Mourning my lost relationships & looking forward

Dental Annoyances

Well got the tooth pulled as scheduled last week and has since healed. Then found out the there is a 50/50 chance of the root canal & the new partial denture being approved by my insurance.


According to the insurance I have other teeth in the area to bite & chew with for the root canal being denied. I am beside myself that the denture was denied. I am missing 8 teeth in the front lower & cannot bite at all without using my tongue to meet my top teeth then kinda shake my head to tear away a reasonable mouthful of food. It's very embarrassing.

There is no way that the old partial could be used cause both anchor teeth for it have since been removed. I will be calling the insurance tomorrow to see what can be done. this is ridiculous. I do not have $770 out of pocket to have this done. I really do not want to beg JR to pay for it.
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We also have gone to lots of apartment viewings but none of them have panned out. I have 2 more nibbles on the line (yes we have devolved into fishing terms) both in the same town. Nibble 1 is tomorrow at 4pm & Nibble 2 is on Saturday at 1pm.
Surprise for today, I got a call from my dental insurance while out on lunch with JR. I had totally forgotten that I had requested info on how to submit an appeal. It turns out that my root canal was one procedure to be approved. The post & cap was a separate approval. Both have been denied due to NY state defining that if I have 8 points of contact in that area, that I can chew properly. Making the root canal & cap a non-essential, cosmetic procedure. But since my initial check up when they found it, it now throbs and will most likely only get worse.

She did not have any info on my denture partial approval. She did take notes that I need entire new replacement of an older, 5 tooth partial denture. So hopefully with this additional info the approval will be swift.


Nibble #1 got away. We still have #2 on Saturday to look at so the search continues.
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At my last GYN check up my doctor found a suspicious lump/enlarged duct in my left breast. I am going to have a mammogram with a sonogram. I am I bit freaked & I couldn't get an appointment due to the holidays both secular & governmental.
It's a hurry up and wait thing right now. On Monday I requested my medical records from the imaging place I had my previous mammogram from. That place I found out was out of network for my new insurance. And I cannot schedule an appointment at the new place without my records. YAY **super sarcastic tone**
I had to cancel a vending event I had today. I think I may have pinched a nerve in my neck. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday to find out what exactly is wrong. But I cannot turn my neck to the left or lift my left arm over shoulder height with feeling pain shooting up my neck like lightening bolts.
Neck issues still happening, but slowly getting better. Doctor agrees that I may have aggravated my herniated discs in my neck. I have a prescribed painkiller now.

I shifted in bed and pressed my neck into the pillow. My neck made a loud cracking noise, I coughed and groaned. But I can move my neck without much pain. Could it be the meds? I dunno. But I will continue to be careful, rest & take my meds.

My records finally arrived in the mail & I have a new appointment to have my mammogram & sonogram on Oct 8th.
All the best with your healing and future tests!
Thanks Evie. I need all the good energy I can get!!

I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. A check up to see how everything is going. I may be having some side effects due to the medication I am on. Lots of general itchiness, a rash on my hands & my neck. I may be put into a neck brace if things aren't going well. Then MRI & therapy maybe the next steps.
Then on Friday I have a dental appointment for what I think is my impression for the partial denture. If not, then it's the root canal that I am not looking forward too. But Saturday is a double feature of a medieval event & pagan/Wiccan convention. So yay!
Ok, new prognosis is now sprained neck. No neck brace, off the painkiller cause yes, the rash is caused by the side effects. I am to be put on a cream to clear that up but still haven't heard anything from my pharmacy. I will take another Benadryl tonight & begin the calling to see if he's called in the script. Hopefully the insurance doesn't deny this script like they did with the muscle relaxants he prescribed with the painkiller.

I am currently using a travel neck pillow as a pseudo-neck brace when I am sitting up. And JR just bought me a new pillow to help cushion my neck at night. It's the little things like that that tells me he really cares about me.
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Well, it was a root canal. I am glad that it's done. But now I am wondering if I really need the crown on it which would be another $300+ I can't afford to pay out of pocket. I don't care that my only bicuspid is turned in the wrong direction. No one can see it anyway. I am sore, but at least the constant throbbing pain is gone. I just took a pic of it and it looks like any other filling I have ever had. No post is sticking out. I think I am pleased with it as it is.
Today JR & I went and saw a cute studio cottage for rent. It was currently going through renovations & won't be ready until November 1st. We are a the top of the "To be contacted, Very interested" list.

We (JR, Dexus, Reanna {Dexus' GF}, Sammi {Reanna's Roomie} & I) are having our first road trip vacation together to Salem, MA for Samhain/Halloween weekend. I have never been & I am super excited!
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Medical update

Oct 9th was my mammography & sonogram. Got notice on the 13th that I was all clear. But will need to get a sonogram yearly with the mammogram due to "an excess of fibroglandular density" AKA super dense breast tissues.

