Mourning my lost relationships & looking forward

Valynn

Member
Been with Dexus for the past week in Flushing on a mini vacation from the chaos at my house. We stayed overnight at Mom's for Christmas & it was a regular shitshow covered in Christmas frosting to make it seem nice.

1. Elaine's eldest son, Nephew 1, refused to come down to open presents. He said that Dexus was too intimidating and it was making him have a panic attack. And Elaine began to bitch at Dexus to stop being himself. Dexus is 6'2" and 210lbs, compared to Nephew 1 at 15 being 5'3" & 90lbs soaking wet. This almost incurred a fight between Elaine & I. The only reason it did not was by the grace of my 2 nieces, Hanna & Amanda. Hanna sent me next door with Christmas cookies & Amanda took Dexus into her room to talk geeky stuff.
2. Because presents were not opened until almost 3pm. Dinner was delayed as well. Making Elaine's estranged husband, I love calling him 'Ex-in-law' cause I never liked him or how he treated my sister & kids, annoyied. We didn't sit down to eat dinner until 8pm. Both Dexus & I were just about done playing nice for my Mom.
Since then Dexus & I returned to his father's place and it has been quiet.

I will be seeing JR three times this week. We haven't had a day together because of the holidays. Maybe next year will be different. We shall see. I went into 2019 with an open heart & a determined spirit. I will do the same with 2020.
 
Last edited:

Valynn

Member
Insomnia is a cruel bitch & holidays suck ass!

Because I can't sleep I went looking around on Facebook, big mistake. I came across some pics posted from NYE by Angela's friends. And now I am weeping silently cause everything between Angela, JR & I began to happen, with a fateful tipsy kiss at midnight with both of them.
 

Valynn

Member
Back home from my mini vacation, and it has been a clusterfuck with Elaine. She seems to be extra sensitive since I have returned. Going into fits of rage the crying uncontrollably over seemingly nothing. I will correct something in an even tone and she will snap at me "Well, maybe I should just shut up and say 'yes maam', like the good little servant I am." Or will mumble to herself how everyone in the house is taking advantage of her. Friday night was the worst of these fits. She went so far as to gather all the items she feels that she has bought & put DO NOT TOUCH/USE on them, including marking the 1% milk in the fridge that none of the others use.

My 76yr old mom is just about done with her. But does not want to 'punish' my nephews for how their mother is acting. But IMO they don't help the situation much either. Nephew 1 acts like he rules the house he is so spoiled & Nephew 2 is eating everything in sight. Then is blaming Hanna or myself for eating it all.

I really hope this comes to a head. Either Elaine & her kids go back to her house & keep Ex-in-law out. Or they go to a women's shelter. Cause we are all fed up treating them like spun glass and getting tromped all over.

Thank goodness I get to see JR tomorrow and have something nice to counteract all this miasma of yuck and bad energies.
 

Valynn

Member
For the past 4 days I have been having a burning sensation in my right nipple twice a day. I have never had any issues with my breasts before & I am going to be making the earliest available appointment with Planned Parenthood. I have told my family & JR about it. Even though I was very calm outwardly, on the inside I am scared out of my wits.

I know when ya have medical issue you're not supposed to Google it, but thankfully when I did it doesn't automatically come up CANCER. It might be a irriation from a bit too small bra or mastitis. So keep ya fingers crossed for me.
 
Last edited:

Valynn

Member
I have a Planned Parenthood appointment on Friday at 1pm. I do not want to begin 2020 with a bit of a health scare, but better to get it checked and out of the way the better. Keep fingers crossed for me!
 

Valynn

Member
Update: NO LUMPS *phew* But now I need to get a diagnostic ultrasound & a mammogram ASAP. So still a big ? But the big scaries have been ruled out for now.
 

Valynn

Member
More news:
I lucked out and got an appointment for my diagnostics for next Monday at 2pm. Much better than the almost month wait I was told could be the wait. I love my job but being uninsured sucks ass.
 

Valynn

Member
I had a lovely lunch date with JR today. While discussing how things are going on the other side of the Vee and how he's holding up. Kinda like having a "RADAR" meeting (I have been watching/listening to ALOT of the Multiamoury podcast lately;) ). JR told me he has been pulling away from Angela & vice versa. She has not been updating him on the status of her mother or family. And even though he was invited to holiday & recent events with her friends, it felt like it as an afterthought. Which has caused more strife in the already troubled relationship. Will they be able to rectify this, I don't know. But as long as nothing spills over onto me I will be happy.
 

