.

I realize the ship has somewhat sailed, but I imagine it would be better for all parties involved if your wife's girlfriend had her own living space. I might have missed some details in the thread, but it sounds like she might have previously been living with a boyfriend, and now she's moved in with you? (Also, she has kids?)
 
A lot of moving parts indeed! This sounds like a very stressful situation.

I realize the ship has somewhat sailed, but I imagine it would be better for all parties involved if your wife's girlfriend had her own living space. I might have missed some details in the thread, but it sounds like she might have previously been living with a boyfriend, and now she's moved in with you? (Also, she has kids?)
It's just a really just f***ed up situation, to be frank. I kinda just feel like a 3rd wheel, to be honest. I feel the only reason my wife is really staying is because financially she just can't survive. She has told me this. I'm really on the verge of just telling her to get the hell out, because I know that I'm worth more than this. However, I do get along great with her girlfriend. But to watch the affection between the two of them and not get it in return is hard.

I was raised as a protector and provider for my family, and I have done that. School, college, great career, house, cars, food on the table and money in the bank.

She said she is a new person and has changed. Now that I see this new person filling this gap that was there, I want that, as well, from my wife. But I just get the same bs from her: "You never wanted that before." I'm human-- it hurts.

So, like I said, I'm almost ready to just call this quits and let the dust settle. 25 years of lies.

She still doesn't wear her wedding ring since all this went down. Crazy crazy times.
 
Sorry this is such a messed-up situation. It sounds like your wife is clinging to a marriage of convenience, even while depriving you of affection and love. You are ready to pull the plug on the whole thing, why not say so to her and suggest she go out and get a job? Then she will be able to support herself, although maybe not as comfortably.
 
Do not stay in a relationship out of guilt or obligation. The longer you stay together, the longer the alimony will last. You will have financial responsibility either way. One way you'll live the life you choose, the other will be imposed upon you. She has already checked out. Whether you divorce is not is up to you, but ending the relationship will allow you to grieve, move on and see things in a healthier perspective with more boundaries.

You do YOU, for a change.
 
Sorry this is such a messed-up situation. It sounds like your wife is clinging to a marriage of convenience, even while depriving you of affection and love. You are ready to pull the plug on the whole thing, why not say so to her and suggest she go out and get a job? Then she will be able to support herself, although maybe not as comfortably.
She does work, but being together for 25 years we are living a lifestyle that basically requires both salaries. I do make more and have great health, dental and vision insurance, as well. Prices of homes and rent are extremely high where we live and she can't afford it and she knows it.
 
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds awful. I will reiterate what others have said, however. See a counsellor asap. They will help you talk through your feelings and help you see clearer about yourself and what you need.

Please take legal advice too, especially regarding your living situation, finances and, most importantly, the children. Sometimes this is needed to help empower you, to work out your own options rather than feeling like someone else is making all the decisions about your life. I know you love your wife. That's very clear. However, currently her actions (this has nothing to do with her sexuality) are not loving towards you or, to be frank, towards your children.

Keep hope. XX
 
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