Hi everyone,
I have just introduced myself under the corresponding section, so take a look at it to understand me better.
As I mentioned there, I have been married to my wife for 15 years and we have been in a very codependent relation with me being manipulative, possessive and jealous. I need to accept that my wife has been going through some very hard time and I am not proud of it, I even feel ashamed for being a toxic person.
Recently, I have discovered that she was seeing someone else and that she had no desire to stop it as she told me that she needs him to currently feel better and to start taking care of herself (she was totally lost and inactive before). Of course, this discovery has been very damaging. At the same time I have also started working hard on my own self esteem and confidence, getting to know me better. Also, given my realisation on the way I behaved with her, I have accepted the situation as I believe she deserves to be happy.
Now what I know for sure is that my wife is still in real love with me but she is also going through her midlife crisis making it difficult for me to follow. The major problem I have is that she sees him frequently (like 3 evenings a week) but less with me as we always end up arguing about everything. And it has been like that for months, so communication is though. Now she lives at a friend's place for the next 2 weeks and I know she will see him a lot. She has been clear that this distance is needed for her to sleep better and rest (she suffers from extremely severe insomnia) and also to protect her from our lengthy discussions. So I kind of feel isolated from her.
If I am here tonight, it's because I need help navigating: whilw I am not certain that I am ready for being in an open relation, at the same time I would feel stupid not trying (I have already dated another girl in the last week and it felt good to discover some lost emotions). So there seem to be some potential. But changing a 15 years relation is not easy, especially when there is at the same time a need to rebuild my identity and accept that there is someone else. So do you have any advice that would help me cope with the jealousy, with the possessivity, or even with the situation?
I would ask all of you not to judge my decision to stay with her as it is something I have seen and heard too much. People don't know what we have been through.
Thanks in advance
I have just introduced myself under the corresponding section, so take a look at it to understand me better.
As I mentioned there, I have been married to my wife for 15 years and we have been in a very codependent relation with me being manipulative, possessive and jealous. I need to accept that my wife has been going through some very hard time and I am not proud of it, I even feel ashamed for being a toxic person.
Recently, I have discovered that she was seeing someone else and that she had no desire to stop it as she told me that she needs him to currently feel better and to start taking care of herself (she was totally lost and inactive before). Of course, this discovery has been very damaging. At the same time I have also started working hard on my own self esteem and confidence, getting to know me better. Also, given my realisation on the way I behaved with her, I have accepted the situation as I believe she deserves to be happy.
Now what I know for sure is that my wife is still in real love with me but she is also going through her midlife crisis making it difficult for me to follow. The major problem I have is that she sees him frequently (like 3 evenings a week) but less with me as we always end up arguing about everything. And it has been like that for months, so communication is though. Now she lives at a friend's place for the next 2 weeks and I know she will see him a lot. She has been clear that this distance is needed for her to sleep better and rest (she suffers from extremely severe insomnia) and also to protect her from our lengthy discussions. So I kind of feel isolated from her.
If I am here tonight, it's because I need help navigating: whilw I am not certain that I am ready for being in an open relation, at the same time I would feel stupid not trying (I have already dated another girl in the last week and it felt good to discover some lost emotions). So there seem to be some potential. But changing a 15 years relation is not easy, especially when there is at the same time a need to rebuild my identity and accept that there is someone else. So do you have any advice that would help me cope with the jealousy, with the possessivity, or even with the situation?
I would ask all of you not to judge my decision to stay with her as it is something I have seen and heard too much. People don't know what we have been through.
Thanks in advance