Alliumqueen
New member
Hey there!
I am new to this website, and to the polyamory world. I posted my story to the introduction section but feel like I will get better feedback here.
Overview: I'm a 27 year old queer woman, who was in a 2 1/2 year monogamous relationship with a 35 year old queer woman. We broke up the middle of last month (February). We have now started to have a more casual relationship... we are still being sexually/emotionally intimate with one another but are not fully committed so we can work on/focus on ourselves more. She doesn't want to lose me and neither do I. She also says that her heart is wanting something new right now.
She is currently being sexually intimate with someone who was our mutual friend that she emotionally cheated on me with and she is also pursuing one another person. I am transitioning from our breakup to our new reality... am almost healed and am almost ready to start seeing other people. We have both been serial monogamists our whole life. I have always been polycurious but never had the chance to practice polyamory. Although she has been in monogamous relationship, her first relationship was more polyamorous but she didn't know it at the time. We are both starting to open up our world and hearts to the idea of it all and have been researching into it recently. I also recently purchased The Ethical Slut.
Full Story: Covid caused a huge strain in our personal lives, which in turn affected our relationship. I left for 2 weeks in December for Christmas, she started hanging out with a mutual friend while I was gone and developed a "crush on this person." She has a history of doing this in past relationships when things head South. During January she became increasingly distance once I got back into town, she blamed it on Covid reasons at first. Then she also told me that she has been thinking a lot about our age difference and is wanting kids in the next 2-3 years, I feel like I'll be ready for kids in 4 years. She also is frustrated I'm in college still (I'm working on my undergrad). Then I found out she emotionally cheated on me throughout January and even stayed the night at this woman's house while we were still technically together and I called her out on it the beginning of last month (February). She doesn't understand/believe in emotional cheating because she sees cheating as physical infidelity but what she did crossed a boundary of mine/broke my trust. The whole experience hurt me deeply if not more than if she would have just physically cheated and she is starting to understand that more now.
We talked about opening up our relationship/being polyamorous at the beginning of February, she leaned into the idea but she felt like it would be too much work... We had been in an elongated breakup all of February, but it felt like we officially broke up near the end of that month. We were not that sexually active during February, but we were still cuddling/talking/figuring out if it was what we really wanted and she continued to tell me that this woman was "just a friend". At the beginning of March we were still talking about what direction we wanted to go in, we started to become intimate again. I caught her being intimate with that woman and was originally furious because she said they were just friends and she promises that was their first time. We had a deep talk about everything and she starts becoming more truthful about things she has been hiding and is starting to seem more like her self every time we have breakthroughs. She tells me that "she she sees herself spending the rest of her life with me but that she wants to explore this person right now." They have sex near the middle of this month (March 12). I proposed us having a casual relationship but it was hard to wrap my head around it all since I'm still feeling hurt about the deception so I start to focus on myself and my growth.
After spending days apart she tells me last week (March 22) that she is falling in love with me again. We talk/are intimate all week, she tells me her heart wants something new right now and that is why she wants to continue exploring this person but she doesn't want to lose me and I don't want to lose her. She also has developed feelings for my poly friend, we have all talked about our boundaries and agree that it's okay for them to have be cuddle buddies. This newer relationship/arrangement she is pursuing feels good to me because it started with consent and has been openly communicated. And I even experienced a small form of compersion from it. But I still have resentment towards the original woman that she is being sexually intimate with because that relationship started with/based off of denial/deception/lies. It has been hard to let go, I am still in the process of forgiving.
I am almost healed from the whole emotional cheating experience and am almost healed from grieving the death of our monogamous relationship. It has been harder on me to accept this new reality because I wasn't ready for it. I am worried though that my ex hasn't allowed herself to heal fully since she overlapped/rebounded so quickly. Despite all of the hurt and healing though, this new direction excites both of us and I almost feel ready to put myself out there again, and my ex/anchor is preparing herself for the emotions that come up when I find someone, but she also supports and wants this for me.
Also today we have agreed that we are seeing one another again... and have agreed we see one other as each other's anchor but we are not making anything official again, at least at the moment. She says that her relationship with the woman she emotionally cheated on me with is a FWB situation. I'm not sure if all of this is considered polyamory but there is consent/communication all around... we all know about one another. I am wondering from other's experiences if it is possible to transition into polyamory given our situation?
Thanks for reading! Look forward to hearing feedback and hearing about other people's experiences.
