greenearthal
New member
Even if it's just a description of the relationship you're in now, just for fun, try to imagine and articulate what nirvana would be for you.
Imagine your ideal relationships.
- Thread starter greenearthal
- Start date
People are viewing this but no one is speaking..hmmmm...interesting.
Notice how I'm not saying anything either
You just did say something.
I don't have an "ideal" relationship, but I'm pretty satisfied with the husband I have right now. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Although it is nice to know that if one of us ever wants to see someone else, it doesn't mean our marriage is over.
C
Ceoli
Guest
I'm honestly still thinking this one over.
MonoVCPHG
New member
I honestly spend more time thinking about what I think Redpepper wants than what I want. I like to project that kind of stuff, get all wrapped up in it, freak out, and then let her slap me back to the reality that I actually don't know what she really wants.
greenearthal
New member
I dislike (and am often confused by) the categorization of relationships. So many of the categorizations seem arbitrary and/or imprecise. I would just as soon live without them, and just see relationships as a spectrum, and let them find their own level and mutually agreed-upon rules.
For example, the fact that there aren't (m)any words for the relationships that exist between "friend" and "boy/girlfriend..." I would like to figure out what that word is, and then I would like to have some. Friends that you find attractive, might go on dates with, might make out with, might have full-on intimate relationships with, if circumstances were different, but with whom you are just content to exchange backrubs, and remind one another that you are attractive, wonderful and such. I wish more people found that to be a natural way to exist and that such relationships were available in abundance.
And then, I would really love to have a full and intimate network of relationships between four or six folks. An even number, because I have this (admittedly possibly irrational) desire for perfect gender balance. I am cisgendered and heterosexual myself, but have no attachment to any specific orientation for the others, but I like the idea of de facto polyfidelity (polyfidelity born of mutual agreement that we simply wouldn't have enough time to invite any more full relationships), and I have a sentimental favoritism for the idea of cross couples (gender balance of some sort).
And if we're REALLY going to indulge our fantasies (I hope we are) I would say that I would love to be part of a nomadic tribe or some such. Two or three bands on tour, or some other form of wandering entertainment, or intentional community that just had a very free vibe to it and a subset of polyamorous population within it... in which I might find conditions satisfying both preceding paragraphs. And an opportunity to raise families in such a Bohemia. That would be just about perfect to me. I'm kind of an odd duck, I suppose.
For example, the fact that there aren't (m)any words for the relationships that exist between "friend" and "boy/girlfriend..." I would like to figure out what that word is, and then I would like to have some. Friends that you find attractive, might go on dates with, might make out with, might have full-on intimate relationships with, if circumstances were different, but with whom you are just content to exchange backrubs, and remind one another that you are attractive, wonderful and such. I wish more people found that to be a natural way to exist and that such relationships were available in abundance.
And then, I would really love to have a full and intimate network of relationships between four or six folks. An even number, because I have this (admittedly possibly irrational) desire for perfect gender balance. I am cisgendered and heterosexual myself, but have no attachment to any specific orientation for the others, but I like the idea of de facto polyfidelity (polyfidelity born of mutual agreement that we simply wouldn't have enough time to invite any more full relationships), and I have a sentimental favoritism for the idea of cross couples (gender balance of some sort).
And if we're REALLY going to indulge our fantasies (I hope we are) I would say that I would love to be part of a nomadic tribe or some such. Two or three bands on tour, or some other form of wandering entertainment, or intentional community that just had a very free vibe to it and a subset of polyamorous population within it... in which I might find conditions satisfying both preceding paragraphs. And an opportunity to raise families in such a Bohemia. That would be just about perfect to me. I'm kind of an odd duck, I suppose.
ladyjools
New member
This is an interesting question.
My ideal relationship(s) would be with people who are open to personal development and polyamory in general, with partners that I don't have to convince to live this way of life, but who embrace it with the same enthusiasm that I do!
At the moment, I am a very very lucky girl, in that I have 3 male partners, all of whom I care for deeply.
In an ideal world, in future I see us all living together in one big house. And I am open to them having more than just me. I want them to experience as much love as I do.
I want relationships that are both supportive and challenging. And, of course, it is always nice if the 3 of them get on well.
Jools
My ideal relationship(s) would be with people who are open to personal development and polyamory in general, with partners that I don't have to convince to live this way of life, but who embrace it with the same enthusiasm that I do!
At the moment, I am a very very lucky girl, in that I have 3 male partners, all of whom I care for deeply.
