Mourning my lost relationships & looking forward

Valynn

Member
This afternoon my family has been notified that my eldest sister Erica's rehab center has "an individual" has contracted Covid-19. We are now worrying about her since she is a survivor of both pulmonary emboli & a stroke that partially paralyzed her. There is nothing we can do for her other than pray that it is contained & does not become like the other rehab/senior centers.
 
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Valynn

Member
I close friend of mine passed from Pancreatic cancer last night. I am heartbroken :(. We cannot have a wake or funeral cause of Covid. So we all have to hope for a memorial at a later date.
 

Evie

Mod
I am so sorry for your loss, Valynn.
 

Valynn

Member
Thanks Evie. Things are hard all around. But I know that he is no longer in pain.We will make a wonderful memorial when this pandemic is all under control.
 

Valynn

Member
JR just told me that Angela has been removed via ambulance to the hospital.
 

Evie

Mod
Oooh, that's a bit scary. Thoughts with your polycule xx
 

Valynn

Member
Oooh, that's a bit scary. Thoughts with your polycule xx

Again TY Evie. We are parallel poly. I want to offer my help. But I don't know if it would be appreciated by Angela or her family. But this leaves JR to take care of Marion alone & he works nights.

Last year Angela was in the hospital with an ovarian cyst, I was there for both of them. But now Angela wants nothing to do with me as a partner, let alone a friend. I feel uesless.
 
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Valynn

Member
Ok, I went and offered to come over & help. JR & Angela's family appreciate that I asked. But for now I am on standby.
 

fuchka

Member
I'm really sorry for the loss of your friend, esp at this time when we cannot mourn together in the same way as before.

Glad that your offer of help to JR / Angela's family was appreciated. It can be hard to know whether or not to reach out at times like this, when there hasn't been a connection established beforehand, or when - like in your situation - there is a more complicated history. Hope Angela makes a speedy recovery and is well cared for.

It sounds like you're doing the best to follow precautions given the available evidence. Frustrating when you also have to deal with other people / housemates being worried too. I hesitate to say "unnecessarily" worried as I think there are still so many unknowns about the virus. But someone else's anxiety on top of what you are already needing to work through personally can just add another burden.

I hope your sister remains well despite the outbreak at her facility.
 

Valynn

Member
I'm really sorry for the loss of your friend, esp at this time when we cannot mourn together in the same way as before.
Thank you Fuchka. My friend seems to be celebrating his life. Pancreatic cancer is an awful, painful disease. It's a beautiful way to mourn the love of your life.

Glad that your offer of help to JR / Angela's family was appreciated. It can be hard to know whether or not to reach out at times like this, when there hasn't been a connection established beforehand, or when - like in your situation - there is a more complicated history. Hope Angela makes a speedy recovery and is well cared for.

Well, that all came to a head the same day I posted last. Angel's family ran him around on the phone for hours. Then when someone stepped up to watch Marion, he got to the apartment so late that JR was almost late getting to work. Then JR had to rush home cause the person wouldn't stay any later than JR's estimated time to be back. Knowing that as an essential worker, he could be given mandatory overtime or be called in early at any given moment, JR decided that he didn't want the responsibility of taking care of Marion. He told Angela's family that they will have to find other accommodations for her. They did the move on Tuesday. But they left all of her clothes & personal mobility items, as well as an expensive electric hospital bed. The clothes & some of the mobility equipment was picked up on Thursday, no word on the bed. But this stuff should have been done on the same day IMO, but that is me.

Update on Angela via FB:
Doctors have diagnosed Angela with pneumonia due to Covid, as well as being an insulin dependent diabetic. Also she had a minor heart attack on April 5th, due to her feeling slightly better and deciding to clean her room.
On Wednesday, she has been moved out of CCU & into a regular room. She still has Covid & pneumonia. And is being treated for her other issues.

During one of JR's cleaning bouts recently he found 15 open bags of chocolate stashed all over the apartment. As well as multiple bags of potato chips. SMDH
It sounds like you're doing the best to follow precautions given the available evidence. Frustrating when you also have to deal with other people / housemates being worried too. I hesitate to say "unnecessarily" worried as I think there are still so many unknowns about the virus. But someone else's anxiety on top of what you are already needing to work through personally can just add another burden.
Right, more stress is not what we need at this time. But all I can do is offer assistance where I can.
I hope your sister remains well despite the outbreak at her facility.
A resident on her floor had succumbed to Covid. As far as we know, no one else has shown signs of infection. All we can do is pray.
 
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Valynn

Member
Easter update:
The newest diagnosis is that on top of the diabetes, a minor heart attack, Covid & pneumonia. She also had a stomach & gall bladder infection. She is still on high dose antibiotics and is feeling better. With the hope of being released soon.- via FB.

I pass along the info to JR at around 9:30am. He texts back at 11am saying she is being released TODAY & needs to be in isolation for I guess 2 weeks. And that he would've had no warning had I not given him a heads up. I do not think her family has told her about Marion.


And if Angela is supposed to be in isolation, who is going to take care of her? It's another fucked up situation for JR. SMDH
 
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Valynn

Member
Angela came back to JR's apartment on Sunday. And has been in isolation since. She rarely talks to JR. The only communication between them is her requesting hot water & other items, to be placed outside her door. As far as we have been told as long as she stays in her room for a week things 'should be ok'. Keep JR in your prayers, cause there hasn't been any more info to go on. We're all flying by the seat of our collective pants.

His job wants to test him for a third time. I think it's a good thing, to be on the safe side.
 

