in need of advice - financial issues

You may have to be legally separated. Since you're married and if you work, child support will be determined by both your income. Not just his. That means you will be making payments to that manipulative scum out of your paycheck. If she's this bad it's not hard to imagine that she will be the type to not use the money for the kid much, if at all.

If she even is pregnant. She can file as soon as she knows who the father is (so if you're still married when she does file it...). Best believe she's not going to wait on his kindness or promise.

With the way your husband is acting I'd leave. But that's just me, I wouldn't put up with that kind of disrespect. I'd go the counseling route first but leaving is still high on the priority list.
 
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Definitely get a paternity test. My husband broke it off with someone who came back a couple weeks later claiming to be pregnant with his baby. My husband did the upstanding thing and paid child support, was an involved parent and even took custody of her when the mom got into drugs and went to jail. We didn't learn until the daughter was an adult that she wasn't his.
 
I'd consider leaving too. That he sat on her bad mouthing you for two month, continued unprotected sex with baby making intentions, and then moved her back in the moment she cried knocked up would leave me unable to stomach living under the same roof all the while knowing my income was on the chopping block for child support.
I'd go. He could follow once he cleaned up the mess he made.
 
Apparently your husband is picking her over you...

I would separate from my husband and protect myself and my children from this woman. There is NO WAY I would share a roof with his woman.
 
My condolences polygirl4347; the one thing I hoped wouldn't happen has happened. She's pregnant.

I imagine that you feel you've got to support your husband through this difficult time. I can sympathize with that. I don't want to pass any judgments, I just want to help if I can.

I guess there's technically a chance that this was all a misunderstanding and this woman will turn out to be as wonderful as you guys have always believed. I can only hope for that ... as I have a feeling she's going to be living with you for a long time.
 
The Dr did confirm this afternoon that she is pregnant and it will be 6 weeks before we can get a paternity test. She is coming back tonight to stay until we get the paternity test results back. I know that it sounds crazy to let her come back and some of you think he is picking her over me, but he is not. There are a lot of other factors that come into play - the major one is that we tried for 14 years to have children. This is something he has always wanted and I could never give him...so there is no way on this earth I would ever make him choose between his kid and me. He deserves to be a part of this pregnancy and I am afraid if she doesn't stay, he won't get to go to Dr appt and ultrasounds and feel the baby kick and all that. Maybe I am stupid and naïve, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I deprived him of that.

With that being said, I came home today to see the plans he drew up to literally build a wall in the house where she will be staying that completely separates her from us, pretty much making the house into a duplex. And he also wrote up an agreement that says how much and when she will pay rent and how long she will stay.

I know many won't agree with this and it may very well blow up in our faces, but we are just trying to do the right thing.
 
I am only one voice, but I will support you (as in moral support ... best I can do from afar). Maybe if this woman has this child and cares for it, it'll help her to do some growing up? That's what I hope will happen.
 
With the degree of con described that's highly unlikely. I still say leave, the only thing you'd be depriving him of is you.
And seriously, start looking at lawyers. Because if you aren't going to legally separate or get a divorce, your money is at stake.
 
I understand you wanting your hubby to be happy... BUT this woman has been hell bent on stealing your husband from you.

Now she has the perfect weapon.... His baby. You seriously think that she will not use that child? You now will have to deal with her the rest of your life.
 
I wish you the best OP. You're going to need it.

Have you discussed with your husband what your relationship will be like with her in the house? When will he accommodate your needs and desires? Is he still going to be in a romantic relationship with her?

And how does he plan to co-parent with a manipulative person? She's not going to shape up because she is a parent now. I strongly suggest suing for full custody. I doubt she will be a decent parent and might turn out to be abusive. You and your husband may need to step up.

Search Reddit.com for a sub-reddit called 'Raised by a Narcissist' to get an idea of what the child, you and your husband may be facing. (No I have no idea if she is a narcissist or any other mental health issue label. But that sub-reddit is a first person account of the damage bad indifferent parents do.)
 