In an ideal world, in future I see us all living together in one big house. And I am open to them having more than just me. I want them to experience as much love as I do.
I want relationships that are both supportive and challenging. And, of course, it is always nice if the 3 of them get on well.
Jools
LovingRadiance
Active member
I'm not particular about numbers or gender. In my ideal world, there wouldn't be limitations on my freedom to love and for others to love me. I would be free to show my affection as I felt inclined, instead of worrying about "time and place." And others wouldn't second guess my devotion. They would inherently know that, yes, I do love and cherish all of them, without inhibition.
greenearthal
New member
A little more about gender, and why I retain these romantic notions about some balance: I feel like I thrive in both large and small lateral groups. I find that I do not do very well in hierarchical groups, at all. E.g., I'm the star, you're the fan; you're the boss, I'm the worker; I'm the boss, you're the worker; etc. But in peer groups, whether large or small, I feel like I really thrive.
However, when I am in large peer groups, and for whatever reason, I find myself with a significant gender imbalance, people seem to take leave of their senses and act like idiots (sometimes, not an act). In a large peer group that is predominately male, there is generally one monocultural type of idiocy, perhaps best labeled as "typical male idiocy." And likewise, when I find myself among a predominately female group, things generally devolve into "any one of a million subtly-nuanced forms of complex idiocy."
Whether the differences from male to female are more biological or more socialization is irrelevant. The fact is, they're there. And I find that groups that tend toward gender balance are more likely to have the mix of skills and personalities to meet problem-solving head on, and enjoy the benefits of diversity.
I do recognize that both gender balance and fidelity are my own personal preferences. And, believe you me, I am well aware, sometimes we fall in love with people and the love becomes way more important than our personal preferences.
But the actual homework assignment was to imagine your ideal relationship. So, if I won the relationship lotto and found myself in a situation similar to what I initially described, I would be a happy camper.
That's all.
However, when I am in large peer groups, and for whatever reason, I find myself with a significant gender imbalance, people seem to take leave of their senses and act like idiots (sometimes, not an act). In a large peer group that is predominately male, there is generally one monocultural type of idiocy, perhaps best labeled as "typical male idiocy." And likewise, when I find myself among a predominately female group, things generally devolve into "any one of a million subtly-nuanced forms of complex idiocy."
Whether the differences from male to female are more biological or more socialization is irrelevant. The fact is, they're there. And I find that groups that tend toward gender balance are more likely to have the mix of skills and personalities to meet problem-solving head on, and enjoy the benefits of diversity.
I do recognize that both gender balance and fidelity are my own personal preferences. And, believe you me, I am well aware, sometimes we fall in love with people and the love becomes way more important than our personal preferences.
But the actual homework assignment was to imagine your ideal relationship. So, if I won the relationship lotto and found myself in a situation similar to what I initially described, I would be a happy camper.
That's all.
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Legion
New member
My ideal relationship would be more aptly described as a series of interconnectivities between individuals, of which I would be one.
In this relationship would be everyone that I love to some extent, and for each of these people from their own perception is everyone they love. I envision it like little gossamer tendrils of energy attaching me to those I think about and love. Some strands are brighter and stronger than others, but each is a living thing that can be nurtured to a healthier state, or neglected until it withers and dies.
I would have my lovers, and in turn they would have their own. Ideally, I would want the absence of one of my lovers to be filled by another, or perhaps there would be times when I chose to be alone and they would occupy themselves with other lovers or activities. I hope to be like the river. If a stone is removed, the space is filled. If a stone is added, the space is respected and flowed around. Strong and flowing love, flexible, patient and quietly constant, no matter the circumstances.
I like to think I'm practicing this now, trying to love those around me constantly, but being respectful in my interactions with them, not pushing into their space by forcing them to accept my love. Rather, it is a thing that is there if/when they choose it, and it is there, but not invasive if they choose to turn to other things/people.
That is who I hope to be in the relationship. Whom I hope to be in the situation is not specific,other than the people I already love. Their characteristics are varied. The main thing I would like to see is me NOT causing them a bunch of pain and anguish, because that has been my main problem in the past. Because I pretty much never find poly girls to be with (they are always mono), I tell them how I am. I've had someone point out that the formula usually goes that they are okay with it at first, until they actually start to care about me more deeply, then they want me all to themselves.
So I guess who they are in the ideal relationship is less possessive, or whatever it is that they are experiencing that causes such frustrated desires. I would like to have partners who accept that I may want to be somewhere else or with someone else at times.
