Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

11:40 a.m., Monday the 25th

Dinner Saturday night was Chinese takeout (via Grubhub, I think). I had egg foo young, can't remember what Brother-Husband and Snowbunny had, we each had an eggroll as an appetizer. Of course we each had a fortune cookie for dessert. My fortune was, something like, "It's not about how many hours you put in. It's about what you put into the hours."

Snowbunny's mom and stepfather arrived yesterday at about 1:45 p.m., and at about 2:45 p.m., an aunt and uncle arrived. We all visited for a few hours, then mom/stepfather/Brother-Husband/Snowbunny/I ate out together (at Cracker Barrel), while the aunt/uncle went to Old Town to watch some dancing there. These various relatives will be in town visiting us for the next two to three days. It's a nice change of pace and we get to eat out a lot.
3:22 p.m., Tuesday the 26th

The aunt/uncle don't seem to be around today, but the mom/stepfather are still around. Last night we had takeout (Chinese -- SB's stepfather was okay with sweet/sour chicken), I don't know what the plan is for tonight. Last night I had vegetable chow mein. At this time, Rainee is asleep on my bed; it is nice to have her around.
2:27 p.m., Wednesday the 27th

We just had odds and ends for dinner last night, I had a can of split pea soup (Chunky). SB did also make BLT's for us.

The relatives said their goodbyes to us, although the mom/stepfather might visit us again during their return trip in a few days or so. SB had half a day off today, BH had a regular work day. He is going to switch to a desk job (at the same place, it is a car dealership).

Rainee is asleep on my bed.
2:16 p.m., Thursday the 28th

The cleaning lady is here today ("Jill"). She does a really good job, so I look forward to her service. Eddie has been barking more than usual.

Last night SB (and the dogs) (and the rats) (and the gerbil) had Barn Hunt practice, and it was after 9:00 p.m. when she got back. She brought us takeout from Subway, which made me happy.

Rainee is asleep on my bed.
4:46 p.m., Friday the 29th

Last night for dinner we had microwave burritos. Not my favorite, but they did have some toppings which is nice, plus SB made guacamole for us and it was really good. I don't know what dinner will be tonight. Also I don't know if there's any other plans (such as shopping, or taking the dogs for a walk). Just another day in our exciting life. :)
4:17 p.m., Saturday the 30th

We had fish for dinner last night, two kinds of fish I think. Also rice and vegetables. For tonight I think SB is making chicken soup. Earlier today, she and I went shopping. I am trying to cut the candy out of my diet, so I got some dried fruit, and some beef jerky, things more along those lines. We got these things at Sprouts.
2:56 p.m., Tuesday the 3rd

For dinner last night BH made (with SB's guidance) a beef-and-broccoli stir fry. The day before, we ate out, at Monroe's. On Saturday, SB made her very famous chicken soup.

Last night, SB (and our dogs) (and our rats) had Barn Hunt, so while she was away, BH and I watched the first episode (of the first season) of "Vikings." We have one episode left to watch of the "Midnight Mass" series. We are waiting on that until all three of us can watch it together.
2:29 p.m., Wednesday the 4th

For dinner last night we just had odds and ends. I had canned chili with a potato, one of my favorite dishes. Nothing special was going on, so there's not much to tell. We did not watch anything as it was a worknight.
5:30 p.m., Thursday the 5th

Last night for dinner we just had leftovers. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I usually prefer eating out (or takeout). SB said we would eat out today, but I don't know if I should get my hopes up for that. The forum has been rather busy today, so I'm a little late getting around to this blog entry. This concludes my riport.
2:00 p.m., Sunday the 8th

I'm having a really shitty day today. Don't know why. Lots of extra anxiety today, but also some kind of generalized horrible emotional state. I felt pretty crappy yesterday too, but today is worse. I feel slightly better now than I did a few hours ago, but yeah. A really shitty day.

Last I heard, there are lingering plans for the three of us to eat out for dinner today. That might help. Now if I could just figure out how to get through the rest of today until then. I could use some relief. Too bad we don't have any THC laying around the house right now.

We did have takeout for dinner this past Thursday. From an Italian/pizza place, Il Vicino. It was quite good, but I am still hungry (physically and emotionally) for eating out today. To get through today, I would certainly resort to prayer if I wasn't an atheist.
1:14 p.m., Monday the 9th

Luckily we don't need a medical cannabis card in New Mexico -- there are weed stores all over the city, and recreational as well as medical weed is legal to buy. As it turns out, SB did have some cannabis gummies tucked away somewhere (she doesn't want me to get high every day), and she gave me one a couple of hours ago. It's having a pretty good effect. Last night we had dinner at Los Cuates, and that also helped me feel better.

