Just LR

Glad to have made you laugh. It gets serious in here (rightfully so, it's your blog, after all), but if a person can't occasionally laugh at their own misery, well, that's just a wasted opportunity to smile.

Nice to read about you doing something enjoyable. What kind of jobs are you looking to get? Just paying the bills stuff or something you want to do?
 
At this point, just anything that will pay bills, so I don't end up on the street when all of this finally terminates, but hopefully something that will also allow me to continue my classes, because that is the key to being able to get a job I want, which is working as a professor of psychology and mathematics/statistics (weird combo, I know).

I have to laugh sometimes.
Sometimes I laugh until I cry.
Sometimes I cry until I laugh.

So much of this is so damn ridiculous there's nothing left to do but laugh. Just today I read a meme that said something along the lines of, "My life is so f'd up I think I may be on a reality TV show and was just not told." I'm thinking, "UH HUH!"
 
You're a strong, kind, smart person and you will get through this! I'm so sorry it's been so hard lately.
 
He was here 66 hours (yes, I counted). He was SUPPOSED to be here 10 days, but he altered his plans because, "We aren't spending your bday together anyway."

So of those, there were three nights of sleeping. We'll just deduct 24, and that leaves 42 total waking hours he COULD spend with the kids. He's been gone since January 19th. Prior to that he was only home 6 days (working 5 of them) after our 2 week trip to Arizona.

He was gone until 2 doing his own thing Friday, then brought them to town and met me, GG, and my sister for a show that we'd bought tickets for a year ago, at 6:30. After the show everyone went home in their separate cars to go to bed. So that day he spent 7 hours with the kids, including the show. That was more than the other days. It makes me ill to think about.

At any rate, I stuck to my guns. I didn't fall into bed with him (yes, he tried). I maintained my personal space.

I gave him space and opportunity to have the kids unhindered (by leaving). I got offended, but kept my mouth shut, when he opted to NOT stay and spend time with them while I was gone.

His next R&R is sometime in May, so he says.

I wish I could get out of this house.
 
I found out yesterday that GG has been taking my Adderall "until he could get a new prescription" (which means I don't have the amount needed until I get MY new prescription). I am FURIOUS. WTF? (That is rhetorical.) I am SO SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE JUST WALKING ALL OVER MY FUCKING BOUNDARIES, and he is one of the worst. He has this thing where, like a 2-year old, he takes one small step over, and then another, and then another, all slow and quiet-like, until you are ready to scream. It never fucking stops.
 
That is a new level of bad right there. Wow. Sooooo so so not okay. Does he realize that??
 
I'm sorry I haven't been around as much as I would have liked to, LR.

I have no words, but... I understand. And I'm here. Text me, I'll reply.

Miss you.
 
I told GG to stay off the property, and laid out a visitation schedule for when he can pick up Sour Pea, etc. Less than 24 hours later, I walk in and find him in my kitchen. I lost it. Maca called him to tell him to get out, but wtf good is that? NO RESPECT FOR MY HOME OR MY SPACE OR ME. None.

And yes, it's a new level of fucked up, and no, he doesn't get it at all. He called my sister completely confused with a million excuses about how he isn't "trying" to cross my boundaries and he doesn't understand what he did wrong because "I was going to put medication back when I got my prescription" (except he doesn't take the same small dose as I do. His prescription is for 40mg a day in 20 mg pills. I take 10 mg pills and thank you very f'ing much, but I don't overdose myself. Nor do I take other people's prescriptions, but that's a whole other level of conversation.

I'm honestly exhausted. I don't even have an emotion at this point. I just want to go to bed and sleep. For a week.
 
Is there any way of absolutely stopping GG from entering the house? changing the locks? getting a protection order specific to the house? Maybe he could meet the kids at a neutral location if he wants to pick them up? Maybe he shouldn't have access to the kids when he's acting like this?

I know I know, there's probably various reasons why none of the above ideas would be doable. Except maybe the last one? If he could even be cut off from the kids for a period of time, maybe it would help him to get the newsflash: "Ohhh ... boundaries."

I'd be furious (and exhausted) too. He uses every inch he's given to take a mile.
 
I told him he wasn't allowed on the property, that he could meet Sour Pea at the mail boxes (across the street) and specified dates and times.
In less than 24 hours he walked straight in the front door with her.

The issue there is he doesn't have a key, but if the kids are home, he just convinces the 7 year old to let him in. I can't lock the kids out.

I DID tell him if he couldn't respect my boundaries I would have to get a restraining order.

I don't even know wtf he's thinking. I'm so exhausted from having to just do "border patrol" on my BASIC personal boundaries all damn day long every day. I mean HOLY SHIT. It's asinine!
 
Well either he's too dense to understand what you want, or he's too apathetic to care what you want. Or both. Perhaps the police will be able to explain it to him? :mad:
 
I used to believe that he was too dense. But I'm starting to think its neither density or apathy. I think he's intentionally doing it. Of course, he swears otherwise.

It is now 6:48 pm. He was supposed to drop our child off at 6:30, and they are not here. I'm fucking pissed. I'm fucking fed up.
 