In this relationship would be everyone that I love to some extent, and for each of these people from their own perception is everyone they love. I envision it like little gossamer tendrils of energy attaching me to those I think about and love. Some strands are brighter and stronger than others, but each is a living thing that can be nurtured to a healthier state, or neglected until it withers and dies.
I would have my lovers, and in turn they would have their own. Ideally, I would want the absence of one of my lovers to be filled by another, or perhaps there would be times when I chose to be alone and they would occupy themselves with other lovers or activities. I hope to be like the river. If a stone is removed, the space is filled. If a stone is added, the space is respected and flowed around. Strong and flowing love, flexible, patient and quietly constant, no matter the circumstances.
I like to think I'm practicing this now, trying to love those around me constantly, but being respectful in my interactions with them, not pushing into their space by forcing them to accept my love. Rather, it is a thing that is there if/when they choose it, and it is there, but not invasive if they choose to turn to other things/people.
That is who I hope to be in the relationship. Whom I hope to be in the situation is not specific,other than the people I already love. Their characteristics are varied. The main thing I would like to see is me NOT causing them a bunch of pain and anguish, because that has been my main problem in the past. Because I pretty much never find poly girls to be with (they are always mono), I tell them how I am. I've had someone point out that the formula usually goes that they are okay with it at first, until they actually start to care about me more deeply, then they want me all to themselves.
So I guess who they are in the ideal relationship is less possessive, or whatever it is that they are experiencing that causes such frustrated desires. I would like to have partners who accept that I may want to be somewhere else or with someone else at times.
rolypoly
New member
My ideal relationship(s) as I define it now is this.
A "primary" relationship with a man. (My ideal man is a whole other story.) We are very independent from each other. The time we do spend together is intense, passionate, loving, vulnerable and honest. We do the dishes, work, love, walk, cycle, play... together. We are in love and nurture our relationship.
Then we take space. Sometimes with other lovers, sometimes alone. I have other relationships with women and men. Sometimes our together time is also with those other lovers, sometimes just the two of us.
I feel like I belong. Someone in this world gets me, oh, so well. And I get him. We share our lives, including our other loves. But we are both free. We don't merge the parts of our lives that don't mesh. We don't sleep in the same bed/house every night. But we are committed to each other and check in with each other regularly.
A "primary" relationship with a man. (My ideal man is a whole other story.) We are very independent from each other. The time we do spend together is intense, passionate, loving, vulnerable and honest. We do the dishes, work, love, walk, cycle, play... together. We are in love and nurture our relationship.
Then we take space. Sometimes with other lovers, sometimes alone. I have other relationships with women and men. Sometimes our together time is also with those other lovers, sometimes just the two of us.
I feel like I belong. Someone in this world gets me, oh, so well. And I get him. We share our lives, including our other loves. But we are both free. We don't merge the parts of our lives that don't mesh. We don't sleep in the same bed/house every night. But we are committed to each other and check in with each other regularly.
nikkiana
New member
What's your ideal relationship situation?
I noticed this question coming up in someone's intro thread, and thought it would be a good question to ask the board as a whole. There are plenty of ways out there to do polyamory. What does your ideal relationship situation look like?
I noticed this question coming up in someone's intro thread, and thought it would be a good question to ask the board as a whole. There are plenty of ways out there to do polyamory. What does your ideal relationship situation look like?
StitchwitchD
New member
An open, co-habitating triad, V, quad or N, associated with an intimate network, maybe have everyone get together for gaming sessions every so often. I don't care much about the details, just that a bunch of people care about each other and will be there for each other in a crisis, and I think a household with kids is easier to manage with more than 2 adults.
Ravenesque
Member
I've thought about that before too lol. Intentional communities attract me in many ways.
I have a few relationship ideals. I don't have one that is the best out of the bunch. PittDruid I would like life to unfold as it will, hopefully positively.
But I like how you say "all intertwined in some way, living together and supporting each other," As well as the portion about children, come what may.
I'd like a home filled with love and support, with the right amount of loves so as not to feel crowded or lonely. I don't know what number that would be. lol
Tending the garden together, celebrating life and nature. And there still being the possibilities of relationships outside of those within the home.
Another incarnation of my ideal is fewer people living together, but with constant involvement between loves who live together with those that don't.
The setup would be non-hierarchical for any of these ideals.
~Raven~
Come on! You like being in trouble.