Meeting a third?

M

madcouple25uk

New member
We have our eyes on two guys. One's a pub landlord who has pub band. The other's a sales manager guy I know via work. But got no idea how to approach without coming across weird, etc. Any genuine ideas or advice welcome.
 
We have the same problem. It can all go terribly wrong we approached one guy who was all for it then made out we were corrupting him. Minefield!
 
I removed your names in case you used your real ones. This is an anonymous board. You can, of course, use nicknames.

Maybe you've had a chance to start reading the thread on how to meet other people interested in open relationships, ethical non-monogamy, and polyamory? The same advice comes up over and over again.

I'm not sure if you're just looking for group sex (a threesome), or if you (the male) are bi yourself, if you've had much conversation with these guys already, if you're open to feelings of love happening, if one or both of you have crushes on these two guys, etc., etc. Your approach would depend on those factors.
 
Here is a good post about meeting others from the thread in Golden Nuggets, by Redpepper, a former member.

Finding poly-friendly partners

Generally speaking, there seem to be a couple of more common camps of thought on this one.

The first is to be as open as possible right from the beginning, in order to welcome and invite the type of partner into your life that would work for you. Why go to the effort of dating and getting excited if they are not going to work out as far as the dynamic they would prefer? Telling them up front that you are poly and educating them means that you don't invest in someone that is not going to be willing to be with you in the way that is most natural to you. If they are interested it will be evident.

The second is the three dates theory, the idea being to let someone know after three dates that you are interested in being a partner with the person. I guess this is to do with sex and commitment, and that you won't know until having met the person once for a quick meet up, second for a proper date, and third to seal the deal as to what their worth is to you and visa versa, and usually to have sex.

I tend to be a person who knows pretty much right away if the person is worth investing in. I said right on my dating profile that I was poly. I tell everyone I meet that I am, or at least I don't hide it. I am not ashamed or fearful anymore, and find that if I do this, people who are interested or like-minded gravitate towards me. Those who don't like the idea or are not like-minded keep a happy distance.

I prefer not to spend time on people who are just too different, regardless of my attraction to them. Not that I am rude or don't hang out with them, I just don't invest in them being more than an acquaintance. Hell, I've made some cool friends with people that are very different from me. But life is too short, and my happiness, I have come to realize the hard way, is based on what I choose to do in life and who I spend time with.

There are lots of people out there to date, but if I spend my time on people that aren't suitable I miss the doors that open and miss opportunities to be with those that suit me more. Being open to all possibilities is how I met Mono and PN. I was honest from the get-go with both of them. There were no secrets or info kept from either of them. I met Derby at a poly group. I totally advocate for seeking out groups of like-minded people. That is the best bet, if you ask me.
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Hi madcouple25uk,

I think the best way to approach a new potential dating partner, is to start with platonic friendship. Once you get to be good friends with someone, you can then share about your sexual fantasies without actually propositioning them. Then you can just wait and see if the chemistry for something more than friendship arises.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 

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