Welcome!
FWIW, Just some things to ponder...
- Do you and husband HAVE to date the same GF? That is not a requirement to polyamory.
- Do you and husband HAVE to do group sex threesomes? That is not a requirement to polyamory.
While "Just like us... but with three!" might be the easiest to imagine and fantasize about if you have been a long term couple... a triad model where everyone is dating everyone else is actually one of the hardest models to sustain.
It's like three V's stacked up together. And it might set up the weird situation of the new person servicing one of you just to get access to the one they
really want to date.
Or the weird situation of you are used to going to your spouse as a sounding board... but now you can't because they are the one you are jealous of because they are the one who is also dating your GF, or they are having a fight with their GF who is ALSO your GF and you feel trapped in the middle or...
Easier might be to start as a V where one of you is dating and is the shared sweetie "hinge" person. Which means one of you dates first and the other postpones. Or you both start dating seeking an N or Z (2 v's). Either one is less stress than 3 V's stacked up.
Cuz even if you both start dating at the same time, it's not a race or competition. And one of you will likely find a steady dating partner before the other. Cuz life just happens how it does.
There's a
visual aid here for various models.
You might consider the
Opening Up book if you haven't already. The worksheets are here. Could think on those while waiting for the book to arrive. Might also do some other reading online.
Wayback Machine
Self Evaluation
Wayback Machine
Creating Authentic Relationships
Wayback Machine
Reflecting on Change
Wayback Machine
Open Relationship Checklist
And before you go there? Could talk about how you and spouse will break up. Because it doesn't always go back to "original couple and that other person/those other people" Sometimes it goes down to "
everyone single." And you might not want to be blindsided by that should it happen.
If you and spouse can't talk about that before opening Pandora's box? Maybe it's wise to put off dating others until you have a plan in place.
I encourage you to explore the forum and read other posts like
Golden Nuggets while you are learning and figuring things out. Don't be in a rush.
GL!
Galagirl