Valynn

Member
Ok. I have been known to have the eerie dreams which boarders on being precognitive. I had one earlier this week. Deja vu episode to follow

Case in point:
The dream began that I was in JR's apartment to get the rest of my stuff. I go into the spare room to find that it was empty. Angry, I go looking in the other bedrooms for my things. JR's room was as I remember, tiny & slightly messy. But Angela's bedroom door was closed. I go in to find all of my stuff there arranged into a weird apology type shrine. As I turned around Angela was directly behind me crying, trying to pull me into a hug & begging me to give her another chance. Not that she was sorry about how everything happened but she wanted to start again.
My immediate reaction was to push her away and say "Oh no! I refuse to go through this again. You had your chance, almost an full year of chances. No." She did not like that I was not automatically accepting what she was saying and she became enraged and physically attacked me, knocking the both of us to the floor. My head slams onto the bottom of one of my steel wire shelves. I see stars & the dreams ends.

I had told JR about the dream and since then he had been checking in on my stuff. While having a lunch date with JR today he tells me that when he went to check there is now a nightstand & twin bed in the spare room. All of my stuff is pushed into the far corner of the room, this corner is the closest to Angela's room. When JR confronted Angela, she said the bed was for her mother, so they could take care of her when she was released from the rehab facility she has been in.

This is a problem cause this past weekend they had actually discussed when they would be splitting up & leaving the apartment. She then went behind his back & assumed that they would be assisting her mom without consulting with him. The last time he had talked to Angela's sister, had said that Mama would not be getting out anytime soon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went and hung out with my ex-partner-now friend Benji on Tuesday to do medievalist stuff. I commiserated with him cause he also had a poly relationship with Angela over 10 years ago. He told me that Angela had called Wulf, also ex-partner-now friend, to tell him that she had come home & caught JR & I having sex. She had denied that there was a triad, that I was trying to steal him away from her. Benji told me that he & Wulf had almost died laughing, knowing that Angela was trying to blacken my name. They could not believe that she was trying to make me look bad. I am so glad I am not having anything to do with her.
 
Last edited:

Valynn

Member
Date night with JR. He needed to vent about the other side of the Vee. The first thing he said was I was right. After Angela's mom got hurt I said that she will move her in as soon she got out of rehab. That was the reason she wanted my stuff out. And even though she was telling my that there was "No Rush" moving the last of my stuff out, I disagreed.

Well I am right, Angela's mom is moving in TOMORROW. Not only that but it looks like Angela's 2 adult nieces might be as well. Supposedly JR will get compensated during all this, but all he hears is how all the siblings are tight on cash. JR is LIVID. Nothing he said to Angela in the past 3 months was taken into consideration. Since that is the case he will leave the apartment to Angela. Even though he was taken advantage of, he refuses to be that guy and be mean to an elderly, injured woman. Just because her daughter is an asshole. Next month he plans to get a PO box to send his mail to & buy a new car. After that he will be looking for a new apartment & hopefully move by March/April.


I know. This all seems like he might be saying all this to make me feel better. But I told him if he has changed his mind about getting out, that is his decision. But if that is what he chooses I want NOTHING to do with Angela. We are totally separate legs of the Vee. And He will have to make sure she knows that I have not & will not end my relationship with him. The ONLY reason I would even consider leaving him is if anything spills onto my side. I have no say about Angela's side & vice versa.
 
Last edited:

Leetah

Member
Good on you! I hope you can get your stuff out soon.

Poor JR, I hope he does not find himself liable for any of Angela's financial obligations.

Leetah
 

Valynn

Member
Good on you! I hope you can get your stuff out soon.

Poor JR, I hope he does not find himself liable for any of Angela's financial obligations.

Leetah

Thanks Leetah.

I think my best option is to get my stuff out during the time Angela is at work during the week soon. When I got the first half of my stuff Angela wanted to stupidavise- I mean supervise us so no "hanky-panky" would happen. I have no clue why she would think I would fool around while packing up my stuff. But yeah, that was the feeling that day. My mom has suggested that we bring both minivans (her's & Elaine's) so we can get everything done in one trip.