Valynn

Member
Things at JR's has returned to 'normal'. Angela is slowly beginning to come out of her room now that she is out of isolation. I do not know if they have discussed Marion yet. But then again, that is none of my business.
 

Valynn

Member
The apartment search resumes for JR. He tells me that Angela is generally ignores him, except when it comes doing household chores. JR had taken them over while she was in the hospital & when she was in isolation. She complains that he hasn't been doing them correctly. But she will not do anything to help either.

My household has expanded by one, which I am not happy about. Elaine's husband (he will be called Ex-in-law) has moved in. He has been sleeping in & has now bent the recliner so badly that it will need to be replaced.

I do not think that they have reconciled, and Nephews #1 & 2 have been acting even worse now that their father is in the house. Elaine has returned to the overburdened caregiver again.
Tensions have deteriorated in the house between my mother & Elaine. My mom is demanding that they find their own place to live since their house is now under foreclosure. There has not been any change in that regard anytime soon.
 
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Valynn

Member
Now that the Covid stay at home orders are slowly easing here on Long Island, NY. JR & I have been able to begin in person viewing of apartments. We saw on that was in JR's price range but there where way too many red flags. One big one for me was that the ceilings were extremely low for a 2nd floor apartment. I am a woman of above average height & I could easily touch the ceiling with my hand flat. Plus JR's O2 sensor was going off in odd places like the shower & the refrigerator. We got the impression that the house was split into illegal apartments.
We have another place to look at tomorrow so maybe this one will be the right fit for us. Only time will tell.
 

Valynn

Member
Trying to find a good apartment has been very difficult so far. You seem to be getting somewhere then POOF the ad disappears, or we never get a reply before someone else snatches it up, OR we get a reply and never get a viewing. It's so fucking frustrating, cause I am the go between. JR works nights so viewing an apartment during the week is next to impossible. And while I don't mind going by myself to view them, I'd rather do it with him since it's going to be his place primarily.

Covid has ground my business to a stand still. There is no summer fairs to sell my soap at. But I have been able to get into a monthly subscription box with like minded merchants I know, which has kept me afloat. Now I pray that the holiday season will be ok.
 

Valynn

Member
Wow, it has been a while since I have made an update:

  • The apartment hunt still continues. We had fallen in love with a cute one recently, only to have the current occupants decide not to move.
  • Elaine & I are still at odds alot. The velociraptors are getting worse. And my Mom & my nieces are so done.
  • I had a health scare last Wednesday. My vision grayed out for a short time while having an AFIB episode after having a wonderful orgasm with JR. It's called la petite mort (the little death) for a reason. LOL
  • Went to the ER hours later cause Elaine scared me into going & made things alot worse. The doctors went from checking my heart, the real reason I was in the ER. To checking for a stroke due to my on going lightheadedness I had been experiencing off & on all week. Erica had her major stroke at age 42. After a CT, an MRI, being hooked up to a heart monitor & blood tests, the hospital found nothing wrong.
  • Friday during a hooky nooky day, I had a shorter AFIB episode happened. I was able to place JR's had on my chest so he could feel it. He looked like he wanted to scoop me up & take me to the ER himself. But then it ended & I promised him I was ok. He asked me if there was anything I could do. I said that the newer smartwatches have an AFIB monitor/recorder in them. And without skipping a beat he said he'd get me one. So that is what I am getting for Yule this year.
  • I finally got him a Poly book for Yule. Building Open Relationships by Dr. Liz Powell. I am reading it now so when he asks me questions about it we can have comfortable discussions about it.
 

Valynn

Member
About 2 days ago I decided to turn back on my OKC. I made sure that it now reflected that I am partnered & that we are just beginning to "dip our toes into the dating pool".

Today when JR & I had lunch, I finally had the courage to tell JR about it. I say like this cause every time I mention my Bi-ness or Poly, it all goes wrong. JR was supportive & caring. I also showed him the profile so I didn't feel like I was hiding something from him or lying by omission. I told him that the last thing I wanted was this to be a secret &/or Angela to find it, make it into something it's not. Another point I made was I didn't want JR thinking I didn't want/desire him or I was thinking of breaking things off with him.
 

Valynn

Member
Explanation for:
I say like this cause every time I mention my Bi-ness or Poly, it all goes wrong.
I guess I present very straight. And in my past when I explain to my BF or my then husband. They cannot believe that I actually have these feelings. My husband said to me flat out "I do not believe that you like women sexually. You like cock too much." When I suggested that maybe his friend & us could be a permanent threesome he said "You really are 'emotionally disturbed' as NYS labeled you to want something so perverted! I think you are emotionally stunted!" When I wanted to date the lady I had my first bi experience with. Lou (ex-boyfriend before Wulf & Benji) refused to give me her any of her info & then ghosted me before my birthday cause I didn't call him after a long weekend at a local con I was working.

Things are going so well for JR & I. I really don't want to do anything that will fuck it up. So far so good.
 

Valynn

Member
This week has been stressful to say the least. But there has been some highlights too. I was able to finally enroll in NY State lowcost healthcare. The coverage starts Jan 1st so I am relieved. I have been thinking of all the meical issues I have put aside since my finances have taken a nosedive due to Covid. Then I thought "Wow, I could go get some therapy for my ADD & PTSD from domestic abuse!"
JR was like "Do ya really think you need it?" I answered "Absolutely, I have some coping mechanisms, but it's better that I have someone other than you to deal with my 'brain squirrels'."
 
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