The Salem trip was AH-MAZING, but JR wasn't able to go as he caught a regular cold right before we were to go. We all plan on going back next year OR going to Pennsic together.

We are still in the running for the cottage. The finish date was pushed due to supplies not arriving as scheduled.

Future Stuff
I have an opportunity to rent a manufacturing/retail space about a half hour away in the next county from my current place. The expansion would be a great step forward for my business, but a HUGMONGUS risk at the same time. So many questions without answers that are driving me batty. JR & Dexus are trying to keep me sane.

Dexus is going down to Kansas to spend the holidays with Reanna & Sammi. Reanna's father has a irrational gripe with Dexus & is convinced that he will hurt his daughter. Since she won't believe him that Dexus will become abusive (all due to how he looks on a video chat). He is now looking into our Ancestry, cause he is convinced that we are related somehow. The man is batshit crazy.

Dexus will be graduating college in May, with an AS in Automotive repair. He already holds a Certification in automotive bodywork. He also has an interview after he graduates with Mercedes Benz to work in their repair division in NJ.
I emailed the landlady with the cottage. It was down to us & a friend of the their family. Not surprisingly, we lost. I hadn't stopped looking, but this is so fucking frustrating.
New Year Annoyances & General BUSY-NESS

Health & Dental

So far I have had the never ending root canal completed. Or at least the post is set. Next visit the permanent crown will be set. I now plead with all who is holy that this is the last thing I need & we can move onto getting the new partial denture started next month.

Nosebleeds continue to be an issue & annoyance. The medicated ointment for my nose worked for a while then created a new problem. Since I need to take a Q-tip to place the ointment in my nose, it was also creating nosebleeds. I called my Dr & he told me to quit using it. So we are back to square one.

I made my only NYE resolution, to get into therapy. So I joined a site called Cerebral to have all my meetings via telehealth. So far, with just talking with my medication prescriber she concluded that I have all the classic PTSD symptoms due to abuse in my past relationships, as well as ADD symptoms. My therapy counselor agreed. Because of this I am scheduled to talk with a new med prescriber, a psychiatric Nurse Practitioner instead.

Business/ Vendor Happiness & stresses
I have not heard anything from the multi-vendor space yet. So that is still in the works. But JR & I are considering a combo commercial/1br rental space in East Meadow. We still don't have all the terms for it. But it seems promising since I am desperate for a manufacturing space. And he needs his own place. If I am working next door, we could see just where this could go.

I joined an indoor winter market in Huntington & my first day was last Sunday. I did well, but then I bought some OUTRAGOUS keto granola that I am now hooked on. Since we had a Nor'easter blow through this weekend the market was canceled for today. So I have time to get some 'girly' scents created for Valentine's sales.

I am getting more emails from coordinators for future events. One person I had a event in late December that I couldn't do due to losing my voice to a head cold (yes, it was a cold & took a Covid test to be double sure) has offered me a spot in an up coming event in Uniondale. I have also secured an event in late April. I will be returning to the Seaford Craft Market in the summer as well. Lost of stuff going on & as I said, I seriously need more space.

So this is all great. But incredibly stressful at the same time. My business is exactly that, mine. It's all on me to keep it going. And I have come to realize that I am a professional procrastinator. I will put things off thinking that I have time, then when people eventually get in my way I will get angry.
This is another good reason I get my own space outside the house. I can control everything goin on in it. & keep a track of things. Manufacturing & events were so much easier when my stuff was at JR's. I had everything were I could find it without worrying if others had moved it.

Relationships & Family

In November Mom had a talk with Elaine. Elaine said that they would be getting a loan through Ex-in Law's pension soon & will be moving out by January. It's now the end of the month and nothing has happened. No packing their stuff, or looking at apartments. JR & I have looked at 3 apartments since the new year.

Elaine & the Ex-in-Law are still fighting or he will ask her something innocuous and she will angry growl to herself how she is so stressed & angry at everything. She raged for a half hour recently that we made canned spinach with dinner as a side dish & didn't leave her any. And we were all cunts because we all knew that this was her favorite side dish. She then proceeded to make another can for herself but didn't eat it all.

It's not surprising how twitchy I am. Now that I know I am not being 'over sensitive' or 'emotional' when Elaine gets angry over nothing. I am being triggered by her outbursts cause they remind me of my ex husband. Which in turn will make me question how things are going with JR. Plus, it doesn't help that recently my Mom has begun to question if JR will ever find an apartment he likes. Or that since he is currently going to a funeral for his Uncle. If he brings Angela, she would be the "true girlfriend" to his family. UGH! I have to deal with my own brain bunny/squirrels. They don't need any encouragement to skitter about making more problems.

I have even had small attacks where I accuse JR of being distant & talking behind my back. There have been instances were he will be angry in the car or with a fast food worker. I will catch myself sliding myself away from him, out of striking distance. HE HAS NEVER DONE ANTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO STRIKING OUT AT ME. But I still react in the same way.

