Mourning my lost relationships & looking forward

Have a wonderful time!
Post Pennsic & Life Update pt 1

JR & I had an absolute blast. Getting there was a bit sketchy as horrendous thunderstorms forced us to get a motel room halfway through PA (we had come from Long Island, NY). JR is slowly acclimating into being a medievalist, as I suspected. And has decided, for now, on a Norman persona.

My appeal for the partial denture was denied yet again. I called them & was finally informed why. The insurance was going on x-rays that were taken back in March, mid root canal procedure. Of course they would think more dental work needed to be completed. So I went in for a new set of x-rays & a cleaning. While there, the hygienist called in the head dentist. He told me that in the 3 months between the 2 sets of x-rays I have lost 30% of the bone density in my lower jaw. And having a partial denture is just delaying the inevitable. His diagnosis is that all 4 the remaining teeth need to be extracted for a full lower denture. The first 2 will be done October 5th & the last 2 on October 10th.

The day we returned, my mom & niece Amanda announced that we are all going to Barleycorn over Labor Day weekend. It was a big to do as it was the last event for our Viceroy & Vicerenne. And new Vicerenne's were stepping up. What I did not know is that I was called up in front of the King & Queen of the East Kingdom & was made a Lady of the court. Meaning I can use a personal coat of arms. I got a fancy scroll & everything. LOL

I had my appointment with my ENT. The diagnosis for this is I have a very enlarged blood vessel on the inside of my nose. It is also slightly deviated to the left & my turbinates on both sides are enlarged. I had a nosebleed on the Saturday, so he cauterized the right nostril for a 3rd time. Everything seemed to be going well on until Friday, the scab lifted early & tore a larger hole in the blood vessel. I went immediately back to the ENT and they re-cauterized it & added some support mesh as well. I now have to carry Afrin nasal spray & cotton balls with my in case of another nosebleed. As of this post I am 3-4 days in & no re-occurrences.

Some good news for JR. Angela has changed her FB relationship status to "Single" and has finally has moved out. She left some things, her full gel foam mattress & her mother's hospital bed. We thought it was removed when her mother left. But we now know that Angela had covered it with boxes. We are still looking for a smaller place. But now there is no immediate rush to do so.
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Post Pennsic & Life Update pt 2

I have gotten back into therapy that my insurance actually takes & will be talking to the med prescriber on the 19th. Things with Elaine are steadily getting worse. Last Thursday she tells me that the coffee creamer in the fridge "tastes super funky", just as she was leaving to go out.
I go into the fridge I check the creamer mom & I just brought in. Finding nothing wrong with it so I left it alone. Then I noticed a smaller quart container, checked that one & thought it was bad. So I poured the remaining creamer out. She comes home, goes into the fridge & proceeds to loose her shit. Screaming at me that the creamer I threw away was hers she was talking about the 1/2 gallon. That I was a bitch for doing so without consulting her. Mom gets involved saying that she told me to throw it out.

Elaine then turns on my mom saying that "You must really hate me if you are defending HER. She can do anything & not get in trouble!" Yelling & screaming that she should have just thrown it out when she had the chance. Mom having heard enough decides that she will do it. Elaine tries to grab it from her and almost pushes her. But mom stood her ground, proceeds to the bathroom & flushes the offending creamer. Elaine in the meantime gets right in my face that it's all my fault that she is being punished for being nice. If she ever sees me take anything of her's or her family's she will make my life miserable. Like it's not already.

Fast forward to this past Sunday. I have worked farmer's markets all weekend. Did well but not spectacular, way better than the last few in which I had lost money. JR comes & gets me at around 2:30pm so we can look at an apartment. It's a small studio but cute. We have dinner & went back to his apartment.
When I got home at 11:30 ish. Both Amanda & Mom told me that Elaine was locked out of the house somehow & she immediately blamed me. When Amanda told her that I left before she had gone to work she said "Hmm, I don't know about that."