I have a good friend who got close to, and married a woman sort of like this. She not only tried to con him (had access to his credit cards, his kid, etc.), but con his friends as well, and made up all sorts of bullshit stories to support her insane world view.

She claimed to be pregnant as well, once he finally kicked her abusive ass out the door.

(A) Get that paternity test, tout-suite.
(B) If he's only keeping her in the house because he's afraid of not having contact with the child, then SHE'S CONTINUING TO MANIPULATE HIM.

There is nothing wrong with having her go her own way, and then suing for custody once the baby is born. That is, if the baby's his. Yes, she could up and leave and cause a hellish nightmare for him if he wants to see the baby, but she WILL cause a hellish nightmare for him AND for you by staying there, because she can.

I apologize for my tone, but I saw what this woman did to my friend. He's happy now, but she took a man who was smart and confident and really fucked with him for a while. And all I could do was watch and try to help from the sidelines. It's an awful feeling and I hate to see someone else go through something similar.
 
That he has a plan for building on an extension to preserve some sense of separateness is encouraging. Still, you two need to present a united front. Otherwise she will just try to weasel him away again. The romantic end of his association with her needs to be done and stay done. She had more than a year of good intentions out of you both and it only lead to her stealing and lying, trying to toss you out of your own home with threats of calling the cops. Ha cannot be allowed to settle into a view where this is forgotten.
 
OP, please WAKE UP.

You and your husband are continuing to be very, very stupid. She not only attempted to sabotage your marriage, she is delusional. She is likely also a con artist. While you are waiting to have the paternity tested, she could rob you blind. He can take care of the baby (if it is his) with her living elsewhere. In addition, there are paternity tests sold on the internet that come with very genuine-looking results letters - both positive and negative results letters. These tests contain cheek swabs, collection bags and return envelopes. The instructions are very detailed and could fool nearly anyone. So, please make sure YOUR doctor does it (not HERS) and the results are controlled.

Make sure all your passwords on everything and credit cards have been changed, and that she no longer has access to your bank account. AND STOP PAYING HER FUCKING BILLS! Bringing this delusional asshole back into our home is sheer madness, no matter whose baby it is. Is your husband going to have sex with her again? If so, he needs to keep his dick in a condom. I sincerely hope he does not fuck her again, as it will only encourage her to think she has some power over him - and you.

If I were you, I would put my foot down and kick her out. Why, why, why are you giving in? Please have your husband read this thread. He needs to shake himself out of this baby-dream.
 
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Treat this like identity theft. Notify the banks, get cards re-issued, change all pin# and passwords, etc. and get a copy of your credit report (sign up to get one every few month, even if you are charged). Have the bank cards go to the bank where you can pick them up - do NOT have them mailed to your home, where she is living. Get a mail box where only you have the key or have all important mail go to a PO Box from now on. Please seek legal advice ASAP with regard to the child and how to protect yourselves from this woman.
 
Alas, I can only admit that I'm scared for you, for the reasons the others have described. If you need this woman to live with you, protect yourself as much as possible. And I suppose we'll just hope that the protection will all turn out to be overkill. Better too much than too little ...

Good luck, and please keep us posted.
 
Parental rights & Child Support

I'm late in the conversation, but as someone who has voluntarily helped parents file legal paperwork for custody, child support, divorce etc for over 10 years;

I HIGHLY advise you to speak with a lawyer about the laws in your state. Every state is different.
Just as someone mentioned that in some states lack of payment is a quick and easy boot to the door but other states it is not-the same is true in regards to how custodial and child support issues are addressed.

For example; in Alaska, her renting from you will not in anyway change or affect that he owes her child support. Furthermore; money paid directly doesn't count.

Not ensuring that you have covered the bases could result in complete financial ruin for you both as well as complete loss of rights to the child ANYWAY.
The only smart move is to speak with a lawyer, find out the responsibilities and rights in your state specifically and then follow them.
 
Yeah, professional legal counsel sounds like a good idea at this point.
 
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