Is this really what we have become?

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Sentinel

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I'm going to get attacked from all sides on this one, but as someone who drew energy, sustenance and wisdom from this forum a decade ago...

I have never used an online dating app and never will. I don't go out hunting new partners. When people come into my life, then I explore whether there is more that we can build together. 25% of the posts on the site these days are "How can I use dating sites better to shag people?"

Building a deep relationship is different than shagging. Polyamory is the belief that your love for one person doesn't limit your ability to love another. It limits your time, but not the emotional commitment you can put into it. It includes sex, but it isn't mainly about sex. If it is mainly about sex, then that is "swinging," which is fine too, but not polyamory.

I miss what used to be a community that gave me strength.
 
I'm going to get attacked from all sides on this one, but....
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I miss what used to be a community that gave me strength.
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I'm sorry that this forum no longer gives you the strength, energy, sustenance, and wisdom that it did ten years ago. I hope you can find a community that meets your needs.
 
25% of the posts on the site these days are 'how can I use dating sites better to shag people'.
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And a lot of the replies are "go out and do things you enjoy and meet people there, not online."

Regular users, those who stick around and don't just come here to receive advice, are still very much the poly community of years ago. Sure, there are different users and I very much miss the people whom I used to enjoy reading; but I get to know the new community members through their writings and I do see a group of people who are polyamorous and not just in open relationships and looking for the next shag.

I also think quite a lot of the, "which app is best?" posts come from people on the arm of a V who are looking for someone to form a relationship with so they can also be a hinge. Apps are just a fact of life these days. We just try to be helpful to those who want to use them.

Personally, I find them pretty useless for meaningful connections and like you I'd rather just see if there's a spark with anyone who naturally comes into my life.
 
Evie said:
And a lot of the replies are "go out and do things you enjoy and meet people there, not online."

Regular users, those who stick around and don't just come here to receive advice, are still very much the poly community of years ago. Sure, there are different users and I very much miss the people whom I used to enjoy reading; but I get to know the new community members through their writings and I do see a group of people who are polyamorous and not just in open relationships and looking for the next shag.

I also think quite a lot of the, "which app is best?" posts come from people on the arm of a V who are looking for someone to form a relationship with so they can also be a hinge. Apps are just a fact of life these days. We just try to be helpful to those who want to use them.

Personally, I find them pretty useless for meaningful connections and like you I'd rather just see if there's a spark with anyone who naturally comes into my life.
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Yeah, as soon as OP led with the whole "I'm going to get attacked on all sides for this" nonsense, I figured they haven't been reading very much of the actual content posted here.
 
Hello Sentinel,

My observation and experience has been that dating apps are helpful for some people, but in most cases they're a dead end. I definitely think it is more productive to get out there and meet people in person, but even then getting to a point where there is romance in a relationship takes a long time and a lot of patience. I guess I think of a dating app as being a (secondary/optional) supplement to meeting people IRL.

I think this community can still give you strength, you just have to let us know what kind of help you need. Sure 25% of the posts these days are about dating apps and shagging, but what about the other 75%? Give us a chance, many of us have been around (on this site) for over ten years, and we have some pretty good recent members as well.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Hey Sentinel,

Correct me if I’m wrong, you’ve been poly for 13 yrs, a member of the forum for 8 yrs, and only posted 3 threads. Once in 2015, again in 2018, and now this. And you’re unhappy with the content?

Sure, someone should do something about that. Great suggestion. Sorry to disappoint.
 
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Since you've never used an online dating app, you may not realize that the online dating apps have all become worse in the last 10 years. If people are now complaining, or asking about online dating more than they used to 10 years ago, it's because the sites genuinely don't work as well as they used to.

However, I have not noticed the trend you are talking about on this forum. Your viewpoint seems weirdly presumptuous about dating apps in general and weirdly judgmental about what you perceive as casual sex.
 
MeeraReed said:
Since you've never used an online dating app, you may not realize that the online dating apps have all become worse in the last 10 years...if people are now complaining or asking about online dating more than they used to 10 years ago, it's because the sites genuinely don't work as well as they used to.
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I mean they work for hookups. But yeah I doubt I’d have fallen for Artist or even gone on a first date if we had run into each other on Feeld or OKCupid now, as it’s almost impossible to get a feel for personalities on the sites as they are now. Well, for me anyway.
 
ref2018 said:
Yeah, as soon as OP led with the whole "I'm going to get attacked on all sides for this" nonsense, I figured they haven't been reading very much of the actual content posted here.
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Right. It seems to be a copy/pasta complaint that a jaded person posted in a bunch of places, because this site does not get 25% of new posts called "How can I use dating sites?"
 
Magdlyn said:
Right. It seems to be a copy/pasta complaint that a jaded person posted in a bunch of places, because this site does not get 25% of new posts called "How can I use dating sites?"
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On that note, this thread is being moved to the Forum Usage section due to it being about the forum, and not related to polyamory itself..
 
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