I just will say that my spells are finally working. I had commented to JR before going home that my cleansing of his apartment of all negativity took 3yrs to manifest but it did its job. Maybe the residual energies are beginning to work home as well.
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My Dental Insurance Strikes AGAIN

I got a call today. Again with the automated message. "This is F*cking Insurance. Your claim for ______ has been denied." OMGs! Are you seriously telling me that my fucking extractions are being denied?! Or is it the full denture you fuckers are unwilling to pay for? Are you fucking kidding me?
And some happy Possibilities

I received an email four days ago, about a medical assistant certification program called "Earn as you Learn". I would have a part time job in the morning & goto college in the evenings. For the giggles of it I decided to say yes, I was interested. I passed the initial screening & did a video interview today. Now I wait impatiently for the email notification to see if I make it further.

If I do get in that means it will take a year to complete my certification. So I would have to put my small business on hold. I am going to make this upcoming Holiday season the best I can possibly do!
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I chatted with my neighbor Amy, who is a nurse about my opportunity. She said she hadn't heard of the program & looked into it through her employers. I had no clue that she worked for the hospital organization that is sponsoring it. She said that it's legit & that I should jump in on it. She loves working for the hospital and wished me luck.
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I had my first full weekend over at JR's apartment, it was lovely, but strange. I kept asking him what he wanted to do with certain items that we discovered when moving Angela's old queen mattress into the master bedroom. An old futon frame with a mattress from his last roommate before Angela moved in. They are damaged & of no use to him. He kept saying "I don't know." So for now they are in the corner of the master bedroom. We found a metal bedframe as well, but we are unsure if it will fit queen mattress. If it does it might need an boxframe so the mattress doesn't sag.
He also has no cookware, dishes or silverware. He cooks most things in the microwave & uses take out plastic ware to eat with. I kinda feel like I am pushing him too fast. But he asked me over to help him. The last thing I want him to think is that I am trying to move in & take over.

Had my telehealth with my prescriber. She thinks I do have untreated ADD & has confirmed that I have PTSD due to domestic abuse. She put me back on my Wellbutrin & will see my in 4 weeks to determine if additional meds may be needed.
I began therapy to help with what I thought was trauma from my PTSD from the abuse in my past romantic relationships. But we, my therapist & I, have come to realize I have had a narcissist around me my entire life. My sister, my ex best friend & most of my relationships. This is the reason why when everything is going smoothly I feel like something small is going to make it all go to shit & it will be all my fault. Cause that is the scenario that has happened in the past, way too many times.
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Ever since I have been spending most of my weekends over at JR's. Things have been becoming difficult at home with my family & it isn't Elaine to blame.

Now that the holiday season has begun I will be having one shot events at different place, My first happened this past Sunday. So I spent Saturday afternoon having a little date time with JR. Then getting Mom's minivan loaded & played my usual online D&D session with Dexus, who was over to help me. The event was better than most this summer. I was able to talk to a coordinator I had worked with in the past to tell her that I will be re-joining her farmer's markets next summer. JR dropped by for most of the day. And I had been solicited for other events. Great news all around.

It was my turn to cook for the house. So I did that as soon as I got back from my event. Once done I called JR and we went back to his apartment to watch the newest episode of House of the Dragon. Then the rain turned into really bad thunderstorms. So we decided that the safest thing was for me to stay the night.

This morning at around 10:30am I texted my Mom to tell her that I'd be home shortly after JR & I did some food shopping. No response, which is unusual for her. I get home at noon & pop my head into her bedroom to tell her that I didn't want to wake her last night. She gives me an annoyed side eye & scoffs at me. Not saying a word. She doesn't talk to me until 4 hours later. When she needed me to type up a formal letter to Erics's rehab center about arranging transport to my nephew's wedding in November.

About an hour later Hanna asks me where I put her extra cases of soda. I told her I haven't touched them & don't know where they could be. She immediately gets angry with me saying that they should be right next to her computer desk, insisting that she had 2 cases of soda. I repeat what I said before. She just ignores me and walks away.

I feel like I am in a no win situation here. While I love being away from my chaotic household. I cannot stand being blamed for when shit goes missing when I am not there.
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October Update

Had a 2 day event Oct 8 & 9th. Did great & I am on the list for vendors going forward. Spent most of the weekend over at JR's and had some good quality time together. Told him about how severely phobic I am of dentists & why that is. He was very supportive & caring. He's such a good egg.