A weird thing SB said, is that the three of us had flu shots this last Friday -- and maybe my flu shot messed with my brain/body chemistry somehow. A strange thought but conceivable. Anyway, I'm doing better now.
2:22 p.m., Thursday the 12th

It seems to me that the forum has been quite busy for the past couple of days, and as a result I haven't gotten around to updating this blog until today. Jill is here cleaning today; Thursdays might not be working out for her and she might be coming out on a different day of the week in the future. Not much to riport today, just trying to get caught up on my stuff.
6:05 p.m., Saturday the 14th

The forum was very busy today. But luckily, I got up early (to view the eclipse), so I had some extra time to do my forum stuff, and get around to this blog entry. BH and SB (and the dogs) went on a road trip with Sam (I think that was my nickname for him); while they were gone, I had a THC gummy that SB left out for me last night. For dinner SB made us some scrambled eggs, sausage, and sweet potato fries. I don't know what the plan for dinner is tonight. Last night, BH and I watched the first three episodes of Arrested Development. Pretty entertaining.
3:21 p.m., Sunday the 15th

BH and SB are working on a long counter for the back of the dining room. SB will put her computers on that counter. They needed me for something just now, but I was in the bathroom so I guess they made do without me. I guess they'll need me again in about half an hour.

We had pizza for dinner last night, from Domino's. After dinner, BH and I watched another Arrested Development episode. With BH's new job, he and SB both now work Monday thru Friday. His shift is an hour or so later than hers. That's all I have to tell you for today.
3:40 p.m., Monday the 16th

We got the counter moved into position -- it wasn't easy. To celebrate, we ate out (at a place called the Owl Café). I know I was pleased about that. SB even made me a drinky-drink after we got home. Alas, the plan for tonight is TV dinners. Not the end of the world, but definitely not my preference.
4:48 p.m., Tuesday the 17th

I seriously can't think of anything to tell you today; it is a very uneventful day. Rainee has a vet appointment in a couple of days. SB thinks the vet will get on her case about Rainee's weight. If that happens, then SB will probably get on my case about it. Yahoo, something to look forward to.
4:22 p.m., Wednesday the 18th

Another uneventful day, nothing at all on the calendar for today, which is pretty unusual. Rainee has her vet appointment tomorrow, she doesn't know that and that's probably a good thing. The worst part for her, actually, is the drive in the car. She will probably cry a lot in the car. She will get two or three shots I think, plus just a general exam.
Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V (Part 2)

[continued from above]

We had never heard of polyamory before, but LH was a web researcher and a problem-solver, and she soon found out about polyamory, and about polyfidelity which particularly interested her. Soon the plan became to forge a polyfidelitous N -- LV, me, LH, and BH. But first we had to try to present the idea to LV and BH, and wait until they were okay with the idea -- if they'd ever be okay with it.

Well LV said "We'll see," then "Okay," then "No," then "What was the question" as her mind got snipped apart by the dementia. BH, LH, and I eventually saw and agreed that we were just tormenting LV by presenting her with this confusing concept. We had all transitioned into the roles of caregivers towards her anyway and she was really operating from the perspective of a child, so we kind of just dropped the subject, removed any poly scenes from her sight and mind, and let whatever she saw and experienced become her reality.

In the meantime, BH was troubled by the prospect of polyamory, and LH approached the subject with him carefully and not too often. All told, they had a conversation about it that lasted about a year. Finally he started warming up to the idea, even coming to think of polyamory as a high ideal that he wished to support. So he agreed to try.

Our four-person family decided that we needed to move. I was down and depressed and the so-often overcast skies of Michigan (with its hot humid Summers and harsh icy Winters) were getting to me. BH's Catholic family was overbearing and BH and LH both needed to get away from that. So LH plunged into a new research project: deciding what State would suit us best. We picked a place near -- but not too near -- Utah. A place with a good economy and a low cost of living. A place that's flooded with Sunshine under a cloudless sky for most of the year. The place was New Mexico.

We lived in New Mexico for almost eight years, early 2006 thru late 2013. LV went downhill rapidly and soon overwhelmed our ability to keep up with her, so, in August of 2006, we took her to a nursing home, and started visiting her there as often as we could. This actually improved my relationship with her. She and I began to enjoy the warmth we once had, though sadly the import of that was of course lost on LV.

Meantime BH and LH -- you may call them Brother-Husband and Lady Hinge -- had joined me in a three-person V configuration. Brother-Husband and I remained platonic friends but shared the most profound thing two men can share: the woman we loved. The arrangement meant much to all three of us, but I won't pretend that it was a bed of roses. We had terrible dramatic upsets in our first few years together. I was undersexed and paranoid as well that Brother-Husband would get fed up with me and essentially veto me out of the operation. He in turn I think was concerned that the "new and shiny" (me) would replace him in Lady Hinge's eyes. And Lady Hinge, of course, felt torn between the two men that she loved among other things.