Even today I was on a call with Dexus. There was a miscommunication & he got angry. I immediately began to apologize to him to smooth things over & diffuse his anger. Even though I knew it wasn't my fault. He just sounds so much like his father I cannot help but to do that.
Found out today that the Combo place in East Meadow is a bust. Turns out the guy wants almost $4000 a month for it.

Last Monday I got a call about an apartment that had just about everything JR wanted. But JR was still in RI. So I went, via public transit. Usually that wouldn't be a problem. But this place was in a bitch of a town to get to & my snow boots are a smidge not wide enough. They have created blisters on the edges of my soles on both feet. Then when I do get there with 15 others that were to view the place. We all get a group text from the realtor almost an HOUR after our times, telling us that the owner was in a car accident & we wouldn't be able to see the place today. I WAS LIVID! Because I waited so long the nearby bus STOPPED RUNNING. So I walk/hobble myself to the nearest 7-11 & call my house. I secure a ride home, but as I send the address of this place my cell dies. So for all intents & purposes, I am stranded. The workers were kind enough to allow me to stay inside to wait when the sun set. Thank the gods my text went through & nieces got me at 6:30pm.

If this adventure wasn't the Gods shaking me by my shoulders & yelling at me "TIME TO GO GET YOUR DRIVER'S LISENCE!" I don't know what is LOL
Today's annoyance has to do with my mom. I love her to pieces but sometimes she can get an idea in her mind & she will refuse to let it go. Recently, in January's update, she has been questioning JR's commitment to our relationship & how he always finds some issues with the apartments I find. Now I know she means well, but it doesn't stop how it feels to me.

So on to today's tiff. I am the main person that helps Mom pay her bills, mortgage & help her with keeping her finances straight online. She noticed attached to the laptop I use is an external hard drive. About 3-4 yrs ago she allowed me to use said hard drive to put back up all of my business laptop onto so I had access to it as it was failing. She said at that time that I would have sole access & control over it. She is now upset with me when I explained what she has agreed to & feels that I am taking advantage of her. She wouldn't allow me to say that I would backup her side of the laptop onto the hard drive. Even though the laptop isn't requesting to do so at this time. She said "You get to use my laptop." Which is true, we each have our own side to it, but she does own it. "You won't do what I want and the laptop will just *raspberries* kaput!"
But when mom gets passive/aggressively snippy, she won't let it go until either she confiscates the item until she gets what she wants. I need to give her time, cause if I try to explain to het that I will do what she wants, but that isn't what we had previously talked about, she will just get angry at me again & refuse to talk to me. I think she feels that I am talking down to her. That isn't the case.

When I told JR about what happened via text he commented "We both need new laptops. Yours is from 2010 & mine is from 2005. I will need to do the research on them." I joked about we need to get them for Easter/our birthdays in April. We shall see.
Had my meeting with my Cerebral Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner prescriber today. I will call her Natalie. She went over the notes from my counselor & previous prescriber sessions. She has put me on Wellbutrin XL & wants to have another telehealth meeting in 6 weeks. This med should help with all my problems. ADD, PTSD & General Anxiety. Plus it's not a stimulant so it shouldn't make me super over-focused like I was on Paxil & Ritalin over 20yrs ago. Fingers crossed All!
Day three on my med. Things I have noticed so far: I am a bit sleepy & I yawn alot. I catch myself over-focusing a bit. And random things I have forgotten recently will pop into my brain & I'll go "Huh, X person asked me to do this a while ago, I should do that now." Otherwise everything has been really good, besides the sleepy side effect, I cannot complain. We shall see if that changes in the future.

Elaine had a meltdown when she found out that since she had been focusing on only her eldest child's problems. Her youngest had been dropped from their psychiatrist cause she hadn't scheduled an appointment for him in almost a year. Now he is out of his ADD meds & is acting out in school.
She full on was screaming & throwing shit around. Yelling that this was the doctor's fault for not calling her when he was put on a wait list. Good Gods not only did she go to the what I call "The Red Hat Cult", she has become a full on Karen!

Usually when is off her rocker like this I just want to get away from her as fast as I can. Cause if I did any perceived slight to her, then I would be in her crosshairs.
I noticed her tantrum but didn't feel anxious at all. I was able to continue to do my work for my business & keep all of that negativity away from me.

Last week I began using an app called MyFitnessPal. It has helped me keep a track of my calories & exercise I have been doing. It's connected to my Galaxy Watch & keeps at count of my steps for the day. I wanted to get into a healthier weight for my nephew's wedding in November. Plus this year I turn 49, so getting my weight down will be better for me in the long run, so it's a win-win. My goal weight is 170lbs. I was 203.6lbs now & am 202lbs. So, over a pound off & lots more to go!
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