Monday arrived & we brought my indoor vending stuff home to drop off before I go to my appointment. I placed my 2 large, 3 medium & 1 small boxes in the living room. I told Elaine that I would not be leaving them there, as it's temporary to clear JR's car. She then goes to Mom & lies through her fucking teeth, saying that I told her that I was going to leave it there until the next weekend.
While that is going on I realized that all of the vehicles had been ransacked sometime during the weekend. All the glove boxes & center consoles were open. All the contents was strewn about. Nothing was taken, but now everyone is locking their cars. I am relieved that now Elaine has another target to focus on other than me.

Mom gets me to the appointment. I go in & the dentist asks me what the nature of my appointment was for today. I goto a dental school so I never know if I will see the same intern. I tell her what is supposed to happen & the poor intern's eyes widen. She explains that the oral surgeon isn't in until 12:30/1pm (it's 11:15am) & that she needs to check with the attending is she is allowed to proceed. And she quickly excuses herself.
She returns with the attending & they look over my records. He then tells me that the intern can proceed with extracting the right side then they will evaluate if they would do the left. She numbs me up from almost my left side, halfway down my right neck & my entire right ear. The root on the front molar broke but was easily taken care of. After I was packed the attending came back in & explained that he had talked to the oral surgeon. They said that removing all the teeth on one day was only done in an emergency. And while I do need this completed it doesn't need to be done immediately. And they are not exactly sure why I was scheduled like that. Which was a HUGE relief for me.
When I was making my appointments for the follow up & to do the left side. I made sure I scheduled the second until after my nephew Damien's wedding next month. Hopefully I will be healed by then & not have to worry about anything.

So, we get home. I am packed & numb to the gills. All I really want to do is go lay down. I walk into the living room to find that all of my vending stuff has been moved. I begin to panic search for it & Elaine says "Oh, I moved everything downstairs for you!" Mom is so very pleased but I think "What is her ulterior motive? Why is she being so nice? She never this nice to me." And I feel so bad for not trusting her. But I have been too trusting of her in the past. It's like knowing there is going to be a time when she'll pull this out like a get out of jail free card. And now I have to act so appreciative of this.

Otherwise I am able to lay in bed with ice packs on my face & binge watch Call the Midwife on Netflix. I had to cancel 2 events I was to so this weekend cause talking alot hurts so much. But I was able to secure an event on the 29th so I will have time to make more soap inventory. JR wants me to come over this weekend so he can pamper me. Even though there may not be any fun times, he says he doesn't care. I am not used to anyone willingly doing something like this. But with time & therapy I will enjoy it.
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This past week has been absolute  HELL. It began last weekend when Erica stopped calling her favorite people multiple times a day. Then when she finally called Elaine she asked Elaine to contact "John from Paparazzi" about what Halloween costumes he wanted her to sew for the party. Which made us all panic cause & think she was having another stroke episode. Cause, 1 Paparazzi restaurant has been gone for a long time and 2, Erica is paralyzed on her left side.
After contacting the rehab facility. They took Erica in for tests. The tests came back & they found out she was super high. The rehab facily found contraband CBD gummies & cannabis vape oil in her room. This is the third time that this has been found. Not only that Erica may be kicked out the rehab center because of it. The facilty demanded that Hanna tell them who was supplying it so they can be permanently banned for seeing Erica. She gave a name that in a panic, but we know who actually did, Elaine.
So because of this Mom doesn't want to put her credit card up for Erica's transport to the wedding. I told her that she was punishing the wrong people. That punishing Erica will gut Daimen with having no parents at his wedding.

What pisses me off is Elaine will not be punished for any of this. Erica has the mental capacity of a young child. She doesn'tshe anything wrong with what she is doing. Especiallyif it's her sister supplying her with the contraband.
I told Mom that because Elaine has knowingly threatened Erica's housing, she & her family should be in the same boat. This should be the line in the sand. Her housing should be in jeopardy as well.
But Mom is saying it's too close to the wedding & the holidays are almost on us. Now nothing will be done & Elaine will get away with it again.

So fast forward to Wednesday & I get woken up by a panicked text from my cousin Rich asking for Mom to call him. It turns out during the summer my Uncle Richard was diagnosed with dementia. And the night before was really bad. We get my cousin some info to help. Then Mom calls my Aunt Elly & Uncle Duke. After a long discussion Aunt Elly tells us that my cousin Don was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's last year. He's only 3 years older than me. He's on meds & doing well but we all know where this will end.