Well the short-term solution turned out to be getting me a domicile of my own for a few years. A cave if you will. A place I could retreat to when the going got tough. It took some time to make that happen, but once I had a little place of my own, things slowly started to improve. Mind you there were many more storms and upsets at first, but after a year or two, I began to realize that I was starting to feel a peace about things, and that Brother-Husband and I were growing increasingly comfortable in each other's presence. In time, I moved back in with my two V companions, and this time we found that we knew how to live together gladly and serenely.

In June of last year, LV passed away. It was a blessing. She had lost all ability to talk, hear, see, and recognize those who loved her. She was lonely and lost in a state of forever waiting, for what she could not know. She was probably waiting for me to "pick her up" and sweep her away, back into the paradisaical life she had once remembered with me. I could still visit her, but no longer could she see me, and if she could hear me I couldn't tell. It broke my heart. Losing her to the hand of Death broke my heart as well, but now I was just being selfish. I needed to let her go. She needed to be free of her sufferings.

A few months later Hinge Lady and I traveled to the sleepy little mountain town in Eastern Oregon where LV had been born and spent her early childhood years. We couldn't inter her ashes next to her Mom's grave (near San Francisco) as we'd hoped, but we got special permission from two of her old relatives to place her next to her very favorite (my favorite as well) aunt (in Oregon). She got a lovely little marker, with two small cats embracing. Appropriate since LV had kept at least one cat near her for most of her life. Her relatives place flowers on her aunt's grave every Memorial Day, and promised they'd now do so for LV too. Someday we'll return, one Memorial Day, and see that in person. But thus closes that chapter of our lives.

We then made the arrangements to move to the Seattle, Washington area, within easy reach of my favorite older brother, his wife, her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend. By the time 2013 came to a close, we'd found a lovely little place to live in, and here we'll stay. Filled with New Mexican Sunshine, I now love the rainy days and believe it or not, Seattle does get a fair helping of Sunshine too. Temperatures are mild, and we're really happy to be here.

We've been handfasted as a V since August of 2009. We're open to the idea of growing into an N or an M or what have you, but we're not looking and we feel just fine with what we have. We limit sex to our three-person circle and won't date without keeping one another in the loop about what's up. We spend most of our evenings happily watching stuff like Dexter, Sons of Anarchy, the Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, Weeds, and the Following together. Our cat and dog share this charming life with us. I've been essentially retired for quite a few years. My companions take good care of me.

This tells you the bulk of my story, but I'll gladly field any further thoughts and/or questions. I suppose my main point in posting here is to let you know that yes, polyamorous relationships can and do have happy endings. Not every time, but in this case and time for sure.
I am the F in a MFM V-triad, & in some ways your situation reminds me of mine. My Kevin is 58, I am 66, and my Arthur is 81. Fortunately, his mind is still very sharp--my mother had senile dementia for about 15 years, & I send you my sympathies. Kevin & Arthur call each other co-husband or "her other husband" (either may say this depending on who speaks first).

The term V-triad has existed since before the term "polyamory" did, & for us it really fits. Sexually, we are a V, but in all other ways we are a triad. We communally share a house, 2 cars, all income/outgo, & most major decisions. We have been a social unit for 36 years & lived together for 31. We didn't have storms early on, but Kevin & Arthur are two of the least jealous people I have ever met--& I have met some paragons of polyamory. However, we did talk & talk & talk about what we wanted, how to set up the triad. We knew some triads through science-fiction fandom, but none was exactly what we wanted. Now we function amazingly smoothly as one unit.

We aren't polyfi, but we're not fully open, either. We call it "ajar." Kevin has one sweetie, whom we all like. In fact, she was a friend of the family before she & Kevin got involved.
2:08 p.m., Thursday the 19th

I can relate to you about being a V-triad. Snowbunny has referred to our V as being an "emotional triad." We call ourselves poly-fi (polyfidelitous), but we aren't completely closed. I have a long-distance girlfriend, and Brother-Husband and Snowbunny are both okay with that. We do seem to have a similar situation to yours, it's nice to know we're not alone in the poly world.
3:37 p.m., Friday the 20th

SB and I are getting our latest Covid shots today, I'll need to start getting ready to go for that in about a half an hour. Rainee's vet appointment yesterday went well, she's resting contentedly on my bed right now. The vet didn't give us a bad time about her weight, but I'm pretty sure she's a little overweight. Tomorrow, I will have another cannabis (something they call CBN) gummy -- looking forward to that.