Does he have custody rights? If not, maybe it's time to cut him off. Completely.

I mean if he's intentionally doing these things ...
 
No, he has no legal rights at all. But cutting him off completely would be devastating to Sour Pea, at the very least, which doesn't mean it won't happen, but it does mean taking that into consideration before doing something drastic. Maca and my sister contacted him in the last 24 hours to let him know he needs to back the f*** off, or a restraining order will be filed, and that WILL mean no contact at all with the kids. We'll see if that has any impact.
 
I'm not sure which part you are responding to. But to be clear, GG is no longer my partner and hasn't been for almost 2 years. He's my ex and he needs to get his head out of his ass or he is going to lose all rights to contact with the children. He already lost all rights to any further contact with me. He is fortunate right now because my stbx husband is being nice enough to try to be his go-between so that he can have contact with the children. But if he keeps it up, that option will disappear as well, and he will lose everything. All because he refused to take responsibility for following the rules of visitation and respecting my personal boundaries.

This was my best friend and lover for 22 years. It's not a small thing of which I am speaking, by any stretch. His refusal to attend to the responsibility of learning to manage his ADD symptoms, holding himself accountable, making his relationships a priority, respecting the clearly-stated personal needs and personal boundaries of his partner-- these have led me losing all respect for him and being no longer willing to even try to maintain the friendship.

It's true that people make mistakes and need reminders. We all do. But it's also true that when you continue to do the same behavior, it's no longer a mistake, it's your choice. We all have the right to make whatever choices we want, but we don't get to avoid the consequences of those choices.
 
Sucks that Sour Pea has to pay a price for GG's intrustive behavior ... :(
 
Copying what I wrote in RP's blog because I'm too lazy to rewrite the parts that are pertinent to mine.

Love you to death, RP. Wish I lived closer. It is creepy, in a kind of "I don't feel so alone" way, how many things are similar in our lives, for YEARS now, especially considering how little we communicate with one another. Our lives seem to be hell bent on reminding us how similar we are. Is that bizarre, or what?!

On that note, I'm so very proud of you for prioritizing the little one. I understand first-hand how hard it can be when other "responsible" adults choose not to take the level of responsibility that our children deserve, because I am living it, too.

Some days (like this morning)I just want to pack a bag and disappear without a word. But then something happens. This morning, Sweet Pea walked into the room and asked "Everything okay, Mom?" I looked up and he saw my tear-streaked face. He walked over and wrapped his "almost a grown man" arms around me. He's strong now. His arms are so big. He's not a baby boy any more. He pulled me in close and rocked me as I sobbed. I whispered through my tears, "I just can't keep up. I'm sorry." He nodded. I felt his head over mine. "I know, Mom. It's going to be okay. We'll figure it out."

I try not to break down that way in front of the kids. But the past 6 months have broken me down so far.

The point though is: how can I walk away from that? Here's a young man who gets it. He GETS the importance of respect, honoring one's commitments, accepting people's differences, loving people THROUGH their shit. He gets it. He gets me. I can't walk away from that.

And every time I start to think "Why am I HERE?" because the other adults are hell bent on doing whatever the fuck they want and leaving me carrying the load, one or the other child walks in and reminds me that I'm not here for the adults. I'm here for the kids. I'm here because they deserve at least one adult who will prioritize THEM and THEIR needs, and help them learn to be the best version of themselves, so that when they are adults they have a chance of NOT repeating the mistakes of their parents.

It sucks more often then not, RP. I know it. But with 3 grown and out on their own, one who only has three years left at home and one who still has another 11 years at home: I do feel like I can confidently say that in a few years LB is going to show you just how awesome you are on a daily basis and show you just how worth all this pain and heartache is.

It IS temporary, having to do more than your own share, because LB will start taking on more and more of the work for his own life and you will reap the rewards.

Be patient with yourself. And give yourself a big squeezy hug from me!
 
Hey, LR!
Just read your comment on redpepper's thread:
LovingRadiance said:
Love you to death RP. Wish I lived closer. It is creepy in a kind of "I don't feel so alone" way how many things are similar in our lives-for YEARS now. Especially considering how little we communicate with one another; our lives seem to be hell bent on reminding us how similar we are. Is that bizarre or what?!
[...]
Be patient with yourself.
And give yourself a big squeezy hug from me!
Click to expand...
and had to come here to send you a hug as well. I'm too busy with 2 granddaughters (3y and 8mo) to read back very far into either of your threads. I finish my visit here tomorrow morning and hitch back to Spain (so want to spend as much of my energy on them as possible this last day [I'm typing this while the elder is at her playgroup and the younger is having a nap]), got lots to do in the next few months (see my thread on children's books for reason), but will try to catch up when I can.

hug,
MFFR

p.s. You and I both know that kids beat adults into a cocked hat when it comes to openness and emotional generosity. The only times that I've been completely shut out by young children is when their parents have laid heavy anti-me messages onto them. I hope that you've never gone through this, as it's one of life's nastier experiences.
 
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