On Thursday & Friday I have follow up appointments with my denist & GP. Healing well from the extractions. Weight & BP are good so next check up is in April. We decide to go see Erica cause her cell phone was going to voicemail & we were still concerned. We get there and found her still not communicating right & having trouble holding her head up. She also has a picc line in the inside of her good arm cause she was dehydrated. We cut he visit short cause she was tired.

The next morning Mom goes to Damien to tell her she wasn't sure if his mother would be well enough for the wedding. He gets upset thinking that mom is trying to make an excuse for her not to go. And he dismissed her. Later that day Erica calls me to tell me that Houcus Pocus will be on & we have a very good talk. Much better than the stilted conversation the day before.
But today we get an update that she now has a bad kidney & shunt infection. So now it is again unsure she will be going.  BUT the wedding is 2 weeks & 5 days away. She could make a bounce back.

As I said emotionally this week has been Hell.
November Update So Far

The week up to the wedding was relatively uneventful. Reanna flew in on the Wednesday before the wedding. The next day we had a "Girl's Day out" to have lunch & get mani/pedis with mom, Amanda & Hanna. The wedding was beautiful. I made it a point to really celebrate due to I was scheduled to have the 2nd set of extractions the upcoming Monday.

This time because I was so nervous I was being resistant to being numbed. It took 7+ shots to finally take effect. And during the extraction & the area of the molars the dentist ended up knocking into my upper teeth. But otherwise the healing process has been good. Eating on the other hand is annoying to say the least. I have a check up on the 28th., so then I get to know when the next steps will be happening like, the impressions & maybe a temporary denture being placed so I can eat normally.

But now that this part of the process is completed. I can relax & heal. Knowing that I am going to be healthy for now on. As the oral surgeon said that he thinks that my hereditary periodontal disease is only affecting my lower jaw. So now after getting my deture, all I need to do is cleanings & annual check ups.


On the relationship front JR & I have been snuggling into weekends together. He has been very accommodating to my RPG playing. I play D&D 5th ed & Vampire the Masquerade 5th ed via Discord with Dexus. Because of everything in the world happening we decided to not look for any others to join our relationship. I also want to be in a better place emotionally, so when this does happen we will be ready to be open & welcoming. JR is still stuck on trying to find someone that will be into both of us. I keep telling him that won't probably happen. Would I like that to happen? Yes, but I am not pinning my expectations on it.
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Had my 2 week check up. Everything is healing well. So the dentist told me that I can make an appointment in 4 weeks for the impressions Yay!


Somehow my dental insurance was taken off my records. OK, I carry my insurance ID cards all the time, no problem to re-enter it. The scheduler says that my denture has been denied.
"Excuse me? How?" She says "For the partial?" I laugh & tell her to take a look at my most recent visits. Her eyes dart back & forth quickly scanning then widen. "OH! I see." is all she says. She then states that she will put in for the full lower denture & send my new xrays with it. I should get a letter from the insurance in 2 weeks, if not I should call the office & then they will handle it.

I don't know how they can deny this. I have done everything the insurance has suggested. I am eating semi-soft food & still my gums are irritated. I cannot live like this & I cannot pay for this out of pocket.

I also had to see my ENT today cause my nose began to bleed again. Sixth time in the last 2 weeks, yes they began right after the last extractions. After he placed the mesh & cauterized me. I tell him about waking up twice early this past Saturday. I sat up all nauseous, then the room felt like I was doing back flips & my eyes jerking up into the back of my head. I lay back down & roll onto my right side groaning, now I also begin to feel like I am doing barrel rolls with the backflips. I suffer through the awful episodes. They felt like they lasted forever. Probably only about a half minute for both.
After I finally, get up I do some google foo of my symptoms. All results come back VERTIGO. He agrees he thinks it may be connected to my nosebleeds. But also could have been brought on by me sleeping wrong with my bad neck. He gave me some exercises to do if I have another episode. I am to try & document when & how long they last, if possible.
It's a fucking Yule miracle!!!

Liberty Dental has finally approved something. I will be getting my lower impressions done at the end of the month! New Year, New Teeth!
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End of the year Update

I found out that I wasn't picked for the Medical associate training program. I can apply again next year. Since the program didn't pan out, I have been back to the online job boards, Glassdoor in particular. On tuesday, an Admissions clerk position popped into my email. At the automotive technical school both Nexus & Duke, his father/my ex husband, work at! I shrug, go what the hell do I have to lose & apply on the website. This morning I received an email asking me to come in for an interview at noon on January 4th!!