I am new to this website, and to the polyamory world. I posted my story to the introduction section but feel like I will get better feedback here.
Overview: I'm a 27 year old queer woman, who was in a 2 1/2 year monogamous relationship with a 35 year old queer woman. We broke up the middle of last month (February). We have now started to have a more casual relationship... we are still being sexually/emotionally intimate with one another but are not fully committed so we can work on/focus on ourselves more. She doesn't want to lose me and neither do I. She also says that her heart is wanting something new right now.
She is currently being sexually intimate with someone who was our mutual friend that she emotionally cheated on me with and she is also pursuing one another person. I am transitioning from our breakup to our new reality... am almost healed and am almost ready to start seeing other people. We have both been serial monogamists our whole life. I have always been polycurious but never had the chance to practice polyamory. Although she has been in monogamous relationship, her first relationship was more polyamorous but she didn't know it at the time. We are both starting to open up our world and hearts to the idea of it all and have been researching into it recently. I also recently purchased The Ethical Slut.
Full Story: Covid caused a huge strain in our personal lives, which in turn affected our relationship. I left for 2 weeks in December for Christmas, she started hanging out with a mutual friend while I was gone and developed a "crush on this person." She has a history of doing this in past relationships when things head South. During January she became increasingly distance once I got back into town, she blamed it on Covid reasons at first. Then she also told me that she has been thinking a lot about our age difference and is wanting kids in the next 2-3 years, I feel like I'll be ready for kids in 4 years. She also is frustrated I'm in college still (I'm working on my undergrad). Then I found out she emotionally cheated on me throughout January and even stayed the night at this woman's house while we were still technically together and I called her out on it the beginning of last month (February). She doesn't understand/believe in emotional cheating because she sees cheating as physical infidelity but what she did crossed a boundary of mine/broke my trust. The whole experience hurt me deeply if not more than if she would have just physically cheated and she is starting to understand that more now.
We talked about opening up our relationship/being polyamorous at the beginning of February, she leaned into the idea but she felt like it would be too much work... We had been in an elongated breakup all of February, but it felt like we officially broke up near the end of that month. We were not that sexually active during February, but we were still cuddling/talking/figuring out if it was what we really wanted and she continued to tell me that this woman was "just a friend". At the beginning of March we were still talking about what direction we wanted to go in, we started to become intimate again. I caught her being intimate with that woman and was originally furious because she said they were just friends and she promises that was their first time. We had a deep talk about everything and she starts becoming more truthful about things she has been hiding and is starting to seem more like her self every time we have breakthroughs. She tells me that "she she sees herself spending the rest of her life with me but that she wants to explore this person right now." They have sex near the middle of this month (March 12). I proposed us having a casual relationship but it was hard to wrap my head around it all since I'm still feeling hurt about the deception so I start to focus on myself and my growth.
After spending days apart she tells me last week (March 22) that she is falling in love with me again. We talk/are intimate all week, she tells me her heart wants something new right now and that is why she wants to continue exploring this person but she doesn't want to lose me and I don't want to lose her. She also has developed feelings for my poly friend, we have all talked about our boundaries and agree that it's okay for them to have be cuddle buddies. This newer relationship/arrangement she is pursuing feels good to me because it started with consent and has been openly communicated. And I even experienced a small form of compersion from it. But I still have resentment towards the original woman that she is being sexually intimate with because that relationship started with/based off of denial/deception/lies. It has been hard to let go, I am still in the process of forgiving.
I am almost healed from the whole emotional cheating experience and am almost healed from grieving the death of our monogamous relationship. It has been harder on me to accept this new reality because I wasn't ready for it. I am worried though that my ex hasn't allowed herself to heal fully since she overlapped/rebounded so quickly. Despite all of the hurt and healing though, this new direction excites both of us and I almost feel ready to put myself out there again, and my ex/anchor is preparing herself for the emotions that come up when I find someone, but she also supports and wants this for me.
Also today we have agreed that we are seeing one another again... and have agreed we see one other as each other's anchor but we are not making anything official again, at least at the moment. She says that her relationship with the woman she emotionally cheated on me with is a FWB situation. I'm not sure if all of this is considered polyamory but there is consent/communication all around... we all know about one another. I am wondering from other's experiences if it is possible to transition into polyamory given our situation?
Thanks for reading! Look forward to hearing feedback and hearing about other people's experiences.
