agentb2016
New member
Well new friends.... I finally did it... I dumped him!
....my dysfunctional narcissist boyfriend who claimed to want poly but really just wanted to fuck around.
(Backstory: Finally had the hard talk)
That was a fucked up encounter but I'm very proud of myself right now, and I actually feel good about this.
I was at home working and chatting with a friend just now, and he called me out of the blue. I didn't answer and he left a voicemail which I didn't listen to.
Then he sent me a text saying he was outside my building (what the fuck?) and had some stuff that I'd left at his place with him to give back to me. He said he would wait for a bit.
I didn't need the things back from him... but I decided to go out and get them from him.
I woman'd up, chatted a bit casually, and then told him "This is over."
I was gentle but firm. Not a hint of bitchiness. Just a quiet strength of "I will not tolerate this." I'm very, very proud of myself. I said, "It's clear this isn't working, and you seem like you just want to be able to do whatever you want whenever you feel like it so.... go do that. Go do what makes you happy."
He said, "Well, I dunno if it makes me happy..."
I just said "Maybe we can be friends in a few weeks, but for now I need some time to heal, I need my space."
He said, "I figured."
We chatted some more after that, just friendly stuff. He's going through a big life transition right now, his music stuff isn't really happening; he was pissed at his new upstairs neighbour for complaining when he was trying to practice, he got a speeding ticket the other day, blah blah blah....
It's funny, as he was talking all I could do was see the signs of Narcissism. It was all "Me me me" and complaining about how stupid his neighbour was....talking and talking.... barely asking me how I was doing or what was going on in my life when I said "I'm going through a big transition right now too."
Finally when I was sick of talking (or rather, listening) I ended the conversation saying I was doing some work and needed to get going. I gave him a polite hug and he said "maybe we'll talk," and I just said "have a good night."
I feel SO RELIEVED!!!! I was able to say it to his face. I wasn't rude or mean. I was even able to ask for what I wanted (no contact) and now I can avoid feeling guilty if I don't answer his texts or emails or calls.
Sure, if he wants to try to be friends in a few weeks, I will consider it, but it will be on my terms.
And if he wants to date me again, I will be so much more informed, and cautious, and know what to look out for now.
Tho I am currently interested in going on a date with someone else (who actually seems NORMAL which is a relief after all this BS! I will be MUCH more clear with my boundaries now tho) so who knows, by then I may already be dating someone else and he'll have known he fucked up his chance with a great girl.
I feel SO MUCH MORE EMPOWERED RIGHT NOW!
Thank you all for your help and support during this tough time for me. I really appreciate it!!!! And I am grateful that there are genuine good helping people on the interwebs.
....my dysfunctional narcissist boyfriend who claimed to want poly but really just wanted to fuck around.
(Backstory: Finally had the hard talk)
That was a fucked up encounter but I'm very proud of myself right now, and I actually feel good about this.
I was at home working and chatting with a friend just now, and he called me out of the blue. I didn't answer and he left a voicemail which I didn't listen to.
Then he sent me a text saying he was outside my building (what the fuck?) and had some stuff that I'd left at his place with him to give back to me. He said he would wait for a bit.
I didn't need the things back from him... but I decided to go out and get them from him.
I woman'd up, chatted a bit casually, and then told him "This is over."
I was gentle but firm. Not a hint of bitchiness. Just a quiet strength of "I will not tolerate this." I'm very, very proud of myself. I said, "It's clear this isn't working, and you seem like you just want to be able to do whatever you want whenever you feel like it so.... go do that. Go do what makes you happy."
He said, "Well, I dunno if it makes me happy..."
I just said "Maybe we can be friends in a few weeks, but for now I need some time to heal, I need my space."
He said, "I figured."
We chatted some more after that, just friendly stuff. He's going through a big life transition right now, his music stuff isn't really happening; he was pissed at his new upstairs neighbour for complaining when he was trying to practice, he got a speeding ticket the other day, blah blah blah....
It's funny, as he was talking all I could do was see the signs of Narcissism. It was all "Me me me" and complaining about how stupid his neighbour was....talking and talking.... barely asking me how I was doing or what was going on in my life when I said "I'm going through a big transition right now too."
Finally when I was sick of talking (or rather, listening) I ended the conversation saying I was doing some work and needed to get going. I gave him a polite hug and he said "maybe we'll talk," and I just said "have a good night."
I feel SO RELIEVED!!!! I was able to say it to his face. I wasn't rude or mean. I was even able to ask for what I wanted (no contact) and now I can avoid feeling guilty if I don't answer his texts or emails or calls.
Sure, if he wants to try to be friends in a few weeks, I will consider it, but it will be on my terms.
And if he wants to date me again, I will be so much more informed, and cautious, and know what to look out for now.
Tho I am currently interested in going on a date with someone else (who actually seems NORMAL which is a relief after all this BS! I will be MUCH more clear with my boundaries now tho) so who knows, by then I may already be dating someone else and he'll have known he fucked up his chance with a great girl.
I feel SO MUCH MORE EMPOWERED RIGHT NOW!
Thank you all for your help and support during this tough time for me. I really appreciate it!!!! And I am grateful that there are genuine good helping people on the interwebs.
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