Right now I just want to get through this upcoming week & get my results. THEN I will deal with getting my stuff out.

Well as of November, his lease on the apartment has lapsed. So he is going to allow his security deposit roll over after he leaves. Angela has a good customer service job right now that can cover the rent after that. IMO, not his problem. I believe she shot herself in the foot by not listening to him in the first place. But what do I know? LMCAO!:D
 
Last edited:

Valynn

Member
Boob Update

Mammography & ultrasound done. Nothing found, clean scans. Dr agrees with the nurse practitioner at Planned Parenthood. Vasospasms brought on by too much caffeine. So I am to cut down slowly during this month. Drink 1/2 caff coffee, tea & water.


Planning on getting the last of my stuff out next week. This should be interesting cause I will be going into Marion's room. So I will make it a visit at the same time. Hopefully this will not be a triggering moment for Angela. But I don't need her to be there to get my things.
 
Last edited:

Valynn

Member
Cutting down on my caffeine intake on how many and how intense the nipple vasospasms are have been encouraging. So far I keep getting them but they haven't been much less painful.


On Wednesday I will be getting the last of my stuff out of JR's apartment.
 

Evie

Active member
So glad there's nothing dire going on with your boobs!
 

Valynn

Member
So glad there's nothing dire going on with your boobs!

Me too! I have one really bad spasm in the morning before I have any caffeine. Then it's multiple smaller less intense ones during the day. I haven't been formally diagnosed with anything as of yet. But I wasn't the one to say nipple spasms to begin with.
 

Valynn

Member
Yesterday the finale of stuff got out without a hitch. I made sure to give Marion a big hug & a kiss as well as to ask how she was doing to make sure I didn't upset her routine too much.

When I looked at the corner. Everything was placed neatly on my wire shelves with my computer chair in front & covered with a black bed sheet. What I wasn't expecting was when I took off the sheet was a red & white electric guitar sitting right on my chair. I called JR into the room to show him. He was shocked & he said it was his. He had been looking for that particular guitar for a while (year or more) ever since he had a flood in his room and took his 2 electric guitars out of his room so they didn't get destroyed. He had recovered the white one, but he couldn't find this one.

I had told him that the last time I had seen this guitar was in the room's double closet. But I had no reason to go into the closet since I had all of my stuff on the opposite side of the room. And the sliding doors of said closet would pop of the rails if I looked at them wrong.

So I spent the rest of the day dreading looking at my cell. Waiting for the deluge of texts from Angela, but they never came. So I think it is finally finished.

Today I had lunch with JR. He told me of the fallout that happened when he got home from work. Angela was having an argument with Marion over Marion soaking the dishes in the sink. Angela is convinced that if the dishes soak they will breed streptococcus & and staph. That will get all of them sick & will kill Marion since she is still healing.
After dealing with this Angela casually asks JR about my stuff being gone & "Why was your guitar with Valynn's stuff?" Insinuating that I was trying to take his expensive guitar. I was expecting her to try something, but not trying to make me look like a thief.

I just remembered something that had happened when we had worked together years ago. We had this horrible manager, he was a total misogynistic asshole. He didn't think girls could or should work at a gaming store. To him we didn't have enough experience playing tabletop RPGs or boardgames.
Angela had convinced the owner suddenly that he (the manager) had been stealing hundreds of dollars of soda product, which was true but not to the extent Angela had said. We all wanted this guy gone, so we all just went with it. I feel bad but not too bad. He deserved getting what he got.
 
Last edited:

Valynn

Member
Tonight I finally blocked Angela's cell phone. The final tie for me is cut. JR has his own list of steps he needs to do before finally moving out of the apartment. Hopefully by March he will have his own place and he will have peace.
 

DreadedRose

New member
I think you're handling this situation with JR and Angela very maturely. Hopefully he can maintain and hold up his end of his boundaries about this.
 

Valynn

Member
I think you're handling this situation with JR and Angela very maturely. Hopefully he can maintain and hold up his end of his boundaries about this.

So far so good. The real fall out will happen when he finally feels ready to make the move out. I am just glad that I have removed myself as far as I can from it.
 
Top