Developed a spontaneous gum/oral abscess on my upper left side. Was put on heavy antibiotics & an oral rinse. Two weeks check up was clear & I was scheduled of my initial impressions for my denture the next day.
The left side of my neck & top of shoulder has been burning. I can't explain it & OTC pain meds only dull the pain. I spent Monday & Tuesday over at JR's, and I realized if I keep my left arm supported, my neck doesn't hurt. So today I am trying my sling out to see if it helps. So far so good. But, if this continues I may have to go to my Dr and see what she says.
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Last night I was woken up multiple times with the burning sensation in my neck & it has now spread down to include my left shoulder blade. I gave in & scheduled an appointment with my Dr on Tuesday at 11:15am. I pray we can get an answer & it won't interfere with my job interview on the next day.
Speaking of the interview. I told Nexus, he was laughing his butt off & said he won't say anything to his father. Plus, when I do get the job, Duke won't know anything until a welcome email is sent out to the other employees of the company.
Dr visit was good. She is glad that I went to find out what is wrong instead of toughing it out. I asked about getting a referral to see a chiropractor & happily she isn't against them. She sent me to have a xray done to find out what is going on first. Had that completed yesterday, diagnosis is as follows: Minimal anterolisthesis of C3 on C4 by 1 mm. Minimal degenerative disc disease of the cervical spine at C4-C5 and C5-C6 manifest by loss of disc height, and endplate osteophytosis. So yippee? I need to call the dr to see what we are doing from here.
The final lower denture impressions were completed. The bite impressions are scheduled for February 6th. So the new deadline for completion is early April.

The Lincoln Tech interview was interesting to say the least. It started as a 20 person group interview for 2 positions. By the middle of it the director of the admissions dept commented that our chances had increased cause the group had dwindled to 12. We were told to finish the application on the website, which myself & one other person had already completed. Then we would be receiving an email with instructions for the background check & where to get the drug testing done in a week.
Well it's 2 days after the deadline & I haven't received anything. I sent an check in email. I am hoping since that there is so many applicants that they are slow to get the emails out.

On this past Sunday I received an email asking for a phone interview at remediation company on the 10th. I confirmed that yes, I was available at 1pm. I decided to stay at JR's so I could take the interview without the absolute chaos it is where I reside.
The day arrives & nothing. I begin to worry I missed something or had the wrong date. At around 2pm I get a text through from the interviewer saying that their phone & internet was down due to a car crash. She requested that we reschedule when the system is back up. Since I had all these dr visits (dentist, radiology & therapy) the rest of the week, I told her I was free at 2pm.
Fast forward to yesterday I receive the call. She asks if I know where they are located, I reply that they are right across the street from my fav karaoke spot. She exclaims happily that she loves karaoke. I jokingly ask her if this would get me the position, she said she would pass the information along. I have a 2nd interview on Monday at 11:30! WOOT!
Alas, I didn't get either of the jobs I interviewed for. I keep putting in my resume everyday for other jobs. Godammit something has to come through.
Another application has popped up for an interview. This time for the Girls Scouts of America! I go in at 1pm!

I contacted a physical therapist for my neck issues. I hope he takes my insurance. But I have a tentative appointment for Wednesday at 4pm
The interview for Girl Scouts of America went well, with a bit of a hiccup. I thought it was an in person interview & went to my local business chapter, when actually it was a phone interview. They were very nice & offered a conference room for me to take the call. I am positive that the reason they were so accommodating was because I was a Girl Scout until I was at Junior level (12-13).

I received an email for a second interview (zoom) with the Nassau County Girl Scouts HR director for February 7th at 10am. Woot! 2023 is definitely shaping up, this is the most interviews I have had in a while! One of them has to pan out sooner or later.
I truly began physical therapy today. I will be going twice a week on Wednesday & Friday. I went to a place that helped me 8 years ago with persistent tennis elbow. Albert asked what was the problem & if I had gone to my Dr. I said I did & showed him the report from the x-rays. He then translated the medical jargon & told me that I had a 1mm slipped disc. All the burning is from that + my stress & shit. So getting my mental stuff straight is now aggravating my neck LOL. So I do this & once that is completed I can find a chiropractor.